I don't know if I'm looking for advice, or to just vent or what, but I am very concerned about my 12 yr old stepson's grades.
He lived w/ me and dh for 4 yrs up until this past summer, when he decided he wanted to go live w/ his mom again. Instead of fight w/ him about it, we decided that he can go if wants, and so he went. When he lived here, he struggled in school, but I was literally on him every day about his assignments, turning in work, etc. He got an F every grading period in science last school year, and during his 3rd grading period w/ the F, we told him he better do whatever he had to do to bring it up to at least a D. F's are unacceptable.
You see, it is not the content of the work or what they are teaching, it is HIM and his lack of motivation to turn any work in. This year at his mom's house, his highest grade all year has been a C. The rest of his grades in every subject has been all D's and F's except for one C. WTF! All the comments are the same- doesn't turn homework in, won't turn in class assignments, etc. He even got a C- in phys ed and when asked about it, he said he "forgets to bring his gym clothes" and that deducts from his grade!
We have tried EVERY motivational advice out there. Positive reinforcement doesn't work. He doesn't care. He doesn't care about rewards and he doesn't care about being grounded. He just WON'T do his work OR turn anything in. When asked, his reason is always I don't know. Or, I know I can do better. He doesn't show any genuine remorse or embarrassment or anything over what he is doing. He has been tested for ADD and other learning challenges, and nothing shows up. His teachers just say he WILL NOT turn his stuff in. Do you know the kicker? He does the work, but when it comes time to hand it in, he won't. In class assignments don't get handed in, homework gets done and not turned in, it's maddening and infuriating.
I really worry about his future. I think his mom has just given up, when I ask ss what his mom says about his grades, he just says "well, she's not too happy about it" and when I ask what she says he tells me "she says this isn't going to work"...but won't actually DO anything about it. I tried talking to her today about it and all I got out of her was "uh huh, yes, uh huh, well, I'll have to think about all this over the weekend"...
I realize he doesn't live here anymore, and I'm just his stepmother, but he was MY kid for 4 years under my roof. It's so hard to see what I struggled to do with him to make sure he did what he was supposed to be doing for all those years and seeing it all blow up in one school year. I asked his mom since they don't hold back kids anymore (big mistake GWB), what do they do, she said they send them to summer school. I told him that we absolutely refuse to help pay for it, because the same thing is going to happen next year..he will just not turn in his work again. And the cycle continues. Maybe this is none of my business since I"m not raising him anymore. His father just wants to punish him like there's no tomorrow, but again, he doesn't live here anymore, and when he is here, it's nothing but stress because all we are focusing on is his grades and those kinds of things. It's getting to the point where I am dreading him even being here becuase of the negative energy that comes w/ it.
He's 12, what can we really do? There's nothing medically wrong, he just is lazy I guess! But we at least want to see him graduate, and I don't see that happening because when it comes time for the graduation test to get his diploma I think he's going to hit a road block.
Sorry for the long post, but he's coming over tonight for the weekend and I am just dreading it in t he bottom of my stomach. Thank god I have a show tonight...
He lived w/ me and dh for 4 yrs up until this past summer, when he decided he wanted to go live w/ his mom again. Instead of fight w/ him about it, we decided that he can go if wants, and so he went. When he lived here, he struggled in school, but I was literally on him every day about his assignments, turning in work, etc. He got an F every grading period in science last school year, and during his 3rd grading period w/ the F, we told him he better do whatever he had to do to bring it up to at least a D. F's are unacceptable.
You see, it is not the content of the work or what they are teaching, it is HIM and his lack of motivation to turn any work in. This year at his mom's house, his highest grade all year has been a C. The rest of his grades in every subject has been all D's and F's except for one C. WTF! All the comments are the same- doesn't turn homework in, won't turn in class assignments, etc. He even got a C- in phys ed and when asked about it, he said he "forgets to bring his gym clothes" and that deducts from his grade!
We have tried EVERY motivational advice out there. Positive reinforcement doesn't work. He doesn't care. He doesn't care about rewards and he doesn't care about being grounded. He just WON'T do his work OR turn anything in. When asked, his reason is always I don't know. Or, I know I can do better. He doesn't show any genuine remorse or embarrassment or anything over what he is doing. He has been tested for ADD and other learning challenges, and nothing shows up. His teachers just say he WILL NOT turn his stuff in. Do you know the kicker? He does the work, but when it comes time to hand it in, he won't. In class assignments don't get handed in, homework gets done and not turned in, it's maddening and infuriating.
I really worry about his future. I think his mom has just given up, when I ask ss what his mom says about his grades, he just says "well, she's not too happy about it" and when I ask what she says he tells me "she says this isn't going to work"...but won't actually DO anything about it. I tried talking to her today about it and all I got out of her was "uh huh, yes, uh huh, well, I'll have to think about all this over the weekend"...
I realize he doesn't live here anymore, and I'm just his stepmother, but he was MY kid for 4 years under my roof. It's so hard to see what I struggled to do with him to make sure he did what he was supposed to be doing for all those years and seeing it all blow up in one school year. I asked his mom since they don't hold back kids anymore (big mistake GWB), what do they do, she said they send them to summer school. I told him that we absolutely refuse to help pay for it, because the same thing is going to happen next year..he will just not turn in his work again. And the cycle continues. Maybe this is none of my business since I"m not raising him anymore. His father just wants to punish him like there's no tomorrow, but again, he doesn't live here anymore, and when he is here, it's nothing but stress because all we are focusing on is his grades and those kinds of things. It's getting to the point where I am dreading him even being here becuase of the negative energy that comes w/ it.
He's 12, what can we really do? There's nothing medically wrong, he just is lazy I guess! But we at least want to see him graduate, and I don't see that happening because when it comes time for the graduation test to get his diploma I think he's going to hit a road block.
Sorry for the long post, but he's coming over tonight for the weekend and I am just dreading it in t he bottom of my stomach. Thank god I have a show tonight...