Assigning Guardianship for Children

[Jess_K]

Hi All,
Yes this is way off topic but I thought I might get some ideas as to what I am looking to do. I've got two small toddlers and have yet to set guardianship for them in case of the worst. I was looking and there are quite a few options and I'm not sure what is the best. I was hoping I could get some input from you all. I was looking at Living Wills , Living Trusts, etc.
I'm stressed that I have yet to do this and when I look into it I am not sure what to choose.

any ideas or suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks
Jess

 

[PChefPEI]

Funny you should bring that up, because my DD will be 4 this month, and I have yet to do that as well. I have no Will either! I will be calling my lawyer today to set up an appointment. The worst part is, we asked my DBIL and his wife to be guardians quite a while back and have yet to do anything about it! Shame on me...... Thanks for the reminder Jess....sorry I'm not much help!

 

[PampChefJoy]

We have both a Living Trust and a Will... (living will is something different). The trust basically takes care of the financial aspects of our estate (puny as it is) and the will dictates who we want to take care of administering the rest, plus guardianship of our kids, etc. You don't necessarily need a Trust, based on your estate size, but you should definitely have a will, especially since the court *could* decide guardianship for you in case it's not spelled out otherwise.

In our case, we definitely needed to define which set of grandparents got custody of our kids, as we know they'd fight over it otherwise.

 

[sklay723]

In our case, we definitely needed to define which set of grandparents got custody of our kids, as we know they'd fight over it otherwise.

Isn't that sad? My in-laws have actually come right out and asked us, and we told them we haven't put anything in writing yet. But DH told them that the kids would stay with my folks, and they almost flipped a lid. And that's purely a "what if" situation! We need to get our ducks in a row and formalize our wishes, too. DH is in law enforcement and is supposed to have access to some sort of legal services, but I asked him to check into an appointment a while back and so far he's yet to do anything. Time to light a fire under him and get moving!!!

 

[lkprescott]

I got Willmaker software and created a will with it. It's very easy to use. Listed are matters of my 'estate' (itty bitty as it issy) and what will happen to the kids not only if something happens to me but to DH as well. I've been on him to update his will too. As it is, his last will to be made still lists his ex and such... I think he thinks the divorce negates such a thing but I dunno. I'd rather he just rewrite his will and update it to include all the kids and uh.. me too.

 

[KellyTheChef]

Doh! DH has two older kids (13, 16) and now we have Evan (3) and another one on the way. We have never done this....

Geesh! To be honest, I don't know who we would ask! Obviously, the older one's would go with their Mom first...after that, huh? Not sure who's choice it would be at that point since we are dealing with a divorce and two families...

 

[crystalscookingnow]

It's such a hard decision. We recently went through an attorney to write up the will. A lot will give a consultation on what you need to have.

In the case of our two kids together (my oldest dd will go to her dad), we had a list of criteria that we had for who we chose as guardians. It's not anyone in the family. To be honest, that would cause to much trouble.

Our criteria was:
1) Christian
2) Married couple, with kids
3) Values similar to ours

We chose a couple from our church. We then sat down with them & asked & prayed about it. They love our kids almost as much as we do! Good luck with your decisions.

 

[Jenni]

Isn't that sad? My in-laws have actually come right out and asked us, and we told them we haven't put anything in writing yet. But DH told them that the kids would stay with my folks, and they almost flipped a lid. And that's purely a "what if" situation! We need to get our ducks in a row and formalize our wishes, too. DH is in law enforcement and is supposed to have access to some sort of legal services, but I asked him to check into an appointment a while back and so far he's yet to do anything. Time to light a fire under him and get moving!!!

My husband is a police officer as well.... there is a group that was formed after 911 to give officers and firefighters free wills. Can't remember the name but I'm sure you can find info on the net.

 

[kathijenkins]

We both have wills that state who will handle finances & who has guardianship of our 2 boys (9 & 5), since 2000, though they need updating so we can put 2nd DS on paper instead "any future children". I've also had a Living Will (simply states my wishes for medical treatment should I be unable to speak up) since 1993 (long story as to why I did that at 18) & a medical Health Care Surrogate (in case DH is unable to decide my treatment & I can't) since 1998.

And since the whole Terry Schiavo case back home in FL a few years ago, I can not stress enough...get a will done, have a living will in place if desired.

 

[Shawnna]

Did you know that even though we say who we want to raise our kids, that grandparents can fight it...and win. So, make sure your parents understand why you chose someone else to be guardians. I went to a workshop for my job and they discussed this. My thought is whats the point if grandparents can come in and take away the decision you made, but I know that not all grandparents would do that. After parents, grandparents are the "next in line" to be legal guardians. I would hate to know that my parents drug my kids through a legal battle because they "think" they would be a better guardian. So once again, make sure they understand why you made the decision you made and it wouldn't hurt to put the reasons in writing with your will.

 

[christinaspc]

My husband and I did it right after we got married and he adopted my son and when we had my daughter we just had the lawyer update it. What we did had it drawn up where my Parents take them and for some reason they can't then my Brother will we did the same thing with our Business but now since we sold the business they are happy cause they don't have to worry about having to get that and take care of it. But it was really easy to do my children see my parents and my brother on a daily basis since we all live within a 5 blocks of each other so we figured if something happened to me and my hubby we wanted the kids with someone who they know very well and see all the time so the transition might go a bit better. They don't see my husbands side of the family as much and the lawyer thought we had made a proper choice and we also put my brother and my parents as well as our children on our life insurance policys so they will have money to take care of our children and have access to all of our access's. Hope that helps you any !!!! It goes alot smoother then some people think.

Best of luck !!!

 

[jrstephens]

You need to see an attorney to get a Will done. Do not use free software off the internet. Each state has different laws and if the Will is not drawn up to comply with the law it can br thrown out and cause those left behind a lot of heart ache, time and money.

Depending on the size of your estate you do not have to have a Living Trust. You can set your will up to have your guardians as trustees as well and set out at what age your children take over any funds and the amounts you want and everything.

A Living Will is for medical purposes as for as life sustaining measures go.

I need to up date mine to include Cole. We did it after we had Luke and I have not updated it.

I am sure it will be a mess b/c my inlaws will want them but my parents are getting them. I don't think they will fight it though.

And yes, they can go to court over it but majority of judges will abide by your wishes unless there is some reason they can prove the others unfit. A will is only turned over when there are major circumstances and lots of proof.

 

[Jess_K]

thanks for your input... it's not a question for us as to who will get custody of our kids, My sister wants no part of it, and my parents are currently not to be involved in our kids lives due to issues with my husband. So it's for sure going to be his brother and wife, I'm just trying to figure the best way to get one in place. It's looking like I will contact a local lawyer and get a consult. Glad to see I'm not the only "slacker" on this issue.. it's a tough one.. but I wish I WAS the only one without one in place (if you know what I mean)

thanks everyone, I think I'll contact some lawyers this week

Jess

 

[merego]

We had an attorney do ours since my teenager is not DH son, but he wants to stay with DH if something should happen to me. It was a process, but we were able to do it. I have always had a will since I had my oldest and have chnaged it over the years.
My cousin ( she is DD godmother) and her husband are our children's guardians, but someone else is the executor and will handle the money. There are all these goofy laws ( at least in Ohio) about if we were both in an accident and one dies before the other, it was really hard to follow, but necessary to understand. Hopefully we wont need it anytime soon, but it is good to have and to have your children protected. Our moms were upset that they were not named guardians, but I wont leave my kids overnight them, let alone a lifetime. They just aren't meant to be guardians, I shiver to think at how they would turn out after bkst/lunch/dinners on marsjmallows and gummie bears, no bedtime, coca-cola etc.... YIKES.. That is why they don't stay with them for longer than a few hours.
Anyway... good luck, no one wants to think about it, but it is so necessary.

 

[katie0128]

Doh! DH has two older kids (13, 16) and now we have Evan (3) and another one on the way. We have never done this....

Geesh! To be honest, I don't know who we would ask! Obviously, the older one's would go with their Mom first...after that, huh? Not sure who's choice it would be at that point since we are dealing with a divorce and two families...

But you need to plan for the situation that something has already happened to THEIR mom and DH is the only surviving parent.

We need to update our will to included DD, but we have guardianship outlined three layers deep. The hardest part was telling my family that they weren't included until the third "what if"... especially since DH's parents are local, but his brother is 4 hours north of us and his sister is 3 hours south of us. But their family situations and their values are more in line with how we want our children to be raised, so they are listed first. However, we do have a separate executor (and non-family) for our pennies we call an estate. My mom was so mad, she didn't talk to me for a few days.

 

[Chef Michelle D]

I have been told by a few people that you should only name one person to be the guardian of your child/ren incase the couple you have chosen gets divorced or if one of them (God forgid) dies then you have to make changes to your Will. In the case of a divorce it could get very complicated as to who would be the guardian. Me and DH have not done a Will yet but we have asked a very good friend to be guardian and all of our family knows them and are happy with our choice. We will name a family member to be in charge of our estate (so that iit is) and to be in charge of the trust fund for our DS.

 

[katie0128]

I have been told by a few people that you should only name one person to be the guardian of your child/ren incase the couple you have chosen gets divorced or if one of them (God forgid) dies then you have to make changes to your Will. In the case of a divorce it could get very complicated as to who would be the guardian. Me and DH have not done a Will yet but we have asked a very good friend to be guardian and all of our family knows them and are happy with our choice. We will name a family member to be in charge of our estate (so that iit is) and to be in charge of the trust fund for our DS.

That is why we only listed the family members in the will, not their spouses... just in case. After all, if my will has to be enforced, it is not a good situation and no one needs the extra headaches.

 

[jrstephens]

You can list more than on set of Guardians in one Will. You can say which is to get them first, second, third. ever how far you want to go. You could also put a provsion in there in the event of a divorce who is to get the child under your will. All of these issues can be worked out and worded just the way you want them to be.

I am a legal secretary and have spent hours on Wills making sure they are worded just the way our clients want them and that they cover all they worries.

You also need to decide if you want your Trustees/Executor/Personal Representatives to have to make an accounting of your estate once you die and if you want them to be require to do a yearly accounting to the Probate Court. If you do not want this you have to specifically exempt them from it. It's a good way to keep the money honest. But then if you are like me I know my parents would never misuse the money and would not want them to do an accounting. But a lot of people require it.

All these issues are why you need to go to an Attorney and not use a software or something on the internet.

 

[CookingwithMary]

Sad to say, had to put into our will that under no circumstances were our child/ren to be under the care of 'x' and/or 'y'. One is my family member/blood relative, one is DH's side. Just something to consider, along with all the other advice.May you and the kids have a long and healthy life together!

 

[Chef Michelle D]

You can list more than on set of Guardians in one Will. You can say which is to get them first, second, third. ever how far you want to go. You could also put a provsion in there in the event of a divorce who is to get the child under your will. All of these issues can be worked out and worded just the way you want them to be.


That is good to know I was not aware of that. A friend told me about the divorce thing years ago. I really need to look into getting a will put together, it's one of those things that you don't think about until someone else talks about it. Thanks for the information.

 

[cathyskitchen]

I highly recommend getting a lawyer to create your will and help you assign guardianship. Then, I highly recommend asking who you would like to be guardian for your children. DH insisted on putting his sister first (they live in the same town, same religion, etc.), but when we asked her, she said "NO"! I was not surprised (and was actually glad!) and then we asked my sister and brother and they both said yes, so one is backup to the other (either would be fine with me - I know my kids would be loved and well-cared-for with either!). Good luck and good for you for doing this!!! It is SO important!!!!