How Do You Support a Friend Whose Spouse Is Battling Cancer?

[katie0128]

This friend was one of my very best friends in high school, but we lost touch and just reconnected a few weeks ago. Her DH was part of our circle in high school, so I do know him, although not as well.

I don't know the whole story, but in September my friend's DH (who is all of 33) found out he had testicular cancer. The next day the tumor was removed and then he did a round of radiation. The MD's think they removed everything and they haven't seen any sign of the cancer since. He is back to work, but still gets very tired very easily... which is hard anyway, but they have a bunch of "children" that live in their barn (chickens, ducks, goats, dogs and a few other critters) that my friend has had to care for on her own (not something she was used to) since September. They live in a semi-farming community outside of Columbs and their nearest neighbor isn't even within an easy walking distance. Both of their families live in Cincinnati... 3 hours away. To make matters worse, in one of his recent scans, they have found some "spots" on his lungs and are watching them closely. Again, hard anyway, but he has a family history of lung cancer.

I have two requests of you...

1) Please pray for this couple. Regardless of what she says, I knew her well enough at one time to know that this is really not as easy as she is telling me. I'm sure once we chat more, I'll get more details, but in her email she was using some of the "reassuring" words she used in high school when she wanted to make herself believe everything was going to be o.k.

2) Let me know if there is anything I should say or NOT say, offer to do, etc. I know we have lots of advice re: cancer in various posts, but does anyone have any experience with a loved one with testicular cancer? I'm sure some of the feelings that some women experience when diagnosed with breast or ovarian cancer about not being a complete woman any longer would be similar to men with testicular cancer.

Anyway, I do actually have PC (and Tasty Tidbits) to thank for helping me and my friend to reconnect. I had an old email that I wasn't even sure who it belonged to anymore. So I added it to my monthly newsletter list last month and figured that if it was a friend, they might reply when they saw my name. I was so surprised when I got the reply email and found out the email belonged to this friend! She was so excited to see my newsletter and we have been emailing almost daily for about a week! And to think, this was only the 2nd month I have been using Tasty Tidbits and would have NEVER sent the newsletter if it wasn't for Joy. I think I have already "recovered" any cost for the newsletters by finding my friend. Our God does work in mysterious ways!

TIA for all your support and prayers!

 

[Flamingo]

He is on my prayer list.....

 

[janetupnorth]

Katie - check in with KG - he may have some good advice from a man's point of view on this one for you.

 

[katie0128]

Thank you both!

 

[Gina M]

Praying for your friend Katie! I have a brother-in-law who is a testicular cancer survivor - they found it when he was in his 20's and he's been cancer free ever since - he is 40 now. He and my sister did have to go through in vitro to get pregnant with their first son but then they miraculously got pregnant on their own with their second son.

He actually had 2 friends who ended up having it as well - one is fine - the second ended up with leukemia as well and unfortunately didn't make it. However, this cancer is very curable and has high success rates if caught early.

 

[katie0128]

Praying for your friend Katie! I have a brother-in-law who is a testicular cancer survivor - they found it when he was in his 20's and he's been cancer free ever since - he is 40 now. He and my sister did have to go through in vitro to get pregnant with their first son but then they miraculously got pregnant on their own with their second son.

He actually had 2 friends who ended up having it as well - one is fine - the second ended up with leukemia as well and unfortunately didn't make it. However, this cancer is very curable and has high success rates if caught early.

That is one complication that they won't have to worry about. This is a couple that has decided not to have children (thus the "children" that live in the barn!), so no worries there.

I'm guessing they caught this pretty early, especially since he only had one round of radiation. But I know the spots on his lungs are what is worrying my friend the most. He will be checked every 3 months or so for the next few years to see if there is any change.

 

[raebates]

They'll be in my prayers.

 

[dianevill]

Katie,

I will continue to pray for your friend and her DH. I don't know anyone who has had testicular cancer, but my (step)dad has prostate cancer and starts radiation next month. I would let your friend know that she can talk to you any time. My cousin was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer 3 years ago, and she said one of her big annoyances is that her cancer is all people seemed to talk about. As soon as friends/family would see her, they would want an update, instead of asking about her kids, what else is going on in her life, etc. She wanted to feel "normal." She's not cancer-free (kind of sounds a little bit like your friend's DH - she has spots that they check every 3 months, and as long as they don't grow or move, she's ok), but now that she's not undergoing chemo or radiation, people have stopped asking so frequently, and her life is back to "normal". So, long story short, be there if/when she does need to talk, but pick up where your friendship left off years ago and get reacquainted with each other.

There may be a very good reason why the two of you have reconnected!

Good luck, and again, prayers coming your way!

 

[katie0128]

There may be a very good reason why the two of you have reconnected!

I'm thinking that there must be a reason we have reconnected right now, at this point in her life... not to mention all the stuff I have been going through lately. She was always a good support in high school and one of the few people that I would call a TRUE friend. You know, one of those people who will tell you the truth about anything, even though it may hurt a bit, but everything is always said with love and compassion.

I have missed her over the years and find it a bit humorous that I have had her email in my contact list for quite some time, but just didn't know who it belonged to. Without PC and my newsletter, I probably would have just deleted it.

 

[vwpamperedchef]

Sending prayers your way!