Why did my daughter run away and how can we help our family?

[nikked]

PLEASE be praying for our family. It's 2 am MST (AZ). Quick backstory: After DH left for Iraq at the beginning of July, things came to a head with our then 15 year old daughter. My mother graciously offered to help by taking her in, and trying to reach her where we had failed.

It appeared that things were going really well, but over the last few weeks there had been warning signs that something was going on. But, she was so isolated at my mom's place, we couldn't figure out what.

She turned 16 on Thursday, and I came out from Albuquerque to surprise her. Took her 6 year old sister out of school for two days, etc. She had no idea we were coming, and seemed genuinely pleased to see us.

We had a surprise party for her, let her do dramatic blonde streaks in her hair, took her to the home coming football game at the highschool, and lots of other fun stuff. I told her earlier today that I felt like the weekend parent who got to come in and do all the fun stuff (no offense to anyone in that situation, please).

Tonight, we discovered that for the last three weeks, she had been up to her old tricks...too long to explain what. She got mad at us for catching her, and ran away. Keep in mind that we are 8+miles from town at 7,000 feet, and it is reaching deep into the twenties at night right now.

So, I called the Sherriff's, and they found her about 2 1/2 miles down the road (she was moving fast). The Deputy saw right through her BS (pardon my implied language), thank God. When asked what she would do if taken back, she threatened suicide, so now she is being admitted for a mandatory 72 hour psych evaluation.

I am so beyond exhausted. I was supposed to drive back to ABQ tomorrow so Theresa (6 years) could be back at school on Monday, but now don't know what will happen.

I am unable to leave the three little ones, so my Mom is driving the 50 miles (from where she is) to Flagstaff to handle paperwork etc. My mom's house is 8 miles south of town, where she was staying while I'm here is 20 miles out of town the opposite direction. So, there was no way for her to come here and me to go. It would eat up too much time. Plus, I don't think I could drive right now.

So, I'm scared, angry, thankful that maybe she might get some help, and BEYOND exhaused. I know that right now I'm the only one on CS, but when you see this, please pray.

Sorry this is so long...I think I rambled too much!

Thank you...

 

[raebates]

Oh, Nicole, I'm so sorry. You have my prayers.

 

[chefheidi2003]

Nicole your family will definately be in my prayers...I will share your story with my pastor this morning...The Lord with help you through this...I have a friend with a 7 year old who has been in and out of psych facilities this year...I will be praying for you.

 

[chefkristin]

Your all in my prayers. I am so sorry you have to go through this and I hope your daughter gets the help she needs.

 

[ChefNic]

You've got more on your plate (daughter and husband !) than I can possibly imagine!
You are definitely in my prayers!

 

[jenniferp417]

You're in my prayers.

 

[KellyTheChef]

Nicole~

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this (and that your daughter is having such a hard time...it's not easy for her either...)
I will keep you all in prayer!

 

[vwpamperedchef]

Stay strong, & God Bless your family.

With Love & Prayers...

 

[missydivine]

You and your family are in my prayers!

 

[lacychef]

Oh man Nicole, I'm so glad they found her & I hope she gets the counsel that she needs. Your family has been through so much; I will say a prayer for you.

 

[nikked]

Thank you all so much. I just had a quick minute to check email before heading to Flagstaff to sign admittance paperwork for her. We went back and forth on whether she would be admitted, because she packpedaled (sp?...don't really care right now, I guess) her suicide threat, but in the end it was decided that it was best to have her evaluated before trying to head back to NM. So, now I have to figure out how to drive six hours with three kids on 2 hours sleep, find a home for the six and two year old for a few days, and drive back Monday or Tuesday before she's released.

Yuck. I appreciate so much this site and all y'all on it. I found great comfort in being able to "share" with you and knowing that you would respond.

Thank you.

 

[lacychef]

Definately be cautious of the suicide threats....I had a cousin that did it 9 yrs ago & there were no signs.
{{{{hugs}}}}to you.

 

[pamperedbecky]

Thank you all so much. I just had a quick minute to check email before heading to Flagstaff to sign admittance paperwork for her. We went back and forth on whether she would be admitted, because she packpedaled (sp?...don't really care right now, I guess) her suicide threat, but in the end it was decided that it was best to have her evaluated before trying to head back to NM.

Thank you.

You definitely did the right thing by having her admitted. I was a therapist in a psychiatric hospital on the inpatient child and adolescent unit for 5 1/2 years before quitting (thanks to PC) so I've seen plenty of kids backpedal. It's good that she can be there to get the help she needs. It goes so quickly so hopefully she'll be honest with herself, staff and family to get some help. Good luck! You'll all be in my prayers.

 

[ljeffries]

IMHO you made the right decision. Any hardships that the drive/childcare cause now will be more than worth it in the long run. Take care.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Praying that God will be your peace, strength, and rest as you deal with this. Also praying that God will wrap His arms around your daughter and be her daddy while her other daddy is away!

 

[StacieB]

Prayers on the way for everything!!

 

[dannyzmom]

(((((((((((((Nicole)))))))))))))

 

[dianevill]

Nicole,
I'm so sorry to hear that you and your family are going through this. You will all be in my prayers.

 

[CookingwithMary]

Praying for you too...newbie here, delurking. You made the right decision. The psych eval and intervention can be a blessing "in disguise', as upsetting as it is right now. Opens the door for all the issues to be addressed. Right now concentrate on driving safely!M.

 

[crystalscookingnow]

You & you family are in our prayers. God will bless you & keep you safe while you make the drive.

 

[chef_kimmo]

You are in our prayers. Take care and drive safely - stop and rest if you get sleepy.

 

[legacypc46]

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Wishing you all the strength you need!!!

 

[nikked]

Thanks, everyone.

Quick update: She's been admitted, and I'm back at my mom's. She apparently was quite happy all night, excited to tell her friends about being handcuffed and going in a police car.

However, this AM, reality seems to have set in, and she was NOT a happy camper. Now, we just wait and see.

My dear and special friend, Julie, is driving from ABQ to meet me at some point along the way so I don't have to drive the entire distance. She'll keep the 2 year old, and someone closer to the 6 year old's school will keep her. What an answer to prayer...

All together now...

"I get by with a little help from my friends...."

Thanks. I'll update again soon...gotta go pack up the girls.

 

[dannyzmom]

Thanks, everyone.

Quit update: She's been admitted, and I'm back at my mom's. She apparently was quite happy all night, excited to tell her friends about being handcuffed and going in a police car.

However, this AM, reality seems to have set in, and she was NOT a happy camper. Now, we just wait and see.

My dear and special friend, Julie, is driving from ABQ to meet me at some point along the way so I don't have to drive the entire distance. She'll keep the 2 year old, and someone closer to the 6 year old's school will keep her. What an answer to prayer...

All together now...

"I get by with a little help from my friends...."

Thanks. I'll update again soon...gotta go pack up the girls.

Hang in there Nicole!

 

[PamperedChefDebi]

Stay focused and strong in your faith Nicole. I'll be praying for your entire family and especially your daughter.

 

[chefann]

However, this AM, reality seems to have set in, and she was NOT a happy camper. Now, we just wait and see.

My dear and special friend, Julie, is driving from ABQ to meet me at some point along the way so I don't have to drive the entire distance. She'll keep the 2 year old, and someone closer to the 6 year old's school will keep her. What an answer to prayer...

All together now...

"I get by with a little help from my friends...."

Thanks. I'll update again soon...gotta go pack up the girls.

I'm so glad that you got some friends to help you out.

And maybe the direness of the situation will be the kick in the rear your daughter needs to get her life in order.

 

[quiverfull7]

Having had a daughter run away, live away for 1.5 years and end up arrested and thrown in jail, I truly wish I could give you a real hug right now. I had very small children at the same time as well. GOD is hanging on tightly to you and to her right now... KNOW THAT! You are in a speed course of relying totally on God and finding out what the true meaning of the peace that passes all understanding really is... you don't understand or know your daughter's heart... but God does... He knows your heart and He knows how it hurts... and how your husband hurts to be so far away...
Father God, we stand together in prayer right now with our sisterand her family, asking You to wrap Your arms around them, to continue to answer prayers for care of her young children and to daily and hourly send encouragers to Nicole. May Your Holy Spirit work within and without... softening hearts, especially Nicole's daughters, to see that her family loves her no matter what... just as You do with us when we fail you... You love us so much you gave up Your Son to die... Help Nicole right now and in the days and weeks to come to just LOVE LOVE LOVE her daughter no matter how mad she is... help her to convey her disappointment and frustrations and also help her let the river of love flow, order and guide her words... help her tell her daughter that she can never screw up so badly that her love as her mother will end... and please Lord, open her daughter's ears and heart and mind so that she can hear the message. I bind the enemy Satan in the name of Your Son, our Savior, JESUS CHRIST, to do no further strikes against this childs mind ... send an angel to minister to her and tell her of your love... please God, may she yield her will to yours and let her family into her heart and life once again.
We love you Jesus and we lift this family before you believing that YOU are ALMIGHTY and YOU love us and YOU hear our prayers, Amen

 

[nikked]

Thanks again, everyone. I just got back from my two-hour each way turn around trip. I can't believe I managed it. I never fell asleep at the wheel, which is a real miracle for me. It's something I'm susceptible too. I put almost 400 miles on my car today, and ended up where I started at 8 this morning. Yikes!

The little girls are off with my friends, and now we wait. A friend suggested that my mom and I make a list of things about Mary that we have always wondered about...there's a lot! Apparently, it can with diagnoses, if there is one other than she's just a big fat pain in the butt (whom I love to the ends of this earth!)

I'm going to try call and wish her a goodnight, take a long bath, and go to bed.

Thanks to everyone for your kindness and prayers.

Love, Me

 

[janetupnorth]

Nikki - get some rest tonight and I'll be praying that your daughter gets the help, love and forgiveness she needs.

 

[pamperedbecky]

Hang in there! When the seriousness of the situation wears off for your daughter and the story of being in handcuffs isn't so funny anymore, she's bound to go through quite a few emotions....being angry at the parents is a VERY common one. Hang in there and know you did the right thing by admitting her. Hopefully she can start to take a look at the things that ultimately led to this crisis. Get some rest yourself!! We'll all be thinking about you here.

 

[chefruthie]

My prayers are with you Nicole. Thank you for keeping us updated.

Ruthie

 

[ahammons]

You and your family are in my prayers!

 

[nikked]

Just got off the phone with Tony. I hated to fill him on everything, but we promised each other that we wouldn't try to "protect" each other. That's been the one issue in our marriage that we have strugged with...feeling the need to protect the other from troubling things. So, we talked it out as much as we could in our allotted time, and will talk more tomorrow.

It's a good thing he's in Iraq (NEVER thought I'd say that), or the fella involved would be hurting and my DH would be in trouble!

Thanks again, everyone...

 

[lacychef]

Thanks for keeping us updated Nikki....hang in there!

 

[peichef]

Nicole, I just found this thread. My prayers are with you, your children and your husband. I'd been praying for you already, ever since I noticed one of your posts mentioning your husband. You are so very brave and strong to be dealing with all that you are. Please know how many of us, from so far away, hold you up in our thoughts and prayers.
Diane, that was a truly beautiful prayer that you posted. My dad is a minister with a real gift for prayer and I know that prayer you posted would do him proud! It was beautiful and powerful. And all I can say to it is "AMEN".

 

[abrahamlaur]

i'm praying for you nicole. my hubby is in the army also and going over to iraq for his second tour at the end of the month, i know how it is to worry about them, deal with them being away and yet trying to handle things at home without too much drama or whatever. i hope your daughter makes some progress and things can be resolved etc soon. keep your chin up, rely on god that your daughter will be fine, in the long run. he knows the whole story

 

[chefkristin]

Still praying for all of you!

 

[nikked]

Thanks everyone...

 

[KellyTheChef]

Just checking on you and your daugher Nicole. I pray that everything works out...amazing how God handled your child care and driving needs...He has every aspect of your life in His hands!

And I have to say a BIG AMEN to Diane's prayer...she is so gifted at saying everything that is in our hearts!

 

[mommyhugz1978]

I am so sorry Nicole!! I am glad that they found her and I hope that she is able to get the help that she needs!!! I will keep you and your family in our prayers!!!

 

[nikked]

Update...

She's still in, and very hard to read. I haven't seen her yet, but should see her tomorrow afternoon. I had a telephone conference with the therapist today, and filled her in on Mary's history (it's long and complicated). I'm hoping they'll be able to put the puzzle together where we haven't been.

They are looking at possibly medicating her, but I should know more about that tomorrow. We just don't know what is going on yet.

Thank you for your continued prayers, support and friendship. I truly appreciate it and am very grateful for all y'all.

 

[pamperedlinda]

Prayers for you Nicole.

 

[quiverfull7]

Thanks for keeping us up to date Nicole! We'll continue to pray ... especially that she will take off all her masks and get real. Also for tomorrow if you get to see one another... Jesus will be right there with you... try to see her through His eyes... She will feel His love and your's... even if she doesn't let you know it.

 

[nikked]

Update

Had a counseling today with Mary and a therapist. It was OK, but definitely not great. She played with the baby the whole time, and had some very odd ideas about what should happen. I have to go back in on Friday. I keep thinking that they'll give me an idea of how long, but they haven't yet. I've told them that if it's going to be longer than a week, I needed to go home and do counseling over the phone, but they don't seem to get the importance of the other two children.

She hasn't even seen a psychiatrist yet, but they're talking about releasing her on Friday, without further intreatment, which just totally overwhelms me at this time.

Please continue praying. Thank you so much.

 

[dannyzmom]

I am so sorry youre having to go thru all of this. Big hugs to you.

 

[katie0128]

Nikke - How did things go on Friday?

 

[nikked]

Update...Thanks for being patient, everyone. I didn't post last night. It was SUCH a long day. It took almost 2 hours to go the last 30 miles to home. That seems to happen to me a lot when coming back from AZ.

Anyways...

Things went okay, but not great at our final session at the hospital. We have an uneasy "truce" at this point, and everything is in a holding pattern.

There's a wonderful nationwide program called "Teen Challenge" that has camps in NM. The program was started by the guy from the Cross and the Switchblade book, for those of you that are familiar. It is an 18-24 month long program that teaches responsibility, vocation, living on their own, how to deal with problems, etc. The also have a highschool that uses A.C.E. curriculem so the girls can actually get their high school diplomas and not a GED.

It's located on 60 acres, and sounds beautiful. We have a telephone interview with them on Tuesday. They just had their annual banquet (the day after Mary's 16th), and had several graduate from the program, so they have room for Mary.

Please be praying for wisdom on both sides as we look at this program and they look at us...and for some semblance of peace in the house as we try to work through all of this. Also, please remember Tony through all this. As tough as it's been for me, it's been much worse for him being so far away...

Thank y'all so much for checking in with me and for praying. I can not tell you how much this site and everyone on it means to me.

Nicole :yuck: ... trying to be at least ... can't wait to get back to

 

[lacychef]

Keep hangin' in there! That place sounds great....good luck with the decisions you have to make

 

[nikked]

Nikke - How did things go on Friday?

So, Katie...

How many posts a day have you done to earn the YELLOW star so quickly?!

Does that qualify you as a "post slut"?...and have you gotten the T-Shirt yet?

Inquiring minds want to know!!!

Congratulations...

 

[KellyTheChef]

Nicole~

I pray that if this camp will help your daughter that the Lord would open up all of the doors necessary to get her there!

I pray that you can continue to show her love even through your hurt, anger, and patience that has long since been used up! It is so tiring and stressful to deal with a teenager who is either pent up and not speaking or who is spouting out venum at those around them. (Um, do I sound like I have been in shoes similar to yours!?!?!) When all you want to do is scream, please take a moment, go in your bedroom, and collect yourself. As much as we love our children, they can drive us crazy. Keep focused on the fact that we serve a God who is in control of ALL parts of our lives. He can...and He WILL get all of you through this situation.

{{{{{Hugs to you and your daughter, oh! and Tony too!!}}}}}