Day Camp Drama: Paint, Yogurt, and a Parking Lot Mishap

[peichef]

This afternoon I went to pick my boys up from day camp. As they are packing to leave, I notice one boy has paint all over his brand new lunch bag. (Only sent the new one b/c his old got tossed for being so gross with stains, etc. Forgot about camp this week or I would have kept it.)
So, needless to say, I was a little ticked about that. ANother camper said it wasn't my son's fault -- someone spilled paint on it. My DS is very careless & had he put his lunch bag in its cubby (as he was supposed to) no one would have spilled paint on it.
I look at him to talk about the lunch bag & notice he's got stuff (yogurt probably) all over his shirt.
So we're getting in the car and I notice he also has paint on his shirt and on his shorts.
As I'm buckling the 3rd kid into their seats, the lady parked beside me backs out & smacks the door or my car (where I'm standing) with her side mirror. I look up, shut the door to look for damage. She says sorry. I nod or gurnt some sort of response.
I was not going to say "that's okay" b/c it wasn't. She should have looked before backing up. Esp in a parking lot full of kids.
I go back to buckling my DS (the other one, not the painty one) and I shake my head. (Thinking of course someone would hit my car. What else can get ruined in the next minutes.)
So the woman calls to me. "Did you just shake your head!?!? I said sorry."

I just stared. First, I wasn't shaking my head so much at her as at the whole way my afternoon was going down hill.
I didn't respond. I should have. But at that moment I was so grumpy & annoyed that I would not have said anything good.
Now I have to see this woman at camp tomorrow. Should I explain that my head shake was not directed at her? Should I let it go?
I know she probably thought I was being bit**y, and I porbably was, as I was so mad at my DS.
At the same time, I had every reason to be annoyed with her. Esp since she never asked if she'd damaged the car. She just stopped & stared at me.

Vent over!

 

[BethCooks4U]

The nerve! You should have exchanged insurance information - even if you never planned to use it.

Why do people think that "sorry" is enough to make you feel fine about they being inconsiderate of your space - people do this all the time at the grocery store and IF they say sorry it is obvious that they don't have a clue what the word means. Most of the time they just look at you as though it was YOUR fault.

I guess this hit a nerve with me. So many people seem to have lost their manners. It's all about me and too bad for you. Personally I think it has something to do with kids being raised by daycares. - now don't jump on me - my kids attended daycares (part time) and they are extremely concerned about the other guy and I'm not talking about all people or all kids.


If I were you when I see her I would say: "You'll be happy to know that you didn't cause my car any damage yesterday when you hit me. It was quite a day for me, what could go wrong did."

I'd want to say things about her rudeness but it would do no one any good so take the high road.

 

[Oklabell]

Bless your heart! I hope it gets better

 

[pamperedpals]

If she mention's the head shake tomorrow, I would explain it to her. If not, then let it go.

 

[KellyTheChef]

Geesh! I think I would have reacted even worse than that...especially with all that was running through your mind about your kids!

She should have stopped and got out of her car to find out if she did any damage...not just said sorry.

I agree with Beth! So many people are so wrapped up in themselves that they don't think about others' feelings anymore...or even show common courtesy!

 

[peichef]

thank guys. I was staring to think that I really am a B**** after all. I know I have my moments & I get waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to upset about my kids making messes on their clothes, but DS is 7 & should be beyond this kind of carelessness by now, IMO.

 

[heather223]

I understand... I have an almost 7 year old and somehow is always manages to get dirtier than my 3 year old. How I will never know. He is careless as well.

People have lost their manners. 3 weeks ago I was in a car accident where a young adult rear ended me (she was going 35 mph and on a cell phone), she hit me so hard I was pushed into the car in front of me. No I know we all make mistakes and accidents happen, she NEVER once got out of her car and said sorry to me. When her mother got there she made some smart comment towards my husband and I like it was MY fault. All I wanted was for her to get out of the car and say sorry.

The lady that hit your door should have gotten out and looked.

I agree with the comment Beth made... If you see her say something about your car being fine and that you were having a bad day.

Hope your day gets better!

 

[janetupnorth]

Let it go...don't bring it up. This too shall pass...On the sorry thing...my kids were always talk to say, "please, thank you and I'm sorry". However at age 5 or 6 my daughter started flippantly saying "I'm sorry" when she did something wrong and went on.Now she can clearly tell you what Mom taught her over the last year!!!!Don't say I'm sorry unless:
1. You mean it.
2. You are willing to change your actions and not do that again!My kids know to apologize but they'd better think twice about WHY they are saying sorry before they flippantly through out an "I'm sorry".For my 4 year old he can't just say "sorry" to Mommy, he has to say, "I'm sorry for...."
Ex: "Mommy, I'm sorry I didn't listen to you when you told me to pick up my toys."Maybe some adults need these lessons. People through out a flippant I'm sorry but never think twice about being more careful next time or the impact on the person.

 

[sk8rgrrl99]

Where are people's manners these days? I'm a huge stickler for manners. In fact my co-workers tease me often because I am the only person here that puts "please" and "thank you" in my helpdesk tickets. In fact the first time my boyfriend kissed me he asked if it was okay and I said "yes please!" But I digress - I really think it is sad that people's manners have decreased as much as they have. That was not right for her to yell at you like that.

 

[pampcheflisa]

I have extremely strong opinions on manners, so I will keep most of my thoughts to myself. But, Charity, I am sorry this happened to you, and you were in NO WAY in the wrong here. I do agree with Janet though, just let it go. Just take the high road and find solace in "being the bigger person". I'm really floored by the nerve of some people though.

 

[raebates]

I just got done reading Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture. In it he says that a bad apology is worse than no apology. Proper apologies have three parts:1) What I did was wrong.
2) I feel badly that I hurt you.
3) How do I make this better?We taught our DS to ask for forgiveness along with his apology. Sometimes the other person says, "No." Some things take a little longer to forgive.BTW, forgiveness doesn't mean, "it's okay that you did that." It also doesn't mean that you forget what the other person did. It means, "I will not hold this over your head from this point on."

 

[KellyTheChef]

I just got done reading Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture. In it he says that a bad apology is worse than no apology. Proper apologies have three parts:

1) What I did was wrong.
2) I feel badly that I hurt you.
3) How do I make this better?

We taught our DS to ask for forgiveness along with his apology. Sometimes the other person says, "No." Some things take a little longer to forgive.

BTW, forgiveness doesn't mean, "it's okay that you did that." It also doesn't mean that you forget what the other person did. It means, "I will not hold this over your head from this point on."

Good wording Rae! (or, rather, Randy...but thanks for sharing it!)

I love what you said about forgiveness...that is THE PERFECT way to describe forgiveness!

 

[raebates]

We've had a lot of talks about forgiveness in our house. It's been a necessity.

 

[Crys Hall]

what you should have done was taken your shoe off hit her car with it and said, Sorry and walked away (ok maybe that's a bad idea but that's what I would have been tempted to do!)

 

[pamperedlinda]

what you should have done was taken your shoe off hit her car with it and said, Sorry and walked away (ok maybe that's a bad idea but that's what I would have been tempted to do!)

LMAO!!! Why is it our afterthoughts are always good ones?!

 

[Addie4TLC]

This feels like dejavu (sp?). I was at a drive thru and the lady behind me hit my car when I didn't move right away. I looked at her through my rear view and she pretended to read something and acted like nothing happened. I know it didn't cause damage to my car but hellooo have the decency to say sorry, I would have understood it as a gesture at least. I have done that in the past and I always make the face and say I'm sorry. The person laughed and said it was okay. But this lady was rude about it. I continued to look at her through my rear view and she would always look away. After I got done paying and got my stuf I moved ahead but didn't drive away. After she paid she couldn't drive off, I got out of my car and said "you did notice that you hit me, right?" She said "I did?, well if I did it was probably just a tap." I said "even so it would be nice if you said you were sorry instead of pretending nothing happened." She then said she was sorry. I got in my car and drove off. It went well for her considering I was PMS'ing...

She had a lot of nerve giving you a look!! I would let it go too, but if she gives you attitude and you have to see her all the time then try to make the peace. Be the bigger person.

 

[chefmeg]

oh man, what a stinky day! I hope tomorrow is better...I would totally take the high road on this and ignore this lady.

I do think a whole generation has missed something about manners~several years ago, a young lady came into my lane, hit the mini-van and continued driving! I was so stunned! I would never think of leaving an accident scene and to hit a mini-van means to me that kids could have been in there! It is a LOOOOOOOOOOONG story, but as it turns out, she was on her way home from traffic court, doing almost 65 mph in a 45 zone! Needless to say, the judge was less than pleased with her being back in court so soon after the first offense, so she got a pretty stiff penalty!

My kids are like Janet's~when we say I am sorry it means it really am sorry for what I did to hurt you AND I will not do it again. Recently, since DS has gotten into that tween stage, he says "sorry" to just about everything anyone says that sounds like he is being corrected....we had a little chat about it just this morning...he was told that it would be a good idea for him to say that word less frequently and really mean it as he says it!

 

[TinaOuellette]

Well Charity, I wouldn't even bother explaining myself. I'm so tired of saying sorry for things that I didn't even do. Sometime you have to put yourself first!

 

[pampered.chris]

I agree to the thought of letting this go. However, be prepared if she is to confront you about it. I would say something such as what Beth said("You'll be happy to know that you didn't cause my car any damage yesterday when you hit me. It was quite a day for me, what could go wrong did.")
AND I would mention how thankful you are that there weren't any kids running right around right there. I would not "forgive" her for her actions, they were wrong. I would also not in any way make this sound as though it was my fault.
It is unfortunate how in todays society words such as "I'm sorry" are so casually used.
I am a full believer of taking responsibility for my actions.

 

[rennea]

I think you were a lot nicer then I would have been. Just think if one of your children had been standing by the vehicle waiting to get in!!! I can't believe she didn't get out of the car to make sure that you, your children and your car were alright.

 

[rennea]

what you should have done was taken your shoe off hit her car with it and said, Sorry and walked away (ok maybe that's a bad idea but that's what I would have been tempted to do!)

Sounds good to me, maybe cause were all a little nuts up here

 

[raebates]

I subscribe to Socially Savvy, which sends me weekly etiquette tips. I found it ironic that this was today's:It is not enough to tell children to be polite and courteous. Parents must teach good behavior by modeling it and living it every day. Our society can’t expect children to be well-behaved when they do not see good behavior taught in the home. It went on to suggest these five basics for a start:o Opening doors for others
o Saying thank-you and please
o Chewing with mouth closed
o Giving a firm handshake
o Looking others in the eye when speaking

 

[KellyTheChef]

o Opening doors for others
o Saying thank-you and please
o Chewing with mouth closed
o Giving a firm handshake
o Looking others in the eye when speaking

Those are all sooooo important! My DSS and I go round and round about the looking in the eye thing! He had the ba**s to WALK AWAY from me while I was in the middle of repremanding him for something. Needless to say, I lost it on him and that hasn't happened since....

 

[JAE]

If she brings it up, which she probably won't because she knows she did a stupid thing, just ask her what she would have done in the same situation? Or just look at her and simply say "You hit my car door with your car mirror, and I was standing inside the door that you hit...." with a "duh" sound in your voice. If she brings it up, she's obviously a dumb a$$, anyway. (Sorry, I'm PMS'ing and not very tolerant.)

 

[BethCooks4U]

So we stopped to get gas today and the pump said $10 prepay. We hadn't put that on so I went inside to get it straightened out so we could get and pay for our gas. On my way back to the car I was careful because the station was quite busy. All of a sudden I noticed that the car that had passed me just before I started crossing back to my car was BACKING UP RIGHT INTO ME. I jumped out of the way just in time (I have a brace on my left ankle and a bad knee that I'll be seeing the ortho dr for on Monday - but I digress). I got the guy's attention and said "what are you doing? You almost hit me." He just shrugged and KEPT BACKING - STILL NOT LOOKING.

No "Sorry"! :grumpy: No acknowledgement that he even did anything out of line! :yuck:

Thank God I noticed those back up lights!

Some people! What is happening to our society.:yuck::grumpy: