What to Do - Not Pampered Chef Related...

[Chef_2_Four]

I have this friend, that I have been friends with since high school. We both lived in Indiana but found each other after years of not seeing each other down here in Georgia. We didn't know the other was here! So it's nice having my "own" friend here that knows my history! Anyway love her to death but she is like a "second mom" to my kids. I do not mind my friends or family correcting the kids if I don't see what happened. Most do because they know I would want them to. BUT...she gets onto them after I have already started!! She will interupt me to get onto them or when I am done she will add her 2 cents!! It drives me crazy!! So much to the fact that I don't do that much with her when the kids are with me. I love her and I want to say something to her, but she is very emotionally insecure. She is paranoid about whether or not people are mad at her or like her etc. When she has to let me go on the phone she will call me back just to say she is sorry. I do want to tell her how I feel but am worried how she will respond. Anyone have any advice??? We all went out to eat this evening and Ben got down to go to Wesley and I knew where he was going and she started yelling at him!!! I mean not like yelling at him, but yelling his name to come back. GRRRR I love her but I AM the mom not her you know! She has Lupus so she can't have kids and she talks about how great it is to spoil mine then leave. When they are fighting and they call for me she will answer them and go get onto them. I don't know what to do!! Please someone have advice!!

Thanks for reading this!!

 

[pcchris]

April, maybe something like this:

"you know, I appreciate your friendship, but right now I need to deal with my kids, so please excuse me while I handle my children."

Sounds better than I'm the mom...not you!

It should be interesting to hear the advice from everyone else!

 

[heather9892]

that is a tough one

i think i would say something along the lines of " i really appreciate your help with the kids,and they adore you so much, there are just times i think they might get confused as to who they need to listen to when this... happens. what do you think/feel about this?"

i have always found that being honest instead of letting it drive u crazy will cause less friction between the two of you and hopefully stregthen ur friendship instead of hurting it.

good luck

 

[katie0128]

Ewww... sticky one...
But, I like Heather's idea... especially telling her about how much the kids adore her! And how "they might get confused". Makes it come across as "what is best for the kids" and not what you think.

 

[Chef_2_Four]

Thanks! I've already decided I'm not going to call her and make it like I have been thinking about it, but wait until it happens again, which I know it will. I think it is just her personality but still!!

 

[PampMomof3]

Wow April, I don't envy you. I've been in a similar situation and it sucks. I also can't stand when I'm correcting my children and someone wants to step in. I hate it when my husband does it *he doesn't do it anymore * so let alone a friend.

I really like Heather's advice. Say something now before you say something in the heat of the moment.

 

[BethCooks4U]

I would not correct her in front of the kids. Next time she does it either pull her aside away from them and ask her to let you handle the kids (words above are good to use) or if that's not possible talk to her as soon as possible after the incident when the kids aren't there. Say that you didn't want to undermine her in front of them but that you need to be the one they listen to - the disciplinarian. Tell her she's lucky because she can be "fun aunt ___ (her name)". Be sure you tell her that they and you love her and want her around. You can even say that you had read (true - you are reading here) that it is better for the kids to just have one person doing the discipline.

Hope that helps.

 

[janetupnorth]

Don't know if it is true or not, but you could maybe add that with more than one kid, you have issues with the older ones trying to correct the younger ones and you are trying to teach them that they have a mom and dad and when they are there, they are the only ones to correct them(including when mom's friends are around).

You mentioned her sensitivity...just emphasize that you lovce and appreciate her but this is how you need to train your kids.

My mother does the same thing ALL the time to me and tries to butt in when I correct them. It has taken 3 years of constant reminders that when I'm there, I'm the mom and she's the friendly grandma, when I'm gone, then she can step in and correct them. It's been a rough road...she finally started working on it when Sammie was 4 and turned to her one day and said, you can't correct me right now, Mom is doing that. (The bluntness of a child...) Mom still slips up but at least tries...

 

[janetupnorth]

I would not correct her in front of the kids. Next time she does it either pull her aside away from them and ask her to let you handle the kids (words above are good to use) or if that's not possible talk to her as soon as possible after the incident when the kids aren't there. Say that you didn't want to undermine her in front of them but that you need to be the one they listen to - the disciplinarian. Tell her she's lucky because she can be "fun aunt ___ (her name)". Be sure you tell her that they and you love her and want her around. You can even say that you had read (true - you are reading here) that it is better for the kids to just have one person doing the discipline.

Hope that helps.

Beth -

I agree with your points - good items to add!

 

[amy07]

Don't know if it is true or not, but you could maybe add that with more than one kid, you have issues with the older ones trying to correct the younger ones and you are trying to teach them that they have a mom and dad and when they are there, they are the only ones to correct them(including when mom's friends are around).

You mentioned her sensitivity...just emphasize that you lovce and appreciate her but this is how you need to train your kids.

My mother does the same thing ALL the time to me and tries to butt in when I correct them. It has taken 3 years of constant reminders that when I'm there, I'm the mom and she's the friendly grandma, when I'm gone, then she can step in and correct them. It's been a rough road...she finally started working on it when Sammie was 4 and turned to her one day and said, you can't correct me right now, Mom is doing that. (The bluntness of a child...) Mom still slips up but at least tries...

That cracked me up! It sounds like something my DS who just turned 4 would say! It is soooo hard not to laugh/snicker when they do things like that!