Dealing with Spousal Roadblocks: Balancing Business and Marriage

[abrahamlaur]

Okay, I'm sorry in advance but this might be alittle bit of a vent .. okay probably all vent!

How am I supposed to increase my sales if my husband makes me reschedule shows all the time? We only have one vehicle right now and I'm only scheduling shows for Saturdays and Sundays, while he is off so I can have the car to go to the shows! Well he has an all day/night duty on the 15th, so I figured I would take him to work, that way I could have the car. Well tonight he throws the worlds biggest hissy fit because, he might, YES MIGHT need the car (he doesnt know, he probably wont need it at all since he is supposed to be at duty all night, not driving places). So I have to reschedule my show beccuase he wont let me use the car!!! UGH it just totally pisses me off sometimes, he always complains if I dont make enough money with PC, well now he has no freakin excuse to complain because this is all his fault!

SO .. how am I supposed to schedule shows and "make a living" if he wont let me!!! GRRR ..... thanks for the vent anyways ...

 

[ginamkiely]

i'm with you!!! my husband is not supportive of my "hobby" yes thats what he calls it while i say i'm going to work he says thats not work it's a hobby. then as soon as i'm leaving for a show he says how long are you going to be? you're not going to be home too late are you? but he loves spending my commission check. WTH!!! i'm with you, they're such pains in the a$$$$$$es

 

[KellyTheChef]

Laurie~

Sounds like you really needed a place to vent to...glad you can come here!

I feel for you- it's very hard to deal with men sometimes! They say we are difficult!!

{{{{{HUGS to you!}}}}}

 

[abrahamlaur]

ugh thanks girls .. its just so frustrating! hes getting deployed the end of october and some days (sadly) i cant wait for him to leave. i'll be able to ha ve the car, go whever i want, whenever i want and do as many shows as i want, whenever i want!!! sometimes i just thi nk it would be easier if he was deployed already ... so sad but its just how i feel!

thanks for the hug kelly, i really need one sometimes!

 

[KellyTheChef]

ugh thanks girls .. its just so frustrating! hes getting deployed the end of october and some days (sadly) i cant wait for him to leave. i'll be able to ha ve the car, go whever i want, whenever i want and do as many shows as i want, whenever i want!!! sometimes i just thi nk it would be easier if he was deployed already ... so sad but its just how i feel!

thanks for the hug kelly, i really need one sometimes!

Laurie~

I am sure that you have lots of conflicting emotions about him leaving. Remember, too, that his nerves are probably getting to him about now (about leaving) even if he doesn't even KNOW THAT'S THE PROBLEM!! DH always gets quiet, moody, and irratable whenever his kids are coming here to stay or visit (DSD is in FL going to school at Mom's, DSS lives here with us in OH) but ESPECIALLY when it's time for them to leave and go to FL. I have learned just to steer clear and leave him alone for the most part. He needs his quiet time, whereas I would need to be TALKING. Different from me, but it's what he needs.

I am *NOT* making excuses for him being unbearable!! I am just telling you to look at the situation from his viewpoint too...and try and focus on all of the GOOD things about him! (I do understand almost wishing he was gone...in some ways that may make things easier...but I know it will make lots of other things harder for you.)

{{{{{One more HUG before I get off of here!}}}}}

 

[abrahamlaur]

your right kelly, i am trying to be understanding of that .. thats why i was on here complaining instead of complaining to him! LOL ... its just hard to take it and take it and just feel like crap before he leaves ya know? we are supposed to be all lovey and stuff and hes trying to piss me off every chance he gets. well so it seems ... well thank you kelly, i really appreciate it! and thanks again for the hug! i REALLY appreciate THAT!

 

[KellyTheChef]

your right kelly, i am trying to be understanding of that .. thats why i was on here complaining instead of complaining to him! LOL ... its just hard to take it and take it and just feel like crap before he leaves ya know? we are supposed to be all lovey and stuff and hes trying to piss me off every chance he gets. well so it seems ... well thank you kelly, i really appreciate it! and thanks again for the hug! i REALLY appreciate THAT!

Laurie~

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!!
It seems like whenever my DH and I should be HELPING each other,
and LOVING on each other the most,
that is when we PICK on each other the most!!:blushing: :blushing:

I think you are being normal...I just have come to understand that about my and DH, so when things get hairy around here, I try to remember to do nice things for him and not to fight right back so much. Hope that makes sense! I certainly am NOT a doormat, but God has shown me over and over again that if *I* make an effort, DH will too. (Someone has to be the first one to take the step!)

 

[KellyTheChef]

Oh... and I wanted to say GOOD GIRL for coming here to vent instead of venting all over him!!

 

[dwyerkim]

I'm so sorry, what a pain in the neck. Is there any way that you could get a friend to drive you? I think I would be tempted to rent a car rather than reschedule, especially this late in the game. Even if you just break even after the expense, you'll probably get bookings and if you reschedule you could loose people who were excited to come. good luck and hang in there... take a deep breath and remind yourself that this is a temporary problem.

 

[pckelly]

I'm sorry to hear that Laurie! My husband and I only have one car too, and I have to schedule my shows late during the week because he doesn't get home until almost 6 and I do get the car on Saturday's. I know it's hard, but does he know how you would get to work if you HAD a REAL job as some might say??????????? Do you have a best friend that might take you to your show? OR...tell him if you can't have the car you are going to start scheduling your shows at your house and the hosts can come over their with all their friends and family. HA! Never know!!!!!

 

[cmdtrgd]

Sounds like you need to increase your show schedule while he is gone so you can get your own car!ETA - sorry about trying to fix it...director brain is on automatic when I get tired...and sorry you are going through this!!!

 

[JaimeQ]

I feel your pain of only having one car. That's one of the good things about my DH being deployed right now, I have the car all the time

 

[chefsuzn]

ventingSorry to hear about your husband deploying. I can somewhat understand your dilemma, just as you would have these bookings and not being able to have the car, seemed like every time I planned to have an open house or volunteer my home for the shows my husband would all of a sudden come down sick. It didn't seem to matter when I planned or how far in advance I planned my show he would be sick...very frustrating. I remember one time postponing and having to call everyone at the last minute and another time changing locations at the last minute and still having to call everyone. I wish you much success with your shows! I wonder do they view the PC as a "real job" or do they just see us doing this as a hobby? I have probably spent more than I have taken in but continue on as I do plan to get more bookings soon and take my business to the next level (more than a hobby). I will soon be in the position of having to have more income coming in so need to make more money from PC to supplement my full time job.

Susan

 

[legacypc46]

{{{more hugs}}} Pending deployments always generate their own undercurrent of stress!!!:grumpy: Hang in there. If he senses you're kinda looking forward to his departure, let him know you aren't looking forward to his being gone, just the opportunity to earn an average $100 per night

 

[abrahamlaur]

Thanks ladies!!! You are all such an encouragement! I emailed my host last night and told her, then this morning my husband wakes up and asks if I called her yet. I told him I emailed her lastnight, why? He said he was going to tell me I could have the car, he was just being in a bad mood becuase he was really tired. So all is good! I emailed her back and said NEVERMIND ... LOL... So hopefully its still on! Thanks again ladies, i really needed to hear everything you all said!

Oh about the car ... yeah I'm going to work my butt off while he is gone so we can buy a new car when he gets back!

 

[ahammons]

I'm glad it worked out for you! I think Kelly may be right... it could be b/c of his pending deployment. DH and I spent most of the month leading up to his TDY arguing. But, I have to admit, it was mostly my fault. I didn't realize it, until we sat down to talk about it. Then I realized that I was just nervous/upset about him leaving, and was trying to fight with him -- I guess it was sort of to "get back at him" for leaving. It sounds silly, but that's what helped me cope with all the stress. Luckily, he's very understanding and put up with me! lol He said "This is nothing compared to pregnancy mood swings and labor!"

 

[etteluap70PC]

Just a thought for those of us with semi / not so supportive husbands...
While our hubby's may think that PC is just a fun hobby when we book a show with someone we have made a business comitment to them and their guests. Some hubby's may say (if they want us to change plans on short notice) "but suzy hostess is one of your good friends, she will understand" some of her guests are people you do not know and we still want to treat them professionally.

most of our husbands at least in the beginning said they would support us in this venture and they need to stick to that bargain. We all have days where there are comitments we have made but do not want to do, but we do them because we made comitments to others.

I have been at this for 4 years and my hubby and I are still trying to figure out what works best. Just when we do something changes. Keeping an open dialouge is soooo important!

I do not mean this to be preachy. I just thing sometimes our husbands do not take us seriously and we need to get them to understand.

Thanks!

 

[Nanisu]

You know....something to think about...my husband was always ok with me selling PC..liked the exrra money, etc. but the first time we went on a trip, it totally changed his mind. The first year I earned just the Hotel certificate, and we went away to Palm Springs for the weekend, now Palm Springs is only about 2 hours from where I live, we can really go there any time we want, but it was just the idea that it didn't cost us to stay...he kind of got a bigger part of the picture...the next year we earned it we went to Washington DC on the hotel certificate, took the whole family. We have since been to Vienna and Atlantis....my whole family is tied in now. My dd is 22 and will be graduating this May from College with her degree in English, so when London was announced she pounced on it. My preference is not London, quite frankly I'd rather take the cruise, but when your 22 year old daughter wants to go somewhere with you, you go because she could be doing anything else with anyone else she wants and she's chosing to be with me...my point is, if you can work your hiney off and earn even level 2, they meet other people from the company, they get to reap part of the rewards.... can you work toward that? It made a huge difference in our family. I knew my dh had totally gotten it when we looked at Time Shares last year and he said "why do we need a Time Share, Pampered Chef sends us on vacation every year." I sold insurance for 25 years and he said one night to a friend of ours "yeah, she's gone on weekend days a lot but no insurance company ever sent our family to Vienna". So anything you can do to help him see the bigger picture might help. Hang in there.....We'll be praying for your family when he is deployed.

 

[legacypc46]

What a great post 'nanisu'! My hospitality director says the same thing...once the spouse experiences a PC trip, they are hooked...and respectful that "it's a business, not a hobby!"

 

[Stampaholic1961]

I haven't read all the responses so this may have been covered already but sometimes people subconsciously pick a fight before they are going to be separated from each other because it makes it easier to say goodbye if you are upset with each other. It's a sick, twisted mind game that our subconscious mind plays on us sometimes. I've just seen that type of situation before & that's how it appears to me anyway! Good luck on getting it all worked out!

 

[tpchefrebecca]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can kinda understand what you have to deal with, THE UNKNOWN! I tell my husband he HAS TO get Sun/Mon off so I can do my shows so what does he tell me when I ask "Did you get Mon off for my show?" "As of right now, yeah." I just want to scream sometimes when he says that because I have to have back-ups just incase. Drives me nuts! It's bad enough we don't see him as it is already and not to know? UGGHH!

Sorry this was your vent not mine. I am still here for you! {{{{HUGS}}}}