Not Sure How to Respond to My Dir........long

[Dayna]

Amanda
I am thankful for teachers like you. I just got off the phone with my DD teacher because of her misbehaving in the class. I know many parents might not appreciate being told their kid is messing up but I do. Teachers are with my kid for eight hours or so a day and are trying their best to teach them. If I don't support them then who do I support. Good job for standing up for you and the child. At least someone besides his mom is willing to.

 

[pamperedalf]

Amanda
I am thankful for teachers like you.

Thank you so much. Today was a little better, he tested 9 times and I actually saw him try a few times today.
I did have to laugh because my dir sent back the note whether he would be attending next year. Where the teacher's name was there was his old teacher's name and right below it was my name and then she crossed it out.I didn't say anything and then the secretary asked if this parent had a hard time accepting me as a teacher.Thank you again for all the support!

 

[kisrae]

He is an only child.
I love seeing parents following though with what they say they are going to do. My son's parents always know that my son is in trouble if he's at a sporting event but can'l play. Even if he messed up he's still part of a team and needs to support his team from the sidelines.
I wish that Amandas Director could just let her do her job.

 

[Addie4TLC]

I feel for you Amanda, being underminded by a child is bad and getting put on the spot by his mother at a meeting.... Grrr. When she brought it up at the meeting I would have stopped her in her tracks and asked "Do you think it's professional to discuss this here?" That would have put her on the spot even if she said yes and you replied, you thought it was NOT. (period!)

Some parents are in serious denial about their kids. My BF's son is three years younger than my oldest but he has always been very rough, sometimes throwing harmful objects at them. All the mom says is "don't do that" or "don't play like that." One time while they were visitng my daughter came in to tell me that her boy had hit mine "with his belt" when we went out to investigate my BF says "Isaac is not even wearing a belt." I went over to my son and told him to get over it because I've warned him about playing with him. Well my daughter walks in a few minutes later and asks to speak to me in private. To tell me... get this... Isaac had thrown this belt over the fence to get rid of the evidence and play the little angel. He was the one that told his mom "I'm not even wearing a belt." I went back and told my friend that my daughter maybe a CSI in the future and told her what she discovered. I told her I didn't think it was a big deal but just wanted it to be clear that my kids don't make up things or lie. I know she felt like I poured cold water on her, but IMHO I think she's created this monster. He could do no wrong in her eyes.

 

[lacychef]

Wow Amanda, good luck while this progresses! I don't really have any advise for you; but I think you're doing a great job. Stick with Ida on the PC side; but I agree that you should at least try to contact your upline. Can you go 2 above your director? They need to know how this director is acting.
And sheesh, some parents just don't have a clue, do they? I get so sick of parents that think their kids are angels, and sick of parents that do their kids' work for them. When my daughter did the science fair, it was obvious which adults actually did the projects. (& then won!) I told my dd to be proud that she got 5th place going against parents' projects. These types of parents are only hurting their kids; they won't know what to do when they actually have to do the work someday.

On a side note, Becky, I totally know what you mean. When my nieces come over to my house & start acting up, they get corrected. (unlike at home where they do no wrong) They still want to come over though!

 

[wadesgirl]

He is an only child.
I love seeing parents following though with what they say they are going to do. My son's parents always know that my son is in trouble if he's at a sporting event but can'l play. Even if he messed up he's still part of a team and needs to support his team from the sidelines.
I wish that Amandas Director could just let her do her job.

He's mommy's little baby, of course he can do no wrong.

I won't even get into spoiled rotten children... I deal enough with them when we see in-laws every week.

 

[SassyCook]

Don't just tell your upline the you Principal and anyone else in your building that can help. I am a sub aid. I come from a family of edu. and I have have had to deal with this too in a way. My mom is a sp. ed. teacher and so was my grandma (she is now school borad prez) and so on. And some times parent just don't get how thing work in the real world. All you can real do is reach out for help from you building and see how that goes. You need to set up a meading with her and the pricipal who evereles is in the need to know.

 

[pamperedalf]

The last 3 weeks have been pure h&*^. I have literally gone back and forth on if this is what I really want to do. My dir has stated that he cannot be punished in any way if his classwork is not done, or if it is not done up to parr. If he only does half the work, that is okay with her. He missed last th/fr because he received a new pump that is supposed to test his blood sugar (every 5 minutes) and he doesn't have to get up to test. I was excited at first until I heard it is malfunctioning and now he will probably test more to make sure it's correct. Can't wait till Monday....I am not good with dealing with parents on this level. The principal and a couple of other teachers (& my DH) say don't worry just drop him and it's on the parents. Well with this parent I know the blame will be put on me for not doing enough for her dearest angel. I am also having a hard time because this class is very observant, and they will notice if he isn't doing the work that they have to do. This class is the hardest I have ever dealt with in my whole career.This is the kicker while talking w/ her on the phone the other day she, doesn't expect me to do much PC wise until summer because of me taking over the class, I wanted to tell her if she wouldn't be creating half the stress I could actually do more.Thanks for letting me vent!!!

 

[Debala715]

Not being nosy, but does this student have a 504 plan set up? If not, then I'd suggest the school request for one to be set up.Here's a website with guideline for setting up a 504 plan for students with diabetes.
http://www.diabetes.org/advocacy-and-legalresources/discrimination/school/504plan.jspI'm sorry you have to deal with this.

 

[IAmChefJ]

What a horrible situation to be in -- at BOTH of your jobs! So sorry!!!

I have a slightly OT question, but I can't help but wonder... when people complain about their directors on this board... isn't there the worry that the person you're complaining about will come along and read it? Seems like they'd be on a PC board from time to time too.

Just wondering.

Hopefully Amanda your school year will be finished soon!!!!

J.

 

[pamperedalf]

I have a slightly OT question, but I can't help but wonder... when people complain about their directors on this board... isn't there the worry that the person you're complaining about will come along and read it? Seems like they'd be on a PC board from time to time too.

For me I know that she doesn't come on here because she thinks that it steals from the your biz, a waste of time and $$. Poor Ida gets so many phone calls.I think what is the hardest part is that I can see him doing so much better, but he is not challanged in any way. But there is nothing that I can do.Debbie I don't know if there is a 504 plan, but his rules are all really loose.

 

[pamperedalf]

Oh I should have added, I am not allowed to challange him because it is too hard and he stresses out.I honestly hate to see what it will be like when he is a teenager or an adult.

 

[rennea]

I have a slightly OT question, but I can't help but wonder... when people complain about their directors on this board... isn't there the worry that the person you're complaining about will come along and read it? Seems like they'd be on a PC board from time to time too.

Just wondering.

Speaking only for myself but I wouldn't say anything on here that I wouldn't say to someone's face......if Amanda's dir was on here maybe she would see what a twit she is

 

[Shawnna]

Does this child have an IEP...individual education plan (I think)? Students who have been diagnosed with problems...usually learning disabilities...are given an IEP. They would be in the regular classroom, but might do work on a lower grade level, or do fewer questions than the other students. If the child doesn't have a "plan" then they are expected to do the same work as everyone else and are graded the same. So, if they did the work that was a "homework assignment" during school time and did not do the school time work, then both things are still expected to be turned in and graded...just like everyone elses. I have never heard of anyone thinking that you can do your homework at school and not do your other daily assignments.

 

[Debala715]

Debbie I don't know if there is a 504 plan, but his rules are all really loose.

If it was me, I'd find out if a 504 was done, and if not, I'd see what steps need to be taken to have one put in place. That would spell out to the student, parents and school exactly what guidelines are expect of each.

I had to learn about 504 plans the hard way, going to my niece's school with my sister after she was diagnosed with ADHD & ODD (at age 15), failing every class, and getting into lots of trouble. They were going to kick her out of the school until we made an appointment with the principal to find out why a 504 wasn't put into place after my sister notified them of my niece's diagnosis. He was shocked that the 504 wasn't completed like it was suppose to be and he was also shocked that the counselor didn't tell him that my niece had been recently diagnosed when she recommended my niece be expelled. Now my niece has a detailed 504 plan in place, is improving her grades and not getting into as much trouble as she was. One of her teachers also offered to be her mentor, so she reports to him everyday while at school.

Again, I'm sorry you have to deal with this, because no matter what, you're going to have to deal with this parent for the rest of your PC career, unless you get lucky enough and she quits.

 

[Debala715]

Does this child have an IEP...individual education plan (I think)? Students who have been diagnosed with problems...usually learning disabilities...are given an IEP. They would be in the regular classroom, but might do work on a lower grade level, or do fewer questions than the other students. If the child doesn't have a "plan" then they are expected to do the same work as everyone else and are graded the same. So, if they did the work that was a "homework assignment" during school time and did not do the school time work, then both things are still expected to be turned in and graded...just like everyone elses. I have never heard of anyone thinking that you can do your homework at school and not do your other daily assignments.

I forgot about the IEP also! I'd also find out if the student has IEP besides a 504 plan.

 

[pamperedalf]

Speaking only for myself but I wouldn't say anything on here that I wouldn't say to someone's face......if Amanda's dir was on here maybe she would see what a twit she is

We could only hope & dream...All I know the countdown is on, 7 weeks left.

 

[pamperedalf]

Okay there is no IEP, he just had a care team meeting where the mom stated that she didn't want him punnished for not doing his classwork. He does not need to redo anywork (like directions not followed, can't read writing).He did have an IEP, when she made up that he had special needs so she could take advantage of free bussing to her day care. (What's funny is she told me to do it for my son, and said it doesn't stay on their record). There are comments about how well he is doing in kinder for just coming out of special ed. Some of the resource teachers are testing him for learning disabilities. However there are a few of us, that think it's manipulation. So we will see.

 

[Nanisu]

An IEP is a legal document, and it is something to document and protect all those involved, students, parents, and educators. How on earth she lied about him being special needs is a mystery to me--the child has be qualified and tested by an extensive team to even put an IEP in place in California (I have an autistic son, we have done MANY IEP's over the years, even though we homeschooled him we still fought for services from the district and got them through the IEP process). As far as her being a director, PC needs to know she is affecting you this way. This could wind up being something legal down the road, and they need to be involved. Get hold of your HO sales director.

 

[pamperedlinda]

I think it's time (probably past time) that you got the school principal and the school administrators involved in this. This person is taking advantage of both your working relationship and your friendship (what there used to be of it anyhow). I'd hate to see her try and get you in trouble later on (like, next school) year for this. Both she and her son need a reality lesson, and you need to cover all of your tracks!

 

[etteluap70PC]

I agree with Linda... This whole situation is nuts! I mean really, if this kid is having suck issues that he is stressed out and can not do work then he definetly needs to be evaluated. I am all for parent involement but one parent should not be able to undermine the whole class. This parent needs to be sat down with the principal, nurse, special ed and you to go over exactly how things with this boy will be handled.

As for her being your director.... I would tell her that in no way will you discuss PC with her at school or in any situation involving the education of her child. And that you will not discuss her son or school in a PC setting.

 

[AJPratt]

Hey, Amanda... Sorry I'm joining this a little late. Here are my thoughts:

You have two issues, here. First and foremost is the child's welfare and covering your a$$. Luckily, you don't have too much longer for the school year. I would bring the issue to a supervisor, lay out your concerns and let them take it from there. Write a letter of conncern to whoever you need to. Most schools have a social worker. Maybe that person can help you. If the school says its not an issue, then fine. I can see later on that this woman will complain down the road that you didn't give him all of the work. The sad thing is that this idiot is not only jeopardizing her child's health; she's also robbing her child of an education. When the kid is in high school and can't read or complete basic mathematic functions, she'll complain then, too. ETA: Perhaps ths child should be on sick leave until his condition is stabilized.

The director issue... I wish you had a great director like mine. I would keep going to meetings, not hers, but someone elses, or even better, your own!!

Please keep us posted.

And, IAMChefJ, sometimes seeing a concern/issue and then the responses from others might be what this director needs. I figure nothing on the internet is private.

 

[pamperedalf]

How she made up the special needs I think there was a few speech issues and she took advantage of him being so low with academics. She told me it's done all the time for preschool and it doesn't stay on their records. What she doesn't know is since he went to a state preschool, that's when his cum was started, so it stays there. I was literally floored when she told me to do it w/ my son because I have had a hard time finding a preschool that had day care w/ it.Next note the principal is the one who was in the care team meeting and telling me to back down, and that it is on the parent not you. She doesn't see that she is actually hurting her child's education. He may be held back, and you have done all you can.
I am having a hard time w/ this, one maybe because I am a newer teacher of letting go especially when I know he can do so much more, two because this child is being taught that it is okay to disrespect authority and he can go cry and get his way (this is how I am perceiving it), three I am the one who has to deal with the class when they notice he can do whatever he wants and I have to tell them why and he will brag to the class I don't have to.As a dir, she was great when I first started very helpful, always there. As it went along and I had vocalized I didn't care for certain things my AD has done and I became good friends w/ Ida she has pulled away and started acting more like my AD. ((my AD recruits & drops em as soon as they qualify & only calls if they are about to go inactive, runs her biz very unethically, I think she has an advantage because she was the first consultant in the area and has been the only stable consultant)) I think she felt threatened w/ me being friends w/ Ida. At leadership I had set a goal to walk at conference, and instead of helping me because I have had this goal a few times and have not made it. She tells me I know recruiting is hard for you and it's hard to find ones to stay. I just want you to be a future again. Now she only calls when her #'s are low, no weekly training or anything of that nature & honestly their meetings suck. She asked at leadership what I wanted to see out of the meetings, I said more energy. If there was a topic that we wanted to hear about we would have to talk about it because we need more responcability (SP). We don't have set topics, we basically go through the consultant news, boring.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

<SNIP>

So now I am his teacher to the end of the year, and he is driving me absolutely crazy. He can't focus, he won't correct his work, and he is constantly testing his blood sugar (10-15 times in a school day). He does maybe 1/2 of the work that is assigned, and constantly begs to do it at home (I found out my dir makes copies of his work and does it herself and he copies her answers). Well he had a high blood sugar the other day and the school nurse came and got his work. Well he did his homework at school and not the classwork so I sent home 2 pages of math because he didn't do his classwork. Well he started crying saying it wasn't fair, my dad told me to do that.
Well at our meeting last night I walk in and my dir said well before we get started Amanda I need to talk to you about C's homework. He will not be doing the math you sent home because he did his homework in the office. He will not be penalized because he was making good use of his time and its illegal for you to assign extra HW because of his disability. I just wanted you to know he doesn't have to do it.

I am interpreting this as you didn't give him EXTRA homework, you sent home classwork, which I think is totally fair. I have a blind nephew that is treated just like every child in his classroom that does NOT have a disability. Before he was my newphew, I was his nanny- I saw that his parents were enabling him so severely, and treating him special, and making a big deal out of the fact that he was blind, that they couldn't take him ANYWHERE without him throwing a fit, and he would never do the things that were expected of a sighted child. I stoped that right away. I started to take him to stores, taught him colors- by using words he could relate to, like red was hot, white was fluffy, blue was cool... I made him go down the slides at the park (with my help) I made him learn to use his cane, I helped him with braile, I took him to McDonald's and taught him how to order, I taught him how to speak properly, helped his parents get him some free speech therapy provided by the county...It was hard for his parents to watch, and they had plenty of reservations, but they are now my brother and sister in law, and Nick is now 15 years old and goes to a normal public school, and doesn't get or expect special treatment.

I understand that a diabetic child would need time to test, and then take insulin if that test called for it, but Nick never got extra time to get to classes between bells, and had to find his way to his own locker- etc... Those parents are raising a child with entitlement issues, and they are teaching him that if you have an illness you don't have to do what the rest of the kids have to do. Let's see how his boss feels about that in 10
+ years (don't know how old he is) Are Mom and Dad going to run to his aid then, and yell at his boss and send him into work with a note saying that he can't do his work at work because he's diabetic and needs to work at home?

I also feel this child might have a learning disability- and diabetes is a way to use the illness as an excuse to get out of anything that is too difficult, or not fun and exciting. Whether it's a parental induced disability or a true one, I'm on your side. He should still be able to get the work done in class AND do his testing and take his insulin as needed. He may need a little more time to become efficient with his testing, but I agree that an administrator needs to become involved and it would benefit both you and the school nurse to document everything- then as hard as it is... JUST LET IT GO! Those parents and that child will have to suffer the consequenses of their decisions and actions. It's only your responsibility to a point.

And as far as your director goes- tell her to politely shove it in her politically correct ear, and find a hospitality director! I have no patience for people that do the kind of things that she did to you in that cluster meeting. It's fine to defend your child- but to take advantage of his illness, and put him in a position to fall behind other children, and not learn, or not let him do his classwork is WRONG- they are hurting him more than his illness could.

And if he is not on a regulated diet, I would document that too- it will help you out. I'm only insulin resistant- and I know that if I don't eat right, I don't feel right, and I don't act right. If his parents are knowingly and purposefully not putting him on a special diet, or restricting his sugar intake, then they are being neglectful, and causing his illness to progress and worsen. Maybe you should throw that in there faces? That child needs protein, and healthy carbs, and healthy fats- he does NOT need sugar and processed foods, and garbage...he needs veggies- no wonder he feels the need to test during subjects that he isn't good at- he isn't getting the fuel his body needs to function properly- and I'll say it again, whether anyone believes me or not- that is neglectful on the part of his parents.

If he needs to do most of his work at home first, then fine, if you know his mom helped but you can't prove it, just tell the administrator that she told you before you were his teacher that she does his homework for him, and he copies it down. They are only hurting him in the long run, and it must be terribly embarassing to be that child- those handouts and unhealthy assistance from his parents coupled with his no boundaries on what you eat diet is causing that child more harm then your two extra pages of math class work.... They are missing the big picture

 

[lockhartkitchen]

Definitely document everything! I had a parent last year that didn't think I was teaching her son math correctly and didn't like that I was keeping him in for recess when work was not completed (a grade level decision). She went as far as contacting my state teaching licensure. I had to go in front of someone and prove my case. I had saved every note, everything. I was obviously found in the right, but went through something I would never want again. I keep everything documented! It's the parents that make me dislike teaching at times, not the children. Too many people don't expect children to take on responsibility. With a son with diabetes, I see this lady not making her child tow the line.

 

[pamperedalf]

I have documented everything, I don't want to get screwed in the long run. I have support from several other teachers.This whole situation has made me question whether I want to teach or not. I am glad when parents are involved, but this doesn't help anybody involved. Good thing Ida & Me are rooming together at conference.

 

[AJPratt]

Look at it this way... at least you got the idiot out of the way early!

 

[MaddyandOwensMom]

I have documented everything, I don't want to get screwed in the long run. I have support from several other teachers.

This whole situation has made me question whether I want to teach or not. I am glad when parents are involved, but this doesn't help anybody involved. Good thing Ida & Me are rooming together at conference.

I have been there! I had a class several years ago with 24 students (2nd grade). About a third of them had problems, were rude, had crazy parents, etc. I cried every morning before I went to school. The principal at the time was new and thought it was me. Looking back, I think clearly that one of the boys was Autistic, but because it wasn't in the forefront as it is now, it was looked at as boredom in the classroom. The following year when I had a better class, the principal thought I had improved greatly, what had changed? I said the class is much better. He was never one to be very supportive of me-luckily he only lasted two years.

I always say to follow your gut feelings or women's intuition or whatever you choose to call it. Something will ultimately feel right to you.

The other thing I wanted to mention was did the principal have the mother sign off on something that says she doesn't care if he does only half his work? The reason I ask is that down the line when he can not function, they will turn around and sue the district for educational neglect. One of the parents in the above class had been told repeatedly from kindergarten that her child needed extensive help. When they told her again in fifth grade, she said she was glad someone was finally helping her son and why hadn't anyone told her of all his problems before? WHAAT? No they didn't sue, but you get the idea. Also, if their is a suggestion that he be left back, he isn't learning disabled. What I was told for one child I held back was that she wasn't testing poorly enough to get her any services, but was mearly just not getting it and retention was the best thing for her (it all worked out great for her). So, if that's the suggestion, everyone knows what this is about and it is not about a learning disablity.

Ride this out and see how you feel next year. Don't let one student ruin it for you. And don't worry about the other kids. Just say that sometimes some students have different educational needs than others and leave it at that. It's not their business and if you tell them more, it will get back to their parents. I'm sure some have already told them anyway. I'm sure that you know you don't owe them an explanation either although they will try to get one!
Jessica

 

[chefshawna]

Oh I should have added, I am not allowed to challange him because it is too hard and he stresses out.

I honestly hate to see what it will be like when he is a teenager or an adult.

Well, who says you can't challenge him?? Parents don't make the rules. I understand that you can't change what the parents will make him do at home, but at school he's yours. Give him harder work if you think he can handle it, move him to a different level or group. She can be a B*&^h at PC meetings and towards you on the phone, but she has no say about how you run your classroom. Diabetics have to deal with stress just like everyone else. If she tells you differently, tell her that you will call his doctor then and see if making him learn is hurting him more than the poor diet they (his parents) provide!!
I hope you can get this school year over with quickly and uneventful!!! You could always try to get him placed into another classroom.