Dealing with Rude People: Tips for Keeping Your Cool and Handling Conflict

[cookingwithlove]

We have all come across the rude person, not only in our businesses, but also in our lives. This was printed in the newspaper today and I found it very useful.


If someone is being rude, consider these points, adapted from a tip sheet by psychologist Arthur Ciaramicoli, before you react.

1. Don't personalize rude behavior. It's unlikely to be about you, even though it's directed at you.
2. Be aware that rude behavior comes from various sources (sleep deprivation, depression, stress, illness, insecurity, etc.)
3. Respond with calmness rather than behavior that escalates rude behavior.
4. "An eye for an eye" is poor approach.
5. Self-righteous behaviour only reflects poorly on you; don't use the opportunity to demean another.
6. Try to address the underlying cause of the behavior. ("I can see you are very stressed. Maybe I could help if you tell me what's bothering you")
7. When necessary, set limits tactfully, not aggressively.
8. If the converstaion remains irrational, know when to quit.
9. Don't assume rudeness is a permanent part of someone's personality. It is a pattern of rudeness (not one mishap) that determnines character.
10. In the end, always let empathy be your guide in understaning rudeness, knowing how to respond to a rude individual and knowing when to leave the scene.


Hope this helps as we head into the hectic holiday season!

 

[pampcheflisa]

These are GREAT, thanks for posting!!!
I always try to keep these in mind when I encounter a rude person in public. It is very hard to not take it personally (at least for me), but I try not to.
As for my boss, he is rude all the time, all day long, every day. But, there are a few tips up there that I need to constantly remember!!
Thanks again!

 

[pamperedlinda]

Great advice. Thanks for posting.

 

[raebates]

Wonderful advice.

 

[KellyTheChef]

I can remember shopping for clothes for me, DH and the kids to wear to my Mom's funeral two years ago. It hit me while we were in the store that I may run into people in the public EVERY DAY who are "going through the motions" and dealing with something very stressful in their lives (like a funeral) like we were at the time. These tips are a reminder of that...9 times out of 10 rudeness is NOT their normal actions...and even for that one person who IS just plain rude all of the time, they are normally not a happy person. You can't always tell by their behavior what is going on in their lives or inside their heart.

Thanks for sharing these! Holiday time is a good time to keep this info in the front of our minds...for many people the next few months will be VERY stressful, for all sorts of reasons!

 

[chefsteph07]

Oprah had something on this the other day...very valid points and being inconsiderate breaks down society.

 

[sk8rgrrl99]

Thank you SO much for this. It's such a great reminder. I think I'll print this and hang it at my desk at work. I work at a helpdesk so a lot of time when someone calls me and is rude (which luckily rarely happens where I work) it's because they're super stressed or frustrated.

 

[pampchefsarah]

Thank you SO much for this. It's such a great reminder. I think I'll print this and hang it at my desk at work. I work at a helpdesk so a lot of time when someone calls me and is rude (which luckily rarely happens where I work) it's because they're super stressed or frustrated.

Sarah! I haven't seen you around here in a long time. Have I just not been reading the right threads??

I never understood the point of being rude to the person who is supposed to be helping you (such as help desk, nurse, waitstaff, etc). It's one thing when you've been trying to resolve a situation for 30 minutes, and they just don't seem to be getting it, but I always try to start out (and stay) friendly.

I did learn a lesson, myself, today. I work from home, and communicate by e-mail with my co-workers. One co-worker, a sales person, was questioning the amount a customer had to pay after a credit was applied. I answered several different ways, and he just kept asking the same question :grumpy: (or, so it seemed). This morning he tried again, but re-worded the question (even saying, "ok, let me reword this" ). Suddenly, I understood exactly what he needed to know, gave him the answer, and the problem was solved. Here I was, thinking he was an idiot, when the whole time the problem was me!