Tammie Joe's Dilemma: Overstepping Professional Boundaries in Direct Sales

[cmdtrgd]

Okay, to make a long story short, I have a friend who is also in Direct Sales, but for adults. She is a no-nonsense type of person who speaks her mind. Recently she has been thinking of signing either with me or with another friend who sells Body Shop at Home. She keeps telling me that she can't imagine doing cooking and cleaning for other people when she hates to do it at home. She is verbally wishy-washy on this. She has also said that her mother is interested and would happily sign under her if she were to sign with me. Now, to me, that sounds like someone who needs a couple of ideas and a little bit of encouragement. So, I tell her that she should sign with Body Shop because it would go right with her other business. I also offer to have her sign with me and help her get the 4 shows so she wouldn't feel like she was stealing the kit. So far, does this sound pushy? I'm doing my best to not make me look good.

Okay, so next she still "isn't sure". So I send her an email that would let her off the hook, but could she be there for me if I am one recruit away from a trip or TPC? Again, I offer to help her get the shows. And by help, I mean I will probably end up getting 4 catalog shows and giving them to her to submit. If I am that close to TPC or a trip, I'll do that! Here is the email I sent:

Tammie Joe,

Just a thought...would you be willing to be my "just in case" recruit? For example, if I am one qualified recruit away from getting Top Performance Cluster or a trip, would you be willing to sign then and I'll help you get your four shows in?

K

This is most of the response I got back - the italics are mine.

Kate,

I do not want to be a pampered chef consultant.

I would rather pay full price. You are being too pushy to the point where you just overstepped a professional boundry. As a friend I am telling you to back off before future customers are lost.

If I was your mother, sister, your your life long best freind I could understand asking that but I am not. Understand it is not the money, it is the fact that I do not want to do four shows. I do not want to cook or wash dishes for other people and why invest in a business I am not going to work when if I really want the products I am willing to pay full price for them.

I am going to join body shop because I like the lotions and potions and it would be away that I could reach more people and encourage them to pamper themselves (not to be slaves of the kitchenummm, okay, not what PC is about) yet they do not have to kick their husbands or children out of the house becuase it is not "adult in nature" For some of my current customers that would be a huge deal, because then they can have their nursing babies present and still feel spoiled a bit.

I am not joining as a favor...heck Erin's upline offered a $100 gift basket to whom ever joins her team first because she is one away from promoting. I told her that I can not do it until January. If that means I miss the basket so be it I am not woried about it.

I can not do Body shop and Essence at the Same party nor would I want to, the Essence Parties already take an hour just for set up and take down and one of the appealing things is that the Body shop is faster. My husband and I have talked about it and we have decided that if I were going to do anything else Bodyshop would make me happier and that is why I want to do it.

Please, do not ask me to join Pamperef Chef again.

Sincerely,
Tammie Joe


I replied with a sincere apology that I didn't mean to be pushy, etc. The thing that gets me is that what she is talking about in most of the email is what we discussed on the phone the other day. I was brainstorming with her and thought she was trying to find a way to get the kit honestly and not have to do the 4 shows. I guess I am more hurt by it because she wasn't as honest as she usually is when we were talking on the phone. Could someone slap me in the face with something I am not seeing?

Sorry this is a massive one, but I'm a bit upset about it!

 

[chefjenibel]

Let me start by saying, I am not saying you did anything wrong. I think sometimes when we are thinking we are being helpful, others may take it as being pushy. As you probably well know, that is a fine line we must walk in Direct Sales. Please take her letter as an honest exchange between friends. I'm sure if you are good friends, it was just as hard for her to write it as it was for you to read it. Take a step back and think about how you would feel if the tables were turned. What if she wanted you to join her company? And she offered the same thing? I mean, really think about it. Be very happy that she was honest with you in the email and now you know exactly how she feels. Maintain her as a customer as it sounds like she is a great one. Just know that you can never talk to her about becoming a consultant. And, finally, bless and release. Her saying no was not the worst thing that could happen, right?! Just one more no closer to the next yes!

 

[ChefLisa]

WOW Kate, I guess you think more of the friendship than she does!

I do not think you were being pushy, you just asked a question. She could have very easily said, I am sorry, but I would rather not become a Pampered Chef Consultant, but thank you for thinking of me.

Based on this letter, I think she would have been high maintenance. She probably would be the type of Consultant to complain about everything. You just do not need that kind of drama in your life!

So time to let yourself off the hook. Bless and release!

Lisa

 

[cmdtrgd]

Jen,Thanks for the info. I did just that. I just didn't want to make the post longer by putting my reply email in. I was kind of hoping someone could see something I didn't because I am emotionally invested. The best thing about her saying no is that I don't need to use my recruiting energy on her anymore...and I'm totally fine with that. I did tell her that I wanted to make sure not to lose her as a friend - as a customer or future customers wasn't as important to me as not losing her as a friend.

 

[chefjenibel]

Kate,
I think it was truly one of those situations where you were walking that tight rope and you would have had no idea that gust of wind was going to come knock you down!
Keep your chin up, girl! It sounds like you handled it with grace!

 

[mhrivera]

I think that everybody reacts to consultants differently, and apparently she had enough! Try not to take it personally, because you were just trying to help her out, and you did the right thing. Just take a deep breath, and think about your walk in Dallas!

 

[pamperedbecky]

She could have very easily said, I am sorry, but I would rather not become a Pampered Chef Consultant, but thank you for thinking of me.

Based on this letter, I think she would have been high maintenance. She probably would be the type of Consultant to complain about everything. You just do not need that kind of drama in your life!

So time to let yourself off the hook. Bless and release!

Lisa

I agree, her response could have been a little nicer. Wow. Sorry you're upset about all of this! It's always hard to read someone's tone through an email. Maybe she picked up on something in the email that she interpretted the wrong way .

I agree....she would probably add some unwanted drama to your life anyway. Now you can move onto that next future recruit and focus your time and energy there!!! Good luck!

 

[jentapp]

Without knowing the details of the previous discussion you had with her, it sounds like she tried to tell you in a round-about way that she wasn't interested before you sent the email (that whole "being unable to imagine cooking and cleaning for others when she doesn't even like to do it at home" part). Maybe her previous attempt to "let you down easy" was her way of trying to keep YOU as a customer in case she needed some last minute sales for her own promotion. Unfortunately, we're not mind readers and most people don't understand that a simple "no" would suffice...dancing around the issue and being wishy washy leaves things WAY too open to interpretation.

Either way, at least now you know for sure and can move on.

 

[cmdtrgd]

Jennifer - thanks for the support. The part that got me is that she is very upfront and doesn't bat an eye about saying what she means. And, she was the one who kept bringing it up! Oh well, we figured it out and are better friends for it. She did tell me, later, that if something changed then she would let me know.

 

[rennea]

You are being too pushy to the point where you just overstepped a professional boundry. As a friend I am telling you to back off before future customers are lost.

If I was your mother, sister, your your life long best freind I could understand asking that but I am not

Wow, she's rude big time!! I think that she would have been a pain in the butt to deal with. It's best just to let it go.

 

[lisacb77]

I too think she was snotty. If she was in no way interested, she should have never told you she'd sign under her mom if you signed mom. Just my opinion!!

I have to agree this is hard when you recruit someone you are close to. I recruited a co-worker (who I NEVER expected to join, just thought she'd be a big supportive customer). She asked me lots of questions and I didn't push but did encourage. She is in SS2 and hasn't done squat, stopped responding to me and our director too. I finally stopped asking how it was going since we are working together on a project at day job and I can't afford to harm that relationship. I hope she didn't sign b/c she didn't feel she could say no, but then again, she was the one that checked "maybe" on her DPDS and all I did was ask the same questions I'd ask anyone. She's an adult and it was her choice to write the check.

Sorry for hijacking. Every once in a while I get a little bummed about this again.

Kate, I think you are better off without your gal. You apologized and that's all you can do. Onward & upward!!

 

[lizcooks4u]

Kate

Okay, to make a long story short, I have a friend who is also in Direct Sales, but for adults. She is a no-nonsense type of person who speaks her mind. Recently she has been thinking of signing either with me or with another friend who sells Body Shop at Home. She keeps telling me that she can't imagine doing cooking and cleaning for other people when she hates to do it at home. She is verbally wishy-washy on this. She has also said that her mother is interested and would happily sign under her if she were to sign with me. Now, to me, that sounds like someone who needs a couple of ideas and a little bit of encouragement. So, I tell her that she should sign with Body Shop because it would go right with her other business. I also offer to have her sign with me and help her get the 4 shows so she wouldn't feel like she was stealing the kit. So far, does this sound pushy? I'm doing my best to not make me look good.

Okay, so next she still "isn't sure". So I send her an email that would let her off the hook, but could she be there for me if I am one recruit away from a trip or TPC? Again, I offer to help her get the shows. And by help, I mean I will probably end up getting 4 catalog shows and giving them to her to submit. If I am that close to TPC or a trip, I'll do that! Here is the email I sent:

Tammie Joe,

Just a thought...would you be willing to be my "just in case" recruit? For example, if I am one qualified recruit away from getting Top Performance Cluster or a trip, would you be willing to sign then and I'll help you get your four shows in?

K

This is most of the response I got back - the italics are mine.

Kate,

I do not want to be a pampered chef consultant.

I would rather pay full price. You are being too pushy to the point where you just overstepped a professional boundry. As a friend I am telling you to back off before future customers are lost.

If I was your mother, sister, your your life long best freind I could understand asking that but I am not. Understand it is not the money, it is the fact that I do not want to do four shows. I do not want to cook or wash dishes for other people and why invest in a business I am not going to work when if I really want the products I am willing to pay full price for them.

I am going to join body shop because I like the lotions and potions and it would be away that I could reach more people and encourage them to pamper themselves (not to be slaves of the kitchenummm, okay, not what PC is about) yet they do not have to kick their husbands or children out of the house becuase it is not "adult in nature" For some of my current customers that would be a huge deal, because then they can have their nursing babies present and still feel spoiled a bit.

I am not joining as a favor...heck Erin's upline offered a $100 gift basket to whom ever joins her team first because she is one away from promoting. I told her that I can not do it until January. If that means I miss the basket so be it I am not woried about it.

I can not do Body shop and Essence at the Same party nor would I want to, the Essence Parties already take an hour just for set up and take down and one of the appealing things is that the Body shop is faster. My husband and I have talked about it and we have decided that if I were going to do anything else Bodyshop would make me happier and that is why I want to do it.

Please, do not ask me to join Pamperef Chef again.

Sincerely,
Tammie Joe


I replied with a sincere apology that I didn't mean to be pushy, etc. The thing that gets me is that what she is talking about in most of the email is what we discussed on the phone the other day. I was brainstorming with her and thought she was trying to find a way to get the kit honestly and not have to do the 4 shows. I guess I am more hurt by it because she wasn't as honest as she usually is when we were talking on the phone. Could someone slap me in the face with something I am not seeing?

Sorry this is a massive one, but I'm a bit upset about it!

U did nothing wrong and she's going to learn the REAL HARD WAY that TBS@Home is a lot of work. I was given the opportunity with PC but chose to go with TBS@Home and to go with one of the top sellers in the country's upline, WHAT A MISTAKE!!! I COULD KICK MYSELF EVERY WASTED MOMENT, I see why the ladies, if that's an allowable term are the top in the Nation, I drove my recruits to my Directors over an hr. ea way only for the Director to steal them right from underneath me and saying very negative things in front of me. I worked harder/longer and had to clean filthy, ickey, tubs of water from where people had their lotions, potions, foot soaks etc. I was told to keep a huge inventory (sure the stuff is good, but now I have a house/garage full of stuff and can't give it away, on the other hand if I had PC I could more than give it away!!!

Feel free to send this info to her, but it sounds as if she won't budge, so she too will have to find out the hard way.

I was nervous about cooking at other's houses, but figured I did it in 4-H and it's really not bad, as my guests participate in / during my shows and I sell alot of things that way too.

Good luck;

Liz

 

[cmdtrgd]

Thanks for the info, Liz, but I think I'll just back off and let her find out for herself. If she wants to sign, she will need to say "I want to sign". If she asks questions, I will answer them and leave it at that - I'm not getting emotionally invested in this one again!And thanks to everyone for the support! I knew I could count on you!!!

 

[AJPratt]

WOW! If I were you, I would thank my lucky stars that she DIDN'T sign under you! What a nut! She has no class and if you she isn't passionate about PC, fuggedaboudit!

I would love to email her on your behalf and say, "Ya know, there's a way to say "no" politely, skank." (Sorry, I'm upset she hurt my buddy!)

You have found plenty of other people who have signed under you and that tells you that YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT! Don't change a THING! I mean it!

 

[cmdtrgd]

Awwwww...Anne...I'm your buddy?Thanks for the support!

 

[SillyChef]

How rude!

I would love to email her on your behalf and say, "Ya know, there's a way to say "no" politely, skank." (Sorry, I'm upset she hurt my buddy!)

That is so very true. How rude for one to just be down right ugly about the whole situation, then bring the "terms" of your friendship into this. Are you kidding?

She could have handled herself with a little more class and still got the job done...

Oh well, I am sure there are plenty more people out there just waiting for the right opportunity to come knocking...

 

[Rebeccascabinet]

I say good riddence. I don't think you would have wanted her on your team anyway.

 

[raebates]

Thanks for the info, Liz, but I think I'll just back off and let her find out for herself. If she wants to sign, she will need to say "I want to sign". If she asks questions, I will answer them and leave it at that - I'm not getting emotionally invested in this one again!

And thanks to everyone for the support! I knew I could count on you!!!

You did what any of us would do--took her at her word that she was considering a PC business. You can't predict others' responses. (I know someone who was called pushy because she offered to watch a potential host's children while she did her grocery shopping. Go figure!)

I would definitely stick to answering direct questions with this person. If it were me, she would have to beg me to sign her before I would again consider her a recruiting candidate.

 

[AmyjonesPC]

If you were to "give" her 4 catalog shows, that she did no work for, wouldn't that be cheating to win the incentive??

 

[PCGINA]

Kate,

I agree with Anne - you dodged a nasty bullet by not signing her under you. I think she would have been a handful for you no matter whether she was or ws not successful at PC.

Good on ya kid !!! You were not pushy - I feel you were simply trying to help a friend make a decision and she inadvertantly misconstrued what you were meaning. Let the situation cool....

 

[AJPratt]

Of course you're my buddy, Kate!

 

[pampered1224]

Hey Kate!I'm with Ann on this one. I gotta ask you, do you know how well she does with her other business? If she isn't doing well there, you were very lucky as it may be habit. I mean think about it, if she were doing well with one, why look at another anyway? And anyone who would take what you said as pushy, well, I think they gotta have a screw loose. And how can it be pushy when she really gave you permission to discuss it with her in the first place. And on more than one occassion! I didn't hear antying negative there at all. And don't tell me she was never interested. She was or she would not have let it go on so long without saying something earlier in your conversations. You yourself said she has always been sttraight forward in everything else. I think she actually did contempalte it for a time but not for the reason of helping you. She would have told you no much sooner and probably in a much nicer way too. Sorry but the only other thing that comes to mind is simply that she figured out how to get $300 plus worth of stuff for $90 and you wouldn't let her get away with it without doing the shows. So...
I wasn't you and you have 4 recruits to prove it!!!!

 

[cmdtrgd]

John,Thanks for the help. She is very successful in sales - one of the top in the region, but only has one recruit. She and I have been selling for about the same amount of time. She also goes to school and has two kids and pays for most of the bills as her hubby is a disability (from military, possibly). From some other emails she and I sent back and forth after this, I kind of get the feeling that she was a bit threatened by my little bit of success in recruiting and promoting.

 

[pampered1224]

Well, somes got it other don't...You got it goin o so maybe that is the case. It seems funny though that she would give you the impression that she was interested then come back on you like that. But, if things are well with you two now then NEVER brooch the subject again. That green eyed monster could be the reason. You will never know though so as Ann so readily put it, forgetaboutit!
You know your true intention and it works for you! You know, now that I think about it, I had a tupperware party several years back and the lady I did the show with was impressed that I did over $800 in sales. She then asked me to attend a jamboree. It is a major recruiting thingy at the area tupperware depot. Anyway, I have to admit, I was intimidated that she was good at what she did and that she was a successful recruiter. So maybe...
Hey, do you walk at national conference too? I am in Wave1 and want to cheer for you!!!
Otherwise I guess I whoo hoo it at home in January!

 

[cmdtrgd]

I'll be walking at Leadership, but I hope to promote to Advanced in time to walk at National. I have one that is almost to director and I just gotta find another one!

 

[AJPratt]

I'll be walking at Leadership, but I hope to promote to Advanced in time to walk at National. I have one that is almost to director and I just gotta find another one!

WOW! And you think you're doing something wrong?! Its always those of us who question if we are doing the right this, that really are!