Advice on How to Deal With a Seasoned Consultant

[finley1991]

Hi there... maybe some of you can suggest how I should approach working with one of my consultants. She has been a consultant on my team for 3 years and just attended her 3rd national conference with me. EVERY year after conference she tells me that she is going to bump up her business and promote and then nothing happens.

Last year at Conference we had some alone time together in which I thought I would do some coaching while the excitement of conference was at an all-time high. She went into her "annual" speech about how this is her year, she's going to really work her business... you know the drill... After she finished I pointed out that the previous year that she had told me the same thing but nothing changed in that year, so I asked her what she was planning on doing differently. (My upline used this approach with me and it was very thought-provoking and helpful so I thought I'd try it). Well, she burst into tears and told me that I was being VERY MEAN to her in pointing out that she hadn't reached her goals. Needless to say, we didn't get very far in the coaching. And I decided against coaching her at conference this year! (Go figure!) But all through conference I listened to her tell me and the rest of our team... this is her year.. she's going to promote... the same story. Last December she was less than 1,000 points away from earning Level One and wouldn't go for it. She says and acts like she has the drive, but then won't act on it.

I guess I'm at a loss for what to do here... maybe some of you out there can give me some advice!!! I do my best to hold her accountable (which she has asked me to do) and when she doesn't do something she says she's going to, either she cries or she tells me story after story about how life gets in the way. (We ALL have life getting in the way of our businesses!)

I don't feel it's right to give up on her, but I am tired of hearing the same thing over and over and listening to the crying... So what do all of your brilliant minds out there have to offer me? I REALLY NEED HELP WITH THIS ONE!!!!!!!

PS: I have thought about the "if you can't change your consultants, change your consultants" and I am... I am recruiting and working with 3 others to promote to director... it's just this one that I'm at a crossroads with...

Thanks for your help!!!!

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Does she really believe in herself? She may really want this to be her year - but you may not know what kind of negative self-talk is going on in her brain. I know - I've had some of those issues........

 

[JAE]

Maybe you could just ask her what she really wants you to say to her and ask her. If she says she wants you to hold her accountable ask her "what do you mean, exactly?" If she can't be specific, maybe you could say "do you want me to ask you if you've done your three contacts 5 days this week?, or do you want me to ask you if you've asked every person at the show individually if they are interested in more info about the PC business opportunity or having a show?". Ask her exactly what she wants from you.

 

[finley1991]

Maybe you could just ask her what she really wants you to say to her and ask her. If she says she wants you to hold her accountable ask her "what do you mean, exactly?" If she can't be specific, maybe you could say "do you want me to ask you if you've done your three contacts 5 days this week?, or do you want me to ask you if you've asked every person at the show individually if they are interested in more info about the PC business opportunity or having a show?". Ask her exactly what she wants from you.

Thank you! I have done this and asked her specifically how I can hold her accountable and when I ask her if she's done what she says she was going to, more times than not (and now I honestly can't think of a time when she has done something she said she would) she will say she didn't and then I will ask her what held her up from doing it (was it life or fear or what) and she tells me and then I'll ask her when she thinks she can get it done and that's usually where the crying starts.... and at that point there is no way to work with her because she works herself up into a hyperventalating frenzy! (And it's not just me.. she does this with our upline too and with her husband.) Whenever she feels any pressure, she starts the crying thing. That's why I'm at such a loss over what to do!!!!

 

[Teresa Lynn]

Instead of assuming this isn't her year (because it hasn't been in the past after she told you she wanted it) Do small things that let her know you are behind her and believe she can make it her year.

send her a postcard or notecard filled with confetti. With just encouraging words.

Make a postcard that you send each month with her stats on trip points maybe that last $1,000 seemed impossible to her last year!!

Write a blurb in your newsletter spotlighting her about how she has attended 3 conferences and some of the successes in her career ($1,00o shows, recruits etc)

I'm always finding small things to send to my team
I send a monthly newsletter and call it Teresa's Sit & Sip I send a flavored tea bag each month. It's a small thing but, they all tell me they look forward to it and they will either call or email me when the get it to tell me about their business or whatever is going on at home.

 

[JAE]

When she is having a sane moment maybe you could just ask her why she cries when you ask her when she is going to do what she says she's going to do. Word it better than that, but something is obviously wrong, emotionally.

 

[finley1991]

Thanks... all of this is very helpful! I do lots of recognition and she does (as does everyone on my team) get lots of encouragement, postcards, e-mail recognition, etc.

I do believe in her... I really do! And I know she doesn't believe in herself as much.

Thanks again... all of your suggestions are awesome & really helpful!!!!

 

[janetupnorth]

Colleen - the hardest thing will be those emotions of hers. She has to make the conscience effort to get over them. Her husband needs to be her emotional support and you are her business support. PC is a neat personal business, but it is also a job! Until she gets past whatever is holding her back personally, it won't be her year...she has some fear holding her back. You need to support her business-wise but don't drain your energy dumping into her beyond that. I hope that makes sense...I'm probably rambling by now...

 

[cmdtrgd]

She is telling you she is uncoachable. That might be permanent and it might be temporary. Either way, you need to find somewhere else to put your energy. Still be there for her, offer her anything you would offer to any other consultant, but let her do her own thing. Send postcards that recognize what you want repeated. Remember the 80-20 rule! If she really wants it, she'lll come and ask you for it. Also, have you offered the Step Up to Director program?

 

[tlennhoff]

Maybe you could partner her up with a new consultant that could use a mentor? They could be responsible for calling each other once a week to discuss progress made on goals?

Or maybe ask her to set small goals and then check in regularly?

 

[MomToEli]

I wonder ... is she married? Or is there some other loud voice that she hears that hinders her? A spouse, for instance, can SAY they are supportive, but they may pick a fight every time you go to leave to do a show, or complain when you try to do phone or paper work. Basically, set up obstacles that make it difficult for you to achieve what you say you want.

Often people set conflicting goals for themselves. Help her sort those out. I don't find that one personally so much with TPC, but SURE have with other companies. The time commitment to obtain what is considered successful may be more than she can spend. Or she may just be bad at time management and not know HOW to balance everything out.

Also, be sure that her dream is HER dream and not yours. She may be wanting to please you - maybe she thinks that's the only way she can be your friend, and she may value a friendship with you.

Reminding her that she has yet to meet her goal only serves the purpose of making her feeling worse about herself than she already does. Helping her uncover what holds her back would help - and it could well be what she tells herself she deserves, based on what others have said about her from the time she was a child.

So, some people don't think they deserve success. Some are afraid that if they attain it it will somehow change them into someone they don't want to be - or someone that will be rejected by those she emotionally depends on the most. Some people are afraid of success because it is unknown and anything unknown is frightening. And some people don't know how to define success for themselves and so they try to succeed by someone else's definition, and that will never work.

Hope any of this helps. I know it must be frustrating.

 

[janetupnorth]

Hey Colleen - you're in MI too...are you in the same cluster as JAE and Becky or no?

 

[finley1991]

When she is having a sane moment maybe you could just ask her why she cries when you ask her when she is going to do what she says she's going to do. Word it better than that, but something is obviously wrong, emotionally.

Yes... you are right that something is wrong emotionally and that's why this is a tricky one. It's a chemical thing and she has been giving prescriptions which she won't take for personal and religious reasons.

And also, she knows that the crying will get her out of facing things (something she had admitted to doing).

I think my best bet is to keep on with the encouraging and wait and see....

 

[JAE]

I am under Denise Marlink, who is under Nancy Baron. BeckyD attended the same banquet as me at conference, Yvonne Matteson.

 

[chefann]

{{{hugs}}} to you, Colleen. That's a hard situation to be in.

I wish I had some good advice to share with you, because you've shared some good stuff. But, alas, nothing comes to mind.

 

[janetupnorth]

Yes... you are right that something is wrong emotionally and that's why this is a tricky one. It's a chemical thing and she has been giving prescriptions which she won't take for personal and religious reasons.

Based on that, you HAVE to separate the business from the personal. Offer her the support you would any other consultant and stop there. You can't dig into the emotions or help her get past those. That she has to deal with on her own, with family, with a doctor, with a psychologist, psychiatrist, not with you. If it already is tricky, it will just get time consuming and draining for you. Support on a business level and refer her to professional help (whether that be a pastor, counselor, doctor, whatever for the rest). You may have to be firm and tell her when she bursts into tears that you'll let her go compose herself and continue the business conversation when she is more up to it.

 

[finley1991]

WOW!!!! You are all so brilliant and FAST with your answers! I'm going to print this thread and refer to it often as a reminder of what to do...

Yes... pointing out that she hadn't reached her goal was clearly not a good way to go and that's why I didn't attempt that approach this year!!!!! I LOVE the idea of pairing her up with someone. I'm going to look into that!!!

Thanks again! You all ROCK!!!

PS: Janet -- I'm not in the cluster you mentioned... any idea of who their upline is? Mine is Chris Manion.. she will be my director in a few months (my director is possibly resigning).

 

[janetupnorth]

I am under Denise Marlink, who is under Nancy Baron. BeckyD attended the same banquet as me at conference, Yvonne Matteson.

I knew you were a "sister" consultant so to speak, just wondering about Colleen. I'm in Yvonne's first line but went to Wave 2 this year.

 

[tlennhoff]

If she won't take her prescription meds then I don't think there is anything you can do for her. I'd just be there for her when she asks for stuff & have regular "check-in" contact. Until she decides to properly take care of herself she will not be able to reach the goals she wants, its just not possible.

 

[janetupnorth]

PS: Janet -- I'm not in the cluster you mentioned... any idea of who their upline is? Mine is Chris Manion.. she will be my director in a few months (my director is possibly resigning).

I'm pretty sure I saw her at conference (Chris) - she seems like she has a fun personality.

 

[finley1991]

I was at wave 2 too! It's amazing how many of us can live so close together and never cross paths! That's what I love about CS... that we can all connect so easily!!!!

Thanks again for all of your help! I'm feeling much more optimistic!!!!

 

[finley1991]

If she won't take her prescription meds then I don't think there is anything you can do for her. I'd just be there for her when she asks for stuff & have regular "check-in" contact. Until she decides to properly take care of herself she will not be able to reach the goals she wants, its just not possible.

Very true. I think I'll pair her up with a partner... actually someone she's recruited... and then go from there. She seem to work really well with her recruit and I haven't heard any problems with them.

And I'll be patient (God help me!) until she decides that she can go for her goals.

 

[missydivine]

I think that would be a great idea, it's a way to train her to train. Good luck with her, and your others. I hope they all promote!

 

[JTNT8704]

Ok- Maybe this is because I am new to this, but I have some questions about this situation.

If she doesnt really want to promote, why push her? Personally- I do this as recreation. My husband has a great job, so I dont need PC for income purposes-- I use it as a way to meet new people, and get myself some great kitchen gadgets in the mean time. Its in no way a full time job (or even a part time one for that matter) for me. I have no desire to become a director- its added responsibility that I am just not interested in. Why is this a bad thing?

Im being very sincere in my wondering here. As a director do you require all of your consultants to promote? Cause if thats the case, I think I have a very uncomfortable conversation coming with my director.

Would you not think it possible that some consultants just want to stay consultants? Im sure the perks at director are nice, but again, if you are not looking at PC as a job, then it may not be desirable to pick up the added work.

(Sorry if I offended anyone, Im just confused by this whole post)

 

[baychef]

Colleen,
Congratulations on sticking with her! Great advice and tips were given here! Just another angle. When coaching her, what if you had her put in writing not only what her goal is but what her action is going to be for that week or month? (will she fill out Critique Your Week?) Have her give you a copy of what she writes down.

If she shows up with nothing, then Julie Weiss (Outward Image) advises that you say, "Oh, I am sorry to hear, that. Unfortunately, without your plan I won't be able to cover what I planned for out time together today. How about we schedule a new date and time for an appointment? Also, since we won't be using the time for our call today, perhaps you can use this time to complete your plan. How does that sound to you?"
That way, she is held accountable, and you have made a good faith effort to try and coach her. If she continues to not have it done, then pleasantly tell her to call you when she is ready with her plan.

I remember having the desire and the frustration (but no plan!!) before I became a director, therefore taking me many more years than I wanted to promote. I have an FD that gets closer every year and she will make it, but she is her own worst enemy. She will not work with assignments (and they don't have to be anything more than writing a plan and some attempt at follow through). The ownership lies only in our own hands. If we are not willing to do the work, the benefits will continue to elude us.

If the tears come...use the feel felt found method with her. I know how you feel...I felt that same way when I... would you like to know what worked for me? That way you have her permission to share some advice.

Now, that I am making an attempt to AD...I have to take my OWN advice!!!

Good luck!

 

[mommyhugz1978]

Very true. I think I'll pair her up with a partner... actually someone she's recruited... and then go from there. She seem to work really well with her recruit and I haven't heard any problems with them.

And I'll be patient (God help me!) until she decides that she can go for her goals.

Have you offerd her the step up to director program or the HIP team? If she doesn't want to coachings from you.... may you should talk to your up line about it. Maybe sit down with her and write some goals down. If I see the goal it is much more achievable to me than just hearing it.

 

[baychef]

Have you offerd her the step up to director program or the HIP team? If she doesn't want to coachings from you.... may you should talk to your up line about it. Maybe sit down with her and write some goals down. If I see the goal it is much more achievable to me than just hearing it.

My upline is working with my FD that wants to promote. My upline ran into the same problem (of no follow through in assignments) and they took a break for awhile. NC pumped her up again and she is working with the upline again. I feel bad that I make no progress, but I try when I see there is a time and a place. If I get, "I know." I stop and let it go until a better time.

It will come in time. And if it doesn't it wasn't meant to be. It's hard to want it as bad as the consultant does and feel like there is no progress. Understanding and support is sometimes all that we need to give.

 

[mommyhugz1978]

My upline is working with my FD that wants to promote. My upline ran into the same problem (of no follow through in assignments) and they took a break for awhile. NC pumped her up again and she is working with the upline again. I feel bad that I make no progress, but I try when I see there is a time and a place. If I get, "I know." I stop and let it go until a better time.

It will come in time. And if it doesn't it wasn't meant to be. It's hard to want it as bad as the consultant does and feel like there is no progress. Understanding and support is sometimes all that we need to give.

I am having a problem with a recurit of mine who jsut does not want to do anything at all... never submitted a show or anything. So my director makes calls to her instead of me.. becasue my recurit makes the excuse" I work with her and her dad is my boss it is werid... and I dont' want to deal with Leah."... Gee why did you sign up under me then????

 

[finley1991]

Ok- Maybe this is because I am new to this, but I have some questions about this situation.

If she doesnt really want to promote, why push her? Personally- I do this as recreation. My husband has a great job, so I dont need PC for income purposes-- I use it as a way to meet new people, and get myself some great kitchen gadgets in the mean time. Its in no way a full time job (or even a part time one for that matter) for me. I have no desire to become a director- its added responsibility that I am just not interested in. Why is this a bad thing?

Im being very sincere in my wondering here. As a director do you require all of your consultants to promote? Cause if thats the case, I think I have a very uncomfortable conversation coming with my director.

Would you not think it possible that some consultants just want to stay consultants? Im sure the perks at director are nice, but again, if you are not looking at PC as a job, then it may not be desirable to pick up the added work.

(Sorry if I offended anyone, Im just confused by this whole post)

I under no circimstances require anyone to promote! I apologize if I gave that impression! That is most certainly not the case! She has said for 3 years that she wants to promote... I am only going by what she tells me. I have several consultants who do not want more from their businesses and that is totally fine. I do feel, however, that as a Director it is my job to help those who want more from their business. I will never push for anyone to do anything they don't want to do... like I said, I'm only going by what she told me she wants from her business. That's why I was frustrated... because she says she wants more but then doesn't act on it.

On a great note, she did send me an action plan today. It's VERY vague but I think I can work with her to narrow it down to make it more specific (without her crying!!!!)

Thanks again for all of your input! --- COLLEEN

 

[tlennhoff]

I certainly had the impression from your first post that she wants to promote and did not have the feeling you were pressuring her.