How Can Busy Parents Effectively Discipline a Mouthy Three Year Old?

[apriljc]

Everyone has such good ideas on this sight, so hear is another question ofr you all. I have two boys, ages 5 & 3. They are really busy boys. My 3 year old is sooo mouthy. He is always talking back, and he also makes sure he gets the last word. If he doesn't get his way he has a screaming fit and he likes to throw and his things. He also says naught words that he knows that he is not to say and when I tell him not to say those words sometimes he will say them just to spite me. He also likes to aggrivate his older brother but hitting him, or just being in his way.
I have tried washing his mouth out with soap, spanking, having time out, taking things away, and who know what else. I have also tried sitting down with him and taling to him and telling him what he did was wrong. He tells me he will be good but he keeps doing things that he knows he is not suppose to do. I am at my whits end with him. I sometimes feel like I am a bad mother and I did something wrong with him. The boys like to fight so that also makes me want to pull my hair out. Their dad is home somtimes, he works FT and also does mowing for people, and he tries to dicipline them but I don't think he realizes how much this bothers me.
I sometimes feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown. Ok I am sorry this is so long but of course my husband is gone and won't be home until tomorrow so here I am taling to the computer. Any advice would be great. Thanks for listening.

 

[Cindy Landon]

You poor girlIt's nice to have someone to vent to, isn't it? Not a problem, all of us with kids have been there before and we will all be there again.

Is it possible that he is trying to get your attention? Sometimes kids may feel that the only way to get Mom or Dad's attention is to do something negative. I don't mean to say that you are not paying attention to him, but kids that age don't always see it that way. They want your undivided attention and they want it NOW so they act out in a way that will guarantee your attention.

What about joining a playgroup? That way he can make new friends, it will give him a change of scenery, and will give you some friends with kids the same age to talk to.

Schedule one-on-one time with each of your boys. My kids are all school age so I have to do things a little differently than you, but I go to the school for lunch once each month on the date of their birthday. That way they each have a special day at least one time every month. Granted, with kids that are 3 and 5 you will need to schedule time every day for them individually.

Good luck. I hope everything gets better with your boys. It is just a really rough age to deal with. If it makes you feel any better, I had a friend call me this afternoon because her kids were getting to her as well. Maybe it is just that time of the year. Is it a full moon?

 

[apriljc]

Thanks for the advice. I did forget to mention that he is starting pre-school 2 days a week and I hope this works. I work 4 days a week outside of the house and he goes to Grandma's. He sometimes acts like this with her too. I am hoping that pre-school will help.

 

[cmdtrgd]

Have you tried just holding him and telling him how much you love him when he acts this way? Do that a few times and see what happens. Just grab him and hold him and tell him you love him, nothing else. Don't acknowledge the bad behavior. If the bad behavior lessens, keep doing it when he is bad AND when he is good. Then after doing this for a few days, when he IS bad, tell him you love him and that it hurts you when he acts this way. It seems weird and possibly like you are encouraging the behavior, but if he gets the love and holding and attention both when he is good and bad, he will be a bit confused...this is good. When you finally tell him how it hurts you, he will have the ability to see you will give him attention during both actions, and you still love him no matter what he does, but he SHOULD pay more attention to what HE is doing and not want to hurt you. If this doesn't make sense, let me know. I'm a bit tired.

 

[Jennie4PC]

I might have to try that tactic, my daughter has beem horrible, she just told my DH that he was a ruddy head for getting mad at her. It must totally be in the air

 

[newbietoPC]

wow, you are living my life!!I read your post and I would have thought you were looking thru my windows! My son is 3 1/2 and daughter is 1 1/2 and that is just like a day in my house. He knows what buttons to push for her and she the same for him. I am also a daycare provider and I recently went to a class for issues like this. They really stressed "re-directing". So what I have been doing for my son is I have tubs and they each hold different packaged activities. I sometimes don't have time to gather all the stuff needed so I have pre-packaged them to save time. When he is acting up I quick grab a container and he is always very excited to see what he gets to do. It has really helped for me! As far as the fits and behavior problems, IGNORE them! He will stop when you quit paying attention. As long as he isn't hurting himself, he will be fine.

Hope this helps

 

[bbauman07]

Is it possible that he is trying to get your attention? Sometimes kids may feel that the only way to get Mom or Dad's attention is to do something negative. I don't mean to say that you are not paying attention to him, but kids that age don't always see it that way. They want your undivided attention and they want it NOW so they act out in a way that will guarantee your attention

I agree to this. My middle son is the one who is starving for attention in our house, he used to throw things and yell, etc. So I changed this up at home our day no starts with of course the potty chair but from there we lay on the couch or in my bed and watch cartoons for about an hour, then we my daughter goes down for a nap we read, play toys or what ever it is that he is wanting to do for the day.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

Mouthy Three Year Old

I thought someone was complaining about me again.

Carry on. [Slowly slinks away and backs out of the thread]

 

[jenniferlynne]

Two Words!!Super Nanny!!


Just joking. I think it should be called the Terrible Three's instead of the Terrible Two's. I also had more trouble out of my son when he was three then when he was two. I also babysit, and have always had more trouble out of the three year olds. They have all gotten better as they got older. My cousin will sometimes ask me to watch her three year old if she has to work on Saturdays. I dread it. Last time he was here, he called me names and the time before that, he tore a leaf off of our Peace Lilly and shredded it up all over the carpet. And he knows better!! I used to baby-sit him Mon-Fri but had to come up with a fib to get rid of him. I didn't want to cause a family feud, but the kid was driving me nuts!

Just hang in there and keep a close eye on the moon. I've noticed right before a full moon, all the kids I watch act like they belong in a zoo!!

 

[gilliandanielle]

Seriously though- I love that Super Nanny book! It has been very helpful to our family!!

 

[apriljc]

Thanks for all of the advice. I think something must be in the air because people that I talked to at work today has said their kids or grandskids were crazy this weekend. I know I will get through this but I am hoping soon.

 

[DZmom]

Was there a full moon this weekend, because my kids too were wild.

I do now that you need to REWARD the good behavior. For every good behavior, give him a sticker on a chart or a marble in a jar. Once he gets so many then give him a special treat. I've learned from my 6 yo that punishing the bad behavior and rewarding the good gets good results. Be firm, but direct with the punishment. They way we do it is like this. Put him in time out and tell him, "We do not hit other people. You can get up in 6 minutes." If he gets up, firmly take him back to the time out spot, BUT DO NOT TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT! Timing starts OVER at that point! Once he's spent the right amount of time in time out, then we ask not tell him what he did that put him in time out. After he answers we briefly tell him why it's not appropriate and leave it at that. WE DO NOT BRING IT UP AGAIN! We've noticed an increase in good behavior and a decline in the bad. This might sound familiar. We adopted it from one of the nannies on Nanny 911.

Our son was 4.5 when our daughter came along. He was the only child and only grandchild for 4.5 years and the only great grandchild and the first baby in the family for 11 years, and remained the only baby for 2 years. PLUS, he was the only boy in the family for 5.5 years. Needless to say, he was spoiled rotten by us all. When our daughter came along my angelic little boy disappeared.

 

[jdavis]

I think it should be more like.....
The Terrible Toddler YearS (extra emphasis on that last S!)

I know that there are lots of things that my children have come home from daycare with from the lady's grandson being the satan's spawn. He came home about 4 months ago or more saying 'I hate you' when he would get mad at someone for getting onto him or not getting his way, that didn't last long though since just the slightest pat just kills most children. I also told him that it wasn't nice. The same for those bad words he has picked up here and there, it didn't last too long either.

But I still haven't gotten him to quit finding the fly swatter (I swear I won't see it for a week but he knows exactly where to find it) and hitting his brothers with it, but they have told him to hit them so many times that he just thinks that it's still fun and games.