What to Do - Not Pampered Chef Related...

Click For Summary

Discussion Overview

This thread explores the challenges of managing a friendship where one participant feels their friend is overstepping boundaries in parenting their children. Participants share personal experiences and suggest ways to address the situation without damaging the friendship.

Discussion Character

  • Opinion-based
  • Anecdotal
  • Debate/contested

Main Points Raised

  • One participant describes feeling frustrated when their friend intervenes in parenting moments, expressing a desire to communicate their feelings without hurting the friend's feelings.
  • Another participant suggests a gentle approach, recommending that the original poster express appreciation for the friend's help while clarifying their role as the primary disciplinarian.
  • Several users mention the importance of honesty in addressing the issue to strengthen the friendship rather than letting it fester.
  • One participant shares their experience of dealing with a similar situation, emphasizing the need to communicate boundaries privately and respectfully.
  • Another participant notes that it can be helpful to frame the conversation around the children's needs to avoid making it seem like a personal attack.
  • Some participants recount their own experiences with family members overstepping boundaries, highlighting the difficulty of navigating these dynamics.

Areas of Agreement / Disagreement

Views differ on the best approach to take, with some participants advocating for direct communication and others suggesting a more subtle method. No clear consensus emerges on a single solution.

Contextual Notes

The discussion reflects personal experiences and feelings regarding parenting dynamics within friendships, particularly in the context of emotional sensitivity and boundary setting.

Who May Find This Useful

Participants in similar situations involving friends or family members who may overstep parenting boundaries might find the shared experiences and suggestions relevant.

Chef_2_Four
Chef_2_Four
Messages
948
I have this friend, that I have been friends with since high school. We both lived in Indiana but found each other after years of not seeing each other down here in Georgia. We didn't know the other was here! So it's nice having my "own" friend here that knows my history! Anyway love her to death but she is like a "second mom" to my kids. I do not mind my friends or family correcting the kids if I don't see what happened. Most do because they know I would want them to. BUT...she gets onto them after I have already started!! She will interupt me to get onto them or when I am done she will add her 2 cents!! It drives me crazy!! So much to the fact that I don't do that much with her when the kids are with me. I love her and I want to say something to her, but she is very emotionally insecure. She is paranoid about whether or not people are mad at her or like her etc. When she has to let me go on the phone she will call me back just to say she is sorry. I do want to tell her how I feel but am worried how she will respond. Anyone have any advice??? We all went out to eat this evening and Ben got down to go to Wesley and I knew where he was going and she started yelling at him!!! I mean not like yelling at him, but yelling his name to come back. GRRRR I love her but I AM the mom not her you know! She has Lupus so she can't have kids and she talks about how great it is to spoil mine then leave. When they are fighting and they call for me she will answer them and go get onto them. I don't know what to do!! Please someone have advice!!

Thanks for reading this!!
 
April, maybe something like this:

"you know, I appreciate your friendship, but right now I need to deal with my kids, so please excuse me while I handle my children."

Sounds better than I'm the mom...not you!

It should be interesting to hear the advice from everyone else!
 
that is a tough one

i think i would say something along the lines of " i really appreciate your help with the kids,and they adore you so much, there are just times i think they might get confused as to who they need to listen to when this... happens. what do you think/feel about this?"

i have always found that being honest instead of letting it drive u crazy will cause less friction between the two of you and hopefully stregthen ur friendship instead of hurting it.

good luck
 
Ewww... sticky one...
But, I like Heather's idea... especially telling her about how much the kids adore her! And how "they might get confused". Makes it come across as "what is best for the kids" and not what you think.
 
  • Thread starter
  • #5
Thanks! I've already decided I'm not going to call her and make it like I have been thinking about it, but wait until it happens again, which I know it will. I think it is just her personality but still!!
 
Wow April, I don't envy you. I've been in a similar situation and it sucks. I also can't stand when I'm correcting my children and someone wants to step in. I hate it when my husband does it *he doesn't do it anymore:p * so let alone a friend.

I really like Heather's advice. Say something now before you say something in the heat of the moment.
 
I would not correct her in front of the kids. Next time she does it either pull her aside away from them and ask her to let you handle the kids (words above are good to use) or if that's not possible talk to her as soon as possible after the incident when the kids aren't there. Say that you didn't want to undermine her in front of them but that you need to be the one they listen to - the disciplinarian. Tell her she's lucky because she can be "fun aunt ___ (her name)". Be sure you tell her that they and you love her and want her around. You can even say that you had read (true - you are reading here) that it is better for the kids to just have one person doing the discipline.

Hope that helps.
 
Don't know if it is true or not, but you could maybe add that with more than one kid, you have issues with the older ones trying to correct the younger ones and you are trying to teach them that they have a mom and dad and when they are there, they are the only ones to correct them(including when mom's friends are around).

You mentioned her sensitivity...just emphasize that you lovce and appreciate her but this is how you need to train your kids.

My mother does the same thing ALL the time to me and tries to butt in when I correct them. It has taken 3 years of constant reminders that when I'm there, I'm the mom and she's the friendly grandma, when I'm gone, then she can step in and correct them. It's been a rough road...she finally started working on it when Sammie was 4 and turned to her one day and said, you can't correct me right now, Mom is doing that. (The bluntness of a child...) Mom still slips up but at least tries...
 
BethCooks4U said:
I would not correct her in front of the kids. Next time she does it either pull her aside away from them and ask her to let you handle the kids (words above are good to use) or if that's not possible talk to her as soon as possible after the incident when the kids aren't there. Say that you didn't want to undermine her in front of them but that you need to be the one they listen to - the disciplinarian. Tell her she's lucky because she can be "fun aunt ___ (her name)". Be sure you tell her that they and you love her and want her around. You can even say that you had read (true - you are reading here) that it is better for the kids to just have one person doing the discipline.

Hope that helps.
Click to expand...

Beth -

I agree with your points - good items to add!
 
janetupnorth said:
Don't know if it is true or not, but you could maybe add that with more than one kid, you have issues with the older ones trying to correct the younger ones and you are trying to teach them that they have a mom and dad and when they are there, they are the only ones to correct them(including when mom's friends are around).

You mentioned her sensitivity...just emphasize that you lovce and appreciate her but this is how you need to train your kids.

My mother does the same thing ALL the time to me and tries to butt in when I correct them. It has taken 3 years of constant reminders that when I'm there, I'm the mom and she's the friendly grandma, when I'm gone, then she can step in and correct them. It's been a rough road...she finally started working on it when Sammie was 4 and turned to her one day and said, you can't correct me right now, Mom is doing that. (The bluntness of a child...) Mom still slips up but at least tries...
Click to expand...

That cracked me up! It sounds like something my DS who just turned 4 would say! It is soooo hard not to laugh/snicker when they do things like that!
 

Frequently Asked Questions

What should I do if I'm feeling overwhelmed with my daily tasks?

Take a moment to prioritize your tasks by making a list. Identify the most urgent and important tasks, and tackle them one at a time. Consider delegating some responsibilities if possible, and don't hesitate to ask for help from friends or family. Remember to take breaks to recharge and maintain your productivity.

How can I improve my work-life balance?

Set clear boundaries between work and personal time. Establish a schedule that allows for dedicated work hours and personal time. Make sure to unplug from work during your personal hours and engage in activities that you enjoy. Regularly reassess your commitments to ensure you're not overextending yourself.

What are some effective stress management techniques?

Consider incorporating mindfulness practices such as meditation or deep breathing exercises into your daily routine. Regular physical activity, whether it's a workout or a simple walk, can also help reduce stress. Additionally, maintaining a healthy diet and ensuring you get enough sleep are crucial for managing stress levels.

How can I stay motivated when pursuing personal goals?

Set specific, achievable goals and break them down into smaller, manageable steps. Track your progress and celebrate small victories along the way. Surround yourself with supportive people who encourage your efforts, and remind yourself of the reasons why you set these goals in the first place to keep your motivation high.

What should I do if I encounter a setback in my plans?

First, take a moment to acknowledge your feelings about the setback. Reflect on what went wrong and identify any lessons you can learn from the experience. Adjust your plans accordingly and remain flexible. Remember that setbacks are a natural part of any journey, and resilience is key to moving forward.

You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar Pampered Chef Threads

Potty Training- Non Pampered Chef Related
  • merego
    • General Pampered Chef Chat
2
Replies
41
Views
3K
merego
Is Pampered Chef Still Worth It?
  • chefashleigh
    • General Pampered Chef Chat
Replies
7
Views
5K
Misty Shehan
New to Pampered Chef and Need Advice
  • jnnfrc
    • General Pampered Chef Chat
Replies
2
Views
3K
raebates
Personal Who Was Laura Caldwell, the Pampered Chef Consultant Entering Hospice Care?
  • NooraK
    • General Pampered Chef Chat
Replies
2
Views
4K
sharalam
Need Some Advice and Prayers... Not Pampered Chef Related (Long)
  • heather223
    • General Pampered Chef Chat
Replies
5
Views
1K
wadesgirl
Who was Paige Birgfeld and what happened to her?
  • The_Kitchen_Guy
    • General Pampered Chef Chat
Replies
4
Views
4K
Admin Greg
Frustrated with Bad Leads: What to Do?
  • chef131doreen
    • General Pampered Chef Chat
2
Replies
40
Views
5K
Bren706
Cousin Getting Married, Didn't Do a Pampered Chef Registry
  • babywings76
    • General Pampered Chef Chat
Replies
27
Views
3K
diradt
How Do You Manage Unreasonable Demands from Hosts?
  • letscook04
    • General Pampered Chef Chat
Replies
22
Views
2K
raebates
Navigating a Difficult Director in Pampered Chef: Seeking Advice and Support
  • odd_and_ends
    • General Pampered Chef Chat
Replies
11
Views
4K
DebPC
Back
Top