A Day of Hardship: My Worst Nightmare

[candiejayne]

Today has been the day from H-E-double toothpicks. I've broken down once tonight, and I feel like I'm not done crying. I am a person who can deal with stress, but when it all hits me at once I freak out.

This morning my BF was driving his son to the sitters since school was cancelled. On the way, as they drove over an overpass, my BF lost control of his truck and they ended up doing 4 donuts crunching all 4 corners of the truck on the concrete median. Luckily they are ok. The truck was still driveable so he continued on to the sitter's. When he left there, he made it about 1/4 of a mile when the truck died. He wasn't able to get it restarted, so he walked back to the sitters house. He sat there and waited for 3 hours before a tow became available to bring the truck back to our house. $100 later, the truck is now sitting in the driveway.

We also have another truck that crapped out earlier this week and has been at the mechanics. They called today to let us know that it would take about 1K to fix. We are now up to $1,100. When the truck leaves there, it needs 2 new tires because of the two flats we found on Christmas morning. That is going to run another $100-$300 depending on whether we can get used or not. So now we are up to $1,200-1,500.

The money is a problem, but we will manage.

BUT to top off the night, we brought our outside dog in due to the cold. He snapped at my BFs son and caught his thumb. He did not draw any blood, and I think it scared his DS more then anything, but we are not sure what exactly happened. I was sitting in the living room with headphones on listening to an audio from CC, and my BF was in the laundry room switching loads. His DS says that he was only walking by him, but I'm not sure what to believe. He's 6 and is in the lying stage. I have been after him to leave the dog alone for the past 2 days. He just smoothers the dog with hugs and kisses, and wants to be touching him all the time. I think he's scared he'll get in trouble by telling us what really happened. What upsets me the most is that my BF is going to have our dog put down tomorrow. This is the best dog I have ever had. He is the most well trained dog. I also think he is confused by being stuck in the house.

He put the dog back outside, and it breaks my heart. Its sooo cold out right now. I also do not want him to be put down.

I just want to cry right now.

 

[pcchefjane]

Hmmm...he is being a little unreasonable IMHO! A friend of my DD & SIL's had a dog that snapped at my GS and caught his little cheek with his teeth. It really didn't look like more than a scrap. They took the dog to the local PALS (not sure what it stands for but they take dogs people don't want and find them homes) and they placed him with a family. Before he gets nuts about killing the dog since it sounds like the boy has a history of pestering/loving on him too much, get him to consider something like this...if the poor dog survives the cold.

 

[candiejayne]

I guess he snapped at him yesterday too, but yesterday he tried to take his rawhide away from him. I didn't see it happen, but my BF is beyond POed. I hope I can talk him out of it tomorrow morning.

I really hope he is ok tonight though. He does have a nice shelter to block the wind, and I just recently stuffed his house full of straw. I'll check on him in the morning too. I don't handle lossing pets well. When my first hamster died, I took it just as hard as when my Grandpa died.

 

[chefsteph07]

WHAT! HE is having YOUR dog put down?????????????????????????
WTF...seriously!

Look, I know he's your BF, but your dog is your dog...

It is YOUR responsibility to look after that poor creature who you took in and loved, it it YOUR responsibility that he is out in that cold! Who the hell does he think he is???

I'm sorry if this seems harsh, and I know that it is, but just because he had a bad day and your dog snapped at HIS son (not yours, right?) gives him NO RIGHT to be an *ss and make such unreasonable demands.

If he goes to put your dog down tomorrow, you have no one to blame but yourself. Period. Maybe he needs a cooling off stage, but that would be a DEFINITE relationship breaker to me...no one comes between me and my pets! NO ONE!!!

I would have his crap packed up and out of my house before he even knew what hit him.

 

[chefsteph07]

I guess he snapped at him yesterday too, but yesterday he tried to take his rawhide away from him. I didn't see it happen, but my BF is beyond POed. I hope I can talk him out of it tomorrow morning.

I really hope he is ok tonight though. He does have a nice shelter to block the wind, and I just recently stuffed his house full of straw. I'll check on him in the morning too. I don't handle lossing pets well. When my first hamster died, I took it just as hard as when my Grandpa died.

You need to grow some and get that dog in NOW and put BF in that doghouse and see how HE likes it.

 

[candiejayne]

He's not my dog, he's had the dog since before his son was born. Way before I came along. And it's his house, not mine.

 

[chefsteph07]

Well, you called it "our" dog and it's the best dog you've ever had...
You need to claim some responsibility for this dog and at least place the dog rather than put it down. I would seriously think about your BF's state of mind if he would put down a dog just like that.
How old is the dog?

 

[candiejayne]

nevermind, forget i said anything. I didn't come here for this, I came here because everyone is soooo nice, and I enjoy being here. I'm done!

 

[pcchefjane]

We are not trying to be ugly to you, but I for one (as I think others are as well) that you BF controls your life too much and makes all the decisions. Relationships are meant to be shared not a dictatorship. Have you found out any more on the foreclosure? It's not long now, is it?

 

[chefsteph07]

Sorry if you dont like hearing the truth..we ARE nice, but you need to take some responsibility for that dog...

Ok, here's what you want to hear..."Go ahead and come here and tell us that your dear bf put his dog down because he's mad at him". Feel better?

I'm outraged that YOU aren't outraged.

 

[murkey]

first off, no accusations. I feel your pain and I feel your sense of a lack of control... so true HUGS and PRAYERS have been sent your way.I am sure you will get though this!! I pray that he will rethink it and let it go. Taunting the dog is a child's delight unfortunately. Hopefully you can get through it with (your whole) family intact!! SuPeR hugs!!! (and of course, prayers!!!)

 

[babywings76]

Andrea,I'm sorry you've had such a rough day. I'm sure your BF was feeling a lot of stress also and then to have his son hurt probably was the straw that broke the camels back, ya know?! I'm sorry it's all happened the way it did. Hopefully, your BF will calm down and by the morning you can talk some sense to him about finding the dog a new home, unless he'll give the situation another chance. If his son is irritating the dog, it's understandable for it to snap, right? If the dog turns really mean and viscous, then maybe it isn't a good pair-up right now with a young boy who is testing things. Hope things turn out better soon. Maybe go out during the night and check on the dog and bring him in to a secluded area of the house, so it's like a punishment in your BF's eyes, but won't freeze the poor dog. I'm no expert on these things, but I wish you the best!

 

[chefsteph07]

Is there anyone who lives around her so they can take this dog from its abusive owners? PLEASE!

Candiejayne, obviously, you knew it was not right to leave this dog out in the cold, doghouse or not..or else you wouldn't have such guilt over it...
Obviously, you know this dog does not deserve to be put down, or else you wouldn't be feeling so upset about it...so WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT??? Idly stand by while your boyfriend murders the family pet? If 6yr old loves and adores this dog so much, you don't think it's going to affect him????

If someone who lives by you knew this was going on last night and this dog was being thrown out in the cold as PUNISHMENT, you seriously could have been reported for animal abuse.

I don't care if he's technically "not your dog"...it does NOT give YOU the right to just stand by and "let things happen"...would you do this if it were a child? It's really no different. Maybe the dog isn't feeling well, did you ever think of that? Dogs do not just snap at people for no reason...if they haven't had a history of it. It does NOT give 6 yr old the right to tease the dog and expect nothing to happen. What is that teaching the child?

I seriously think you need to THINK about your bf's actions and behaviour. It's not normal!

 

[Crystal Patton]

OMG let us all step back a moment and take a deep breath.

Candiejanye didn't come here for more stress. She came here to vent. I didn't come across this thread until this morning and I am frustrated at the responses from almost everyone.

I have pets and have had pets my whole life. I know what it means to take an animal under my care and keep them safe and provide for them.

I also am a human being, as is the BF. I don't think he is unstable or on the verge of murdering the family pet. I think he has had a really bad day. I know that I can say and do things that I wouldn't normally say or do in times of huge stress. I'm sure some of you have also said or done things that you are ashamed of. My DH can be the worst person on the planet when he has had a bad day. But handling the situation with grace and not being confrontational is Candijanye's best bet. I have been married to Mr. butthead for 10 years and the times I have taken a stand in the heat of the moment have only escalated the stituation. It is much better to revisit the AFTER everyone has calmed down. Whether is be an hour or the next day.

Candijanye - hang in ther hon, it's not the end of the world and I know that what ever happens you did what you thought was right for YOU.

BTW I love my husband and I couldn't ask for a better man, buttheadedness and all.

 

[chefsteph07]

I hope that in the light of the morning he decides not to do anything to this dog, but if he was left outside all night overnight, there is absolutely NO EXCUSE for it. I'm sorry, but that's the way I feel.

 

[BethCooks4U]

Candijayne, first of all {{{{{hugs}}}}}. I know even the threat was a lot to handle. I hope once he calmed down that he let the dog back in.

As far as putting the dog down. If a dog bites or continually snaps at children (after warnings and attempts at training the dog and the child) I would not condemn it but it would have to be a last resort. I have friends whose otherwise calm dog just turned as a child walked by and bit him in the face causing major damage. The parents witnessed it and the child did nothing. They had no clue that the dog would do that but if my dog snapped at children with small provocations (or none) I would not wait for that to happen before acting. If a dog is that way toward a child and the child won't listen to leave the dog alone I'd take it to a shelter or try to find someone who can retrain it. Placing it in another home might endanger another child (even if the dog is with elderly, many of them have grandchildren).

All that being said, I LOVED my dog and am still devastated 3 years after she died but had she bit any child I would have not been able to keep her. She did snap at one of my teenaged sons but only because he tormented her. We immediately stopped that behavior (the son's) and my DH worked with the dog to make sure she would ignore things a small child might do. She never snapped again.

You obviously love your dog and I hope you work it out. The child also needs to be aware that if he's continuing to do things to the dog it will be gone. You know, he might be telling the truth and the dog is just reacting now to what he thinks the kid will do.

I hope it all works out for all concerned. Here's another {{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}

 

[susanr613]

Chefsteph - CHILL OUT ON ANDREA! She came to the board to vent, and your postings are in the form of personal attacks on her and her BF.

Andrea, I am sorry that your family had a such a cruddy day; it sounds like everyone was stressed, and that BF and the dog overreacted. It's always scary when an animal show aggression, and you are doing the right thing by trying to teach DS to leave the dog alone. Perhaps now that he's been snapped at, he will understand that the dog just doesn't like hugs.

I hope that the dog made it through the night, and I am sure that today, you and your BF can discuss this and come up with a solution other than putting the dog down. If you have time, go on Petfinder and look for rescues in your area. They are usually in the pet listing. Worse comes to worst, you can place the dog with a rescue and let them know that the dog doesn't do well with small children.

Good luck -

 

[AnnieBee]

One other thing. It is a SERIOUS matter for a dog to snap at a child (or any person). I understand that he was most likely being provoked (and I don't think I would jump quite so fast to the being put down part), but the safety of the child has GOT to be put first.

Even well trained, well mannered dogs can be put over the edge... And dogs can seriously hurt a child. So I don't think the boyfriend is being totally unreasonable here. If it was my kid, I'd be pretty upset too, even if I loved the dog. But there are probably better solutions to having it out in this cold all night and then being put down...

Obviously money is tight, but I knwo when my SIL's dog was a puppy and growled at her kids (when they were bugging the dog) she got very nervous, and got a trainer to come and assess the dog. It was very helpful in term of getting information to communicate to the dog in "dog terms". She was able to let them know that the dog wasn't "vicious" but trying to communicate.

The kid does need to understand absolutely how he needs to treat the dog with respect and listen when he is told to back off, and how to interpret the dogs behaviour himslef.

He might be a bit shaken up, but if he loves the dog, maybe he'll be willing to listen and learn, I know 6 is a bit young, but if he's going to be around a dog, he needs to understand the rules (like no taking the dogs rawhide, for a start!).

ANyway, I hope this is helpful Andrea. It sounds like a SUPER rough day. And I don't think Steph was meaning to be un-kind, just trying to be the dogs advocate... I think it was obvious that you felt very badly about the situation, and also helpless. I think she was just trying to convince you to fight a little harder (without knowing the full situation...).

ETA: OK, a few other people posted while I wrote this essay... Oh well!

 

[BethCooks4U]

I just want to add to what others said abut stress. The dog feels the stress of it's people and I would bet that cntributed to the situation. It's a new day so maybe after getting some rest your boyfriend, you and his son can have that talk and try to work it out.

As far as the dog being out all night, you said it has a shelter with straw. Animals are made to be outside - I know it's extra cold out there and he's not used to it but you have provided for him - even in this situation.

 

[caraighan]

This is the best dog I have ever had. He is the most well trained dog. I also think he is confused by being stuck in the house.
He put the dog back outside, and it breaks my heart. Its sooo cold out right now. I also do not want him to be put down.

I lost my dog the day before Thanksgiving... and he was the best dog we ever had! He was more part of the family!
I just hope you didn't let him have your dog put down!!! ...and if you did, I hope you don't post it here!!! I prefer to think he's is fine!

 

[caraighan]

I lost my dog the day before Thanksgiving... and he was the best dog we ever had! He was more part of the family!

That's my dog in the picture with my granddaughter Breanna. :cry:

 

[chefsteph07]

Caraighan, I am truly sorry for your loss...

 

[Teresa Lynn]

As the parent of a child who was attacked by my parents dog I can sympathizeI was 4 months pregnant with DD we were visiting my parents getting ready to attend a family party. I had our 18 month old strapped in car seat and my 4 year old wanted to go back in and get granny she was still inside. He walked to the front door and reached for the doorknob and the dog lunged at him, knocked him to the ground ( he always romped and played with when him for hours when we visited) straddled him and bit all over his head, ears and forehead. As my husband & i ran to save him I fainted and fell face first into the gravel driveway
so we both ended up in the ER he had 40+ stitches and to this day has scars and is extremely scared of any dog. the dog was quaranteed (sp) and checked for rabies but didn't have any. they aren't what sure provoked it. We were watching him and he did not irritate or bother the dog in any way.

 

[chefsteph07]

As the parent of a child who was attacked by my parents dog I can sympathize

I was 4 months pregnant with DD we were visiting my parents getting ready to attend a family party. I had our 18 month old strapped in car seat and my 4 year old wanted to go back in and get granny she was still inside. He walked to the front door and reached for the doorknob and the dog lunged at him, knocked him to the ground ( he always romped and played with when him for hours when we visited) straddled him and bit all over his head, ears and forehead.

As my husband & i ran to save him I fainted and fell face first into the gravel driveway
so we both ended up in the ER he had 40+ stitches and to this day has scars and is extremely scared of any dog.

the dog was quaranteed (sp) and checked for rabies but didn't have any. they aren't what sure provoked it. We were watching him and he did not irritate or bother the dog in any way.

I'm so sorry that this happened to your son! What a terrifying experience for him, AND YOU...thank god he turned out ok...

Since it was your parents dog, what happened to it?

 

[Teresa Lynn]

it was put down so the rabies test could be done

 

[JDooley]

sounds like you really had a bad day! I am so sorry to hear this, I hope that everything works out. it sounds like you are both under a lot of stress I hope that he sleeps it off. I dont know what kind of dog you have but he had shelter food and water. I know it has been super cold but mine did not come in until late last night and they were fine they have a large kennel and dog house (an old smokehouse) filled with straw.
I have rescued almost all of my pets. if all else fails send me a PM and I will see if i can help you find a rescue for your dog. (if you explain to your vet the situation he might help also)

 

[JDooley]

sorry i did not get this update before repying i have a sick baby.

 

[buckeyefan08]

With foreclosure looming giving the dog up for adoption might take some stress off of you. Finding a new place to live with a pet in tow can make things even harder. We got our dog from a shelter. They make sure to help the right people find the right pet. It was a great experience and we couldn't get a better dog. This might give you piece of mind. The dog will be out of the cold and eventually with a loving owner that is able to take care of it like you (and I'm sure BF) would want it to be taken care of. It's a great alternative.

 

[candiejayne]

To those of you who saw my need for a "shoulder to cry on", thank you very much for your kind words.

To those of you who gave good advice, thank you too.

To those of you who were extremely rude to me in your responses, I want to thank you too. Thank you for helping me to relealize why I need to keep my mouth shut and not look to anyone for support but myself. I'm the only one who can't let me down.

This will be my last post on this site. At least for now. I'm just totally completely frustrated how people can be so mean to people they have never even met. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and I respect that, but to belittle a person the way that I was is just plain wrong.

For those of you who actually care about the situation, I want all of you to know that last night I did move the dog into the garage which is heated to about 50 degrees, and my bf helped me do it. We also had a very long discussion this morning about it. No decissions will be made until he talks to his son about exactly what happened.

Also, to those still concerned about the forclosure on the house, it has all been settled. The bank refinanced the house and has worked wonderfully with us (him) to make arrangements. My BF has also been able to get over the slump during the holidays and is back to work for his business, although he is still laid off from his full time job. I got a promotion and raise at work, and now that he is doing some side work, things aren't a struggle as much anymore. Also, the other truck came out of the shop today for almost $200 less then what was thought! Thats a major plus! The wrecked truck will just sit there until the spring when he can work on it.

 

[LeslieSGI]

Congratulations on all of it! :thumbup:​