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True Definitions of Shop Tools!

I've definitely witnessed some wood projectiles in my time.In summary, a variety of tools were discussed in a comical way, including a drill press, wire wheel, electric hand drill, skill saw, pliers, belt sander, hacksaw, vise-grips, oxyacetylene torch, table saw, hydraulic floor jack, band saw, two-ton engine hoist, Phillips screwdriver, straight screwdriver, pry bar, hose cutter, hammer, utility knife, and the X#$%$&X-IT tool. Each tool was described with humorous exaggeration of its actual purpose and the potential dangers it may pose. This conversation will surely bring a laugh to anyone who has worked with these tools before.
colegrovet
Gold Member
998
*DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands, so that it smacks you in the chest, and flings your vise grips across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

*WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Dirty rackafritz".

*ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

*SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

*PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

*BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

*HACKSAW: One of a large family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

*VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

*OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub from which you want to remove a bearing race.

*TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

*HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed new brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

*BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used to cut expensive metal stock into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you have cut on the inside of the guide line instead of the outside.

*TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect from the engine.

*PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids, or for opening oil cans and splashing oil on your best shirt. Can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

*STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws while butchering your palms.

*PRY BAR: A tool used to destroy the expensive metal component you had to remove in order to replace the 50 cent part.

*HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

*HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer is now used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object you are trying to hit which frequently includes your other hand.

*UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons. It works particularly well on contents such as plastic seat covers, CDs, liquids in plastic containers, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. It is especially useful for slicing clothing, but only while in use for other cutting purposes.

*X#$%$&X-IT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab, and throw across the shop while yelling "Enrique Packenlooper" at the top of your lungs. It is invariably the next tool that you will need.


:D
 
haha.. My husband liked this!
 
I'll be sharing this with The Furry Guy.
 
Funny, I'll be posting this in our breakroom at Home Depot tomorrow.
 
My DH "The Trim Guy" will laugh his butt of when he reads this. I know I did.

Wait, then both of us will be butt-less. Hmm
 
Haha DH has the giggles now. I will be sending this on to my dad too. My favorite is the table saw
 

What are the true definitions of shop tools?

The true definitions of shop tools vary depending on the specific tool and its purpose. Some common shop tools include hammers, screwdrivers, wrenches, pliers, and power tools. These tools are used for tasks such as hammering, tightening or loosening screws and bolts, gripping and manipulating objects, and cutting or shaping materials.

What makes a tool a "shop" tool?

A tool can be considered a "shop" tool if it is commonly used in a workshop or garage setting for tasks related to construction, repair, or maintenance. These tools are typically durable, versatile, and designed for heavy-duty use.

How do I know which shop tools to use for a specific task?

The best way to determine which shop tools to use for a specific task is to understand the purpose and function of each tool. You can also consult the tool's user manual or seek advice from a more experienced user or professional.

What are some essential shop tools every household should have?

Some essential shop tools that every household should have include a hammer, screwdriver set, adjustable wrench, pliers, and a tape measure. These tools can come in handy for small repairs or DIY projects around the house.

Are there any safety precautions I should take when using shop tools?

Yes, it is important to always follow safety precautions when using shop tools. This includes wearing appropriate protective gear, such as gloves and safety glasses, using tools for their intended purposes, and keeping them out of reach of children. It is also important to properly maintain and store your tools to prevent accidents or injuries.

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