Managing Dealer Relationships: How to Politely Decline Show Swaps

[krzymomof4]

Okay to make a long story short I have a "friend" who is a dealer for another DS company. We started of swaping shows, which was fine in the beginning. However, I am not a big fan of her product, but did it to help her out. I have since found out that she has had two other "secret" PC shows with another consultant that I had no idea about. One of which was at the end of Sept. Now she emails me and wants me to pencil in a date to do a show for her company. I have told her that I need to find out what my PC schedule is going to be because I need to concentrate on my biz.
Any tactful way to get her off my back...especially since she is no longer scratching mine?

 

[ChefBeckyD]

It sounds like she is being dishonest, and just using you.......I'm not sure I would be as much concerned about tact as I would be about honesty!

 

[Chef Kearns]

You need to be honest with her. Tell her what you've found out and that your arrangement is no longer something you want to continue. Let her know that you are not really into her product, but that if you hear of someone looking for her company's consultant you'll pass her name on (you don't really even owe her that, but it might help ease her embarrassment).

 

[Gina M]

I'd just tell her to ask her other PC consultant for the swap (probably sounds mean but would get the point across!

 

[krzymomof4]

I think what makes me nervous is because she is a friend and she tends to let things like this affect her friendships. I have to see her regularly and I don't want things to be awkward.

 

[pamperedlinda]

I think what makes me nervous is because she is a friend and she tends to let things like this affect her friendships. I have to see her regularly and I don't want things to be awkward.

Doesn't sound to me like she values your friendship as much as you value hers. I'd be honest with her and tell her you know about the secret party and let her know that you are unable to have party for her right now. If this affect your friendship.....well then, actions speak louder than words......

 

[Gina M]

Tell her you are concentrating on your business first and don't really have time to devote to swapping shows - if she's truly a friend she'll understand. I have a friend who started with Lia Sophia earlier in the year and had done 2 shows for me in the past (prior to her becoming a consultant) - I still want to do a show for her but haven't had the chance yet - and she totally understands and tells me that's perfectly fine. I know I will do a show for her but I did pass her name along to my sister who did a show with her in the summer and I've also done some individual ordering as well. I will happily pass her name along to other friends as well.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

I think what makes me nervous is because she is a friend and she tends to let things like this affect her friendships. I have to see her regularly and I don't want things to be awkward.

This is not directed just at you Leslie, but at so many situations like this.......and it is just my own musings on this subject.......

Why do people feel they have to accept this kind of behavior from "friends"? She is using you, and then manipulating you also. This is not something a friend would do.
**You entered into an agreement to swap shows
**She breaks that agreement and has a show w/ another PC consultant
**She is not honest about it, and keeps it a secret from you.
**You confront the dishonesty
**She holds the fact that you asked for truth against you, and tries to manipulate you into feeling guilty about it........and STILL wants you to have a show for her.


Okay - so those are the facts as I am understanding them......I just don't understand where the friendship part comes in......

 

[finley1991]

I think what makes me nervous is because she is a friend and she tends to let things like this affect her friendships. I have to see her regularly and I don't want things to be awkward.

I agree with everyone here. FRIENDS don't manipulate others. And if she is going to let HONESTY affect the friendship, is she really a friend?

Be honest with her and tell her that you did agree to swap shows and since she held the PC show with another consultant and not you, you're feeling a little betrayed. And I would add that this is by far our busiest time of year and that you need to single-handedly focus on that and that after the New Year you will evaluate your calendar and if you can accomodate her then, you'll let her know.

 

[jrstephens]

I would tell her you know about the other parties and tell her you do not want to swap anymore. And I agree with the others, a TRUE friend would not do this to you.

I have a friend that took advantage of me a lot and it has casued me many tears and bad feelings. I have just had to accept this is how she is and I have distanced myself from the friendship, so, that I do not allow myself to be treated this way again. I do not think she is realizes she is doing it.

 

[lkprescott]

Ugh... a true friend wouldn't put you in this bind or would love you enough to at least be honest with you about the other PC consultant. She's cheating on you and the pact you'd made with her, if you want to think of it that way to help. I'd be honest with her and hope she gets it. She might not... if she holds the friendship over you, ask yourself.. how could a friend do that? Life's too short to have "friends" like that, if you ask me. Trying to have tact with a tactless person (and what she did, IMNSHO, is tactless) is hard... I like the suggestions about being honest with her and having her own up to the agreement you two had struck. If she can't do that then perhaps you are better off without her. Sounds harsh but I've had "friendships" break up over some really petty stuff and frankly, in hindsight... they weren't that great anyway.

 

[lkprescott]

I would tell her you know about the other parties and tell her you do not want to swap anymore. And I agree with the others, a TRUE friend would not do this to you.

I have a friend that took advantage of me a lot and it has casued me many tears and bad feelings. I have just had to accept this is how she is and I have distanced myself from the friendship, so, that I do not allow myself to be treated this way again. I do not think she is realizes she is doing it.

Oh I had one like that... she ended up blaming me for something someone else did and then not accepting anything I said as true... I ended up apologizing for apparently hurting her feelings (but not for the act I didn't commit) over the misunderstanding and 2 years later, she still can't let 'it' go that I hurt her so deeply... blah blah blah... in hindsight she'd done this before (with other friends) and I don't think she even realizes it.

It's stunning how some 'friends' can treat another friend... makes me appreciate the true friends I do have!

 

[DebinIA]

Tell her you've had to change your policy on swapping shows. I would say,
"I know we've swapped shows in the past, but recently, I've had to change my policy due to my increased focus on my business. I know you'll understand because you are growing a business too."


I made a policy to never swap shows a long time ago - now, if I have a show with another DS company, it's because I WANT to...not because I feel obligated.
Good luck!

 

[cookinmama]

I'd just tell her to ask her other PC consultant for the swap (probably sounds mean but would get the point across!

She is probably already doing that.

 

[chefsteph07]

Doesn't sound to me like she values your friendship as much as you value hers. I'd be honest with her and tell her you know about the secret party and let her know that you are unable to have party for her right now. If this affect your friendship.....well then, actions speak louder than words......

I'd also tell her that her actions hurt YOUR feelings and be less concerned with HER feelings since she's the one who couldn't be honest with you from the beginning. And I definitely agree with the other poster who said to suggest having the other PC consultant have a party for her. And I'd try to find out why she isn't going with YOU instead.

 

[DebbieSAChef]

awkwardIt's hard when things are awkward and you have to see this person alot so you want this confrontation to solve the problem and remain civil between the two of you.

I agree that honesty is the best policy. I suggest you tell her that since she has been having PC shows with someone else, and that's ok, that you think she should partner up with her for shows so they both get something out of it. I really don't see how she could get upset about this if she is the one who didn't fulfill her end of the agreement.
And frankly who wants a friend who would do this. I am sure you can actually find a true friend who would do as she said she would. Keep us updated.

Debbie

 

[krzymomof4]

Sadly to say this is not the first time this has happened. The last time. I tried to call her on the carpet for it. Somehow it became my fault that I was offended because she was just trying to help out this new lady which is a co-worker of her sister's. She thought I should understand trying to start a business and needing other's help, and not were my feelings on my sleeve. I understood that part, but also saw her motive of getting into another circle for her own business. After the last bout I didn't have any contact with her for months and she just called out of the blue and acted like nothing had ever happen. She acts like she is totally clueless. I know the story would change if I hosted a Premier party for someone else, but I just wouldn't do that to her. I just don't understand why she thinks it is okay to do that to me.

 

[jrstephens]

I made a policy to never swap shows a long time ago - now, if I have a show with another DS company, it's because I WANT to...not because I feel obligated.
Good luck!

I have this SAME policy.

 

[pamperedlinda]

Sadly to say this is not the first time this has happened. The last time. I tried to call her on the carpet for it. Somehow it became my fault that I was offended because she was just trying to help out this new lady which is a co-worker of her sister's. She thought I should understand trying to start a business and needing other's help, and not were my feelings on my sleeve. I understood that part, but also saw her motive of getting into another circle for her own business. After the last bout I didn't have any contact with her for months and she just called out of the blue and acted like nothing had ever happen. She acts like she is totally clueless. I know the story would change if I hosted a Premier party for someone else, but I just wouldn't do that to her. I just don't understand why she thinks it is okay to do that to me.

My comments are related to the bold/red/italicized phrases

1) It is nice to help someone out.....but why keep it a secrect? (Oh yeah, she didn't want you to know about it)

2) Believe me, she is NOT Clueless, she knows EXACTLY what she did and why she did it.

You've been this road before with her, she has proven to you more than once what kind of a friend she is. I'd limit my time with her if I were you.

 

[pamperedlinda]

I have this SAME policy.

Me too! I tell my other DS friends that I don't do parties because I want my friends to feel that they come to my house without their wallet! I do refer them to my friends though. That being said, I did just have a SLAH party.....The boxes arrived this morning and I am going to decorate my bland house! Woo Hoo! (DH about had a heart attack when he saw all those BIG boxes at the door )

 

[jrstephens]

Me too! I tell my other DS friends that I don't do parties because I want my friends to feel that they come to my house without their wallet! I do refer them to my friends though. That being said, I did just have a SLAH party.....The boxes arrived this morning and I am going to decorate my bland house! Woo Hoo! (DH about had a heart attack when he saw all those BIG boxes at the door )

I love them! Last year I got several Christmas presents from there with the specials. They can have some amazing specials. I have never hosted a show just ordered.

That reminded me I need to email my consultant and see what they are right now!

 

[missyciccolella]

Ok just read a previous post that she has done this in the past so disregard the bottom 1/2 of this comment! I would flat out tell that you are not crazy about the products and since she is not loyal to you, you really don't have the time to a show and don't want to right now.

I would totally call her on it. I have little tolerance for "bending the truth" - especially in business. I would basically say something like, "I've really wrestled with something and I feel I need to get it out in the open so I have all the facts. I know we have a swapped shows in the past, and that was great. I'm sure you swap shows with many other ds companies as well, and I think that is a great way to build your business. The dilemma I'm facing is I heard that you held a Pampered Chef show in Sept with another consultant. Is that true?"
I'd wait for an answer and then go from there. Obviously if she comes clean I'd go one route, and if she was dishonest I'd go a totally different route. If you don't really like the products, then pull one of the objections your hear out of the air...
"this really isn't a good time - I'll call you when I think I can swing a show."
"I've got your number so I'll call once things settle down."
"my friends are so tired of going to shows"

The objection/rejection list is so long - LOL

 

[sfdavis918]

Under what circumstances do you see her all the time? I think that would make a big difference as to how I would handle it.

 

[krzymomof4]

We go to church together, and she periodically substitute teaches at the boy's school.

 

[Chef Kearns]

When are you going to chat with her Leslie? I would suggest pulling up your big-girl panties and dealing with situation right now. Get off the computer and call her (then come back and tell us what happened )!!

 

[pamperedlinda]

I love them! Last year I got several Christmas presents from there with the specials. They can have some amazing specials. I have never hosted a show just ordered.

That reminded me I need to email my consultant and see what they are right now!

I wasn't planning to have a show either (when she brought me the catalog she asked and I said No Way.....I don't do shows! )....but after looking at the catalog and the specials I just had to bring my friends in on the great deals! Plus, it lowered my out of pocket a little bit

 

[pamperedlinda]

We go to church together, and she periodically substitute teaches at the boy's school.

Maybe you can talk to your pastor about doing a sermon on deception......

 

[pamperedlinda]

When are you going to chat with her Leslie? I would suggest pulling up your big-girl panties and dealing with situation right now. Get off the computer and call her (then come back and tell us what happened )!!

You definatley don't want this to linger too long, you will worry yourself sick over it.

 

[krzymomof4]

Here is how our conversation has went so far:

Her: Hey do you have a date in mind for your Premier show next year???

It was great to see you last night. I felt like I didn't get to talk to my guest much. Call me anytime.

Me:To be honest, I’m not really sure. I am hoping that my Jan will be full because that is our extra bonus month for hosts with PC.

Her: Can we pencil in a date??

Me: I don’t think I can pencil something in right now until I know what my PC schedule is going to look like. I will put the word out and if I have anyone looking to have a Premier show, I will send them your way.

Her: I really would like to get hostesses in for the 50% special by November 23rd. So if you know of anyone that could host a show by then please send them my way.

Me: I will send them your way.

Her: Even if you were to decided to do a catalog show until then that would be awesome too
Maybe I am not being direct enough

 

[DebbieSAChef]

Obvious

Here is how our conversation has went so far:

Her: Hey do you have a date in mind for your Premier show next year???

It was great to see you last night. I felt like I didn't get to talk to my guest much. Call me anytime.

Me:To be honest, I’m not really sure. I am hoping that my Jan will be full because that is our extra bonus month for hosts with PC.

Her: Can we pencil in a date??

Me: I don’t think I can pencil something in right now until I know what my PC schedule is going to look like. I will put the word out and if I have anyone looking to have a Premier show, I will send them your way.

Her: I really would like to get hostesses in for the 50% special by November 23rd. So if you know of anyone that could host a show by then please send them my way.

Me: I will send them your way.

Her: Even if you were to decided to do a catalog show until then that would be awesome too
Maybe I am not being direct enough

Oh NO!!! You are totally being obvious that you are not interested. I am not one to beg, plead or even give a guilt trip if someone doesn't have a show for me. Especially friends!!

It seems some people are just obnoxious and pushy. You did a good job trying to make it clear you didn't want to schedule but you would send anyone who would be interested in her stuff her way. That is a great thing to do. She should be thankful you didn't just write her off completely. Sorry about this, I know it can be frustrating.

Debbie

 

[climbercanoe3]

Leslie-
You are not being direct enough! She is going to bowl right over you unless you firmly say I do not want to do a show. Don't use your schedule as the excuse, she is not going to accept that answer. Even if you decide not to bring up the idea that she went to another P.C. consultant you need to stand your ground that you do not like their products. Say you did the shows in the past, but are not interested anymore. No wishy washy maybe answers!
I hope that helps!

 

[ChefLisa]

I think you should swap shows. She should get on your calendar for the beginning of January (between Jan. 1 and 9) and you should get on her calendar for the end of January.

 

[jrstephens]

I think you should swap shows. She should get on your calendar for the beginning of January (between Jan. 1 and 9) and you should get on her calendar for the end of January.

AND CANCELL!! hahahaha JOKING!!

I say just tell her at this time you do not want to book anymore and if you change your mind YOU Will call her if you do not want to get into the details of it with her.

 

[Chef Kearns]

Personally, I think you need to address the manipulation and dishonesty. She kinda needs to know why you aren't too interested in hosting.