Didn't Go Bad, and It Didn't Go Well...

[Kitchen Diva]

DH talked with my sister. She said she didn't want to hear reasons, only she wanted enough time to wait for her new tabs for her car to arrive. DH said that was fine.
Her not wanting to know our reasons leads me to believe that she truly feels she is not in the wrong at all- but it's us. Or she heard everything we discussed last night which could why she didn't want to know, but I'm banking on the former.

She's ignoring me now- every room I go into that she is in, she storms out.

My mom has called here a few times and she's called my mom...no one wants to talk to us, it's sad and funny at the same time.

I'm just sad but I'm doing all right. Thankfully I have an interview tomorrow to keep my mind on other things and a call I need to make to set up an additional interview- so I won't have to sit around here and be avoided...

Thanks for the prayers, I wanted to update everyone before they went to bed.

I'll keep you all in the loop.

 

[krzymomof4]

Just keep chatting with us tomorrow. It might take your mind off things. I need a kick in the butt anyway. Consider yourself occupied after your interview.

 

[Jennie4PC]

Kacey,
This is what I think. I think she doesnt want to listen to you cause she knows she is in the wrong and she doesnt want to hear it. I am so sorry about everything you and your DH are going through.

 

[janetupnorth]

Sounds like a mini temper tantrum to me. Sorry you have to be "avoided" in your own house. ...and I find it funny that she uses YOUR phone to have conversations about you guys with your mom...just a little ironic to me.You guys did the right thing. Traumatized or not, she is an adult and needs to pull on her big girl panties and take care of herself and more importantly her daughter.I'm so glad DH took his role of "man of the house" well and did the talking.Hang in there, get a good night's sleep and do GREAT on that interview!

 

[BethCooks4U]

I'd be tempted to tell her to leave now if that is how she appreciates your hospitality. Don't let her (or your mom) get to you. You are doing the right thing as you did when you let her stay with you in the first place.

Sleep well and blow them away at your interview tomorrow!

 

[pamperedalf]

Kasey good luck on your interview tomorrow. I am sorry you are having to deal w/ this, but you will be rewarded in the end.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I don't think she's going to my mom's. I asked her and all she said was "uh-uh" (as in "no") I'm just getting one word answers from her. She went down to bed and took my niece with her and is telling her that they are leaving.

I'm not sure where she is going, but she's not talking to me and I have a feeling she'll be gone within a day or two.

 

[jrstephens]

Kacey,

I know this is har dbut you have to do what is right for you and your husband. There comes a time when people have to stand on their own two feet. I am a firm believer in if you keep helping someone out they will expect it and then they will no longer help themselves.
Keep us posted of course.

Good Luck on your interview!!!

U are in my prayers as usual!:angel:

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I agree, Jennifer- the problem is that now I get to be treated poorly...

I'm off to get some sleep and I'll let you know how the interview goes. Thanks for the prayers and support, guys.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Just keep chatting with us tomorrow. It might take your mind off things. I need a kick in the butt anyway. Consider yourself occupied after your interview.

Feel free to occupy me, and I'll kick you in the butt. What are cyber friends for!?!

 

[raebates]

Kacey, it's often when we know we're in the wrong that we at our most snarky. Sounds to me like your sister knows you're doing the right thing.

 

[BethCooks4U]

Kacey, it's often when we know we're in the wrong that we at our most snarky. Sounds to me like your sister knows you're doing the right thing.

Even if she doesn't KNOW it she KNOWS IT.

 

[chefmeg]

Kasey, I must have missed what this converstaion was about, but I am pretty sure I can figure it out based on prior posts...GOOD FOR YOU & DH!

It's too bad we can't pick our family, isn't it? Your Mom will come around at some point and your sister will too, when she wakes up and smells the coffee....and if neither do, YOU know you have done the right thing for you & DH!

KICK BUTT on your interview! XOXO

 

[quiverfull7]

Oh Kacey... I"ve been gone all weekend so I too am just guessing what this conversation entailed but I'm getting a pretty good sense. I'm so sorry that you are once again being asked to shoulder the burden. Remember that God truly IS the wind beneath your wings and HE IS holding you in the palm of His hand. He is allowing so much to be asked of you. I pray right now that Jesus have enveloped you with HIS calm... remember that HE STILLED the waters of the storm and know that He IS the peace that passes all understanding. Rest in His love and know that the truth always rises to the surface just like cream on a good old fashioned jar of fresh milk! God's truth is ALWAYS revealed despite the scramblings of others to hide it.

 

[vwpamperedchef]

HUGS KACEY!!!!!!!!

Good luck with your interview...prayers are with you!

 

[krzymomof4]

Good luck on your inteview today!!!
We are rootin for ya!!!:love:

 

[janetupnorth]

Kacey - you were up WAY too late last night - good luck on your interview!

 

[dianevill]

Wow - didn't have time to really check out the Chef's Lounge for a few days so I'm just cactching up. I just finished reading the other thread so that I'm up to speed.

1) Good for you and DH! I know this was probably the hardest thing you've ever had to do, but the best. I hope that between now and the day she moves, you get more than a grunt for responses, and I pray that she doesn't try to turn your niece against you. You're the best thing that's happened to Maggie (and the best thing for your sister, too, but she doesn't know it yet).
2) Best of luck on your interview today!
3){{{{HUGS}}}

 

[Kitchen Diva]

UpdateYes, DH told my sister she had to go last night. He didn't give her two weeks like we'd talked about because he said she'd just sit here for 2 more weeks. She's already packing and isn't leaving ONE thing I bought for my niece to have here for when she comes to visit.

My niece is telling us that she will never see us again and we can't come to her new house. My hubby is ticked off.

My mother still won't speak to me, and still won't be the mother in this situation. She's been sitting in the corner in a fetal position and has been all too happy to let me be the mother once again. So I did- I may have to just make myself unavailable to my family for a few months until I know the best way to proceed.

She is packing things without asking if she can take them, and I'm not about to get into a fight with her while "maggie" is awake. The stuff she is taking she obviously feeling like she is owed it, or needs it more, so let her have it. It gives me an excuse to just replace it with something nicer.


My interview went well today, and this company is so much more professional and welcoming and nicer than the other agency I signed with. They only place for mid-level jobs and above and she said my scores more than qualified me for their type of assignments.

They are submitting my resume and info to an e-recycling company close to my home that is looking for an office administrator and assistant to the sales managers position. It is temp to hire, pays well, close to home (I actually travel against traffic, so I never hit traffic) has good benefits and it's weekends.

They also had another job that they thought I'd really enjoy, but felt that I'd really shine with this one company and that we'd be a good match for one another. It does look really challenging so I'm a little nervous about that, but I'm sure I'll be fine.

So there you have the update. My sister will be out by the end of the week but won't tell me where she is going. She's not really talking to me- but I'm still going to smile because I know I did the right thing. It isn't right for us to support her through our unemployment if she isn't even willing to be a contributing member of the household.

Thanks for holding me up in prayer, I really appreciate it.!

She started taking all the bedding from our bed downstairs and I told her it she could have some of it, but what I was letting her use was a loan and once she gets her own she replaces it. Now just to figure out what to do with the phone situation. She is on our cellphone plan. Yes, we got her one because he DH cut hers off....I know- I'm stupid

 

[kaseydee]

Sorry about all your problems. Glad to see good news on the job front though. As far as the phone tell her to switch it to her name by the end of the week & if she doesn't you can call & get them to suspend service to it or at least you can w/Alltel. Good luck!

 

[jrstephens]

Call the phone company and see what your options are. Most of them have an early termination fee if you signed a contract for it. If not, turn it off. They could probably still fix it where it could not be used or something to protect you from her running the bill up.

Have u asked for the phone back?

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Sorry about all your problems. Glad to see good news on the job front though. As far as the phone tell her to switch it to her name by the end of the week & if she doesn't you can call & get them to suspend service to it or at least you can w/Alltel. Good luck!

It's one of those deals where her phone is part of our family plan. We only have so many minutes. I think it might be best to take it away from her...

 

[DessertDivaFL]

You aren't stupid. Don't ever say that. There are many situations were "family" wouldn't do half of what you did for your sister. You were there for her and she may acknowledge it one day. And if she doesn't, you can still hold your head high because you helped unselfishly. God knows what you did for her and He will reward your faithfulness in a very special way one day. You can count on it! You are an angel waiting for wings! :angel:

 

[baychef]

Kindness and unconditional love is not stupid...but get her off the plan!! Kacey, I just commented on the other thread before I read this.

I am so darn proud of you and DH!!!

Your sister does know she is wrong, but can't see it or even admit it...but she feels it. You and your DH have made her feel so comfortable and now she is uncomfortable because she HAS to do something. She is feeling the fear of the unknown and is rattled out of her depression so she has to say and do things that will hurt you both. And, she is using your niece to do so. Shame on her...once again.

As hard as it is, ignore your mother. You ARE having to act like a mother right now and shame on your Mom for putting you and DH in that situation.

Your interview sounds like it ROCKED!!! When you wrote about your interview and the results I could see a bright confident woman with one pretty pair of Big Girl Panties on!!

No matter what is said or how your sister or your mother acts, you stand tall and proud. You already know you have a wonderful supportive husband. Treasure that and think of all the things you have to be grateful for. It will help you through the rough road you are on right now. This will pass, but probably not right away. Stay strong!!

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Your interview sounds like it ROCKED!!! When you wrote about your interview and the results I could see a bright confident woman with one pretty pair of Big Girl Panties on!!

And GREAT hair! Don't forget the great hair! :thumbup:


Seriously, I am praying Kacey - just wanted to maybe make you smile too!

 

[chefann]

Way to go, DH! I have to say that I agree with his assessment that giving sis 2 weeks would not result in a productive 2 weeks, so why bother. Great job on the interview!

 

[janetupnorth]

Great job on the interview, hopefully things are looking up.Stay strong on your items too. Don't let your sister mooch off of you more or use her situation as an excuse. Only give what you WANT to give, not what she takes. There is a time to help your niece and a time when your sis is just taking for herself. It shows immaturity for her to EXPECT your things to be hers.

 

[quiverfull7]

I agree with Janet. Let go of what you don't really care about.. it will be less to pack when you come to NC! But DON'T just be a doormat either... she cannot have anything of your's that she just puts her hands on. Stand up for yourself girl! Jesus stands with you!

 

[Kitchen Diva]

And GREAT hair! Don't forget the great hair! :thumbup:


Seriously, I am praying Kacey - just wanted to maybe make you smile too!

I do have great hair! And, it turned out FABULOUS today! LOL... thanks for the laugh I needed that!

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Did I mention that she had the gall to tell me that I was taking EVERYTHING away from her? We offered to give her $230.00 to buy a new phone (either a go-phone with minutes) or her own plan. She THREW her phone at me and I went after her and said it's time for you and "maggie" to leave now.

She tried to get the phone back and I said no- you apologize and I'll give you money but you aren't getting the phone. Period. Get your own.

So she's copying phone numbers off the phone now and then she'll leave for my Mother's.

Oh, just found out Mom isn't mad at me- just hasn't been getting involved. I told her that wasn't acceptable and it made me feel all alone and like she was upset with me and totally siding with my sister. She claims she isn't siding with anyone, and is in agreement that we wouldn't have asked her to leave unless we had a pretty good reason why. So not perfect, but better than I originally thought. I told her she wasn't allowed to go 6+weeks without talking to me again!

 

[Jean DeVries]

She's taking YOUR bedding off of YOUR bed?????

Nervy.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

She took a lot more that was nervier! Is nervier a word???

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I got an interview! The staffing agency sent my resume over to that company that wants to hire someone and they liked my resume so I have an interview tomorrow at 12:30.

I gave almost all my clothing to my sister dearest so I'm off to go and buy a more appropriate interviewing outfit. Today I wore lined dress capri's (black) and a nice dress shirt, but I felt weird because it wasn't interviewy enough.

I'll be on later tonight!

 

[ChefBeckyD]

The staffing agency sent my resume over to that company that wants to hire someone and they liked my resume so I have an interview tomorrow at 12:30.

I gave almost all my clothing to my sister dearest so I'm off to go and buy a more appropriate interviewing outfit. Today I wore lined dress capri's (black) and a nice dress shirt, but I felt weird because it wasn't interviewy enough.

I'll be on later tonight!

YEA KACEY!!!!! (yes, I was shouting that! Shouting with joy for you!)

 

[chefann]

Wa-hoo, Kacey!! And temp-to-hire, too! So cool. I'm sure you'll wow them.

 

[chefmeg]

ya know, I have heard the saying "God helps those who help themselves" and I agree, but I also know that "God helps those who CAN'T help themselves.....not WON'T but CAN'T". Big difference there. Your sister is able to help herself and her daughter, but it was easier to let you do it. Now she will use your Mom until she has had enough and then MAYBE she will help herself!

I have a brother that just doesn't understand why work is so much like.....well, work! He has been waaaay down and brought himself up again, but never with out the help of our bio Dad, our Mom or me. Well, bio Dad passed away last year, Mom is busy taking care of my dying Daddy (figure that out!) and I am done with "helping" bro out of jams. He is talking about going to Iraq to drive the big rigs thru the war zone.....can you even imagine someone wanting to do this??? I mean it is bad enough to be in the military and have this be part of your job, but to actually volunteer to go to a war zone and it is all for $100,000...tax free....as long as he stays out of the USA for 1 year! I chewed him up & spit him out on the phone when he told me this...how selfish & greedy can you be???
Anyway, my point was about your sister-she may never be able to help herself, but you can't do it for her. She is going to get to a point, hopefully, that she will see all that you and DH have done for her. You just need to keep praying for her.
Good luck with your interview, you big haired, sweet tea swillin', souther-girl wanna be! xo

 

[merego]

The staffing agency sent my resume over to that company that wants to hire someone and they liked my resume so I have an interview tomorrow at 12:30.

I gave almost all my clothing to my sister dearest so I'm off to go and buy a more appropriate interviewing outfit. Today I wore lined dress capri's (black) and a nice dress shirt, but I felt weird because it wasn't interviewy enough.

I'll be on later tonight!

YEAH!!! I'll be sending good vibes your way As far as your sister, well you know how I feel about that so I wont say anymore. I think you and DH have handled this situation great and don't second guess anything you did xoxoxo

 

[BethCooks4U]

YOU GO GIRL!! I am so proud of you Kasey!

Good luck on the interview too - you will do great with this weight lifted!!

 

[Jean DeVries]

She took a lot more that was nervier! Is nervier a word???

It is now......

I'm proud of you for no longer enabling your sister's behavior. She will be fine. And if she's not, it's not your fault.

 

[janetupnorth]

YEAH! On the interview!Kacey - I would really demand your stuff back - seriously! That's WAY past the limits...sigh...Hopefully things are looking up though and you get some peace again.I'm glad your mother isn't as bad as you thought she was!

 

[Kitchen Diva]

ya know, I have heard the saying "God helps those who help themselves" and I agree, but I also know that "God helps those who CAN'T help themselves.....not WON'T but CAN'T". Big difference there. Your sister is able to help herself and her daughter, but it was easier to let you do it. Now she will use your Mom until she has had enough and then MAYBE she will help herself!

I have a brother that just doesn't understand why work is so much like.....well, work! He has been waaaay down and brought himself up again, but never with out the help of our bio Dad, our Mom or me. Well, bio Dad passed away last year, Mom is busy taking care of my dying Daddy (figure that out!) and I am done with "helping" bro out of jams. He is talking about going to Iraq to drive the big rigs thru the war zone.....can you even imagine someone wanting to do this??? I mean it is bad enough to be in the military and have this be part of your job, but to actually volunteer to go to a war zone and it is all for $100,000...tax free....as long as he stays out of the USA for 1 year! I chewed him up & spit him out on the phone when he told me this...how selfish & greedy can you be???
Anyway, my point was about your sister-she may never be able to help herself, but you can't do it for her. She is going to get to a point, hopefully, that she will see all that you and DH have done for her. You just need to keep praying for her.
Good luck with your interview, you big haired, sweet tea swillin', souther-girl wanna be! xo

Oh my gosh! Tears are streaming down my face! I'm laughing sooo hard at that! I are a southern girl wanna-be! I'm still laughing! THanks- I needed a great big belly laugh!

 

[quiverfull7]

I've got a gallon waiting for you!

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I've got a gallon waiting for you!

I can't wait!!!

 

[chefmeg]

[/B]

Oh my gosh! Tears are streaming down my face! I'm laughing sooo hard at that! I are a southern girl wanna-be! I'm still laughing! THanks- I needed a great big belly laugh!

glad I could help!!!