Help - Need Advice or Suggestions or Maybe a Hug

[Kathytnt]

You guys know I have been a bit down at time. I am in a bit of a tug of war
Last week I literally was so down I didn't get out of bed until my dogs needed to go outside. I don't need a shrink I just need some advice

I started with PC last year 4 months into my marriage and my mom getting diagnosed with cancer. My bright idea was to raise money for cancer research giving most of my commision to cancer fundraiser because our fundraiser program doesn't give as much as I would like. I almost didn't sign because I was disappointed on how little our fundraiser program gives and then later find out our commision is lower on fundraisers too..

Well my competitive streak started taking over and I started doing non-fundraisers and spending money on craft fairs and bridal shows etc. Well not much money is coming in because too much is going out. I am also not very organized and not good about being home alone all the time (TOO MUCH TIME ON CS)

Well now I have 3 recruits but my hubby isn't crazy about the idea of me becoming a director. I left my stressful IT job and am just working PT right now. He feels (and I sort of agree) that being a Director might be too stressful. Now over the last week I am finding that he would really prefer that I quit by the end of the year. I think he wante me to quit earlier but I explained to him that I already have shows/fudnraisers booked into August already. I need to be working more or making more dollars so we can acheive our goal of buying a house. It would be tough for me to back off but REALLY hard to completely quit. My show this weekend is another potential recruit.

He feels PC takes too much time away from him and our marriage. We have been married about 18 months. He likes a more low key/less busy lifestyle and spending time with me. It hasn't helped that the last two weeks for PC have been sucky The weird Naughty Chef party $0 sales (7+ potential bookings) and another show last week with only one buying guest ($26). My shows are usually not that low. I have done $20K+ in sales

I am set up to go to conference and suggested maybe I shouldn't go but he tells me you have had a great you year you deserve to got - I find this confusing

I just don't know what to do - I have tons of lead should I just talk with my director about giving these to her??

HELP - Kat

 

[DebbieJ]

You obviously have a difference of opinion with your DH about your future with PC. It seems you want to continue and he doesn't want you to.

I think you could benefit from seeing a counselor to help you hash it out and come to an agreement one way or the other.

 

[baychef]

Kat,{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS!!!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Sorry that you have been feeling so down. How is your Mom?

Your post has me wondering something...how do YOU feel about PC? If it was profitable, then would it be more rewarding to you? Are you controlling your calendar or are you letting it control you?

You don't have to become a director even if you have tons of consultants that have signed with you.

I have enough customer base and leads that I do not like to spend time on fairs and open houses. Just my preference. For me, they are a huge investment of time with little outcome to show for the effort and cost. My experience is not everyone's experience, however. I have little time to do the parties I do and find the best investment of my time is with the good ole cooking party (thank you PC for preserving Doris' philosophy)

If you wanted to continue with PC, would your husband ever think about becoming your partner in it? I am thinking that earning a trip together would be a very exciting goal for you both.

You say that you are not good at staying home alone so much, yet your husband feels you two are not together enough. I am confused. Can you plan your time to do PC when he is not home?

Most of these questions really revolve around the basic question...that is how do YOU feel about PC. I wouldn't worry about where your leads will go to until you really do some soul searching of your own.

I am the type of person that would go bonkers if I stayed home all of the time (as much as I *itch about being gone from home so much!!) I would find that anything I put that much effort into and knowing that it was draining my wallet would really get me down.

Hopefully life will get better. We're here for you, Kat!

 

[chefann]

Maybe it's just me, but I'm hearing mixed messages from your hubby, Kat. First he wants you to quit, then he tells you to go to Conference.Aside from that, you should really examine your reasons for sticking with PC. Not just why you started, but why you continue. Is it just because you don't want to let your future hosts down? Do you like the sense of accomplishment? The money? The fun? etc etc etc.None of us can make your decision for you. But I think you know what most of us will tell you..... stick with it! You've had a successful first year if you're already at $20k and 3 recruits.

 

[chefann]

And I almost forgot:{{{{{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}}}}}

 

[AJPratt]

I think we all go through this phase where we hit a slump (personal or business) and wonder if this is worth it. I think you two need to compromise. Its tough I know. Sorry to hear...

 

[DebbieJ]

I have enough customer base and leads that I do not like to spend time on fairs and open houses. Just my preference. For me, they are a huge investment of time with little outcome to show for the effort and cost.

ITA! I would rather cultivate the relationships I've already started with customers at shows then try to build new ones from scratch at fairs. Even when you do follow up promptly, it's so much time and effort for little return.

 

[baychef]

ITA! I would rather cultivate the relationships I've already started with customers at shows then try to build new ones from scratch at fairs. Even when you do follow up promptly, it's so much time and effort for little return.

If I were new to a community, I would do this in a heartbeat to start getting my name out, but even then, it's a tough gig. I did have one consultant have a woman come up and buy a complete set of professional cookware at full price at a fair!!! Me...usually I end up kicking myself for wasting the day and spending more money than anything.

 

[BethCooks4U]

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

Your DH sounds like mine. Supportive...not-supportive...... Just keep on doing what you're doing and don't give your leads away! You can always say "not now if you earn directorship and aren't ready.

I would take it if you earn it though! As a recruiter you should be working with your recruits on a regular basis anyway and the main difference then would be the meetings. Many directors do their meetings as a team with their director or other sister consultants. That cuts down on the "work" of the meeting.

 

[amy07]

I'm assuming here, but you don't have children right now? Does your husband have a hobby that he enjoys? Or would like to pursue? Maybe a good compromise would be that you would do your shows when he is taking his time for his personal pursuits. That way, you guys could be together but still have your own time. Not that you would have to be doing shows only then, or on every occassion that he is off doing his own thing. but atleast maybe he would feel like it is not cutting into "his" time with you.

And forgive me for this, but maybe he is a little intimidated by your success so quickly? I don't know your situation, I remember just a little of a previous post from before when you were having doubts. It would confuse the heck out of me too (not that it is that hard) if he was complaining that it was taking so much time, and then encourage going to conference.

 

[amy07]

Oh, and BIG HUGS your way!!

 

[raebates]

<<<<<HUGS>>>>>I'm so sorry you're stressing out. Maybe your DH just wants to know he's a priority. Can the two of you sit down and figure out the number of shows a month you'd both feel comfortable with? How about if you set specific office hours so you can make sure you're free for hubby time?You know, you don't have to take directorship. Maybe if the two of you can work out a compromise, he'll feel a little more kindly toward your PC career.Just a thought.

 

[chefjeanine]

<<<<<HUGS>>>>>

Can the two of you sit down and figure out the number of shows a month you'd both feel comfortable with? How about if you set specific office hours so you can make sure you're free for hubby time?

I have set show days (but not set office hours, yet). For many of us, having a regimen is VERY important. This business can feel like it's taking over your life when you don't have a specific schedule. . .and such a schedule forces you to accomplish those tasks that need to be done. Making phone calls, putting together packets. Whatever.

If you are CS addict, police yourself. Perhaps you log on in the morning, noon and in the evening. Hit the "new posts" button and read only those items listed there that sound interesting to you.

If you are not already doing so, decide which days of the week you want to work. I suggest you have a weekly plan ("I work Tuesdays and Thursdays") and sit down with your Husband at least a month in advance to put shared events/activites on your calendar (some months that will mean you can't work one of those Tuesdays or Thursdays so you may be throwing in a Monday or Saturday, if your goal is to have two shows a week).

I agree about fairs/booths. For the most part, I've avoided them in the past. Currently, my business is sagging something fierce and I need some new Host blood so I've signed up for some things I normally would not do. If you can, rely on show bookings. It makes life SO much easier.

 

[Kathytnt]

I think I forgot one thing in my post - On top of everything there is also the anniverary of my mom's passing this week actually on Saturday. This is a bit of the reason for the depression.

You have all given me some really good ideas that I am going to think about and I will be talking with my Director on my call on Friday.

I am not a very assertive person so sometimes it is a little tough for me talking to the hubby about things until I can have a plan. I want to keep my 15K raise and such but that doesn't mean I have to do 12 shows a month to do that.

I love this business 95% of the time but my hostesses have been driving me crazy the last month

{{{HUGS}}} right back Kat

 

[pampchefrhondab]

I've been in a bit of a slump myself. Not that I don't have leads to call, I just don't want to do it!! I've taken the past month off and really enjoyed it! I've actually just started getting back into reading threads on here and trying to get motivated to call my leads! I did make 3 calls on Tuesday!!

I really didn't think I wanted to give up PC until my husband and I were talking. My day job is slow right now and I talked about possibly getting a full-time job. I told him if I did that I would have to give up PC. He actually LIKED the idea and said he thought it would give us more family time since I wouldn't have time away in the evening from the family! I only average about 2-3 shows a month and my goal is 4-6. I thought to myself, "What would he do if I reached my goal!!" He has always been supportive of my business before this comment! It was a shock!

I've now gone to working 3 longer days a week at my part-time job w/2 days off. I now plan on working my business on the 2 days I'm off and mostly while he is not around! I do feel he is jealous of me being home part-time. He doesn't really like his job and doesn't get a lot of vacation time. I've thought about a full-time job many times, but don't think I could find one paying as much as I make part-time so I'd be working more hours for not a lot more money. That is the reason I started PC to begin with. To make more money and be able to set my own hours.

I do think PC was taking up too much of my time. I really need to set hours/days and get a schedule going! That has been hard for me because we seem to just take it a day at a time around here w/3 kids all in activities!

Best of luck to you!

 

[dannyzmom]

((((((((((((((((((Kathy))))))))))))))

 

[Kathytnt]

I have a part time job at a Health food store so I am home alone during the day and then I am usually scheduled to work at night. I am not good at disciplining myself when I am at home during the day. Getting work done and I get get stir crazy because it's just me and the dogs. I love my dogs but in reality they are not very good conversationilists (?).

Hubby let me quit my FT job because it was VERY stressful. Now of course he wants me to be more Suzy homemaker which I am not very good at either. So I am not a great housekeeper, making little money at PC because I am giving it away to charity and I can't lose weight Just not feeling like I can do anything right lately. = (

He is concerened that even though I am not heavily persuing Director that I could become one accidentally. I heard something in a Step up program in my line of sponosrship that made me feel as though I might be pressured to become a Director if I had 5 qualified. I have already expressed some of my concerns to my Director and will be sharing these latest developements since our last chat when we talk tomorrow (Regarding hubby)

I have lots of leads to call but always feel like most people work so I should call them at night. I guess I could try calling everyone first during the day

I also don't think I explained that my mom passed away a year ago this Saturday

I hope I am not painting my hubby as a bad guy - He really isn't. He likes the products, thinks of the business more like a sales job, likes it when I am happy, doesn't like it when I am not happy

 

[chefkristin]

I have a part time job at a Health food store so I am home alone during the day and then I am usually scheduled to work at night. I am not good at disciplining myself when I am at home during the day. Getting work done and I get get stir crazy because it's just me and the dogs. I love my dogs but in reality they are not very good conversationilists (?).

Hubby let me quit my FT job because it was VERY stressful. Now of course he wants me to be more Suzy homemaker which I am not very good at either. So I am not a great housekeeper, making little money at PC because I am giving it away to charity and I can't lose weight Just not feeling like I can do anything right lately. = (

He is concerened that even though I am not heavily persuing Director that I could become one accidentally. I heard something in a Step up program in my line of sponosrship that made me feel as though I might be pressured to become a Director if I had 5 qualified. I have already expressed some of my concerns to my Director and will be sharing these latest developements since our last chat when we talk tomorrow (Regarding hubby)

I have lots of leads to call but always feel like most people work so I should call them at night. I guess I could try calling everyone first during the day

I also don't think I explained that my mom passed away a year ago this Saturday

I hope I am not painting my hubby as a bad guy - He really isn't. He likes the products, thinks of the business more like a sales job, likes it when I am happy, doesn't like it when I am not happy

I can totally relate with not being a great house-keeper. I just don't like to clean. But I do cause of my son. I keep feeling like I want to quit too, but fortunately my husband is very supportive of PC and he keeps me on track with it. He keeps reminding me that I would be heart broken if I let it go because I love it so much. I think I am going to stay but make it more of a hobby thing that I can just have fun with. I do love it and I love the people.
Kathy ((((HUGS)))). I feel for you and you have to think about what is best for you. The second you start letting others tell you what to do is the second you no longer have control (even with your husband). Even if you just do enough to meet your sales requirements, that would be ok-right? Let me know what happens. Good Luck.

 

[AJPratt]

I told my husband when I promote to director, I'm hiring a cleaning service! LOL

 

[MomToEli]

I think I forgot one thing in my post - On top of everything there is also the anniverary of my mom's passing this week actually on Saturday. This is a bit of the reason for the depression.

This single issue can literally cloud everything else going on in your life at this moment. Please don't do anything rash until you have gotten past this anniversary!

Another thought about directorship - it means a RAISE

 

[raebates]

Don't worry. You haven't painted your DH as a bad guy. He's just a guy who wants to spend time with you. That's a good thing.

 

[Kathytnt]

Yeah - Imagine a guy that WANTS to spend time with his wife LOL! I am pretty crazy about him too! Emphasis on crazy

 

[AJPratt]

I don't think your husband sounds like a bad guy at all! You know, they just want to fix everything... its their nature.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

I don't think your husband sounds like a bad guy at all! You know, they just want to fix everything... its their nature.

I have to remind myself of that all the time when DH is giving me advice I haven't asked for, about things he knows nothing about! "He can't help it, he's just trying to find a solution and fix it!".........

 

[Kathytnt]

I guess I thought there would be more relationships and friendships developed with the other consultants and the customers and hosts but I guess I don't seem to develop those that much I am very much a people person so the being by myself during the day is tough.

I guess if I can try to get some more hours at work even if it's in another dept. I will try to back off on PC but stay active.

 

[Kathytnt]

It's funny guys usually don't understand that women like to talk about issues to try to determine a solution. They will chat with others to get ideas. Men want to FIX it. It's kind of like I tell him when I have an issue with a host just as a discussion but I think in his mind he wants to FIX it but quitting is not a solution.

 

[AJPratt]

I guess I thought there would be more relationships and friendships developed with the other consultants and the customers and hosts but I guess I don't seem to develop those that much I am very much a people person so the being by myself during the day is tough.

I guess if I can try to get some more hours at work even if it's in another dept. I will try to back off on PC but stay active.

I have some hosts who say, "Even though my show's done, can we still keep in touch?" And then some I never hear from again. I feel like we're chums! Although there's a distance!

 

[ChefBeckyD]

It's funny guys usually don't understand that women like to talk about issues to try to determine a solution. They will chat with others to get ideas. Men want to FIX it. It's kind of like I tell him when I have an issue with a host just as a discussion but I think in his mind he wants to FIX it but quitting is not a solution.

That's exactly what I was thinking of - I had a show on hold because of a CC issue, and was having a problem getting ahold of the guest in question, and DH started telling me what to do to fix it! Has he ever dealt w/ anything remotely of this nature? Uh, no........but he is still going to figure out a way to fix it!

I love the guy to distraction! Sometimes I say to myself though "It's a good thing he's so cute!"........

 

[Kathytnt]

Well my show for Saturday got postponed to the 24th but the host is very excited about becoming a consultant - Perhaps I have found #4

 

[katie0128]

I have to remind myself of that all the time when DH is giving me advice I haven't asked for, about things he knows nothing about! "He can't help it, he's just trying to find a solution and fix it!".........

When I'm frustrated and just venting to DH, I usually start my rant with, "I'm just venting. I don't need or want advice on how to fix this... just sit quietly and listen to me." Usually does the trick, but sometimes the fix-it nature comes out and then I remind him that this is supposed to be a one-sided conversation.

 

[amy07]

Well my show for Saturday got postponed to the 24th but the host is very excited about becoming a consultant - Perhaps I have found #4

Kathy, you ROCK!!

 

[amy07]

When I'm frustrated and just venting to DH, I usually start my rant with, "I'm just venting. I don't need or want advice on how to fix this... just sit quietly and listen to me." Usually does the trick, but sometimes the fix-it nature comes out and then I remind him that this is supposed to be a one-sided conversation.

Too funny!! As soon as my DH understands that he will be so much better off!!

 

[baychef]

Kathy...more {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{MAJOR HUGS!!!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} This being the first anniversary of your Mom's death would certainly put me in the frame of mind that you are in. I am almost middle aged and my Mom is 70. I know that I will have to face it someday, but I can't imagine life without her.

Let yourself greive, even though you may think you are through it, you may not be. It may help to see a professional just for a short time to help you through the process. From experience of my own, you sound like you are having some mild depression. I know that isn't want you want us to tell you, but you are carrying around a heavy load just with your Mom's passing.

It does sound like your husband wants to fix your down times with your business by having you quit. Is he hearing more negative than positive? Personally, I think this time of year is tough. I love the fall and when Christmas comes to a screeching halt, I am so bummed.

It also sounds like you don't know what you want to do with PC either. Last I knew, when you have 5 qualified consultants Home Office calls you, but you may decline without penalty. I would also voice some of your concerns to a supportive upline director. Share with him or her that you are not sure you want to accept a directorship position if it was offered to you at this time.

I like the perks of directorship, but it sounds like you have many other things going on in your life to even consider it. Hubby is in the fixing mode and you two are very much in love. He knows he can't fix everything, but quitting PC may be the answer to your PC problems (in his eyes). I know he may want you to be Suzy Homemaker, but it is YOU that must want to want it too. I am an ANTI-Suzy homemaker, myself. I always thought I would be just like my Mom and I am so far NOT. I HATE housework...love the results but I always feel like there is something more exciting to do than that!! When I want to, I can even impress "Mrs. Clean" (my Mom's nickname!) but the mood doesn't strike often enough!

Keep us posted. We care. And give those big puppies of yours a scratch on the belly for me!!

 

[Kathytnt]

He made a comment about me not seeming happy - Perhaps I am sharing to much of the down side of PC and not the upside. I am seeing that the spending too much $$ on vendor fairs and bridal shows has been a downside because this also makes the $$s disappear and hubbys like to see the dough

I have new pup pics that I will try to post in the photo section. Xander (My mom's dog) will finally be part of CS. The new snow dog pics are in the Friends and Family section

 

[Kathytnt]

Well I talked some to hubby but we need to talk more. I told him I won't accept Directorship (if it happens) without seriously discussing it with him.

I can see that there are several recruit leads that wil do well but there are some that are just hobbiests. I need more than hobbiest to commit to Directorship.

I had a chat with hubby at lunch and I am going to work to do more of a partnership with him so I make more time for US. I am also going to work to make my business more profitable so that it can start contributing to or income rather than being a money pit. It is my fault that I have made some porr decisions. To many craft fairs and bridal shows that were non productive or that I need to follow up on more.

 

[baychef]

Sounds like you two had a great talk and have come up with a solution that will work with both of you. In time, if you want to reconsider directorship then so be it. I have a hard time juggling it sometimes, but when I see that I have $600 more in my check that I didn't have to go anywhere and do a party, that is a definate perk! I really love watching people grow in their businesses and see where it brings them.
Glad you both talked and found some resolution! That is the most important thing!