Never-Ending Thread: A Place for Laughs and Jokes - Join the Fun!

[baychef]

The man doth fighteth back.

as you see, Shakespeare has nothing to fear with my writing style!!!

 

[raebates]

WIFE VS. HUSBANDA couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?""Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

 

[raebates]

[This one may have been posted before, but it's a goodie.]MARRIAGE SEMINARWhile attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

 

[raebates]

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..."The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

 

[raebates]

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

 

[raebates]

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .......... "HEBREWS"

 

[raebates]

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

 

[raebates]

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. You might have guessed that I have a collection of these things. I really don't think they're about men, though. I think they're referring to guys. Men are wonderful. Guys are a little flaky.

 

[janetupnorth]

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.


You might have guessed that I have a collection of these things. I really don't think they're about men, though. I think they're referring to guys. Men are wonderful. Guys are a little flaky.

I've read all of these before - they still make me laugh!

 

[katie0128]

What is the difference between broccoli and snot?

Kids won't eat Broccoli!!!

Unless you pulvarize your fresh, uncooked broccli with your Food Chopper and tell your kids it is "seasoning". My kids think they don't each broccoli, but they have never had a problem with "seasoning"...

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

The Four CatsFour people, an Engineer, an accountant, a chemist and a State of Wisconsin bureaucrat were bragging about how smart their cats were.

The Engineer called the cat and said, "T-square, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and a Rotring pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Every one agreed that was pretty smart.

The Accountant claimed his cat could do better than that. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies and every one agreed that was pretty good.

The Chemist said her cat could do better. She called her cat and said, "Measure, do your thing." Measure got up, walked to the fridge and took out a quart of milk. He got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Every one agreed that was pretty good.

"Watch this," said the Bureaucrat. The Bureaucrat called the cat and said, "CoffeeBreak, do your stuff." CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, screwed the other three cats and claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, applied for Workers Compensation then went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

 

[sarahmarie]

You might have guessed that I have a collection of these things. I really don't think they're about men, though. I think they're referring to guys. Men are wonderful. Guys are a little flaky.

Kitchen "GUY" might has an issue with this comment.

 

[raebates]

Kitchen Guy has definitely proven himself a man in the best sense of the word, his screen name notwithstanding.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

Ask chefann if I'm a man or a mensch.(She'll probably say I'm a schlemiel or a schnorer but I'm really more of a regular schlep, KWIM?)

 

[chefann]

I plead the 5th on that one.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

I'm only interested if it's a fifth of Jim Beam.

 

[chefann]

Got this from another Cheffer who was apprehensive about posting it...

How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower and stand on bathmat.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bathmat.

Dry off forearms and butt only.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

 

[pamperedalf]

This one is a good one! A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that hisbed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad." With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter. Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to
elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew
you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight
motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad, she's pregnant! Stacy said that we
will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of
firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more
children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't reallyhurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the
other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son John PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report
card. That's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.

Call me when it's safe to come home

 

[raebates]

Ann, that's hysterical!

 

[katie0128]

I don't know which one I laughed at more!!! Thanks!

 

[raebates]

My friend Allison adopted a stray cat and took him to the vet to
be neutered.

"I'm about 90 percent certain he's been fixed," the vet said.

"How can I be 100 percent sure?" Allison asked.

"Watch to see if he does any 'male' things."

"He already lies on the couch all day," she said. "If he starts
hogging the remote, I'll bring him in."

 

[chefann]

An American Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.

He says to the waiter: "Want coffee."

The waiter says. "Sure, Chief. Coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns.

He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other.

He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter "Want coffee." The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says ... "Training for position in United States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."

 

[chefann]

This one actually happened to a coworker. It wasn't meant to be a joke, but read it out loud, and you'll get it.


Several college students were standing around talking about the medical trials that were being conducted by the university's college of medicine. One was for male birth control.
The woman in the group commented, "I bet they don't have any problem finding testees."

 

[chefann]

=: Moses And The Lord :=

"Excuse me, Sir."

"Is that you again, Moses?"

"I'm afraid it is, Sir."

"What is it this time, Moses; more computer problems?"

"How did you guess?"

"I don't have to guess, Moses. Remember?"

"Oh, yes; I forgot."

"Tell me what you want, Moses."

"But you already know, Sir. Remember?"

"Moses!"

"Sorry, Sir."

"Well, go ahead, Moses; spit it out."

"Well, I have a question, Sir. You know those ten 'things' you sent me via
e-mail?"

"You mean the Ten Commandments, Moses?"

"That's it. I was wondering if they are important."

"What do you mean 'if they are important', Moses? Of course, they are important. Otherwise, I would not have sent them to you."

"Well, sorry, Sir, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them; but, of
course, you would see right through that."

"What do you mean you 'lost them'? Are you trying to tell me you didn't save
them, Moses?"

"No, Sir; I forgot."

"You should always save, Moses."

"Yes, I know. You told me that before. I was going to save them, but I forgot. I did forward them to some people before I lost them though."

"And did you hear back from any of them?"

"You already know I did. There was the one guy who said he never uses 'shalt not'. May he change the words a little bit?"

"Yes, Moses, as long as he does not change the meaning."

"And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh, and
recommended calling them the 'Ten Suggestions', or letting people pick one or
two to try for a while?"

"Moses, I will act as if I did not hear that."

"I think that means 'no'. Well, what about the guy who said I was scamming him?"

"I think the term is 'spamming', Moses."

"Oh, yes. I e-mailed him back and told him I don't even eat that stuff, and I
have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer."

"And what did he say?"

"You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don't think he might have sent me one of those -- err -- plagues, and that's the reason I lost those ten 'things', do you?"

"They are not plagues; they are called 'viruses', Moses."

"Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day, but at least I never lost them."

"We will do it the new way, Moses; using computers!!!"

"I was afraid you would say that, Sir."

"Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?"

"You told me to hold up this rat and point it toward the computer."

"It's a mouse, Moses, not a rat. Mouse! Mouse! And did you do that?"

"No, I decided to try calling technical support first. After all, who knows more
about this stuff than you? And I really like your hours. By the way, Sir, did
Noah have two of these mice on the ark?"

"No, Moses."

"One other thing. Why did you not name them 'frogs' instead of 'mice', because did you not tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?"

"I did not name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a frog if you want to."

"Oh, that explains it. I bet some woman told Adam to call it a mouse. After all, was it not a woman who named one of the computers 'Apple?'"

"Say good night, Moses."

"Wait a minute, Sir. I am pointing the mouse, and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the ten 'things' have come back."

"Which ones are they, Moses?"

"Let me see. 'Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image' and 'Thou shalt not uncover Thy neighbor's wife.'"

"Turn the computer off, Moses. I'm sending you another set of stone tablets."

 

[chefann]

Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.
One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last night!
She went on and on and wouldn't stop!
The other Buddy says when my wife goes off on me I just don't listen.
How do you do that? Says the other.
It's easy! I turn off the light!

 

[raebates]

This one actually happened to a coworker. It wasn't meant to be a joke, but read it out loud, and you'll get it.


Several college students were standing around talking about the medical trials that were being conducted by the university's college of medicine. One was for male birth control.
The woman in the group commented, "I bet they don't have any problem finding testees."

Snort! Snort!

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

Grown Up Content - But Cute!A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:









'You've got Male!'"

 

[raebates]

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, "Oh my, I could be eating a slow learner."

 

[baychef]

This one's for you KGHome Depot customer


My Friends, I give you 'THE DUMBEST GUY ON EARTH!'

This picture is real - not doctored in any way - and was taken by a Transportation Supervisor for a company that delivers building materials for 84 Lumber. When he saw it in the parking lot of IHOP, he went to buy a camera to take pictures.

http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w169/baychef_album/car.jpg



The car is still running, as can be witnessed by the exhaust.

The driver finally came back after the police were called, and was found crouched behind the rear of the car, attempting to cut the twine around the load! Luckily, the police stopped him and had the load removed.

The materials were loaded at Home Depot. Their store manager said they made the customer sign a waiver.

While the plywood and 2X4's are fairly obvious, what you can't see is the back seat, which contains (are you ready for this?) 10 bags of concrete @ 80 lbs. each.

They estimated the load weight at 3000 lbs. Both back tires exploded, the wheels bent and the rear shocks were driven through the floorboard.
And these people VOTE!

 

[nikked]

Home Depot customer...My Friends, I give you 'THE DUMBEST GUY ON EARTH!' ...

I just checked this Snopes because I wanted to send it out, but wanted it checked first. IT IS TRUE. Check out the link for more detailed information...

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Lumber Car

What a world we live in!

 

[raebates]

The Furry Guy has stopped more than one person in the parking lot of a do-it-yourself store to tell them they shouldn't load all that into their car/van/truck. Some listen. Some don't. I doubt this guy would have listened.

 

[stayinathomemama]

How do you get an elephant into a Safeway bag?










Take the "S" out of safe & the "F" out of way.


Say it out loud... that'll help

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

Why Men LieOne day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it

 

[baychef]

Yet God did not grant him any wife...so this is a good thing since he wanted to rid himself of his wife or a bad thing since now he has no wives? So although his "reason" for lying was honorable, it raises the age old question...what are your intentions with any of these women? (THAT I KNOW the answer to!!)

 

[baychef]

Three priests were in a railroad station on their way home to Pittsburgh.
Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy, shapely, well endowed woman
wearing a very tight, skimpy sweater. She made the three priests very
nervous, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.

The first priest approached the window. "Young lady, I would like three
pickets to titsburg."
He completely lost his composure and fled.

The second priest goes to the window. "Young lady, I would like three
tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nipples and dimes."
Mortified, he too fled.

"Morons...." the third priest mutters and moves to the window. "Young lady,
I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in
nickels and dimes. And, if you insist on dressing like that, when you get
to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his Peter at you."

They took the bus.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

Packers vs. VikingsOnce upon a time long, long, ago there was a season when neither the Packers nor the Vikings made the post season playoffs. It seemed so unusual, that the management of both teams got together and decided that there should be some sort of competition between the two teams because of their great rivalry.

So, they decided on a week long ice fishing competition. The team that catches the most fish at the end of the week wins.

So on a cold northern Wisconsin lake they began their contest.

The first day after 8 hours of fishing the Packers had caught 100 fish and the Vikings had 0.

At the end of the 2nd day the Packers had caught 200 fish and the Vikings 0.

That evening the Vikings coach got his team together and said, "I suspect some kind of cheating is taking place," So the next morning he dressed one of his players in green and gold and sent him over to the Packer camp to act as a spy.

At the end of the day he came back to report to the coach. The coach
asked "Well, how about it, are they cheating?'

"You betcha dey are,' the player reported, "Dey're cuttin' holes in da
ice."

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

Yet God did not grant him any wife...so this is a good thing since he wanted to rid himself of his wife or a bad thing since now he has no wives? So although his "reason" for lying was honorable, it raises the age old question...what are your intentions with any of these women? (THAT I KNOW the answer to!!)

It's kept the species going this long, hasn't it?

 

[raebates]

Two confirmed bachelors were sitting and talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking."I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it.""Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second."You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way...'Take a clean dish and..."

 

[baychef]

It's kept the species going this long, hasn't it?

Hmmmm...me thinks the quality of the species may need some fine tuning!!! The EPA needs to look into a few contaminated "gene pools"!!

 

[Chef Michelle D]

This is cute

There were two nuns..

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.



Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me .

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.



SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

Say two Hail Marys!

 

[chefann]

This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us when we were little:

Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: " Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself: "I don't freakin' think so."

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

And now you know why the birth rate is down in the US.

 

[chefann]

And now you know why the birth rate is down in the US.

Of course, I don't consider that a bad thing.

(I'm getting off my soapbox before I type something that will offend someone.)

 

[chefann]

High School In A Nutshell - Definitions of kids by grade



Freshmen - Are terrified of high school and all that comes with it and they go beyond the call of duty to please their teachers.

Sophomores - Are ****y little punks that think they're invincible because they survived freshman year.

Juniors - Are so focused on college, ACT and SAT testing that they spend too much time on homework, projects and studying for exams.

Seniors - Just don't give a crap.

 

[chefann]

One day, long, long ago, there was this man who surprisingly,
was not full of shit....



But this was a long time ago.....

....and it was just ONE day.

 

[katie0128]

One day, long, long ago, there was this man who surprisingly,
was not full of shit....



But this was a long time ago.....

....and it was just ONE day.

I thought that it was also "in a land far, far away"...

 

[chefann]

I thought that it was also "in a land far, far away"...

Actually, based on some of the men I know (not all of them, though), it was on a completely different planet!

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

High School In A Nutshell - Definitions of kids by grade



Freshmen - Are terrified of high school and all that comes with it and they go beyond the call of duty to please their teachers.

Sophomores - Are ****y little punks that think they're invincible because they survived freshman year.

Juniors - Are so focused on college, ACT and SAT testing that they spend too much time on homework, projects and studying for exams.

Seniors - Just don't give a crap.

You can always tell a Freshman
By the hurried, worried look.
You can always tell a Sophomore
'Cause they carry one less book.
You can always tell a Junior
By their attitude and such,
You can always tell a Senior
But you can't tell 'em much!

 

[baychef]

My son is a Senior this year...by Ann's description...he's been practicing the "not giving a crap" for several years now!!

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

Juneau what Tenjooberrymuds means?By the time you read through this, you WILL understand what it means.

TENJOOBERRYMUDS

In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".

With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in with the growing trend!!!
Now, here goes...

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service:

Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS: " Rye Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"

G: "Uh ... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: ".....What??"

RS: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry... scrambled, please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G: "What?"

RS: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G: "I... don't think so."

RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know

what 'judo wan sahntoes' means."

RS: "Toes! Toes!..Why Joo don Juan toes?

Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

G: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'...

Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad?!?"

G: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"

G: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything."

RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin,

we bodder on sigh and copy... rye??"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjooberrymuds."

G: "You're welcome."