How can I politely ask my in-laws to stop buying me unwanted home decor gifts?

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Discussion Overview

The thread discusses the challenges participants face with in-laws who give unwanted home decor gifts. Many express frustration over the mismatch between their personal tastes and the items received, leading to a desire for a more effective way to communicate preferences without causing offense.

Discussion Character

  • Opinion-based
  • Anecdotal
  • Exploratory

Main Points Raised

  • One participant shares their experience of feeling overwhelmed by home decor gifts from in-laws that do not match their style, leading to frustration about the lack of personal space in their home.
  • Another participant mentions their own struggle with in-laws who give seasonal decor items, resulting in clutter and a need to hide some gifts to maintain a balance in their home.
  • Several users express sympathy for the original poster's situation, with one noting the oddity of receiving a door as a gift and suggesting it might not fit in their home.
  • One participant reflects on their past experience with in-laws who were attentive to personal preferences, contrasting it with their current situation where gifts do not align with their tastes.
  • Another participant humorously suggests that perhaps the in-laws think of their gifts as contributions to a collection, rather than considering the recipients' preferences.
  • One user proposes that a polite request for donations to charity instead of gifts might be a solution, while another suggests creatively repurposing or hiding unwanted items.

Areas of Agreement / Disagreement

Views differ among participants, with some expressing a desire for a polite way to communicate preferences while others share similar frustrations without a clear consensus on the best approach.

Contextual Notes

Participants share personal anecdotes about their experiences with in-laws and gift-giving, highlighting the emotional complexities involved in family relationships and the challenge of balancing personal tastes with familial expectations.

Who May Find This Useful

Consultants navigating similar family dynamics or those seeking to understand how to address unwanted gifts in a respectful manner may find this discussion relevant.

dannyzmom
dannyzmom
Gold Member
Messages
9,271
How do you POLITELY ask someone to stop buying you "home decor" gifts?

I am so aggravated.

My inlaws, from the moment we got married, have bought us home decor gifts...the problem is that THEIR style of home decor is not my taste AT ALL.

They are travelers - they like to travel to third world countries. Then they come back with these God-awful "pieces" that we are then obligated to display around the house.

I put a few of the pieces in a small bathroom (MIL has made comments every time she visits about how offensive it is that the wall-hanging is in a bathroom)...and little by little our family-room has been taken over by all these ethnic-ish pieces. It's now crept into the kitchen and up to our bedroom...I feel like my entire house is being taken over by their cr*p! AND I HATE IT!

Problem #2...DH likes their stuff.

They have brought home everything from masks made of animal skulls to drums with phallic snake/penis carvings on the sides (I have kids!!!) to wall hangings that would look stunning in a Chinese restaurant (but NOT in my livingroom).

I have been polite, I have been gracious. I have asked DH to drop hints that we would prefer to decorate our own house!!!! But tonight I popped my cork...

They came back today from 3 months in Guatemala and stopped by DH's work this evening and gave him more home decor fo rus. He, of course, LIKES it. He calls me and tells me they brought us home a "door from Guatemala" -- WTF am I going to do with a DOOR from GUATEMALA??? Last I checked we live in South Florida where all the homes look like this:
NewHouse.jpg
or
19483front.jpg
... I don't see where a Guatemalan door would fit in. I told him I am SO sick of them being so presumptious as to think they have the right to decorate MY house! I work my A$$ off to pay for this house...I deserve the right to decorate it the way I want to - the way WE want to! He was like "Well, only the family room is filled with..." and I cut him off to point out that NO, this crap is creeping into every room of my house! There is not ONE room in our house that WE decorated to a combination of OUR tastes...ARGH!!!!

Please help me find a kind and peaceful way to tell his parents to stop buying us home decor sh*t. Can't they bring us home a book, or a t-shirt or hey...how 'bout nothing??? Nothing would be REALLY terrific!:mad: :cry:
 
Man, Carolyn, I feel for you and I wish I had advice. I hope someone does, because I need it, too! We don't get quite as exotic things as you... my MIL is a Cracker Barrel junkie. And anything that plays music or has those lights. For every season or holiday (real or created by Hallmark). I drew the line at a light up plastic nativity. Geez! It's not that any one piece is so bad, and it's so hard to say "please don't buy us anymore!", but our attic is stuffed (I let ONE item at a time stay out, and put the rest up; I used to bring down their stuff if I knew they were visiting, but I figured that encouraged them to buy more. His mom did ask about it once and I said as politely as I could that we had to keep some of my stuff, some of his stuff and some of "their" stuff put away or else we wouldn't be decorated, we would be buried!)
 
Sorry for your aggravation Carolyn! Don't know quite what to say but I totally see your side in the situation. Seems like some odd things to bring home as souvenirs - guess I'm lucky - my folks always bring us t-shirts or cool things! Hope you don't get stuck with a door (what an odd gift!)
 
Carolyn, I feel your pain! Well, maybe not as bad as a snake penis, but ya know what I mean.
I like Kate, have a MIL who LOVES Cracker Barrel.

Can some of these pieces have an "accident" while you are dusting?
Now the Guatemalan door? Can it go in your DH's shop?
 
Snickering at YOUR problem..... Be glad they care HA!!mine dilemma is at Christmas with the in laws we have a $25 limit (which I don't have a problem with)MY gifts are always very "country" related ya know the ducks, geese whatever they are called, (hello, we are in the next decade), & I never had them in the 80's, clearanced things they leave the sticker on for $3.99 maybe cost $10 before clearance. (I know its not the cost of the gift) but the thought..... We draw names every May so its not like it was a last minute, last ditch effort to shop.

my favorite was a $5 Victoria's Secret gift card and one (yes you read that right 1) unscented tealight. I think it was to be the shock factor that I would admit to shopping there so I looked at DH and said well, Honey, now I'll only spend $195 my pleas fall on deaf ears adopt an angel from your local angel tree, donate a book to the library, etc.They always say I have everything. I'm hard to shop for WHATEVER!!!I have a little taste and if there's any ducks in this house they'll be served on a platter thank you very much!!
 
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  • #6
Well, I am certainly glad to know I am not the only one - LOL
I was so spoiled by my ex-ILs...they were very generous and would LISTEN when you told them what you liked...geez, if you so much as mentioned you liked something as you walked passed it in the mall, you could rest assured you'd find it on the gift-pile at your next b'day.
I appreciate that my IL's care enough to think of us...but are they really thinking of US?? Who are they thinking of? Cause it sure as heck ain't me!!
 
dannyzmom said:
Well, I am certainly glad to know I am not the only one - LOL
I was so spoiled by my ex-ILs...they were very generous and would LISTEN when you told them what you liked...geez, if you so much as mentioned you liked something as you walked passed it in the mall, you could rest assured you'd find it on the gift-pile at your next b'day.
I appreciate that my IL's care enough to think of us...but are they really thinking of US?? Who are they thinking of? Cause it sure as heck ain't me!!
Click to expand...

If they're like my MIL, they're thinking of their baby, who has no ability to decorate for himself and is accustomed to their style.

Is their house already full of souvenirs from their trips? I imagine so. They probably think of buying things for your house like being benefactors to a museum, and when they come they kind of like to look at their collection.

My MIL and FIL have been living in their 1000~ish square foot home for thirty years. They have no room for any more tchatckies, but are addicted to buying them. My husband was the first to get a house. MIL started making curtains, buying lamps, providing him with seasonal, um, items. :D

I came on the scene and they really have backed off a lot. It helps that my SIL and one BIL bought houses for them to help furnish.
 
I would politely say to them - that although you appreciate their gesture, that really you would prefer they make a donation to the third world countries they like to visit! You have enough in your home and feel that it is better to give then receive.;)

Might just do the trick AND keep peace in your home! HTH!
 
OH MY!Does DH have a "man cave" where HE can hang all this stuff if he likes it so much?Don't know what to say except that every time I see your screen name I think of the following line from a Tyson "anytizers" commercial and this seems to be the perfect time to say it:"So here's to YOU, Dannyzmom!"
 
I am so there with you. I won't go into details, cuz it would be a llloooonnnggg post.
 
I would just stick all their stuff in a box put it in the basement and tell them you're redecorating and has much as you like all the "ethnic motiff" you're re-decorating with a different theme. Tell them you've started collecting thimbles. Hey they are small and you can easily "display" them without them taking up any space!
 
I had an angel picture I really liked so I put it in my living room. Not a big deal right? My FIL took that to mean I loved angels (I do not collect angels by any means) and for years bought me angels for every holiday and my birthday. I finally got sick of the angels (I repeat I do not collect angels) and was running out of room. I put them in a box, took the picture down and he got the hint!!! I won't tell you about the years he bought me beany babies for every holiday and my birthday. I have no idea where he got the hint that I collected or even wanted beanie babies!
 
How about telling your in laws that you like that they want to share about their fascinating travels and all of the places they've been, but you feel like the pieces are losing something in the translation. Suggest they take pictures of some of their favorite pieces while on vacation, as well as sights to big to ship back :) and make a simple digital album where they can write a little bit about why they find the pieces inspiring/interesting/worth remembering. It would cost less to have it printed than to ship back almost anything - certainly a door :eek: - and will make sure the meaning behind the gift (which is the important part, anyway) is preserved.This wouldn't work for me. There is no deeper meaning behind a scarecrow ghost with a light up stomach.
 
Rebeccascabinet said:
I had an angel picture I really liked so I put it in my living room. Not a big deal right? My FIL took that to mean I loved angels (I do not collect angels by any means) and for years bought me angels for every holiday and my birthday. I finally got sick of the angels (I repeat I do not collect angels) and was running out of room. I put them in a box, took the picture down and he got the hint!!! I won't tell you about the years he bought me beany babies for every holiday and my birthday. I have no idea where he got the hint that I collected or even wanted beanie babies!
Click to expand...
This thread has just hit a big ole nerve for me tonight!

I'm so sorry you had to take down the picture you liked so much to get the point across. I bet by the time you did take it down you didn't even like that picture as much, and that's a shame.

Have you noticed it snowballs, too? Once one person thinks you collect something they start getting you things, and then other people see all of the items and they think you're collecting, and before you know it you have over 2,000 elephants! This happened to the mother of my husband's best friend. At some point she did just embrace the elephants.

What may be even worse is when you legitimately do collect something and people with all of the best of intentions ruin it for you! My SIL collected pressed pennies. An inexpensive souvenir that took up little space, but commemorated her travels. Then everyone started getting them for her, and every style. She was over inundated with pressed pennies!
 
KateD said:
Have you noticed it snowballs, too? Once one person thinks you collect something they start getting you things, and then other people see all of the items and they think you're collecting, and before you know it you have over 2,000 elephants! This happened to the mother of my husband's best friend. At some point she did just embrace the elephants.
Click to expand...
That happened to friends of mine, too. They decorated their bathroom with rubber duckies, until they started to absolutely take over the place because any time any one saw a duck they bought it as a gift to them... Now, people buy them a duck at their own peril... :rolleyes:
 
What is it with in laws? Mine apparently do not speak the same language as me either! lol
 
OMG Carolyn!! Our lives really are parallel! I have a similar problem. My in-laws are in love with Africa! They spent several years teaching there when DH was a smalll kid so guess what kind of 'decor' they dish out? So far it hasn't taken over my home - but I'm really worried that one of these days it will. They have that crapola ALL OVER their home and I just know that DH will want half of it as a memento when they are gone (and I fear that may be in the not too distant future) They gifted us with a Zebra Skin right after we were married :eek: and now it is hanging on the wall in our office (it's very sentimental to DH b/c when he was 7 y/o he watched them gun down this poor defenseless animal and.....whatever...:yuck: .) I'm off to baseball this morning, but I will take a photo for you later.

I feel for ya girlfriend!
 
Di_Can_Cook said:
OH MY!

Does DH have a "man cave" where HE can hang all this stuff if he likes it so much?
Click to expand...

LOL @ "man cave". I feel for ya....My hubby had a stuffed giraffe that he slept with as a child. My MIL assumed that he LOVED giraffes and collects them, so she buys him a giraffe for birthday, Christmas, etc. He made a comment about her buying them, but doesn't have the hangy-down-things to tell her (HUGE mommy's boy). Sooooo since he has his side of the bedroom and I have mine, his is being bombarded with giraffes and mine ISN'T. LOL. One day he'll get sick of 'em. LOL.
 
Are there any local Art Museums near you?? Maybe you could suggest donating some of it in their honor to an Art Museum, that way everyone could enjoy the great gifts from around the world. Tell them you feel so selfish to keep it all to yourself!!!;)
 
Sorry Carolyn - I have no thoughts for you about what to do - my IL's buy practical gifts. I've received things like an Upright freezer, a Kitchenaid hand mixer, a new vacuum, a space heater......anything decorative I've received has been small and in very good taste. (maybe not always my taste though.)

However - I am glad that I read this thread first thing this morning - I've already gotten in some good laughs! Thanks to Di, Linda, Kate, Rebecca, and others for your hilarious comments on the situation!:D :D :D
 
How about taking one thing down for every new thing you get. After all you only have so much space!

Or take it all down and "re-decorate". Have DH choose x number of things to keep up for now and then agree that every time they give you something new you take something else down.

Tell them you are freshening and decluttering.
 
You could also start buying them hideous home decor items and suggest wonderful places around their house to put them. Everytime they bring you back something, go get them something and tell them that you just couldn't accept anymore of their great gifts without giving in return!! Maybe eventually they'll get the hint, unless they're really daft!!
 
itsjustCarla said:
LOL @ "man cave". I feel for ya....My hubby had a stuffed giraffe that he slept with as a child. My MIL assumed that he LOVED giraffes and collects them, so she buys him a giraffe for birthday, Christmas, etc. He made a comment about her buying them, but doesn't have the hangy-down-things to tell her (HUGE mommy's boy). Sooooo since he has his side of the bedroom and I have mine, his is being bombarded with giraffes and mine ISN'T. LOL. One day he'll get sick of 'em. LOL.
Click to expand...

THAT made me laugh out loud!!:D
 
BethCooks4U said:
Or take it all down and "re-decorate".

Tell them you are freshening and decluttering.
Click to expand...


And then take the stuff to Goodwill -- get rid of it. Perhaps if they don't see you displaying the items anymore, they'll get the hint.

I had the same problem with a giraffe collection. It just doesn't mean the same thing when someone else buys the stuff for you -- it was my collection to create. Now I don't collect anything.

Like the pressed pennies -- they're keepsakes from HER trips! She doesn't care about your travels!

I don't like clutter so usually about once a year I take a little box of stuff (things that well meaning people gave me for my birthday or Christmas) to our Goodwill store.
 
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chefshawna said:
You could also start buying them hideous home decor items and suggest wonderful places around their house to put them. Everytime they bring you back something, go get them something and tell them that you just couldn't accept anymore of their great gifts without giving in return!! Maybe eventually they'll get the hint, unless they're really daft!!
Click to expand...
You know - this just gave me a GREAT idea!
THEY are always bringing me gifts that are THEIR taste and would go well in THEIR home...maybe I should start buying THEM home decor gifts that are MY taste and would go well in MY home!?!?! Maybe that would get the point across?????
And when DH and I are out shopping for a gift for them and he says to me, "Well, that's not really their style" I can point out to him that everything they buy ME is their style so one good turn deserves another!
 
I wonder if they'd mind you having a yard sale to raise money for NC by selling all those "gifts". I also wonder if you'd mind if they mind ...

Or maybe to help people in need ...
 
My in-laws are very similar too...but at least their taste isn't too horrible. They have always bought us stuff for our home, without really finding out what we want. In fact, we had our anniversary on Thursday and they bought us a set of placemats and napkins. Very pretty ones, but not necessarily what I would buy for myself. And the collections!! My husband has a neice that collects piano stuff, one that collects salt and pepper shakers, one that collects ladybugs...all becuase of them! They're all grown up now and they still buy them these things for their "collections". I can sense the "oh, gee, thanks" vibe from them every time they open the gifts.

The funniest thing is that my husband is a NASCAR fan. He has mostly been a Dale Jarrett fan. And he HATES Jeff Gordon (no offense!). But every Christmas for the last 3 years they have gotten him Jeff Gordon stuff! I'm sure it's because they sell a lot of it around here and just assume he likes him. The first time we just thought it was funny. Now, finally we have decided we HAVE to say something! Otherwise, they will keep getting it!!

When we first got together, they knew that I loved cats. They bought me cat stuff for years! I think they finally gave up on that now.
 
Hey Carolyn (or any of you who have the unwanted in-law-decor) How'd you like having THIS on your wall? They have been trying to give us some sort of tribal drum table too :yuck: And I know what you mean about the phallic-snake-looking-statues Carolyn, my IL's have those things too. Plus a lot of masks and naked african people art and carvings as well.....it is so not my taste! And I dread the day that DH and his sis have to sort through it and decide who gets what....I don't want ANY of it!




http://i215.photobucket.com/albums/cc293/lindachild/034.jpg



It hangs in the office on the wall behind my desk, thankfully it is behind me - I'd sure hate to have to look at this everytime I looked-up!
 
I'm over here cracking up!!!:D :D

My MIL is obsessed with being Irish so she loves to send us obnoxious Irish stuff. I wouldn't mind if it was nice, but it's not. :( I wish sometimes parents and in-laws would think to themselves, "I really want to buy my son/daughter something; is a _____________ really what they need and want? Maybe I'll ask them." I guess then we wouldn't end up with doors from other countries, zebra wall hangings and in my case really tacky Irish crap!! :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
 
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  • #30
Di_Can_Cook said:
I wonder if they'd mind you having a yard sale to raise money for NC by selling all those "gifts". I also wonder if you'd mind if they mind ...

Or maybe to help people in need ...
Click to expand...

Darlin', I'd hafta PAY people to buy this stuff from me!
 
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