Feeling Hurt by a Friend's Silence on a Family Rumor

[reba515]

NOT my 15 yo just to clear the air.

It's kind of a long story and my post really has not much to do w/ the pregnancy, so bear with me.

A few days ago I heard from a friend that there is "rumor" going around that my 15 year old neice is pregnant.
Which sorry to say didn't really suprise me.

Now this is my DH's brother's girl. My DH and brother-in-law haven't spoken in 6 months. My MIL doesn't speak with him either (the BIL). To make a long story short he's a drunk, drug addict a$$. His wife isn't much better. Even before they weren't speaking they hadn't been close in years.So really no lost love here.

Still with me?

Anyway I asked one of my very best friends today if she had heard this because she has DD's in the same school.

She says "yes I heard that a few weeks ago, but didn't want to ask you about it. In case it was just rumor or if true, a family secret. I didn't want you to get offended." Meanwhile everyone in town has heard this too. Except me I guess!

Then goes on to tell me that her and her twin sister talked about it too (who I am also very close with) and they wondered still if I knew.

I am not the type of person to get mad or offended easily I would rather have things out in the open even if it makes me (or someone else) uncomfortable. They (the twins) and anyone who is close to me knows this. I am good to my friends and respect what they have to say. I don't freak out about trivial things I am pretty laid back most of time.
I just don't understand why they think I would get mad at them !
Geesh I more upset about them than I am about my neice



They know we aren't close with my BIL and know what a jerk he is, it's not going to hurt my feelings.

What hurts my feelings is that they kept this "secret" from me. It just really bothers me.We all talk about everything all the time.I feel that they didn't trust our friendship enough, after all these years of being freinds & sharing secrets.
I know if it was someone else's DD they would be on it like flies on *hit (but hey thats what (some) women do )

I guess what I am asking you all is, would you be upset that neither of these girls felt they should or could say something to me about it?
how can I approach the subject with "sounding" as upset as I am??


I know deep down they more than likely were trying to protect me but sometimes things need to said anyway.

 

[ChefLisa]

I would try very hard not to be upset with them. They did not have malice in their hearts. It is a very tough subject and they truly did not want to hurt you.

 

[reba515]

I am more sad than mad, no I am just sad.

 

[JAE]

Is it possible that they figured it was a secret because you hadn't said anything to them? Maybe they thought you knew, but because you hadn't said anything to them yet, they thought it wasn't being made public or you didn't want to talk about it. If you and your friends are usually open and honest with each other about life, your friends could have been feeling weird about why you hadn't shared with them.

Does that make sense?

 

[katie0128]

I can understand why you are sad. I've been in a similar situation with friends before and I wasn't mad, but just felt like I didn't know my friends as well as I thought I did... not only that, but they didn't know me as well as I thought they did either. You just kinda feel like your heart was broken. I know... it hurts a bit. But, I would suggest talking it out with them. If you think they should have come to you about your niece then you need to set the example of an open friendship and explain to them why they hurt your feelings and that you feel like they in a way betrayed your trust by not trusting you.

 

[reba515]

I can understand why you are sad. I've been in a similar situation with friends before and I wasn't mad, but just felt like I didn't know my friends as well as I thought I did... not only that, but they didn't know me as well as I thought they did either. .

Exactly! I just keep wondering to myself "why would they think this?" "why would they think I wouldn't tell them?" we have darker secrets than this.

 

[Chef Michelle D]

I would just ask them "why did you not tell me what you heard" and see what they say. If it's bothering you this much then I think you need to talk to them about it. Maybe they did think you knew or that your dh would be upset by the news and they didn't want to tell you/him about it. Good luck and let us know what happens

 

[kathijenkins]

Let them know it upset you that they didn't tell/ask you, don't hide it from them. Maybe since you hadn't brought it up, it was a taboo topic for discussion. But I think they probably had the best intentions & were trying to protect you.