Best Friend to Cancel or Not? - Also Vent!

[ginamkiely]

Ok, so my best friend, (and maid of honor need i mention) booked a show at my open house (JUNE 30th) and her show is saturday night and she still hasn't even sent out e-vites. Now over the past few years she's developed a new habit of not telling the truth about things (not a good habit) so she told me a month ago that she made up her guest list. Well, last week i called her 3 times and she said she was going to send out her e-vites, then she told me the next day that she spent the night making up her guest list (the one she supposedly did a month ago) and calling people for their e-mail address (even though everytime she sends a stupid chain letter fwd she has 50 people on it) and she was going to send the e-vites out that day, STILL NOTHING! her show is 6 days away!!!! she knew this show was coming for 3 months. She also wanted to get 2 sets of cookware with this show so she was really excited about sept. Then she asks me on friday if she could possibly move her show to the next weekend (even though she knew i had our other friends show that weekend and my father is going to be here from out of town) and i told her no. WHAT SHOULD I DO??? sorry this is so long but i'm so Pi$$ed that she knows how important my business is to me and i can't believe that she is basically blowing me off and i could have EASILY booked this night months ago!!

THANKS FOR LETTING ME VENT!

 

[jenniferp417]

I don't have any advice, but just a bit of empathy. My best friend has done nothing to support my business either. It's tough when these are the people we love the most and we'd support *their* businesses - sure would be nice if the favor is returned.

 

[janetupnorth]

If you can still get her to call everyone and invite them, you can still have a good show. Often personal phone invites are the best!

Look at us all, we hem and haw about getting on the phone and get the best results when we do!

 

[vwpamperedchef]

Or maybe since you know her habits, next time send out the invites yourself, but make sure YOU get the guest list from her way in advance!

 

[dannyzmom]

For the future - you can avoid last minute cancellation situations by having the host give you the guest list and sending out the invitations for her.

 

[ginamkiely]

i offered to do that with the invites over a month ago and she said she was going to do it all on e-vite since she spent "so much time" making her fake guest list that doesn't exist! ahhhhh!!

 

[dannyzmom]

i offered to do that with the invites over a month ago and she said she was going to do it all on e-vite since she spent "so much time" making her fake guest list that doesn't exist! ahhhhh!!

I don't allow my hosts to do that. I am a real *itch about it - but I have to be - I rely on my PC income to pay my bills. A cancellation means a bill may not get paid. If someone wants a date with me - they MUST have their guest list to me by ONE MONTH before their date. If I don't have it by one month before the date, I give away their date.

 

[lacychef]

I don't allow my hosts to do that. I am a real *itch about it - but I have to be - I rely on my PC income to pay my bills. A cancellation means a bill may not get paid. If someone wants a date with me - they MUST have their guest list to me by ONE MONTH before their date. If I don't have it by one month before the date, I give away their date.

I think that's awesome....I need to be more of a ***ch, lol! What's your trick to round up your catty hosts to close their shows? I've got 2 from Aug I can't track down:grumpy:

Sorry about your situation Gina! Think positive; it can still work out. Call her today & say you HAVE to get these people invited TODAY!

 

[ginamkiely]

a lesson well learned carolyn, i appreciate the advice i'm definitely going to do that from now on.

 

[dannyzmom]

a lesson well learned carolyn, i appreciate the advice i'm definitely going to do that from now on.

I was over a year into my business before I started doing this - it has made a HUGE difference!

 

[ginamkiely]

I was over a year into my business before I started doing this - it has made a HUGE difference!

i can imagine. i'm going to start doing that from today on, no guest list, no show. i'm going to call her at noon to see what the deal is. if she cancels i'm going to be sooooooo mad!! it's been one thing after another with her for the past two years. everyday there's a different story coming out of her mouth and it's just gotten to be too much to deal with. my husband warned me from the day i booked her that she wasn't going to come through and i hate for him to be right one more time. she's become one of those friends who i keep around because we've been friends since kindergarten, i feel bad for her.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Gina,I have a friend who sounds exactly like your friend! She is so undependable........she always introduces me to others as one of her "very best friends".....but she completely flakes out on me anytime we are supposed to get together, or she has promised me something..etc.......
She scheduled a show for the 25th of this month, and I FINALLY got her guest list yesterday! Now I have to bust my butt to get the invites out on time. :grumpy:
I would have cancelled and given away the date, but she has had a show for me every year since I started, and they have all been between $900-$1300 shows. She actually signed to become a consultant a couple years ago, but again, FLAKED OUT on me.....she did 2 shows and never even qualified.
The sad thing is, she could probably be better at this than I am, if she just followed through a little bit. But she is just not dependable, and that is about 90% of the game I think.Oh - and my "best friend"? Thank goodness she wasn't in my wedding! The wedding was at 10am - and she showed up at 1pm! How do you get the time wrong on one of your best friends wedding?

 

[ginamkiely]

Gina,

I have a friend who sounds exactly like your friend! She is so undependable........she always introduces me to others as one of her "very best friends".....but she completely flakes out on me anytime we are supposed to get together, or she has promised me something..etc.......
She scheduled a show for the 25th of this month, and I FINALLY got her guest list yesterday! Now I have to bust my butt to get the invites out on time. :grumpy:
I would have cancelled and given away the date, but she has had a show for me every year since I started, and they have all been between $900-$1300 shows. She actually signed to become a consultant a couple years ago, but again, FLAKED OUT on me.....she did 2 shows and never even qualified.
The sad thing is, she could probably be better at this than I am, if she just followed through a little bit. But she is just not dependable, and that is about 90% of the game I think.

Oh - and my "best friend"? Thank goodness she wasn't in my wedding! The wedding was at 10am - and she showed up at 1pm! How do you get the time wrong on one of your best friends wedding?

Becky, thats aweful that your BFF showed up that late to your wedding, it is a good thing she wasn't in it.

i'm sorry you have a friend like mine.... she's really a piece of work. it's only been like this the last few years since my husband and i bought a house, she used to live next door to me in the apt complex we lived in and then when we moved out all of the sudden she kept going on and on about how she was buying a bigger, better house than ours, and her boss was giving her cash for it so she didn't have to pay interest and all this crazy stuff. needless to say we've been living in our house for over 2 years and she's still living in the apt but keeps telling me that she's getting this and getting that. it's really weird, she wants to act like she's so wealthy and i'm just like why do i care what you have? i don't play into jealousy, it's an ugly thing.

 

[ginamkiely]

ok so here's an update on my situation.... i called my friend and said, what do you want to do about your show and this is how the call went....

Me: Lisa, it's Gina, what do you want me to do about your show?
Lisa: Um, when is it again?
Me: Saturday
Lisa: Yeah, about that, I don't think it's going to happen, our tattoo guy is coming in from Hawaii and we have to be there at 3 o'clock
Me: Are you serious? I booked this show for you 3 months ago, I could have booked it for someone else but didn't and now i'm going to be out a couple hundred bucks!
Lisa: Hold on I can't hear you......... Um, what did you want to have the party?
Me: You booked it for 6
Lisa: Oh, i thought it was for the morning
Me: I can do the morning if you want but you originally wanted 6
Lisa: Well I called a bunch of people and i'm just going to invite them over the phone but I got a lot of people who said they couldn't come and wanted catalogs
Me: Thats why I said to send out e-vites so that when they RSVP no it takes them right to my site and they order off your show
Lisa: Oh, i didn't know that. Ok well i'm going to be home from this football game in an hour i'll call you when i get home
Me: Ok, i'll be here. I'll drop off catalogs and order forms for your co-workers when you get home

Then she called back as I was putting my son down for his nap and couldn't talk and I told her I would call her right back.. which I did, and she didn't answer her house or cell.

I felt like saying....ARE YOU KIDDING ME, you're going to cancel a show you booked 3 months in advance to get a TATTOO!!!!!! that's your excuse to screw your best friend out of $200!!!

We'll see if she calls me back. I should just go there to drop the catalogs off, i'll bet you my life she's home watching tv!!

GRRRRRR

 

[cmdtrgd]

Sounds like she isn't your friend. I tell my new recruits to get out of their circle of friends and family ASAP because they can totally suck!

 

[ginamkiely]

Sounds like she isn't your friend. I tell my new recruits to get out of their circle of friends and family ASAP because they can totally suck!

kate... my husband has been telling me that for years. you're right. i don't know why i hold on to her. i can see myself letting go VERY soon though.

 

[Denarella]

kate... my husband has been telling me that for years. you're right. i don't know why i hold on to her. i can see myself letting go VERY soon though.

I did, G. I had to let her go. I talk to her through emails like once a year and I get email jokes from her but that's enough. Same thing...friends with her since 1st grade, got pregnant so she got married, miserable now, blah blah blah. Cutting the cord was the best move. I miss her terribly but my life has less drama.

Are you just going to let her show go as a catalog show now? You poor thing. Im soo sorry. It sucks that she threw a wrench into your momentum!!!

 

[BethCooks4U]

ok so here's an update on my situation.... i called my friend and said, what do you want to do about your show and this is how the call went....


Me: Are you serious? I booked this show for you 3 months ago, I could have booked it for someone else but didn't and now i'm going to be out a couple hundred bucks!
Lisa: Hold on I can't hear you......... Um, what did you want to have the party?

I felt like saying....ARE YOU KIDDING ME, you're going to cancel a show you booked 3 months in advance to get a TATTOO!!!!!! that's your excuse to screw your best friend out of $200!!!

GRRRRRR

...hmmm. I guess if this is a really good friend you could say something like this to them but it works better to have it all about what they can get for having the show. Most of us do this for the money and perks but if we make the host/guests feel like they are doing this for us they won't be very motivated to do much. Point out the host benefits and rewards and your hosts will more likely come through for you.

I had a consultant who had an "you owe me" attitude (she even used those words!) - well she struggled and struggled and eventually didn't have any customers.

Also, try to get past friends and relatives. The people who are closest to you are hardest to coach and they are often afraid that you'll be leaning on them to keep selling. Show them that you won't by telling them that the best way they can help you is by inviting people you don't already know so you can get to the point that you won't need them to buy all the time in order to keep your business going. You want them to want to buy not feel they need to!

...and she's not "screwing" you out of anything. She disappointed you and didn't do as promised. And you couldn't possibly know that this would be a $1000 show so you can't know what the commission would be.

 

[ginamkiely]

...hmmm. I guess if this is a really good friend you could say something like this to them but it works better to have it all about what they can get for having the show. Most of us do this for the money and perks but if we make the host/guests feel like they are doing this for us they won't be very motivated to do much. Point out the host benefits and rewards and your hosts will more likely come through for you.

I had a consultant who had an "you owe me" attitude (she even used those words!) - well she struggled and struggled and eventually didn't have any customers.

Also, try to get past friends and relatives. The people who are closest to you are hardest to coach and they are often afraid that you'll be leaning on them to keep selling. Show them that you won't by telling them that the best way they can help you is by inviting people you don't already know so you can get to the point that you won't need them to buy all the time in order to keep your business going. You want them to want to buy not feel they need to!

...and she's not "screwing" you out of anything. She disappointed you and didn't do as promised. And you couldn't possibly know that this would be a $1000 show so you can't know what the commission would be.

Beth... in NO way do I have a you owe me attitude, but like i said in my first post she's very unreliable, and this is a job for me. like carolyn said, if i don't have my show, a bill doesn't get paid. and i still feel like if you book a show and then back out LAST MINUTE when the consultant could have booked that date a few times is definitely screwing them out of a job for that night.
obviously i don't know it's going to be a $1000 show so i don't know what my commission would be, i'm just going on averages in my vent.
i've told her several times the benefits of hosting a show, like i said before she was hoping to get both sets of cookware so i made all that quite clear, but when my "best friend" tried to back out of her show in order to get a new tattoo, i also felt it necessary to explain to her that i would also be losing out on making money.

i definitely don't lean on my friends and family either, my calendar is booking up quite nicely and i only did 2 shows for friends that asked to have one.

 

[BethCooks4U]

Sorry. I wasn't meaning to attack you. I was just responding to the tone of your post. I know you're upset by your FRIEND not coming through but it isn't her job. It's yours. And, yes, if she took the date you couldn't book someone else but you might not have and that show could have been small anyway. Cancellations happen and often they are after it's too late to do anything so make lemonade and use that time to get on the phone and get more business.

Sometimes it's a blessing to get cancelled. Time and effort and gas isn't wasted and some calls that wouldn't have happened are made and new bookings and leads result.

 

[pckelly]

WOW, sounds like my best friend......Hmmmm, know it all TOO well, it's sad too, since they are your best friends!! You would think they would support you!

 

[Denarella]

Sorry. I wasn't meaning to attack you. I was just responding to the tone of your post. I know you're upset by your FRIEND not coming through but it isn't her job. It's yours. And, yes, if she took the date you couldn't book someone else but you might not have and that show could have been small anyway. Cancellations happen and often they are after it's too late to do anything so make lemonade and use that time to get on the phone and get more business.

Sometimes it's a blessing to get cancelled. Time and effort and gas isn't wasted and some calls that wouldn't have happened are made and new bookings and leads result.

I could see the cancellation from a stranger, but it has to be really difficult to understand when its your BEST friend, no matter how unrealiable they are...you just don't do that when you KNOW its their livelihood....that's rude and inconsiderate....

 

[BethCooks4U]

I could see the cancellation from a stranger, but it has to be really difficult to understand when its your BEST friend, no matter how unrealiable they are...you just don't do that when you KNOW its their livelihood....that's rude and inconsiderate....

I agree but unfortunately it happens.

 

[Denarella]

I agree but unfortunately it happens.

I guess its just harder to accept from someone you trust so much without hesitation....

 

[cmdtrgd]

You keep telling us that she is unreliable, so you knew this (not trying to attack you, just stating what was said...I'm not the best at typing what I mean. Anyhoo, in the future, when you know this or even feel like the person might not be reliable, double book! That way you still earn the money you need and its not horrible if an unreliable person falls through. If the show holds, you make some extra money.Sorry this happened to you, but it might be what you needed in order to bless and release her as a friend.

 

[chefann]

You got anyone else who mentioned wanting that date? Give them a call and offer them an Express Show for Saturday. You take the ingredients, and they call their friends to invite them. Then you have something for the night, and may get some bookings, etc. from it.

 

[KellyTheChef]

Sorry this is happening....I have a "best friend" that's been like that since I got married and she didn't...over FIFTEEN YEARS ago! I finally decided that it's HER problem, not mine. I will NOT initiate contact with her anymore. If SHE decides to grow up and act like a responsible adult, she can call me. (sorry if that sounds rude or selfish, but that's after years and years of DRAMA and heatache (my own heart) over all of the times she has cancelled and left me hanging.

I like Ann's suggestion. See if you can get an Express Show together!

Good luck!

 

[ginamkiely]

You keep telling us that she is unreliable, so you knew this (not trying to attack you, just stating what was said...I'm not the best at typing what I mean. Anyhoo, in the future, when you know this or even feel like the person might not be reliable, double book! That way you still earn the money you need and its not horrible if an unreliable person falls through. If the show holds, you make some extra money.

Sorry this happened to you, but it might be what you needed in order to bless and release her as a friend.

You are absolutely right... I should have expected problems like my husband warned me. Either way, it still sucks, i'm ALWAYS jumping anytime she needed help or anything. Not that I need help but i still stings.
She actually got back to me and I just said I was coming over to bring her catalogs to get orders at her job during the week and she said she has about 10 people coming on Sat... i don't know if i really can believe her cause she tells so many stories but i'm going to once again try to trust her and see what happens. even if only 2 people show up it can still be a success!

thanks for all your help

g

 

[cmdtrgd]

Glad you found a place to vent! I hope things work out for you, but don't freak if they don't!!! You know her track record and know what to expect. If she pulls this out, bonus! Now, I would get on the phone tomorrow and do some customer care calls and let people know about the cookbook sale (as well as host specials, the last day for the recruiting special, etc.). You might get enough sales to cover the show that may or may not happen. It may be hard, but you need to think about how you act/feel/behave when you are around her. Is it worth it? If not, you may need to break off your contact with her. Now, if she calls and wants to go out to do something, decide whether or not you are willing to be upset if she doesn't follow through and that is your decision for the outing, too. I just wouldn't initiate anything anymore with her.

 

[dwyerkim]

Just my opinion... I would call her and say something like "you know, I've been thinking about it and it seems like maybe this isn't a great time for us to do a show together. I would love to do one for you in the future and I know you want to get all the freebies, so why don't you get your list together and when you have your guest list finished, bring it to me or call me to pick it up and then we'll find the perfect date." Don't give her space on your calendar in the future until she gives you a list. I know how you feel, you want this show now, but seriously, if she is not inviting people you really aren't going to earn big bucks anyway, and the aggravation may not be worth it. If you're feeling like you depend on this show for your business, maybe look into doing some fairs to get into a different social circle. Good luck, and hang in there!