KellyTheChef
Gold Member
- 7,601
Thanks to one of my buddies for sending this to me!! 
This is the funniest consumer complaint letter I have ever read!
This is (supposedly) an actual letter sent to American company
Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets
rolling after the first paragraph...
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your "Always" maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard
Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding
or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down
the beach in tight, white shorts.
But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.
Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how
Crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and
secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered
from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the
month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal
forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from
now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my
husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the
human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt
seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must
know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about
our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You
surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only
last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her
boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he
told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.
Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is
just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which
brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to
reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always
maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:
"Have a Happy Period."
Are you freaking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your
tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling,
laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did
anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well,
did it, James?
FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will
never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself
up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you
don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting
rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to
slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense
to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put down the
Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong", or are you just picking on
us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I
have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss
your brand of condescending bull crap… And that's a promise I will
keep.
Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
This is the funniest consumer complaint letter I have ever read!
This is (supposedly) an actual letter sent to American company
Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets
rolling after the first paragraph...
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your "Always" maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard
Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding
or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down
the beach in tight, white shorts.
But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.
Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how
Crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and
secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered
from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the
month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal
forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from
now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my
husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the
human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt
seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must
know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about
our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You
surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only
last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her
boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he
told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.
Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is
just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which
brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to
reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always
maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:
"Have a Happy Period."
Are you freaking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your
tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling,
laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did
anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well,
did it, James?
FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will
never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself
up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you
don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting
rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to
slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense
to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put down the
Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong", or are you just picking on
us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I
have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss
your brand of condescending bull crap… And that's a promise I will
keep.
Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
