Hosting Headaches: A Frustrating Experience with an Uncooperative Host

[Chefstover2]

OK, I met this lady at an expo I had a booth at and invited her to a show that was nearby. She was possibly interested in making some $$, so a potential recruit. She came to the show and really enjoyed herself, ordered some items...all good.

She calls me earlier this month and decides she wants to have a show...great! We book her for September because she really wants the 12" skillet. I offer to mail invites for all my hosts. Her first e-mail to me with the addresses is.....4 people!:cry: Eventually she provides me with a significantly longer list and all is well...except she's asked me to mail a catalog along with every invitation so people can preview the catalog before the show. No, I explained, it really is pretty expensive for me to do that. They are provided with my website where they can browse the catalog online and if anyone REALLY needs one, I'll be happy to send one or two out. I bring them to the show.

Until I call to do some host coaching and she casually tells me she's told EVERYONE they don't have to buy anything because she's getting 60% off anyway, just come for the food! No, I carefully explain the host benefits and how they work (again). Not a big deal, I tell her, most people understand how the party plan works and I think it'll be fine, just don't mention it again or stress they don't have to buy.

We also had a conversation about the recipe...she wanted Creamy One Pot Pasta but also wants me to use the DCB and Avocado Peeler. OK, let's make some chicken breasts, chunk them and make them available to anyone who wants to add meat to their pasta. We'll also do the salsa/guacamole thing. Great.

So, today we're going over the grocery list (her show is this week) and she tells me to prepare for 15 but to expect 5 and she's still concerned about not wanting anyone to feel obligated to buy. I'd finally had enough and told her I'm not a caterer and I make my living by what I sell, not what I prepare. While I'm not a high-pressure sales person and don't want anyone to feel obligated, I don't want to tell people NOT to buy anything.

Also, she's forwarded an e-mail reminder she sent around to her friends and I quote: The entire "show" lasts 45 minutes, then it's time to enjoy the FREE MEAL. We've decided to add BAKED CHICKEN and GUACAMOLE w/chips to the VEGETARIAN CREAMY PASTA so there should be plenty of food and variety. I'll have lots of non alcoholic beverages in addition to some red wine. After everyone has had a chance to eat, there will be time to look thru/place orders from the catalogs that kristen will hand out to everyone who shows up. Again, there is NO obligation whatsoever to buy anything at the party. If sales do happen to go over $155, then I get a hefty %60discount, however, I've already decided to buy a couple of items [the guacamole peeler, and stoneware covered bake dish etc. regardless of attendance or sales.]

Wait a minute, BAKED CHICKEN?? I e-mailed her back and told her she's welcome to prepare a baked chicken dish on her own and I'll supplement with the pasta and guacamole.

Can I just say I'm so over this show? I hardly know even what to say to the woman! I really feel like I've done my best to be professional. Am I over-reacting here?

Sorry this is so long...thanks for letting me vent!

 

[janetupnorth]

YIKES!!!!Does she also think she gets 60% on EVERYTHING?I'd go over host benefits at the show as part of your spiel for sure!She is paying for ingredients right????It seems like she's so concerned about "buying pressure" and bugging friends that she is overemphasizing it. She needs to just stop...Hmm...wonder if you can politely tell her that from experience, guests feel less pressure to buy if you stop telling them there is no pressure to buy. By stating there is NO PRESSURE, they feel pressure!I hope this show turns out great DESPITE your host.

 

[cathyskitchen]

She totally doesn't get it. She's also completely mis-representing her host benefits by saying she gets a "hefty 60% discount" - she only gets that on one piece or one set of cookware, not everything she wants!! She's obviously not a salesperson - you never apologize before you ask them if they want to buy something - that's up to people to do that on their own!!

Wow, sorry she's being so crazy - I hope it goes okay!!! Good luck!

 

[cwinter474]

geeze.... maybe you feel ill???? and have to cancel


just kidding

 

[laurichef]

And she is a possible recruit? More like kitnapper.
Maybe you should turn this into a catalog show, let her have a party with her 5 friends with all the food she wants, and whatever sales happen are up to her.

And if I were a guest hearing how she was getting 60% off, I would already have a preconceived notion of everything being that overpriced, and definately NOT buy a thing. She is doing a great job sabotaging herself.

Maybe she is a direct- sales party guru, and has done all the rest, and she has already bled her friends dry.

 

[chefsteph07]

And she is a possible recruit? More like kitnapper.
Maybe you should turn this into a catalog show, let her have a party with her 5 friends with all the food she wants, and whatever sales happen are up to her.

And if I were a guest hearing how she was getting 60% off, I would already have a preconceived notion of everything being that overpriced, and definately NOT buy a thing. She is doing a great job sabotaging herself.

Maybe she is a direct- sales party guru, and has done all the rest, and she has already bled her friends dry.

As far as the catalog thing, I'd send out the mini's if she wants to REIMBURSE you for the postage. Make that clear. I think we should do whatever we can to please our hosts, but sending a full catalog to each guest is a waste! They can view the catalog online and when they arrive.
You need to take control of this host and the party and if she is not going to do her part to work to get sales (sounds like she's only going for $150 anyway, and if no one buys, she'lll make up the diff to get her cookware) then you DO need to turn this into a catalog or online show. And you KNOW that when you get there, she's going to be saying while you do your demo "you don't have to buy, just eat..."....and if no one is expected to buy anything why do the party??? You are only going to be wasting your time and I'd try to get out of it asap.

 

[chefmeg]

Hi Kristin!!!

OBTUSE...???? Honey, you are sooooo nice!? She sounds dumb as a doorknob!

 

[Chefstover2]

YIKES!!!!

Does she also think she gets 60% on EVERYTHING?

I'd go over host benefits at the show as part of your spiel for sure!

She is paying for ingredients right????

It seems like she's so concerned about "buying pressure" and bugging friends that she is overemphasizing it. She needs to just stop...

Hmm...wonder if you can politely tell her that from experience, guests feel less pressure to buy if you stop telling them there is no pressure to buy. By stating there is NO PRESSURE, they feel pressure!

I hope this show turns out great DESPITE your host.

It does sound like she thinks she's getting 60% off everything in spite of the fact that I explained very specifically any one piece or any one set of cookware, then the rest is free, 1/2 price or discounted depending on the level of sales. And I explained it at the first show she was at, too!

Yes, she's paying for the groceries, but I almost wish I were providing them and have her pay me back...she went shopping today for a Thursday show! Keep your fingers crossed!!!

 

[KellyTheChef]

Hi Kristin!!!

OBTUSE...???? Honey, you are sooooo nice!? She sounds dumb as a doorknob!

Meg~

You made me laugh!

Kristin~

Sorry you are dealing with this one! Sounds like you have done all you can do...explained it different ways, and she just has it in her head how it's gonna be. I agree with the above posts...she is sabotaging HERSELF. If she calls and says only 2 people are gonna be there, I would tell her she needs to just do a catty show. What a mess for you to deal with!

 

[cwinter474]

As far as the catalog thing, I'd send out the mini's

For sure just the mini catalogs....

 

[raebates]

I think I'd send her an email outline EXACTLY how our host benefits work. Make sure it mentions that you've already discussed this with her. Make sure you send it with delivery confirmation. This sounds like the kind of person who will try to "collect" her 60% off everything, then complain to the HO about how you "misrepresented" things. With a confirmed email, you have proof of what you told her.I'm a big believer in covering my own sizable tushie in these situations.

 

[Chefstover2]

I think I'd send her an email outline EXACTLY how our host benefits work. Make sure it mentions that you've already discussed this with her. Make sure you send it with delivery confirmation. This sounds like the kind of person who will try to "collect" her 60% off everything, then complain to the HO about how you "misrepresented" things. With a confirmed email, you have proof of what you told her.

I'm a big believer in covering my own sizable tushie in these situations.

My impression of her is she's not doing this to be difficult on purpose. But I will be very clear when I go over host benefits at the show.

It just bugs me that even though I've spoken to her about the host benefits and the food issue she STILL sends out another e-mail and stresses about the FREE FOOD and NO OBLIGATION to buy. Now she's added that the demo will only be about 45 minutes (even though she's added those extra recipes)!!! I'm ready to scream, but so far I haven't responded to the e-mails because I'm afraid of what I'll write.

 

[cathyskitchen]

Ugh, Kristen - good luck with her!!!

 

[chefmeg]

me again, sweetie!!! I am a firm believer that we take Lamaze classes not in order to help with actual birthing, but to get through raising our kids without killing them............sounds like you need some good breathing techniques right now!!!!
Good luck with this one and be sure to let us know how it goes!

 

[Chefstover2]

me again, sweetie!!! I am a firm believer that we take Lamaze classes not in order to help with actual birthing, but to get through raising our kids without killing them............sounds like you need some good breathing techniques right now!!!!
Good luck with this one and be sure to let us know how it goes!

Hee hee Hoo! Hee hee Hoo! Hee Hee Hoo! (how'm I doing?)

 

[Kitchen Diva]

OK, I met this lady at an expo I had a booth at and invited her to a show that was nearby. She was possibly interested in making some $$, so a potential recruit. She came to the show and really enjoyed herself, ordered some items...all good.

She calls me earlier this month and decides she wants to have a show...great! We book her for September because she really wants the 12" skillet. I offer to mail invites for all my hosts. Her first e-mail to me with the addresses is.....4 people!:cry: Eventually she provides me with a significantly longer list and all is well...except she's asked me to mail a catalog along with every invitation so people can preview the catalog before the show. No, I explained, it really is pretty expensive for me to do that. They are provided with my website where they can browse the catalog online and if anyone REALLY needs one, I'll be happy to send one or two out. I bring them to the show.

Until I call to do some host coaching and she casually tells me she's told EVERYONE they don't have to buy anything because she's getting 60% off anyway, just come for the food! No, I carefully explain the host benefits and how they work (again). Not a big deal, I tell her, most people understand how the party plan works and I think it'll be fine, just don't mention it again or stress they don't have to buy.

We also had a conversation about the recipe...she wanted Creamy One Pot Pasta but also wants me to use the DCB and Avocado Peeler. OK, let's make some chicken breasts, chunk them and make them available to anyone who wants to add meat to their pasta. We'll also do the salsa/guacamole thing. Great.

So, today we're going over the grocery list (her show is this week) and she tells me to prepare for 15 but to expect 5 and she's still concerned about not wanting anyone to feel obligated to buy. I'd finally had enough and told her I'm not a caterer and I make my living by what I sell, not what I prepare. While I'm not a high-pressure sales person and don't want anyone to feel obligated, I don't want to tell people NOT to buy anything.

Also, she's forwarded an e-mail reminder she sent around to her friends and I quote: The entire "show" lasts 45 minutes, then it's time to enjoy the FREE MEAL. We've decided to add BAKED CHICKEN and GUACAMOLE w/chips to the VEGETARIAN CREAMY PASTA so there should be plenty of food and variety. I'll have lots of non alcoholic beverages in addition to some red wine. After everyone has had a chance to eat, there will be time to look thru/place orders from the catalogs that kristen will hand out to everyone who shows up. Again, there is NO obligation whatsoever to buy anything at the party. If sales do happen to go over $155, then I get a hefty %60discount, however, I've already decided to buy a couple of items [the guacamole peeler, and stoneware covered bake dish etc. regardless of attendance or sales.]

Wait a minute, BAKED CHICKEN?? I e-mailed her back and told her she's welcome to prepare a baked chicken dish on her own and I'll supplement with the pasta and guacamole.

Can I just say I'm so over this show? I hardly know even what to say to the woman! I really feel like I've done my best to be professional. Am I over-reacting here?

Sorry this is so long...thanks for letting me vent!

Okay I'm slow- I was like, why is she calling her host Obese? I can read, really I can! Honest!!! :blushing:

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Hi Kristin!!!

OBTUSE...???? Honey, you are sooooo nice!? She sounds dumb as a doorknob!

Or like she has splinters in the windmill of her mind!

 

[Chefstover2]

Or like she has splinters in the windmill of her mind!

Or a few sandwiches shy of a picnic.

 

[Jessamary]

If it were me (and glad it's not...I'm not a nice person sometimes), if she still was not listening when her show came 'round, I would say, "(Hostess) is going to become a consultant and tonight I have a surprise for her. This is going to be her first show and she'll be doing all the demonstrating! (Hostess), Take it away!"

Then I'd watch for the blank look of fear.

I bet she'd be a little more reserved about emphasising the free food and no obligation to order.

But then again, like I said, sometimes I can be a pretty mean person.:angel:

 

[chefmeg]

Jess, I have alomost wet myself laughing at this! One problem....she probably STILL wouldn't get it!

 

[cwinter474]

I can't help but wonder, if she is this bad...... what are her friends and family like?????

I still think your feeling ill, just kidding but haven't we all had the desire to cancel on a hostess? This would certainly be the one, and since she isn't expecting any orders......

 

[elizabethfox]

She sounds like a "joy" to work with! Sorry you are having to deal with this! We come across the looniest people don't we??

 

[chefmeg]

Hee hee Hoo! Hee hee Hoo! Hee Hee Hoo! (how'm I doing?)

GOOD! now puuuuush........oh, wait, that is for birthing!

 

[Chefstover2]

Get this...She e-mailed me yesterday and called me this morning with "a couple more invitations to send" I e-mailed her yesterday saying there's NO MAIL on Monday!!!!! Call the people to invite them!!!

I'm dying over here...drowning in her minutae :cry:

 

[cwinter474]

Get this...She e-mailed me yesterday and called me this morning with "a couple more invitations to send" I e-mailed her yesterday saying there's NO MAIL on Monday!!!!! Call the people to invite them!!!

I'm dying over here...drowning in her minutae :cry:

Kristen, you have so much more patience than I do. I hope you survive this show.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Is this woman playing jokes on you? Maybe she was someone you teased mercilessly back in the 3rd grade and you don't remember her, but SHE remembers YOU!!! Of course I'm teasing but this is boardering on insanity...

I really feel for you, this one takes the cake- even from the hosts that I had who threatened to call the police on me if I called them for an Out of The Box call!!!

 

[Chefstover2]

I just keep thinking "all things work together for good"...so perhaps it'll all work out if I just keep my cool.

Thanks so much for letting me vent here so I don't cancel on her or say something I'll regret.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I just keep thinking "all things work together for good"...so perhaps it'll all work out if I just keep my cool.

Thanks so much for letting me vent here so I don't cancel on her or say something I'll regret.

Aww, honey that's what Voodoo dolls are for!

Spoiler

oops, did I type that out loud

 

[Veevahchef]

I can't wait to hear how this turns out...

 

[pcchefjane]

I'll keep you in my prayers for this one! She sounds like a real pain! Wonder if she'll call you Thursday and cancel?

 

[pampcheflisa]

I can't wait to hear how this turns out...

I was thinking the same thing!
You'll definitely have to keep us updated.
This makes me feel so much better about the past host/potential recruit (that I did not really recruit) situation I have on my hands at the moment.

 

[gingertannery]

So when is this cooking show?? This strand has been on it seems like weeks. Please update after the "Event" I'm sure I am not the only one who must hear the ending. LOL I am exhausted for you!! Maybe since she has done DS before.. this happened to her so she is seeking revenge... She KNOWS better than this. You are a trooper!! I agree.. you need to spell it out with an e-mail to cover your behind.

 

[pcChuckie]

How about asking her to explain the host benefits back to you and also say out loud to you what she thinks her responsibilities are for the show (buying food, getting 15 orders, yada, yada). Tell her you want to make sure you were communicating to the best of your ability and see what comes out of her mouth. Then you'll know what is truly inside that head.

 

[Chefstover2]

Thankfully, this show is tomorrow...I'll post on how it turns out.

 

[pampered1224]

OK First and foremost - never, ever, ever insult doorknobs again! At least they have a purpose in life! The splinters in the windmills of her mind - more like the wind blowing in one ear and out the other! Man oh man, oh man Kristen! I too would have baled on this one. So here is what I think you should do. Call her tonight. Tell her you need to know what products she wants from her party so you know about how much she needs to get them at a discount. After you hang up with her, figure out the cost. Then tell her just before the party starts how much her party needs to be to get any thing discounted. If you give it to her in dollars and cents - because God only knows she has no sense - maybe she will understand it better when you tell her how much everything she wants will cost of no one buys anything. While you have her on the phone, tell her EXACTLY which recipes YOU are doing. Then simply ask her to make sure the other stuff she was planning on serving is done before you get there as you have a lot to set up and will need full access to the kitchen to set up those recipes. Talk to her like she is three. HTH. KISS - Keep it simple sister!

 

[Chefstover2]

Re: Obtuse Host --UPDATEI know everyone's on pins and needles so I just walked in the door from the show. She actually had 15 people there!! Of course only 5 ordered (so far...several said they'd call before the show closes on Tuesday --we'll see).

The place was one of the smaller homes I've ever done a show in, so I'm actually glad there weren't more. About 1/2 came up to "play" with me on the recipe...the other 1/2 sat and visited with each other. The recipe came together quickly enough...her microwave was too small for the DCB, so we baked the breasts in the oven (good thing she didn't buy a whole chicken...I'd still be there!).

Sales are at $295, 1 November booking and 1 HOT recruit lead! So, all in all, it wasn't the worst show I've ever done (I had one where only the host's mother came and she didn't speak English--fun!).

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts, suggestions, offers of knee-cap kicking, prayers. It's sure nice to have a place to let off the steam and know there are people who can relate.

I'm going to eat dinner now...dh made pork chops and home made mac & cheese! This is why I love him. :love:

 

[janetupnorth]

Glad it turned out good in the end!I HOPE you DIDN'T rebook the host on this one!

 

[pcchefjane]

Amen to that! I think I wouldn't mention you could do that! You ought to casually mention that with only 5 people ordering, it was almost $300 and just think how big it would have been if she let the other 10 order!!!

 

[Chefstover2]

For those of you who followed this whole saga before I have more to share on this one.

I'm holding my Host Appreciation event this Saturday for all my 2008 hosts. I e-mailed this beautiful invitation with all the details and directions. This lady RSVPs that she's coming but has a toastmasters thing a bit earlier and may be late. No problem.

Last night she e-mails me: The location of her toastmasters has changed and could I tell her how to find me from there. I get her to the nearest common denominator and then tell her to proceed with the directions I'd already provided.

Response: Not sure when I'll get out of public speaking workshop Saturday morning. If I've got time to find your place and not too much time to kill in Asheville so I don't show up three hours early... I'll call you for rest of directions on way there.

I replied to pleas NOT call on the way there since I'd either be frantically preparing or entertaining those who had already arrived and then RE-supplied directions.

Sometimes I'm just so surprised when people can't think for themselves! As my husband says...if she can send an e-mail why can't she Mapquest???

Thanks for letting me re-vent! TTFN!

 

[sk8rgrrl99]

Oh goodness, she sounds like a real gem!

 

[Chefstover2]

You have NO idea!

 

[ChefBeckyD]

For those of you who followed this whole saga before I have more to share on this one.

I'm holding my Host Appreciation event this Saturday for all my 2008 hosts. I e-mailed this beautiful invitation with all the details and directions. This lady RSVPs that she's coming but has a toastmasters thing a bit earlier and may be late. No problem.

Last night she e-mails me: The location of her toastmasters has changed and could I tell her how to find me from there. I get her to the nearest common denominator and then tell her to proceed with the directions I'd already provided.

Response: Not sure when I'll get out of public speaking workshop Saturday morning. If I've got time to find your place and not too much time to kill in Asheville so I don't show up three hours early... I'll call you for rest of directions on way there.

I replied to pleas NOT call on the way there since I'd either be frantically preparing or entertaining those who had already arrived and then RE-supplied directions.

Sometimes I'm just so surprised when people can't think for themselves! As my husband says...if she can send an e-mail why can't she Mapquest???

Thanks for letting me re-vent! TTFN!

LOL - apparently she thinks she was your only host in 2008, and that you will just be sitting at home waiting for her to arrive!

 

[PampChefJoy]

Just set up your address in Mapquest and then send her the link -- there is a place for her to plug in whatever address she's coming from to get the directions.... and don't answer your phone on the day of the party!!

 

[pcchefjane]

She needs a GPS badly! Did she ever show up?? What did her show end up closing at? Did the potential recruit sign??

 

[Chefstover2]

Her show closed out at $362 and no, she hasn't signed yet (is it terrible of me to be grateful for this? I already have one on my team that is challenging my patience...not sure I could handle another one)

Host Appreciation is tomorrow. I'm making Gingertinis & Pineapple Salsa (so I can sell the Girls Night Out show), Steamed Wonton Purses (cause they sounded good), Mexican Lasanga and California Club Pizza, Double Chocolate Mousse Cups and Tropical Torte. All I can say is thank goodness Pampered chef is making the recipes easier and quicker than ever or I'd have had to start cooking on Monday! I can't wait to see what they pick as their favorite.

 

[amy07]

I missed this thread the first time around.
You are a better person than me to invite her into your home.

 

[Flamingo]

I so agree with above post.... I might not have invited her to the Host app but I also would have thought she wouldnt come to something. But she is probley only comming to get the free food.....

 

[esavvymom]

I'd email her the mapquest directions and tell her to print it and stick it in her car. Then I wouldn't answer the phone if her number shows on the Caller ID (hopefully you have that). If she doesn't come....oh well! Good luck!

 

[cheryl929]

Best of luck!!! You are going to need all of your patience with her. Please post how it goes.

 

[Chefstover2]

I missed this thread the first time around.
You are a better person than me to invite her into your home.

I know, I know...but it's my policy to invite everyone (though I was definitely hoping she wouldn't be able to come)...as we coach our hosts, it's only for a couple of hours :chef:.