Dealing with Mother's Internet Addiction: Personal Struggle and Seeking Advice

[[email protected]]

Hi everybody,

It's been a while since I have posted something or even responded to someone else thread, but I need someone else opinion not related to PC.

MY MOM IS ADDICTED TO OUR COMPUTER/INTERNET!!!

At first it didn't bother me and my DH. She would call and see if we were home and ask if she could get her "Madelyn fix." our dd. She would come once a week, may be once every 5-6 days. No biggie. Then we started to notice she would get her "Madelyn fix" of 1-2 minute if that and dart right to the computer. A few times she even came unannounced and after a few times I told her to please call. That worked for a little bit. There was even one time I was using it for work and that didn't stop her.

Now she calls and sometimes I don't answer right away because I'm busy being a Mom, making dinner, or just avoiding what I KNOW she wants to ask. I don't feel like I should always be available for her need of our computer. I don't always call other people back right away, why should I be the same for her. It can take hours or even days before I return a call. When I don't call back she has just pops in that same night or calls again.

Now, I know what you are all going to say, "Just talk to her and tell her how you feel." I know. I want to about this and so many other things, but my Mom gets super defensive and then turns the subject on to her. So, what do I do I keep it locked in and say nothing. But my blood is boiling.

I don't sell PC that much anymore and have started a personal chef business and that has taken a lot of my time and efforts. What bothers me and my DH is when we ask her to babysit, we have seen her go right to the computer and 1/2 pay attention to our dh. The worst was right before we left and our dh wanted grandma to help her with a puzzle, but she was to busy on the computer. It broke my heart in half. Since that time, we have even disconnected the internet so she would pay full attention to her. Bad I know, but with it being hard to talk to her I didn't know what to do.

HELP!

 

[reba515]

introduce to her to ebay and she can get her VERY OWN COMPUTER!
That would drive me nuts too.
good luck!

 

[chefann]

Is there someplace you could lock the computer up? Like a closet or bedroom that she wouldn't need to go into? Then you could tell her that you were having problems and took it in for service. I know, it's not nice to lie, but there's a good reason this time.Or, how about "child blocker" software, and don't give her the password.

 

[janetupnorth]

I know this is bad, but unplug your power supply INSIDE the case, and when she tries to use it and it won't power up say "it died" and we can't fix it right now...

 

[janetupnorth]

2nd option: I agree with the...have her get her own computer. But make sure it has a good virus scan and firewall or she might be dangerous on it!

 

[pampermeplease]

We have the same problem with my MIL. Everytime they'd come visit and stay, she'd be up by 6 am before even WE were up and be on our comp...not only surfing but snooping . We finally got to where everytime she comes now, our comp is shut of and locked with the password. It got so bad, she'd even come take it from me when I was trying to take tests for my online classes ! The best you can do is just lock it and tell her school/work ONLY because of all the viruses out there now. Good luck.

 

[[email protected]]

Thanks everyone!

It's hard because she doesn't have internet access at work to check her yahoo account. She used to at her old job a year ago and it wasn't that big of an issue, when she wanted to come once a week for her "Madelyn fix." But ever since the new switch it hasn't gotten increasingly worse. I would really like to have a civil conversation with her, but I'm scared. Yes, scared of my own Mom! If we avoid her phone calls she pops in anyways. If she actually calls when we are out and we haven't checked the answering machine, she pops in. The kicker to is she just got a cell phone and she calls moments from getting to our house.

Any suggestion on how to kindly tell her if we aren't available to let it be or to go to the library to check her email. We have done the whole, "I'm sorry the internet is down, but I'm afraid she catch on" bit and I'm afraid she'll catch on soon.

 

[raebates]

How about, "You know, at the library there aren't any distractions--no little ones running around while you're trying to work."

 

[crazy4dabug]

You really need to get over being afraid of your mom. Holding it all inside ALL the time is not healthy for you.
Tell her this is her time with her grandchild and if she'd like to use the internet she can get her own or go to the library. Otherwise, you're internet will no longer be available.
It's ok to say something...
Make it unavailable to her and you've solved your problems.
It's your house, make that decision for your family.

 

[mommyhugz1978]

I have to agree with everyone else... the other option is move the computer into your bedroom..... and then put a password on it so that if she try's to get on she can't..... Ebay..... great place for cheap computers!! Good Luck!!

 

[pampermeplease]

You know, maybe for mother's day, a new (or used) comp might be just the thing if you have siblings who can chip in on one. LOL It's not going to be an easy convo any way you do it, so you may as well do it now. But I agree with the library....I use it myself when my net is down.