Navigating Boundaries in MLM: Dealing with Recognition and Resentment

[stefani2]

A while back, my D went on a rant to me, saying that she is the only one who does not get a good prize from completing challenges, and she does not get any recognition for her accomplishments compared to the other Ds. (and I agree - she completely kicked butt where we were supposed to phone our up-line with ever 5 people we talked to - my D phoned 85 people in one week! Her prize? - a fall/winter 2007 SBRC! :yuck: ). My D seems like she is really starting to resent my up-line.

I am friends with both ladies - so I don't know if I am crossing my boundaries in talking to my up-line. I feel like I could talk to her - but again - I dont want to stick my nose where it doesn't belong.

As long as my D is feeling this way, I TOTALLY don't have her as a D for training, support, guidance, newsletters, emails or ANYTHING - she just totally pulls away from everyone and everything!

I feel bad for my D never getting any recognition for what she has done (I totally sympathize with how she feels - I would too if I was in her shoes).

What do I do? I want my D and friend back! But she will NEVER approach my up-line to tell her how she feels....

 

[CookingwithMary]

IMO...just let her vent to you, and don't do anything else. That's what friends are for Let her work it out with the upline.It's a touchy situation, bidding you all my best!

 

[Kitchen Diva]

You could offer to be her moral support when she calls her upline and airs her issues with them. I look at it this way- if you aren't willing to confront the person/people/establishment with whom you are having issues, but are more than willing to take the easy way out and b*tch and moan to everyone else, then you either truly aren't that upset, or you don't want the situation to change.

She will find it freeing to go and speak to her upline in a heartfelt and professional manner.

 

[stefani2]

*hug*Thanks Kacey. I love your advice. I appreciate you answering me back - I feel better about it.

 

[janetupnorth]

I have to say I'm in the "if she doesn't vent up then how will she know?" camp.Her upline will not know she is disappointed with prizes and incentives until she politely says something to her.Complaining about it to you and others will just make her bitter and bring you guys down to. Her director is not a mind-reader. How does she know how she feels without saying something?One thing that many directors do is say, "here is the goal AND here is the prize for it". Like HO does with some of our things...submit to shows and earn X and Y. That allows each person to decide whether or not to shoot for the goal. If you don't like the prize, then don't go for it, or do the challenge just to better your business. But don't bark that you took part in something where it was fully disclosed to you. Our directors don't HAVE to give us incentives and goals. We should be working our businesses no matter what if we care and for us and our families, not to earn a prize. Granted, I like rewards like other people, but it should NEVER be my only motivation.I would politely tell her you don't want to hear the complaints until you know she'd told the source of the complaints. It's one thing for someone to be told they did something wrong or distasteful and continue to do it...another to be totally ignorant of the fact.

 

[baychef]

Yikes, I have been in your D's position. It is a horribly frustrating "eat at you" kind of situatuion she is in.

You are such a good person for letting her vent to you. Most of the time, that is all we need to do is to vent, and the answers become a little clearer to the one venting...even with out advise.

Don't get caught up in the situation, however. We are supposed to vent up in our business and not to our downline, but in her situation, that is impossible.

Can your D turn further up in her upline for even just verbal support? Maybe you can tell her that you are glad she is your D because of the support she gives you (hopefully making her realize that she needs to prevent her own downline from feeling the way she is feeling).

Not sure that this all makes sence, but try to keep the focus on your business and not all of these side issues that can drag you down.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Jenna, I'm glad I could help!

 

[stefani2]

awww - thanks for all the greal advice everyone! It is HER issue with HER D -so SHE should deal with it. I realize that my D just needed someone to 'hear' her, so I didn't take on any of it. It bugs me that someone would vent so badly - but at the same time, it wasn't bad enough to DO something about it.

 

[pampermejolene]

IMO, she also needs to remember that she is in business for herself. When she recruits people or has high sales or a lot of shows she is doing her job and making a commission. In life in general and especially in this biz you have to be your own cheerleader. In any other job she would not be getting prizes or perks around every corner.
Now, if there was tactful way to say that I would say tell her, but it would probably just make her mad. So, continue doing what your doing. Offering an ear. But, it's not your problem, and if you stress out about it it could adversely effect your own biz.Good luck