Am I Crazy or Is This Wrong ? (Vent)

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Discussion Overview

This thread centers around a participant's frustration regarding an employee's decision to relocate for family reasons, potentially jeopardizing her job. Participants share their thoughts on the situation, expressing a range of opinions about the employee's choices and the implications for her family and work life.

Discussion Character

  • Opinion-based
  • Anecdotal
  • Debate/contested

Main Points Raised

  • One participant, identifying as a restaurant owner, expresses frustration over an employee's decision to move away for family obligations, questioning the rationale behind it.
  • Another participant suggests that the employee's progress should be acknowledged and that she may not realize the potential consequences of her decision.
  • Several users mention the importance of considering the children's well-being in the decision-making process.
  • One participant notes that the employee's actions may not be in the best interest of her children and suggests discussing the situation with her.
  • Another participant points out that trying to convince the employee to stay might damage their relationship.
  • Some participants agree that the employee's decision seems impulsive and could have negative repercussions for her family.
  • One participant reflects on the lack of commitment seen in people today, expressing concern for the children involved.
  • Another participant empathizes with the employee's sense of family obligation but acknowledges the challenges it presents for her job security.

Areas of Agreement / Disagreement

Views differ among participants regarding the employee's decision and its implications. While some express strong disapproval, others suggest a more empathetic approach, indicating no clear consensus on how to interpret the situation.

Contextual Notes

Participants share personal experiences and opinions related to employment and family dynamics, highlighting the complexities of balancing work responsibilities with family obligations.

Who May Find This Useful

Consultants navigating similar employee situations or those interested in discussions about work-life balance may find this thread relevant.

rennea
rennea
Gold Member
Messages
3,662
Aghh, I have been sooo cranky lately. For those of you who don't know my DH and I own a restaurant. I really can't believe how people continue to do stupid things and make such stupid choices. I have this lady that works for me, she has worked for over a year with us. She is single and has two small children. She came to us a while ago and asked for more responsibility. So we started training her for management. Everything was going great then.......

Last night she comes to our house to tell us she is moving 8 hours away cause her brother needs a babysitter for his kid and can't find one. WTH? Her son is enrolled and starts school in September, she has a great apartment that is low rent for her and was on a waiting list to get into this apartment building. She has gone through a divorce and has just recently got her children in a routine. Her son has had some issues and is just now settling in. We have been soo accommodating to her over this last 14 months. She is getting paid good money and she will be moving her children away from there father as well. She doesn't know how long she will be gone for maybe 3 weeks, maybe 3 months:eek: And she said she would really like her job back when she moves back. Am I just supposed to wait? What is wrong with this picture? Or am I wrong? I don't even know what to say to her. I would really just like to smack her upside the head!!!:grumpy:
 
I wonder if the Lord is calling you to be like her parents, and to share your positive observations of the progress she has made in the time you have known her. The long wait for the affordable housing in particular seems like an issue worth noting to her. She may not be so fortunate if she comes back and hopes to move back into that situation. How about suggesting that rather than her uprooting herself, and two children and causing added trauma in their lives, let her brother be the one to move. Just a thought.
 
Wow- some people do strange things...I agree that helping family is one thing, but uprooting your children and leaving a good job to help someone that should be able to call a babysitting service is another.

I don't suppose you guys have some sort of Family Medical Leave Act? It allows an employee to take up to 3 months of unpaid leave and you need to keep their job and pay open until they get back- if you cannot keep their particular job open, one with similar hours and responsibilities must be made available to them when they do come back.

I would sit down and remind her of how far she's come and see if you cannot figure out why she feels she needs to make such a drastic step- maybe she respects you both enough to see where you are coming from and change her mind?

Good Luck!

I'll come work for you! LOL
 
O.k. - first, don't ask on CS if you are crazy... you are likely to get interesting opinions on that! :D

Second, I think she is nuts. Doing a temporary relocation - unless absolutely necessary - is just a bizzarre idea when kids are involved. I'm also wondering with her divorce if she and ex-DH have joint custody if she can take them that far away without his approval. If she has always been a good employee, it might be worth it to hold her job for a predetermined amount of time (a few weeks), but I'd be very skeptical about continuing with the additional responsibilities when/if she comes back.
 
Grandmarita said:
I wonder if the Lord is calling you to be like her parents, and to share your positive observations of the progress she has made in the time you have known her. The long wait for the affordable housing in particular seems like an issue worth noting to her. She may not be so fortunate if she comes back and hopes to move back into that situation. How about suggesting that rather than her uprooting herself, and two children and causing added trauma in their lives, let her brother be the one to move. Just a thought.
Click to expand...

Oooo we have similar minds! :)
 
No, you are not wrong...IMHO! She is definitely not putting herself and her kids first! Tell her to tell her brother to move closer!! :rolleyes: I don't know exactly what your relationship with her is, but if you could sit her down and calmly go over the big picture with her....tell her all she has going for her and how she has gotten her life back on track, why would she want to jeopardize that.

I would explain to her that you are running a business and you can't hold her job because you still need the staff. We own a business too (golf course/lounge), so I know what you're talking about there. It would be too bad if she were to leave, seeming everything is working well with her. When did she say she was leaving?

Good luck....hope it works out for you guys and her too!
 
If she's made up her mind, trying to talk her into staying will only alienate you from her. . IMHO. Her brother may have quite an influence over her, much more than you. Sounds like she needs someone to listen. You certainly can't guarantee a job for her when she gets back, and she needs to know that.

Being a friend and being a boss is sometimes like oil and water.
 
  • Thread starter
  • #8
Kitchen Diva said:
I'll come work for you! LOL
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Sure how does $15.00/hour to start with bonus plan and benefits sound?:)
 
Add my voice to the chorus of "you're not crazy; she is." I also agree that sitting down and talking with her about how far she's come might be a good idea. Sometimes people react without thinking instead of acting on information.
 
  • Thread starter
  • #10
She is not to sure when she leaving, can you believe it? But I do think she has made her mind up about leaving. So many people are like this now a days. Come and go, always on the move never really settling down and always expect you to be so accommodating.
 
rennea said:
She is not to sure when she leaving, can you believe it? But I do think she has made her mind up about leaving. So many people are like this now a days. Come and go, always on the move never really settling down and always expect you to be so accommodating.
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Saddest thing is, it's always their kids that pay the greatest price....:grumpy:
 
rennea said:
Sure how does $15.00/hour to start with bonus plan and benefits sound?:)
Click to expand...

Well it's less than I make now- but I'd get to be with you... Hmmm that's a tough call- and I'd get to work in a restuarant and cooking is my passion... I had to give up culinary school for the time being and I'm just itching to go back...my heart is in the kitchen and playing with knives- it's not sitting behind a desk... :)

But, that is a nice income- I hope you didn't think I was implying it wasn't nice... :)

(since I got skewered the other night I wanna make sure I don't upset any more people)
 
ChefBeckyD said:
Saddest thing is, it's always their kids that pay the greatest price....:grumpy:
Click to expand...

Yeah, there is no sense of commitment anymore. it is sad. Rennea, I'm sorry you have to go through this!!!
 
I'm sure she's feeling a sense of family obligation right now, especially being a single mom and having kids, maybe she can "relate" to her brother's problem and wants to help him out like maybe she wished someone would have helped her. I don't know, I'm trying to myself in her place and that is the only thing I can come up with. I can understand your frustration w/ her but if she has been a good employee, I would give her your support as much as you might not agree with it, and tell her that while you can't guarantee her job will be waiting for her when or if she returns, that when she comes back she can certainly reapply and see where things go from there. Since it is indefinite when she is leaving, she is giving you a little notice so she isn't leaving you in a bind where that is concerned. There are so many out there looking for a job I'm sure you won't have any problems replacing her.
 
  • Thread starter
  • #15
Kitchen Diva said:
Well it's less than I make now- but I'd get to be with you... Hmmm that's a tough call- and I'd get to work in a restuarant and cooking is my passion... I had to give up culinary school for the time being and I'm just itching to go back...my heart is in the kitchen and playing with knives- it's not sitting behind a desk... :)

But, that is a nice income- I hope you didn't think I was implying it wasn't nice... :)

(since I got skewered the other night I wanna make sure I don't upset any more people)
Click to expand...

Sure whatever mommy big bucks!! LOL:D
 
  • Thread starter
  • #16
chefsteph07 said:
I'm sure she's feeling a sense of family obligation right now, especially being a single mom and having kids, maybe she can "relate" to her brother's problem and wants to help him out like maybe she wished someone would have helped her. I don't know, I'm trying to myself in her place and that is the only thing I can come up with. I can understand your frustration w/ her but if she has been a good employee, I would give her your support as much as you might not agree with it, and tell her that while you can't guarantee her job will be waiting for her when or if she returns, that when she comes back she can certainly reapply and see where things go from there. Since it is indefinite when she is leaving, she is giving you a little notice so she isn't leaving you in a bind where that is concerned. There are so many out there looking for a job I'm sure you won't have any problems replacing her.
Click to expand...

DH just hired 2 people today!:thumbup:
 
rennea said:
Sure whatever mommy big bucks!! LOL:D
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Well, since I'm now supporting my DH- that's Mommy Sugar Momma to you! LOL...

You Canadian gals are alright! :) But I still like it when the MN Wild beat the Canucks! Except we got rid of two of our best players so that more than likely won't happen this year unless we get some good people in exchange for the GREAT ones that left...

Rennea, I know you and your DH will do the right thing where this lady is involved. You may just have to bless and release. If you see potential in her- like REAL potential, hire a temp to replace her until or if she comes back... make her sign some sort of agreement so that if she doesn't hold up her end of the bargain, then you owe her nothing and she cannot sue you...

I don't know the situation surrounding why she would uproot her children and move 600 miles away- but her brother must really be in a bind to get her to leave her low income housing, and jeopardize the well-being both mentally and academically of her son...

I'll pray that you'll have wisdom and clarity in this instance...
 
Kitchen Diva said:
Well it's less than I make now- but I'd get to be with you... Hmmm that's a tough call- and I'd get to work in a restuarant and cooking is my passion... I had to give up culinary school for the time being and I'm just itching to go back...my heart is in the kitchen and playing with knives- it's not sitting behind a desk... :)

But, that is a nice income- I hope you didn't think I was implying it wasn't nice... :)

(since I got skewered the other night I wanna make sure I don't upset any more people)
Click to expand...

With the value of the US dollar being what it is, 15 bucks Canadian looks pretty good.
 
The_Kitchen_Guy said:
With the value of the US dollar being what it is, 15 bucks Canadian looks pretty good.
Click to expand...

Sad, but true...
 
  • Thread starter
  • #20
It also depends on your taxes and how they are calculated. After you make a certain amount pretty much most of it goes to taxes. I live in a "mill town" and the average wage in the mill is about $25.00/hour. After taxes that "big" mill job makes about as much as one of my managers do if you included our bonus plan and the benefit package that we offer.

We have had issues in the past with employee leaving for the big bucks only wanting to return after realizing that they are making the same amount of money do a very dirty hard labor job.
 
I certainly "feel" for ya...we own a restaurant too and it is hard to find good help. Just when you think you have enough people trained and you might can relax a little someone throws a curve ball. In our business you can't really hire a temp to fill in for someone while they are gone for 3 weeks. My opinion...for what its worth...is for you to sit her down and tell her that you value her as an employee...so much that you have put in extra effort to give her the extra responsiblility that she wanted. If you have a good relationship with her you can even talk to her about losing her home and maybe not being able to get it back. I would probably tell her that even though you value her as an employee that it is impossible to hold her position open for that long, but when she returns that you would be happy to visit with her again. Who knows, you might hire someone else and then they leave when she gets back and the position would be open again.

It is hard to find good workers. It seems everyone around here wants a job, but they don't want to work when you hire them...their schedule of availability magically changes once they are hired and trained, the immediately want a raise, and think they should be able to come and go as they please and tell you...the owner/boss...when they will or will not work and what exactly they will and will not do. Then there is the complication that they need to get along with everyone else that works there. And they don't understand why you don't want them to just sit around when they are suppose to be working. They want more hours and then when you give it to them they complain about having to work so much....oh I could go on and on. I am looking for an evening grill cook at the moment. Sorry...I'll get off my soapbox now.
 
  • Thread starter
  • #22
Oh Shawnna I think we own the same restaurant!!!! We so need to have coffee/tea together sometime. To bad we live so far away from each other!!! I'm reading your post shaking my head frantically.
 
Kitchen Diva said:
You Canadian gals are alright! :)
Click to expand...

Awww thanks Kacey! :)
 
Hijack!

Rennea and Marie-France - for your viewing pleasure, I bumped my photobucket thread with pics of my family!
 

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