Not Sure How to Respond to My Dir........long

[pamperedalf]

Okay I recently took on a long term sub position for a third grade class the teacher has lost 70% use of her heart. Anyways my dir's son is in this class.

History on this child he is an only child (he knows how to manipulate, dad is more like a brother he tattles to mom & mom yells at dad), he was recently diagnosed w/ diabetes, he is a November baby that started kinder at age 4 and failing everything in school presently.

So my dir has come to me several times this year about his teacher, why are they saying he should be held back. So I have supported his classroom teacher and said I agree w/ his teacher (never anything she liked to hear and I finially said that we couldn't talk about it because we disagreed about it).

So now I am his teacher to the end of the year, and he is driving me absolutely crazy. He can't focus, he won't correct his work, and he is constantly testing his blood sugar (10-15 times in a school day). He does maybe 1/2 of the work that is assigned, and constantly begs to do it at home (I found out my dir makes copies of his work and does it herself and he copies her answers). Well he had a high blood sugar the other day and the school nurse came and got his work. Well he did his homework at school and not the classwork so I sent home 2 pages of math because he didn't do his classwork. Well he started crying saying it wasn't fair, my dad told me to do that.

Well at our meeting last night I walk in and my dir said well before we get started Amanda I need to talk to you about C's homework. He will not be doing the math you sent home because he did his homework in the office. He will not be penalized because he was making good use of his time and its illegal for you to assign extra HW because of his disability. I just wanted you to know he doesn't have to do it.

I am upset beyond belief. She addressed me in front of everyone else, I went to the meeting to network and get away from school. So today she sends a note w/ c and he brings it to me and announces to the class that my parents said I don't have to do the extra math you gave me w/ a big smile and hands me the note. She said that he was utilizing his time while having a diabetic emergency and that he won't be penalized w/ extra HW, and that it's completely unfair to assign this HW. The note proceeds to tell me that now that they now know the school rule about doing HW at home they will not allow C to do HW at school and if he does it in the future he will do the extra work. However he won't be penalized on doing HW at school since they didn't know.
So I haven't responded, and I don't think I should. I have decided to not attend anymore meetings until the end of the school year because I don't want to be put on the spot.

 

[sklay723]

Ouch. I'm so sorry this is happening to you...sounds like you've got your hands full! Is there an administrator or someone at the school you can speak with to handle this if there are any future issues? That way you have a neutral third party to mediate? Just an idea...again, sorry that things have to be like that...that really stinks.

 

[lockhartkitchen]

My son is a diabetic (just diagnosed in Nov.) as a 7th grader. I am also a teacher, so I can understand both sides of this. 10-15 times a day for testing is a lot. If he feels low, he should test. If he's low, (pump? self injecting, depends), would treat the low, then retest. Testing before snacks or meals, but there wouldn't be a need to test that much.

Unfortunately, the mom has you on one area. If his disability is taking him from class, he can't be "penalized". I know this is not what you were intending. (As a teacher it makes sense to makeup the work), but the law is on his side. I definitely would grade work that is in class work, not homework. I have had many students that it was obvious parents were doing the work, so classwork was what was graded.

I'm sorry that she's crossing the line and confronting you at clusters. This is uncalled for. When you are there, you are a PC consultant. I wouldn't go anymore until the end of the year either. I hate confrontation. The hard thing would be to tell her that you enjoy the outlet PC has for you, and you would like to keep school conversations at school.

Good luck! I've never had one of my friend's kids in my class, but I have had other teacher's kids. It can be touchy sometimes.

 

[pamperedalf]

10-15 times a day for testing is a lot. If he feels low, he should test. If he's low, (pump? self injecting, depends), would treat the low, then retest. Testing before snacks or meals, but there wouldn't be a need to test that much.

He has a pump, which is supposedly suppose to keep him regulated but what I have learned is that he is not on a restricted diet so he won't miss out on things that his friends have and I have noticed he is all over the charts. From being a teacher and working w/ several other diabetic students I have never seen a kid test so much, and have blood sugar all over the charts like he does.
He tests whenever he gets nervous, like a spelling test he gets up and tests. During math if it's hard he tests every 5-10 mins. However today like when we were at science lab for an hour and a half he didn't test at all. It still drives me crazy.

 

[PampChefJoy]

I would document everything, get an adminstrator involved, and see what the district says about policies for children with "disabilities" and what they get in terms of accomodations.

I would tell your director that you're not comfortable attending her meetings during your tenure as her son's teacher since she feels the need to address you in front of the group about a private matter regarding her son's education. She may choose to air it out but you certainly don't have to discuss YOUR STUDENT in public. If you were a doctor, you wouldn't talk about her medical condition in front of a group of people, even if she brought it up, right?

I would also get the school nurse to start documenting something about the testing 10-15 times a day. That seems excessive to me and I can picture the parents coming back to you and blaming you for something in regards to that. I was gestational diabetic twice and those strips are not cheap, even with insurance, and I'm sure they will blame you for letting him test so often and costing them money.

I'm sure that there is more to the story and I am feeling a bit feisty and judgmental... but something about this story just rubs me the wrong way.

 

[mpkegley]

Maybe you can get a hospitality director for now. It is not fair to you to not be able to go to monthly meetings because she treated you like that. She should have taken you to another room before even talking about her son's class work. This is just my opinion, of course, but if this happened to me, I would never go back to one of her cluster meetings. I don't take being treated that way in front of other people very well.

 

[pamperedlinda]

I agree with Joy. Start documenting everything, this kid is a brat and sounds like his parents are too. She was way off base saying what she did at your meeting and I bet others felt a little uncomfortable witnessing it. Sounds to me like this person has a huge inferiority complex and needs to make others feel small.

Hey, isn't this the same Director who came down on you last year too for something petty? I feel for you!

 

[Jenni]

I agree this should not even be talked about at a PC meeting... but as a mother of a child with a dis extra homework would be a no go for me as well! Sorry :blushing:

 

[Koolotus]

Amanda, that just sucks.
That being said I remember the scene from last year and then just recently the conference room issue. Be done with her. You need positive in your life not negative nelly. I can not fathom what you can being getting from this woman. Ida just promoted, have the 2 of you run your own warm fuzzy meetings and be professional and train on what will help your teams.
This is your business and more importantly your life and sometimes you just have to say Adios!
Good luck I know you will do the best thing for you. Call me if you want to chat.
Cheryl

 

[pamperedgirl3]

I agree that I would let your director know that you didn't appreciate her discussing that in front of everyone. I definitely would not go to any more of her meetings.

Were the two pages you gave him to do at home the classwork he was supposed to do? If so, he should have done those since he did the homework during the day so he should have done the classwork at home. But it sounds like no matter what you do this mom will never be happy.

I would also get a third party involved to document. That way she can't jump all over you.

Good luck! I used to be a teacher too & it seems like some parents try to get you for anything they can instead of working with you for the benefit of their child.

 

[dannyzmom]

Your director is completely out of line. Is her upline local to you? Maybe you could attend those meetings instead of dealing with your director?

 

[PC For Me 2 Move Out]

I'm so sorry about this!! I know that when I was to be out for 2 weeks, for surgery ( I was in 1st grade. I had to ask my Mom about this, cause I was only 7, & I'm 26 now). 1 of the weeks was school vaca. I had to complete both the classwork & homework providing it wasn't any new material.

 

[MaddyandOwensMom]

I agree with Linda. The kid is a brat and the mother think it is OK to take advantage of your personal relationship . As others have said document, document, document! Also speak with the principal and show he or she the letter. Ask for an explanation of policy. Can you call the regular classroom teacher? I'm sure she has background on this family. If you can't, touch base with his second grade teacher "off the record." She or he probably has a lot to say and might be able to help you out. See if you can set up a meeting with the principal, nurse, the parents, and yourself, and anyone else who you think is relevant to the situation. This matter should be handled on your time in the classroom or other school office. And as a leave replacement, it should not all be on you. This family has a four year history with the school.

Even though ultimately it will probably not be your call, I agree that the child should be held back. As a teacher, I did not enter this decision lightly and it was a rare occurance in my 12 years of teaching kindergarten and second grade (four times maybe?). My DS is 11/17 and there is no way I'm sending him to kdg. when he is four. It is often a bad move and this situation proves it.

Best of Luck and keep us updated!
Jessica

 

[janetupnorth]

I read this earlier and couldn't take time to respond to now.Amanda - you director was COMPLETELY inappropriate discussing her child in that manner in front of a group and putting you on the spot like that. It is not professional in any means. ...and the son with the note and bragging...well, I would have given him 2 NEW pages of math for disrupting the morale of the class in that manner. He at least needs a good talking to by an administrator. Being partially in the health care field in many aspects I would get the administrator and the nurse involved and get him on a testing schedule. Blood sugars should be more controlled than his, he should NOT need to test 10-15 times in a school day (just imagine the costs of the test strips!), and it should not be an excuse or disrupt the class. Medical emergencies and conditions exist but SHOULD NOT be an excuse to get out of work or bad behavior. He should still have to live up to the academic standards, and if he can't, he SHOULD take work home or find a more appropriate schooling solution.Personally, I would send your director and note and CC her upline director and work it from a PC standpoint only that you feel it was inappropriate to confront and address you in a PC meeting about her son. (Personally I think she was trying to belittle you - consciously or unconsciously - and play a power role). If she wants to discuss her child's academics, she can contact you during business hours at the school and you will be happy to meet with her and discuss the situation.I have more running through my head on this topic, but IMMEDIATELY get your supervisor/administrator at work involved and explain the whole story and document EVERYTHING on this child. It's a pain, but do it.

 

[pamperedalf]

Yes the math sent home was school work.I have started documenting everything, like what we are doing when he tests, I keep a folder of unfinished school work. The principal is involved and she said she will help him at recess to finish his work. That he is not allowed to do anything extra untill his schoolwork is done and corrected. (he will try to put things away before I check it and he doesn't get that I won't forget). He has a care team meeting coming up w/ about holding him back.I really shouldn't involve the original teacher because of her heart issue, the teacher he had last year I don't care for, unprofessional. The school nurse is backing me up and is kinda sick of seeing C because when he comes in he just wants to talk and not do his school work. We talk every day sometimes a few times.My upline AD is a complete b@#$! and they do their meetings together. She was in London this week. Yes I just had hotel issues w/ this dir. I will now go to Ida's meetings which was actually the plan all along we were celbrating Ida's promotion. MY dir was great when I started great support and then when Ida was recruited by my AD and we became friends something changed because she doesn't like Ida.Thank you guys for your support. For those that felt sending the classwork home was wrong that's okay (thank you for expressing your opinion, I like that we can do that here). On that note I still stand behind what I did.

 

[JAE]

I think you should talk to your director about what happened at the meeting. If you weren't planning to attend her meeting any longer, then, I guess, there is no need to talk to her about it. If you want to give her the benefit of the doubt than just tell her privately that you'd appreciate sticking to PC during the meetings and talking about school at school or on the phone during such and such hours. Try not to be part of her drama and take it personally. She is obviously the one with the problem, so keep that in mind when you speak to her about any issues.

 

[kisrae]

Amanda, First I have to say Love you girly!
The night of our meeting what your director did was out of line. I have told you before that she has low self esteem and her child is out of hand. She need to be a parent and not a friend to her son. I can not stand when a parent doesn't teach their child to respect adults. I had a small run in with him and didn't like how he spoke to me like we were equal. Sure my kids and I have fun and play around(when i'm cool enough) but they know that I am the parent.

Your Director is one of those parents who wants to blame eveyone else for their child not doing well and that your just picking on him. well I say BULL! She is the one who is not teaching him the his education is important. I said before and I'll say it again...yes he has a disability but it could always be worse and she needs to teach him to handle this disabilty with respect and responsibilty.

Your coming to my meeting from now on. We work better together anyway. We haven't been getting anything out of these meeting we've been giving more and running them so let see how they do with out us. I really feel that we educate our directors recruits more then they do.

I can go on forever. Just keep your head up and chug along. We're all her for you.

 

[kisrae]

Oh I forgot some post were saying to go to her upline. Well that will get you know where. She's worse but just a crazy
just and reminder to you all her upline is the lady who took my recruit lead when he was looking for me and took a group of Amandas clients

 

[janetupnorth]

Based on the above and the past stories, I'll see who your contact person is at HO and still contact your director with the story and CC the AD who is bad and HO. They truly need to know these situations in your cluster.You two are GREAT encouragement to each other!...and Amanda - on the clarification to the math - if it WAS schoolwork and not extra, it SHOULD be done!

 

[janetupnorth]

By the way, Ida and Amanda - you guys should write a mini-book on all your crazy PC stories!!!!

 

[susan g]

I feel bad for you that you have to deal with all the crazy people in your life right now. I also can't help but think of what kind of man this bratty kid will grow up to be. If he's this much trouble now, just imagine him in a few years. Personally, if my daugter missed doing classwork or homework for any reason, I would expect her to get it done in her free time or at home so she wouldn't get behind. Good luck!

 

[janetupnorth]

Warning:

That's what I keep thinking, what a dis-service these parents are doing for their child. Teaching him that he can set his own rules and get out of things.If my child doesn't get work done due to goofing around, she has to make up the work, and have appropriate punishment for misbehavior. Last night at AWANA, I had a kid in my group come up to me and apologize for his behavior the week before and then tell me he'd be back next week. His mom drove him in to town so he could apologize then go back home. Missing AWANA and the fun part of it was part of his punishment for his behavior the week before. I personally would not take my kid out of AWANA, just make them sit out for games, but I had GREAT respect for this mother and her enforcement of the rules for her kids. I can bet, he will grow up to be a good kid. I've had kids in youth group that were on the other extreme. One was a case where she was adopted and learned every way to get around things. She could quote the "laws and rules" that apply...Dad cannot spank me, I have a disorder where I don't respect authority, on and on...it was like this young one, an excuse. I sat her down the first night and said here are my rules: We sit in our chairs, we do not move around the room, we keep our hands to ourselves. We respect adults, we respect our peers, we do not interrupt them when they are talking, we raise our hand to speak next, etc. She tried once or twice to break the rules, and I repeated the rules and told her if she did not follow them now she would be asked to leave. Needless to say, for her it worked, she NEEDED the rules. She was one of my best kids and the next year all the leaders stuck her with me again because I was the only adult she'd listen too. She NEEDED attention and rules. Sadly, as an adult, she has gone off to her own lifestyle, but I hope a glimpse of that sticks with her somewhere...Contrary to society, we can teach our kids to think for themselves and be good and creative in a STRUCTURED environment. A little bit of losing and bad stuff will make them stronger, not crush their ego....and we wonder why people never follow rules and always bend them...Stepping off soapbox now...need to find that smiley...

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Well said Janet!

My son's preschool teacher was actually SHOCKED when I had him apologize for his misbehavior the day before. She tried to brush it off, and I said "No, he needs to understand that he has to respect you and the rules of the classroom."


I have a nephew and niece who have had no structure and no stability in their lives - but they love to come to my house and follow the rules - they like that we do certain things at certain times, and that we have rules about how we treat each other. (and I'm not even a structured person!)

One day when they were still pretty young, my niece was here, and started throwing a temper tantrum and pouting because she wasn't getting her way. I just said "Uh uh, Missy - you know you don't get away with that at Aunt Becky's house" - her brother, who is a couple years older, chimed in and said "Yeah, I've learned by now that you don't get away with nothin' at Aunt Becky's house." (his grammar, not mine!)

That was the end of her temper tantrum.

And guess who their favorite Aunt is? They love coming here - even with (or because of) my rules.

 

[MaddyandOwensMom]

.I really shouldn't involve the original teacher because of her heart issue, the teacher he had last year I don't care for, unprofessional. The school nurse is backing me up and is kinda sick of seeing C because when he comes in he just wants to talk and not do his school work. We talk every day sometimes a few times.

That's unfortunate because I was always able to get lots of insight on kids and it helped me feel like I was not alone in a situation. I'm glad that the nurse andprincipal are aware.

I'm going to join Janet on the soap box. I dislike it when parents use every excuse in the book to explain their child's problem. I've dealt with many. The latest is a friend who's son was told that he needs a self-contained class or retention for next year instead of 1st grade. She disagrees as they are moving and the stress is too much for him and his grandmother died LAST YEAR! I am very sensitive to this family, but I also know that she will make excuses for everything to justify bad behavior and academic performance. The other thing Janet mentioned was the adoption thing. Both my kids are and although we do recognize that some behaviors are related, it is simply not an excuse for bad behavior. There have been lots of things that have gone on with my 3 yr old DS since we brought him home less than a year ago. We do not give into his whining, tantrums, etc. just because he was in an orphange. He has to become a good citizen of society. His speech is delayed but we always required some word to communicate intead of grunting. It has made a huge difference and he's doing very well.

Physical or medical disability should not be an excuse and it is very sad that this boy is learning these values. It sound like this could be manageable and he could function just fine. My DH did not walk until he was three becuse of CP and he was never coddled by his parents. They expected the same from him as the other kids. He is a chemist and an overacheiver because of it.

Jessica

 

[chefbritt]

Well said Janet and Jessica! I work in a school, and I've seen so many situations like this, particularly parents doing their kids homework. What do they think they are teaching them? Actually, I have an aunt who does this for her kids, and her sister still writes her children's papers for them, and reads their books to them, and they're in college! With several educators in the family, you can imagine the arguments we've all gotten into over that one...

 

[PurpleAngel]

It’s an unfortunate situation for your self and for the child.

I would be making sure you have your principal (or other official) involved. Because this ‘MOM’ sounds like she could turn any situation her way. And thast could put you into a sticky spot.

I would defiantly not treat this child any different that any other child in the class due to the diabetes. All that would do is hurt his education.

 

[janetupnorth]

Well said Janet and Jessica! I work in a school, and I've seen so many situations like this, particularly parents doing their kids homework. What do they think they are teaching them? Actually, I have an aunt who does this for her kids, and her sister still writes her children's papers for them, and reads their books to them, and they're in college! With several educators in the family, you can imagine the arguments we've all gotten into over that one...

Oh my...technically they could be kicked out of college for that!


In kindergarten I helped my daughter with homework, read directions, guided her a bit. In 1st grade, she does it all on her own and is responsible for it unless it is assigned to specifically involve a parent. She has to remember and make sure it is done. We go over it together when it comes back corrected and at that point make sure she understand if she does something wrong, but on the front end, she needs to learn and do and make mistakes. I will clarify instructions, if she asks for that specifically which is rare. Also in reading, I read to hear when she couldn't read, now she has to read and at least attempt to sound out words. I will assist if she's attempted a big word and it is very hard. She has progressed quite well and is LEARNING HOW TO LEARN. That, I believe is the key to knowledge and life. Your entire life is learning, learn young how to read and learn and you will do fine.

 

[scottcooks]

Oh, my.

Maybe it's just my guy perspective but this is outrageous. If you are a sub, you are a certificated employee. Get with your teacher's union and get someone bigger than you to WRITE to this parent with legal undertones to tell her to Back Off. Certainly a parent has every right to monitor what they feel is appropriate for their child, but they have a moral obligation to set standards and to demand that their child cooperate with a teacher as well. A note saying they "don't have to do work assigned" with a big smile in front of the class is a tiny human being crying out for help. Relax. Remember you are the adult in the room, and a 9 year old showing off for other 9 year olds doesn't matter a whole lot a year from now.

What matters is this mom/director/enabler is being an absolute jerk to the lady with a heart condition. Instead of being grateful to you for stepping up to the plate to assist her son in his time of need (without a teacher otherwise), she is an example of a selfish brat - and one who is endangering her offspring.

I would write to Pampered Chef and to two upline folks above this director - PC can give you their addresses, or just pay attention to emails you have recieved to find their addresses online, to complain about her unprofessional and demeaning behavior. Then carbon copy a draft of the letter to this supposed "director" - what a crock! Inform her you will no longer be participating in her cluster. If you choose to, you could write a "goodbye" note to other members of the group without saying what caused you to leave, just say you are sad you won't be seeing them at cluster any longer b/c it no longer serves your needs as a developing FD or consultant. You could include a thanks for particular things they've helped you with, then leave it alone. No badmouthing her to her underlings, but truthfully write to her bosses (2 above her) what kinds of things concern you. Tell the upline folks "I cannot imagine this is the behavior you want your downlines to demonstrate to us - you need to take action unless you want this behavior spreading to other clusters in your business."

Honestly - what kind of parent allows their diabetic kid an unrestricted diet to "not miss out on things their friends have"? There is some serious denial going on. That parent is placing their kid at medical risk, not to mention being a ludicrous human being.

Ask your principal if you are required to alert child protective services that a child in your class is diabetic but unrestricted in diet, and is testing 10-15 times a day, particularly when nervous. Do what he/she says...later you can honestly tell the parent or whomever that you did as you were told.

Start a notebook at home and document what goes on each day. Document phone calls. Print out emails and put them in the notebook. Keep it at home and discuss it with no one.

Keep reaching out. I think your time with this 'director' is done. FIRE her.

If you wanted to send a louder message, you could resign your PC business with letters to those same 2 uplines and home office - and explain you intend to sign back on a year and a day from now with someone of better moral fiber as your recruiter - but that you don't want a penny from your sales going to support this person or these behaviors.

There are plenty of other direct sales companies where you could do very well, and lots of great people in this business!

 

[wadesgirl]

I agree with everyone, proper documentation and involving administrators is necessary in this situation. It should not be allowed to go any further. If he needs to test himself, he should go to the nurses office. This way, someone is keeping track of him and can report back to the mom or someone else about how many times he's testing himself. Why do you let a small child be in charge of things like this? And the whole point to his issues is he has no structure at home. Kids turn into adults and become adults who have no respect for anyone, blame everyone else and have behavior problems as an adult.

Is he an only child?

 

[Geoo]

I'm not sure if it was mentioned or not, but I just want to point out that just being on an insulin pump does not necessarily mean that you are regulated. I am a diabetic of 24 years and also on an insulin pump. It does help, if you use it right, but there are many days it goes really bad too.

However, I totally support you and feel for the position you are in. I agree with one person that I read that said a third party to mediate between the two of you is probably best.

Best of luck to you and sorry that you are having to go through that all.

Jim