How can I politely ask my in-laws to stop buying me unwanted home decor gifts?

[Kitchen Diva]

How do you POLITELY ask someone to stop buying you "home decor" gifts?

I am so aggravated.

My inlaws, from the moment we got married, have bought us home decor gifts...the problem is that THEIR style of home decor is not my taste AT ALL.

They are travelers - they like to travel to third world countries. Then they come back with these God-awful "pieces" that we are then obligated to display around the house.

I put a few of the pieces in a small bathroom (MIL has made comments every time she visits about how offensive it is that the wall-hanging is in a bathroom)...and little by little our family-room has been taken over by all these ethnic-ish pieces. It's now crept into the kitchen and up to our bedroom...I feel like my entire house is being taken over by their cr*p! AND I HATE IT!

Problem #2...DH likes their stuff.

They have brought home everything from masks made of animal skulls to drums with phallic snake/penis carvings on the sides (I have kids!!!) to wall hangings that would look stunning in a Chinese restaurant (but NOT in my livingroom).

I have been polite, I have been gracious. I have asked DH to drop hints that we would prefer to decorate our own house!!!! But tonight I popped my cork...

They came back today from 3 months in Guatemala and stopped by DH's work this evening and gave him more home decor fo rus. He, of course, LIKES it. He calls me and tells me they brought us home a "door from Guatemala" -- WTF am I going to do with a DOOR from GUATEMALA??? Last I checked we live in South Florida where all the homes look like thisi... I don't see where a Guatemalan door would fit in. I told him I am SO sick of them being so presumptious as to think they have the right to decorate MY house! I work my A$$ off to pay for this house...I deserve the right to decorate it the way I want to - the way WE want to! He was like "Well, only the family room is filled with..." and I cut him off to point out that NO, this crap is creeping into every room of my house! There is not ONE room in our house that WE decorated to a combination of OUR tastes...ARGH!!!!

Please help me find a kind and peaceful way to tell his parents to stop buying us home decor sh*t. Can't they bring us home a book, or a t-shirt or hey...how 'bout nothing??? Nothing would be REALLY terrific! :cry:

OMG Carolyn, I've wanted a Guatamalen door for YEARS!!!!! send it here!

Sorry- I'm totally messing with you- trying to get you to smile. So they like bought and put on the plane a real door? A life sized door? Could you make a desk out of it? Maybe have a bonfire with it and make some s'mores? :blushing:

I feel your pain- I have inlaws that don't like me, or my husband, and my folks don't normally buy me things. I do know that I would not like the types of decorations that you are describing, and if they want to bless you with a gift, why not money? Or, lighter fluid and matches, so you can burn that door?

 

[raebates]

And I thought my MIL was bad for giving pounds of candy (literally, pounds) to me, their diabetic DIL. Thankfully, they stopped when The Furry Guy pointed out that it kind of looked like they were trying to kill me.I [snicker, snicker] really feel for ya, Carolyn [snicker, snicker]. I hope you figure out a solution soon. I'd hate for you to have to leave PC for sale in Wildly Inappropriate Foreign Novelty Items.

 

[mommyhugz1978]

I am not sure if I have any words of Advice Caroline but a couple of words come to mind. OH MY GOSH!!! I am really glad that my In-Laws don't buy things like that... I am really sorry!!!

I can't help but giggle though!!!

 

[Teresa Lynn]

Seriously can you get your husband on board to "redecorate" (fresh paint, maybe new furniture or slipcovers, mirrors or maybe hanging photos of YOUR trips, your family etc???) subtle changes that are more your taste that confirm it doesn't work with your decor!!

I think at this point I'd just tell him its outta here, its not my taste, its hideous, its offensive (maybe work it from your sons point of view what will his friend's parents think???) whatever it takes to rid it from the house.

I would let your inlaws know there are 2 options

1 they take it back for their house OR
2 you are donating it to a museum, art center, mall etc any local place that holds exhibits.

 

[BethCooks4U]

Just catching up on this thread since my last post...

BUGS?? :yuck: If finding those dead bugs every few days isn't enough reason to toss something I don't know what is!!!

You really need to DO something about this - stop being so nice! You need to take a stand and be allowed to put what YOU want on your walls! I agree some of those things cost them a pretty penny and I also think that they believe you love those things - after all you display them in your house.






On another note, I am a MIL - just having sons makes me that - and I try really hard to come up with things that my DIL's want and will use/appreciate. I have learned to ASK them before buying - I want a list from each of them. One prefers gift cards and I hate buying those or giving money. I feel like there is more love given with a gift that is shopped for (even from a PC or other catalog) with the other person in mind. She is going to win though - they always drove here for our Thanksgiving Christmas and starting this year they will fly which means they won't have room to carry gifts back unless we just get movies and such.

I used to buy those cutsie things from different destinations to "remember" the trip or as gifts for those who didn't come along but I don't even want them later. Now I buy an ornament for my tree for me or something I can't get at home (not with the destination printed on it - I remember where I got it). Gifts? No I don't do that at all - my son didn't take a trip with us once and he made the "thanks for _____ from that trip you didn't take me on" comment.

 

[mpayton]

Just a thought....do you have a "spare" room that you don't use very much. I would decorate that room with everything....wall hangings, drums, masks and every other "God-awful piece" and have a "theme room". You could make it a reading room or "Man-cave" that your husband could retreat to, since he likes the stuff. You could tell your MIL that the pieces have more impact this way because they are grouped together in a "collection" like in a museum. This would allow you to have the rest of the house to decorate to your taste. - Michelle

 

[Teresa Lynn]

yeah what Michelle said or it could back fire that might give them more reasons to shop now that they have a special room for their collection lets keep adding to it

 

[dannyzmom]

Just a thought....do you have a "spare" room that you don't use very much. I would decorate that room with everything....wall hangings, drums, masks and every other "God-awful piece" and have a "theme room". You could make it a reading room or "Man-cave" that your husband could retreat to, since he likes the stuff. You could tell your MIL that the pieces have more impact this way because they are grouped together in a "collection" like in a museum. This would allow you to have the rest of the house to decorate to your taste. - Michelle

That's how it all started - I allowed him to hang the penis gourd etc in the bathroom (the pictures with the rust-painted-wall)...which led to the chinesey thing going up in there...which ed to the snake/penis drum being placed on the table just outside the bathroom and the bone-maskes on the wall next to that table, etc...it's creeping out ALL OVER MY HOUSE!!!!!

As for a spare room - the spare room in this house is my office and I'll be damned if that stuff is in MY workspace!! Hmmm...how 'bout the garage??? LOL

 

[pamperedlinda]

Can you take it down for the "children's sake"? Tell them that it was causing the kids to have night-mares (especially the penis gourd the snake drum) ....seems like those things would give DH nightmares as well!

 

[kmschroll2001]

Man, Carolyn, I feel for you and I wish I had advice. I hope someone does, because I need it, too!

We don't get quite as exotic things as you... my MIL is a Cracker Barrel junkie. And anything that plays music or has those lights. For every season or holiday (real or created by Hallmark). I drew the line at a light up plastic nativity. Geez!

It's not that any one piece is so bad, and it's so hard to say "please don't buy us anymore!", but our attic is stuffed (I let ONE item at a time stay out, and put the rest up; I used to bring down their stuff if I knew they were visiting, but I figured that encouraged them to buy more. His mom did ask about it once and I said as politely as I could that we had to keep some of my stuff, some of his stuff and some of "their" stuff put away or else we wouldn't be decorated, we would be buried!)

Cracker Barrel would be an improvement, my MIL has decided that everytime she sees my kids she has to bring them something from the Dollar Store. I have so much junk from her.

She also makes sure that everytime she goes to McDonalds (which is usually 2-3 times a week) she gets the kids meal so that she can give my daughter all of her happy meal toys the next time she comes over.

I have tried to drop the hint by saying that we have so much stuff that I have to start cleaning out the house. It hasn't helped.

Good Luck!!

 

[dannyzmom]

UPDATE:
They came last night and not only brought the door - but also brought some hideous bookends for my children's rooms. My one son's room is done in a vintage baseball theme - and the colors are navy blue and tan. My other son's room is done in a vintage Americana theme and his colors are muted red, cream/white and blue. Did they honestlt think THESE book ends would work in the kids' rooms???

and

Um...yeah...

Anyway...on to the door:
Here's a picture pf the door followed by a picture of the area where DH wants to hang the door (sideways)...I was thinking bar-stools were WAY more appropriate there but what do I know?

and

ETA: Please excuse the mess on teh bar counter - we'd been glue-gunning DS's science project and using the Baker's Roller to smooth it all out...

 

[janetupnorth]

Carolyn you HAVE to end the madness!!!!

 

[janetupnorth]

P.S. They must be really skinny in Guatemala!

 

[ChefBeckyD]

P.S. They must be really skinny in Guatemala!

...and short - they must be really short, too!


And I agree - STOP THE INSANITY!


I'm sorry, but those bookends look like an Elementary school art project gone bad.

What amazes me is that this is BIG stuff - they must be paying $$$ in customs to bring you these treasures!

 

[dannyzmom]

I had a talk with DH today...problem is - he LIKES this stuff. We have TOTALLY different taste in home decor...so we are going to try and find a middle group - I'll give up my elegant/neo-classic styles and he'll give up his rustic/ethnic styles and we'll try to find something we BOTH like and start from there. He told me that at dinner last night (when I was in the restroom) he told his parents "No more home decor stuff - there's no more room" I told him he needs to be more specific with them and tell them "No more because it is not OUR taste" otherwise they'll continue to buy me this crap that I can't stand. They brought me back a tote bag - it's HUGE and very Guatemalan looking and completely NOT ME and will go right in the garage with the one they brought me last year. My mom looked at it today and said "Don't they know you carry a Coach?" LOL No...clearly they don't notice or care...
I am emotionally drained. I hate arguing with DH and am tired of livingin a house where I don't feel at home. I want it to be decorated to OUR taste...not to have some rooms of HIS stuff and some of MY stuff and for us to feel uncomfortable in each others' spaces.
Any tips from you long-term-marriage folk?

 

[dannyzmom]

...and short - they must be really short, too!


And I agree - STOP THE INSANITY!


I'm sorry, but those bookends look like an Elementary school art project gone bad.

What amazes me is that this is BIG stuff - they must be paying $$$ in customs to bring you these treasures!

Yes, the people in Guatemala are tiny. They bring us home T-shirts (and any of you who've met me at NC can tell at-a-glance that I am not a souvenier shirt kinda gal) that need to be size XL to fit a size S body because the people there are SO tiny...

 

[chefjeanine]

Okay, bookends off to Goodwill or Salvation Army -- they just won't go with the boys' rooms. (Pack up those bags/totes too, just seeing them taking up space will make you feel bad).

However, I like the door. Next time you are passing through Michigan, you can drop it off at my house.

 

[cmdtrgd]

Have a yard sale and invite the in-laws....maybe they'll get the hint?As for the bookends...your kids could probably make nicer ones!!! I have a feeling they might be getting cheated out of their money and buying crap like this because it is in a different place than home...dunno.Hey, you could wrap up all their gifts to you and give them back for holidays and birthdays!

 

[janetupnorth]

I had a talk with DH today...problem is - he LIKES this stuff. We have TOTALLY different taste in home decor...so we are going to try and find a middle group - I'll give up my elegant/neo-classic styles and he'll give up his rustic/ethnic styles and we'll try to find something we BOTH like and start from there. He told me that at dinner last night (when I was in the restroom) he told his parents "No more home decor stuff - there's no more room" I told him he needs to be more specific with them and tell them "No more because it is not OUR taste" otherwise they'll continue to buy me this crap that I can't stand. They brought me back a tote bag - it's HUGE and very Guatemalan looking and completely NOT ME and will go right in the garage with the one they brought me last year. My mom looked at it today and said "Don't they know you carry a Coach?" LOL No...clearly they don't notice or care...
I am emotionally drained. I hate arguing with DH and am tired of livingin a house where I don't feel at home. I want it to be decorated to OUR taste...not to have some rooms of HIS stuff and some of MY stuff and for us to feel uncomfortable in each others' spaces.
Any tips from you long-term-marriage folk?

I wouldn't call 8 1/2 years "long-term-marriage" but LUCKILY we have similar tastes, and otherwise he will bend to what I like.

I try to give him a place for his stuff in certain areas of the house.

I know how you want it to be both of your spaces, that is very nice, but you might have to find a room for each of you...your office is your decor, he gets one room for his decor and EVERYTHING else is jointly agreed upon...

 

[janetupnorth]

Have a yard sale and invite the in-laws....maybe they'll get the hint?

As for the bookends...your kids could probably make nicer ones!!! I have a feeling they might be getting cheated out of their money and buying crap like this because it is in a different place than home...dunno.

Hey, you could wrap up all their gifts to you and give them back for holidays and birthdays!

...or use them next time you need a White Elephant gift!

 

[ChefBeckyD]

I am emotionally drained. I hate arguing with DH and am tired of livingin a house where I don't feel at home. I want it to be decorated to OUR taste...not to have some rooms of HIS stuff and some of MY stuff and for us to feel uncomfortable in each others' spaces.
Any tips from you long-term-marriage folk?

Well, we've only been married 8.5 years (9 in Oct!), but his taste tends to run towards car posters, car show award plaques, and pictures of his cars.

He puts up that stuff in his area of the office (We share office space), and it's also in the bathroom. We did that on purpose. It's a black & white tile bathroom (think checkered flag for around the tub, and the tile floor) so, I had a couple of his more artistically done (professionally done) photos of his cars nicely matted and framed, and they are hung in the bathroom. Also have a couple of those (the professionally done pencil sketches) in the hallway.

DS's bedroom has a car theme - so some of DH's posters are in there.

The bedroom, family room, kitchen, and dining area are off-limits to Car pictures, trophies, plaques, and other memorabilia.....

He also has a separate Garage/Workshop with alot of his stuff hanging on the walls out there.

 

[janetupnorth]

Well, we've only been married 8.5 years (9 in Oct!), but his taste tends to run towards car posters, car show award plaques, and pictures of his cars.

He puts up that stuff in his area of the office (We share office space), and it's also in the bathroom. We did that on purpose. It's a black & white tile bathroom (think checkered flag for around the tub, and the tile floor) so, I had a couple of his more artistically done (professionally done) photos of his cars nicely matted and framed, and they are hung in the bathroom. Also have a couple of those (the professionally done pencil sketches) in the hallway.

DS's bedroom has a car theme - so some of DH's posters are in there.

The bedroom, family room, kitchen, and dining area are off-limits to Car pictures, trophies, plaques, and other memorabilia.....

He also has a separate Garage/Workshop with alot of his stuff hanging on the walls out there.

Becky - I'm laughing here again...DH and I got married 9/11/99. So although we're a few years apart in age from you guys, got married the same yeah...

...another kwinkydink...

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Becky - I'm laughing here again...DH and I got married 9/11/99. So although we're a few years apart in age from you guys, got married the same yeah...

...another kwinkydink...

That is funny! Our anniversary is 10/16/99. We had to wait until after car show season.

 

[janetupnorth]

That is funny! Our anniversary is 10/16/99. We had to wait until after car show season.

We had to wait until after "camping" season.

 

[katie0128]

Don't know if anyone posted this, but my mother in law gives me kitchen stuff. I've been doing this for eight years!

I've only been doing PC for 2 years, but my MIL still gets me non-PC stuff as well. She is one of these "everyone has to have lots of presents to open" people and it drives me NUTS!!! She also thinks that every holiday that is on the calendar requires gifts... Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, 4th of July, Memorial Day, etc., etc., etc. And keep in mind that this is the woman that keeps telling me I need to de-clutter... go figure!

However, she loves to go shopping for clothes, too and and gets the kids stuff all the time. FORTUNATELY she has really good taste in clothes and only buys nice things. Each of the three kids gets a few shirts and a few pants/shorts at the beginning of every season, along with random items throughout the season as well. With money being very tight for us, I'll deal with the obnoxious gifts as long as I get MORE good things to balance it all out!

 

[pamperedlinda]

The bookends are really ugly. I've been to Guatamala and there is no mistaking what comes from there - it all looks like that. Can you use the tote bag as a beach bag and 'forget' it at the beach? I do kinda like the door though - it is a little dark for your home I think (just from the pics you've posted it looks like most of your home is lighter colors). It would look good in my office.....

 

[katie0128]

We had to wait until after "camping" season.

Our anniversary is 5/23/97... we had to wait until after the NCAA basketball tournament. He actually wanted to have it the weekend of the SEC tournament and have a big screen TV at the reception (FIL, BIL, SIL and DH bleed UK blue) to watch the games. I told him he could either have a wife for his games... not both. We moved the wedding date. He was upset that we ended up picking the weekend of the Indy 500, but that date worked really well for lots of other reasons, so I let him chose the wedding colors. What to take a guess? Yep, UK blue and white. Oh well.

 

[katie0128]

I had a talk with DH today...problem is - he LIKES this stuff. We have TOTALLY different taste in home decor...so we are going to try and find a middle group - I'll give up my elegant/neo-classic styles and he'll give up his rustic/ethnic styles and we'll try to find something we BOTH like and start from there. He told me that at dinner last night (when I was in the restroom) he told his parents "No more home decor stuff - there's no more room" I told him he needs to be more specific with them and tell them "No more because it is not OUR taste" otherwise they'll continue to buy me this crap that I can't stand. They brought me back a tote bag - it's HUGE and very Guatemalan looking and completely NOT ME and will go right in the garage with the one they brought me last year. My mom looked at it today and said "Don't they know you carry a Coach?" LOL No...clearly they don't notice or care...
I am emotionally drained. I hate arguing with DH and am tired of livingin a house where I don't feel at home. I want it to be decorated to OUR taste...not to have some rooms of HIS stuff and some of MY stuff and for us to feel uncomfortable in each others' spaces.
Any tips from you long-term-marriage folk?

Can you post a pic of it? A girlfriend at work just adpoted a girl from Guatemala and was collecting a FEW things for her DD. She did get one Guatemalan bag and uses it as a diaper bag. I personally wouldn't pick it, but that is Teresa's taste. And I understand her desire to honor Tori's cultural heritage... although Tori is only one year old and won't know the difference for a long time anyway. Anyway, Teresa was talking about needing a new bag for the pool/beach now that she has to take stuff for 2 kids... I'll show her the pic and see if she might be interested.

 

[CookingwithMary]

Quoted from J up North I know how you want it to be both of your spaces, that is very nice, but you might have to find a room for each of you...your office is your decor, he gets one room for his decor and EVERYTHING else is jointly agreed upon..AGREED! We just passed a quarter century of marriage, took years :yuck: to figure out pleasing color scheme that we could both be happy with. (Burgundy, cranberry, purples and mustard yellows make me depressed, for example. My husband hates brass. We both like turquoise, greens, some yellows, lots of white. DS loves ultra violet, silver, chrome, purples). We cannot agree on 'art'. Different aethestics.It is VERY important to have one's own space IMO. We have succeeded in doing this in our small (<850 sq ft.) bungalow. There is light at the end of the tunnel..it is YOUR house, afterall. With all good wishes,

 

[amy07]

Carolyn, is your husband the only child, or other DIL & SIL being tortured too? LOL
The bookends are hideous, they would have to have an "accident". maybe the science project can explode on them?