Not Pampered Chef Related, but I Need to Vent!!

[slj1229]

So, my step-son gets up last night at 11:30 to make a snack. I was in bed, Alex was in bed, all the other kids were in bed. I get up this moring to put in my oatmeal in the microwave, and it is black!!! the whole microwave BLACK!!!! Upon further investigating I find the metal remains of a clothes pin spring. When I asked what the Hell happened, of course no one knows. About an hour later I get the truth. Little Alex wanted to see what would happen if he put a clothes pin in the microwave and turned it on. He said that he put it in for 4 seconds (no way in hell cause it was a pile of ashes) he said that it caught on fire so he hurried up and blew on it to get it out then threw it in the GARBAGE can and went to bed!!!! Now keep in mind that my new house is not done yet so we live in a mobile home!!! What is wrong with this kid!!?? I don't know what to do with him. He has a bunch of walmart gift cards that he got for xmas that I am taking to buy my new microwave, but thats not the point, he almost burnt the house down. Then he didnt even wake us up to tell us, he went to bed!!! If anyone doesn't know, I have 5 kids in this house, a 7 month old, 2 year old twins, then the older 2 (9&12) I really don't think that we could all make it out of a fire, the little ones dont know what to do!!

 

[vwpamperedchef]

Holy Smoke! You aren't kidding. I would think a serious punishment needs to be implemented by your husband (seeing as it is your step son, so your hubby needs to lay down a strict punishment).

Your step son must have gotten the idea from someplace. Video games? TV? It could be any place.

He needs to know what he did was not ok. Especially with that many of you.

Good luck with that. What a nightmare!

 

[RebelChef]

I know it's not funny, but I had to laugh. It sounds like my house! I have 12 yr old twins (boy/girl) and they are always into something. My daughter tends to instigate. They've been that way since they were able to walk and talk. Especially my son. He's a pyro. He's caught things on fire inside the house, set fire to almost an acre of property, you name it, it's happened. The house fire incident wasn't too bad but he did it by lighting a piece of paper in the toaster! When he got scared and was trying to throw the paper out the back door, he dropped it into a box of crystal that was sitting in the breakfast room. It was still wrapped in newspaper because I was in the process of unpacking. Naturally, the newspaper caught fire in a flash. That little incident burned the wall, one leg of a dining chair, the leg and side of a console table along with breaking the glass that cost me $50 to replace. Now we detour his pyro episodes to the grill. He can cook a mean hamburger and is pretty dang good at steaks, too. My son's very smart and curious so we just had to learn to steer him in other directions when he gets up to something. Otherwise, he'd have been locked in his room forever by now. lol

I'm surprised at the clothespin doing that much damage unless it was in there for quite a while. Maybe he meant 4 minutes? My kids have forgotten and put silverware in ours and it's never done any damage. That's freaky. Glad you're all ok.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

No, it wasn't at church so it wasn't holy smoke.I agree with Vanessa, the discipline for this needs to come from his father but he also needs to know that the discipline is from both of you. You might also check with your local fire department to see when the Survive Alive house is available for a family tour.

 

[BethCooks4U]

I agree with Vanessa, the discipline for this needs to come from his father but he also needs to know that the discipline is from both of you.

WOW! Obviously your angels were looking out for you all!

As far as discipline is concerned, I think that in this case it should come from both of you because it's a safety issue and you were both there.

I came into our marriage with 3 sons so my husband is a step dad and from the start if the issue was something that affected my husband (or if he was the one that was there) HE provided the discipline. We are a couple and we are their parents (yes they have a biological father but they lived with us) and we both believe that it would have undermined his authority if I would have to be the bad guy just because I was the biological parent. They know that he loves them and we always agreed that if one of us felt strongly about something the other would back them up. If we disagreed or if the kids thought we overreacted we would talk about it and compromise. Talking about it later was always a part of the learning from mistakes/misjudgements process. If they had any doubts they learned quickly when we had 2 more sons that he treated them all the same. Once one of my sons went to my ex and he too backed up what DH had said. That's how our family worked and it worked for us. Everyone is different though and I do understand that.

 

[cmdtrgd]

I think he should go with you and your husband to get a new microwave - make HIM give his gift cards to the cashier so he knows what he is missing out.Get him some science related experiments (online or packaged in stores) so he can "see what happens" when he does things.

 

[KellyTheChef]

Was this the 9 or 12 year old?

Guess it doesn't matter...either way he need punished! Paying for the microwave is a given, since he needs to "put things right" but he needs punished for doing something dumb...and then not even coming to tell you! I have always told my kids (2 step kids 16 and 13 and one of our own, 2.5) that they will get in WAY more trouble for lying or for trying to cover up something they have done wrong.

I feel for you...kids just don't think through things before they do them! Thank God eventually they grow a bit of common sense! (well...most of them do!! )

 

[KellyTheChef]

I think he should go with you and your husband to get a new microwave - make HIM give his gift cards to the cashier so he knows what he is missing out.
Get him some science related experiments (online or packaged in stores) so he can "see what happens" when he does things.

Very good idea! My stepdaughter tried to steal some change (for a special doughnut party at school the next day) out of a little bowl that I keep by the washer/dryer. We made HER tell her teacher why she was NOT allowed to participate, since she tried to steal the $$. Funny thing...if she would have only asked for it, we would have given it to her! She was probably about 7 at the time.

**I can remember stealing a toy from my cousin's house. Once we got home, of course my mom saw it and knew where it came from. She drove me back over there and *I* had to tell my Aunt what I had done, and then apologize. I was sooooooooo embarrassed! I NEVER tried to do anything like that again!

I think it really sinks in their thick heads when they have to apologize to someone else. I think they aren't too embarrassed by their parent's knowing what bad thing they have done...but telling someone else really makes them remember it and learn from it!

 

[BethCooks4U]

Very good idea! My stepdaughter tried to steal some change (for a special doughnut party at school the next day) out of a little bowl that I keep by the washer/dryer. We made HER tell her teacher why she was NOT allowed to participate, since she tried to steal the $$. Funny thing...if she would have only asked for it, we would have given it to her! She was probably about 7 at the time.

**I can remember stealing a toy from my cousin's house. Once we got home, of course my mom saw it and knew where it came from. She drove me back over there and *I* had to tell my Aunt what I had done, and then apologize. I was sooooooooo embarrassed! I NEVER tried to do anything like that again!

I think it really sinks in their thick heads when they have to apologize to someone else. I think they aren't too embarrassed by their parent's knowing what bad thing they have done...but telling someone else really makes them remember it and learn from it!

So true! My son was caught stealing a cassette tape on a dare from a friend when he was about 8 or 9. We were called in. We had to go down to the police station with him. The officer was very nice but firm about what would happen if it ever happened again. He asked us what we were going to do and we said we had made him write an apology to the store and we were having him hand deliver it on our way home. He thought that was a great plan. The manager of the store was not at all nice about it but the whole experience made a strong impression on my son. He never bowed to peer pressure again.

 

[priscilla]

You know, science is all about hands on experimentation. Sit down and talk calmly with him, without judgement. Tell him experiments are good in their proper place and with safety taken into consideration, and ask him what he should have done differently. Consider going to the library or on the internet and getting some science experiments to do.

He's a kid, and kids learn best with hands on. Just set some ground rules in a quiet thoughtful manner, and let him help.

Robin

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

Robin, this would also be a good time to discuss the scientific method - you don't just do an experiment. You have to write a theory, describe what will happen in the experiment and why it will happen, then perform the experiment to determine if the theory was correct or not. The experiment must then be followed up with a discussion of why it succeeded/failed and what will be done differently next time.All that work sure helped me decide that one rocket scientist in the family is enough.

 

[cmdtrgd]

You could even involve him in PC with you because cooking is one of the most common sciences!!! I taught a Science of Cooking camp this past summer and it got rave reviews - we're doubling it next year and doing a part two for those who did it this year. I based it on Good Eats because AB goes into all the whys and hows of cooking.

 

[priscilla]

Robin, this would also be a good time to discuss the scientific method - you don't just do an experiment. You have to write a theory, describe what will happen in the experiment and why it will happen, then perform the experiment to determine if the theory was correct or not. The experiment must then be followed up with a discussion of why it succeeded/failed and what will be done differently next time.

All that work sure helped me decide that one rocket scientist in the family is enough.

Sometimes scientists start out with, "What will happen if I do this?" Then formulate the rest later...

This falls under the category of experimentation, not scientific method. My DH, as an older child, wanted to know what would happen to deoderant if it was lit. So, he pushed up the Old Spice, set it on the bathroom counter, and lit it on fire. Of course it caught, melted, and he had molten fire running down the counter. Experimentation, but not scientific method.

You can of course discuss how scientists do things, but on a kid level the method is "What will happen to X if I do Y." Let them...in a safe manner.

Robin

 

[cmdtrgd]

Sometimes scientists start out with, "What will happen if I do this?" Then formulate the rest later...

This falls under the category of experimentation, not scientific method. My DH, as an older child, wanted to know what would happen to deoderant if it was lit. So, he pushed up the Old Spice, set it on the bathroom counter, and lit it on fire. Of course it caught, melted, and he had molten fire running down the counter. Experimentation, but not scientific method.

You can of course discuss how scientists do things, but on a kid level the method is "What will happen to X if I do Y." Let them...in a safe manner.

Robin

I do like using the Scientific Method with kids even as young as 5. It gets them to start thinking "what do I think will happen if I do this and why?". They start formulating thought processes that lead them to think about what they are doing, why they are doing it and what a possible outcome(s) would be - a great life lesson!

 

[chefmeg]

You could even involve him in PC with you because cooking is one of the most common sciences!!! I taught a Science of Cooking camp this past summer and it got rave reviews - we're doubling it next year and doing a part two for those who did it this year. I based it on Good Eats because AB goes into all the whys and hows of cooking.

Oh Kate! Did you post any of the cooking camp info on here???I would LOVE to do something like this!


also, how is working toward AD going for you?????

 

[cmdtrgd]

Meg - I didn't, but I'll post it soon. I also did a booth and class at a math teacher inservice. I'll post the Cooking with Math stuff, too.As for AD, my only director had to resign completely as a consultant due to extreme health problems. I am working with one person who wants it, but is scared. Then I am recruiting three more people this month - I think a couple of them would be interested once they see my paychecks for the past two months (with HO leads in them!) and the new products I get in January. So, I'm looking for AD by National...I just don't have the heart (or remember to) to change it on here!

 

[chefmeg]

it is good to have goals, but you can't be too hard on yourself about this kind-you have to depend on others for you to promote and that always throws a monkey wrench into things! That is why TPC in Balanced Business is so hard to achieve! Keep up the good work and I look forward to seeing the cooking with science and math stuff!

 

[cmdtrgd]

I didn't want to push it, but I am working with people who want to work. I figure if I improve my personal business (more shows = more sales and recruits) then I will come across those who want what I want. What kills me is that the director I did promote was on FIRE and probably would have hit AD before me if she hadn't had to choose between this and living.

 

[slj1229]

ok, we went to pick out the microwave and I followed the advise to take him with me. WOW, MISTAKE!!!!! He SCREAMED the whole time in walmart saying that I was stealing his Christmas money. Everyone looked at me like I was a horrible person. This little guy (9) really knows how to push buttons. DH has called some friends that work at the county Juvenile detention center and arrainged for a weekend "visit" maybre that will work, I just dont know what else to do with him. I want to make sure that we are both punishing him together, if not when DH is gone he will say the he is allowed to do certain things, and vice versa when I am gone, then me and DH end up fighting which is what he wants. So he's not gonna get it. In the meantime he is grounded until we decide that he has learned from his "experiment" The thing that really worries me and upsets me is that he is not sorry at all, and thinks that he should not be punished because the house didn't burn down. The whole family is going snow tubing this weekend, and he will be missing it. Does anyone think that we are being to rough?? There is alot of history with bad behavior from him, he is just about out of control most of the time. Refuses to listen or do chores, and gets violent if he doesn't get his own way. He dislocated my 2 year olds arm once because he took his toy. Any advise is needed. I need help.

 

[cmdtrgd]

You are not being tough and I think taking him might have been a good experience - even though you may not see it now. If he is being physical with the other kids, he needs some help. Have you looked into counseling?Also, I was thinking on this today. What happened with your smoke alarms?

 

[CookingwithMary]

Do you have smoke alarms?

 

[slj1229]

He is in counceling, and good question about the smoke alarms. I have no idea, and I didn't smell anything, but there had too be smoke. So while I was at Walmart I bought a CO2 detector 2 new smoke alarms and 2 fire ext. I am so afraid of a fire in this place. We are building a new home on our property so we are currently living in a mobile home until we are done building.

 

[sfdavis918]

I'm just curious, you said you were in bed, were you awake? Did you know he was making himself a snack that late?

Not at all to take away from what he did and how wrong it was. I was just curious if it was a regular thing for him to get up and make a snack that late at night.

 

[slj1229]

I was in bed, and we have a house rule, we do not eat after bed time, with that being said, thats why he had to sneek. I bought KFC (which I never do) and he wanted to snatch more chicken up. But here's the thing that I do not understand.
1. He said that he put his plate in the micro with the clothes pin, but the plate had not black stuff on it, and he said that his food didn't taste like smoke.

2. Then he said that HE never put the clothes pin in there, it was there when he put his plate in, he just never moved it.

We have a problem with him telling the truth, and he just seems to keep lying. He still swears up and down that he put it in for 4 seconds, not 4 min. We even went outside and put another clothes pin in the micro for 4 sec. to show him that it was not possible for it to burn in 4 seconds. I just don't know what to, I did clean out his room today to make sure that he has nothing in there that he could start a fire with. Then I told him that he is not allowed in the kitchen with out adult supervision. Harsh, maybe, but I can't risk the lives of my family because of a curious 9 year old.

 

[cmdtrgd]

Great job on that. What you might want to do is slowly introduce the scientific stuff that was discussed earlier once he is behaving again. Maybe even let him know what you are planning on doing. Sorry we can't be of more help, but know that you and your family (including him) are in our thoughts!

 

[janetupnorth]

Good job on the smoke detectors, CO monitors and fire extinguishers. Make sure you are all familiar with how to use the extinguisher too...and best to just get out of the house if unsure.

The easiest way to remember how to use an extinguisher is the PASS method.

Pull (the pin)
Aim (the nozzle)
Squeeze (the trigger)
Sweep (back and forth over the fire)

 

[Jennie4PC]

On your new microwave do you have a lock button on it? Mine is about 7 yrs old and if you hold the start button down for about a min it locks the microwave I discovered that after my kids decided to put legos in thier for more then 5 mins went upstairs in the kitchen with it filled with sick smelling smoke. Also if it does haver the lock button dont let him know how to unlock it. Good luck.