*Vent* Toddler in Potty Training

I HATE POTTY TRAINING! my son (will be 3 in march) son is in that phase where he won't tell me. infact, a little back story for you, he has been late on the speaking thing, but he is starting to catch up... i think. i held a real 2 yr old conversation with him yesterday on the phone. i'm so proud of him for his speech coming along. well the potty training i KNOW, it's a process. but he won't let me know when he needs to go. he just disappears and i'll randomly hear the toilet flush and i have no clue if he is playiing or if he went. going out is hard cuz he won't tell me. which means i have to ask him 300 times and hope that i can catch it before, which has little teaching value IMO. he is obviously ready, but with out the communication i'm pulling my hair out. i can't wait for him to be done. infact we might be going home for christmas, so i get to look forward to an 8 hour travel time at best with a potty training toddler, a 3 mo old baby and a DH who is working on irritating me enough to say something. i am surrounded by males and i am ready for a break!!!!!! :cry: :cry: :cry:

ok, vent over... i think...

Are you putting pull ups on him? I would advise not to wear pullups, put him in his undies and let him go so that he knows the feeling of being wet.
I was lucky w/ my daughter, but I feel your pain, it is very frustrating! :cry:

My 2 yo is being difficult as well. She is smart enough and knows how to do everything, but she just doesn't really want to. She has started telling us before she goes #2, which is wonderful!! So now she goes poop in the pot. That alone is great!

Maybe if you are having some difficulties they aren't ready yet?
That's what I've read...

When it came to training my daughter, "I" was the one who waited, I knew that once I started I wasn't going to go back to diapers, she was going to get it no matter how long it took...

Turns out I had a talk w/ her, I put her in panties for a weekend and when she peed on the floor she knew it, so we would wash up and start again, by the end of the weekend on Monday she was telling me when she had to go. I also put her on the pot once every hour.

She was 2 1/2, I don't think I would have started her any earlier...

Just have patience guys, it will be ok...you will feel liberated not having to carry that diaper bag around anymore!

I hate potty training. I had my 2 yr old almost done then I had a friends kids over and I heard my 2 yr old crying went and checked on her and my DD was on the toilet screaming with her ams around friends daughter. Lets just say the next day she stopped all together telling me she had to go. So after 4 months she is finally starting to show interest again.

It's not like I haven't done it before. Each child is different. This is my fourth bout with potty training. My first was very difficult. The second was a breeze (he modeled his big brother). The third was a little stubborn so we backed off for awhile then she started asking for panties. This one is all girl...one day she wants it, the next it's diapers again. Plus, we are quite busy usually. If we had 3-5 days solid of nothing on the calendar I know she would get it. We NEVER have that!

Chef Kearns said:

It's not like I haven't done it before. Each child is different. This is my fourth bout with potty training. My first was very difficult. The second was a breeze (he modeled his big brother). The third was a little stubborn so we backed off for awhile then she started asking for panties. This one is all girl...one day she wants it, the next it's diapers again. Plus, we are quite busy usually. If we had 3-5 days solid of nothing on the calendar I know she would get it. We NEVER have that!

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Oh, sorry, I didn't know.

I know it's frustrating, but very few kids graduate from high school wearing pull-ups. You'll get through it.

I sooooo feel your pain. My twin DSs were impossible to train. ugh - the memories. They were on laxatives (mineral oil) that caused leakage and, like many, I don't believe in pull-ups. Talk about mess. My poor DD was ready to train & I had to hold her off b/c the thought of doing it with 3 of them was more than my poor head could handle.

As Rae said, not too many kids graduate from high school w/o being potty trained. Take a deep breath and know that when your son is ready, it wil happen.

Is your baby a boy or girl?? In my experience (direct & heresay) girls are soooo much eaiser to train.

Good luck & feel free to vent to us as necessary.

I have been talking about it with my son, but like you he has been behind in his speech - however, he is just turning 2 tomorrow so we are still early - as for the speech we have been working with early intervention and he has been doing well. He has made a lot of improvements in the last two weeks so I really think he was just slower than they thought he should be and is now going through his natural development. As for the potty training - we have done some basic steps, we have the training potty and the child seat to put on the toilet, we have the pull ups (the one's that get cold when they are wet) but we aren't using them yet, and we talk about it. He recognizes when he has a dirty diaper -at least for #2, he'll come say he's stinky, but it's after the fact and I tell him you have to tell me before so you can go in the potty - but we haven't started anything official yet. I am hoping to start soon but like you said, the inability to tell me he has to go has been holding me back. We'll just keep slowly plugging along and hopefully start just after the new year. I think I am anxious because he is big for his age and hefting a 35-40lb 2 year old up and down to change is not a lot of fun!

LOL Rae...

I feel your pain. We have been trying to potty train my son since he was two...he is three now and will be four in june and he STILL doesn't have it! He was doing really well when we first started training him, and then he had to have surgery because he had hypospadias (sp?) Ever since then it is like he lost any of the progress we had made.

We have tried everything.... stickers, candy, toys, sitting him on the potty every hour on the hour, making him sit every 30 min, sitting him on a little potty, getting a seat for the big potty and sitting him there, trying to get him to hit cheerios, trying to let him potty train his favorite bear, no pants at all, regular underwear, training pants, etc NOTHING is working. He won't tell you when he has to go...hides to poop, and then sits in it because he doesn't want to tell us.

He is very smart in so many other ways...is quite ready for preschool from what we have learned when talking with teachers, but he isn't able to be in preschool until he is potty trained. He gets embarassed when he poops in his pants, but not enough to make him want to go in the potty. I am so lost as for what to do next..LOL

So if anyone has had the same problem and figured it out let me know! HA HA

My son was slow in speech and didn't potty train till well after 3--he's 21 now and pretty much has it down, LOL. Now if we can just get that shower/shave thing in line, different battle.... Actually, what worked for me was rewarding him every time he told me (stars on a chart/5 stars was a hot wheels, 10 stars was ice cream with daddy, that type of thing). Hang in there.

raebates said:

I know it's frustrating, but very few kids graduate from high school wearing pull-ups. You'll get through it.

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oh good, so he won't be getting married in pull ups! if he is bound to have it by high school i can stop worrying about the wedding!

i know he'll get it but between my 2 boys they have me pulling out my hair! neither one needs me until the other does. it got bad enough today i had to take a time out! and i'm not sure, but either my son has been really backed up, or he has been going #2 on the potty and not telling me. no i don't do pull ups any more. he goes all day in regular underwear including nap time. i put him in a cloth diaper for night time. i found that pull ups were just another diaper with CARS on them. for my son. and being wet doesn't always faze him. at first it will, but after a few min, it won't and does he come get me in those few minutes? nope, just goes on playing. i love being a motherhood, i just really hate the job sometimes!

elizabethfox said:

LOL Rae...

I feel your pain. We have been trying to potty train my son since he was two...he is three now and will be four in june and he STILL doesn't have it! He was doing really well when we first started training him, and then he had to have surgery because he had hypospadias (sp?) Ever since then it is like he lost any of the progress we had made.

We have tried everything.... stickers, candy, toys, sitting him on the potty every hour on the hour, making him sit every 30 min, sitting him on a little potty, getting a seat for the big potty and sitting him there, trying to get him to hit cheerios, trying to let him potty train his favorite bear, no pants at all, regular underwear, training pants, etc NOTHING is working. He won't tell you when he has to go...hides to poop, and then sits in it because he doesn't want to tell us.

He is very smart in so many other ways...is quite ready for preschool from what we have learned when talking with teachers, but he isn't able to be in preschool until he is potty trained. He gets embarassed when he poops in his pants, but not enough to make him want to go in the potty. I am so lost as for what to do next..LOL

So if anyone has had the same problem and figured it out let me know! HA HA

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Maybe he's feeling too much stress?
From all that you listed, it sounds like he's mature enough to understand it...

I started a thread about this a few months ago and my daughter ( will be 3 in March) is still not potty trained. She was 75% there and then one day just declared she wasn't going to do it anymore. I have realized that it is about control and they have it. As my pediatrician told me ( and he was my pediatrician until I was 18). Kids never go to kindergarten with a binky, bottle or not potty trained and it is true. My teen DS was potty trained before he was 3 and they say girls are easier then boy... I think not
She will go and I offer it to her, but I don't force it. I know she knows how to do it and when it happens there will be no more diapers except for DS who is almost 2.

Good Luck, I am right there with ya

mergo,
I totally agree my DS was easier then both my girls. With ds I gave him a bag of starbursts and let him have control of it. Told him when he had to go he could get a piece of candy, by the time the bag was gone he was trained.

I am in the midst of potty training, but my DD is having constipation issues and is on medicine that doesn't give her any early warning when she needs to go, so that's throwing a wrench in the process. DS just doesn't care. Today he told me he wanted to go on the potty, so I celebrated and took him in there and he just sat for two minutes and decided he was bored and didn't want to stay there. We'll be making some bigger steps in that direction, but I was really hoping to have this done before they turned three (this coming Saturday). I guess sometimes our best intentions just don't pan out!!! I have to keep reminding myself that the only reason I set the goal for 3 years old was because so many of my friends have accomplished that...need to remind myself that not all kids are going to have the same success.

princessmeshelle said:

oh good, so he won't be getting married in pull ups! if he is bound to have it by high school i can stop worrying about the wedding!

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If not, it will become his wife's problem, so you'll be off the hook.

elizabethfox said:

LOL Rae...

I feel your pain. We have been trying to potty train my son since he was two...he is three now and will be four in june and he STILL doesn't have it! He was doing really well when we first started training him, and then he had to have surgery because he had hypospadias (sp?) Ever since then it is like he lost any of the progress we had made.

We have tried everything.... stickers, candy, toys, sitting him on the potty every hour on the hour, making him sit every 30 min, sitting him on a little potty, getting a seat for the big potty and sitting him there, trying to get him to hit cheerios, trying to let him potty train his favorite bear, no pants at all, regular underwear, training pants, etc NOTHING is working. He won't tell you when he has to go...hides to poop, and then sits in it because he doesn't want to tell us.

He is very smart in so many other ways...is quite ready for preschool from what we have learned when talking with teachers, but he isn't able to be in preschool until he is potty trained. He gets embarassed when he poops in his pants, but not enough to make him want to go in the potty. I am so lost as for what to do next..LOL

So if anyone has had the same problem and figured it out let me know! HA HA

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Elizabeth - that sounds exactly like it was with my little guy. We tried EVERYTHING! Charts, toys, candy, a puppy, and we were so frustrated.

He was a very early talker, and is extremely verbal. at 3 yrs, He really wanted to go to school, as in "Look, Mom, there's a school, just pull over and drop me off!"
So, I was sure that letting him know that he couldn't go to school unless he was wearing big boy underwear and going on the potty would be what did it. His response was "Oh, well, I guess I don't want to go to school, then."....I was so frustrated! But, then he thought about it for a while, and asked me if he could still have a backpack, even if he didn't go to school. AH HA! It was the backpack that did it! I told him that only big boys who went to school got to have backpacks. His response was "Okay then, lets put those big boy underpants on me.". We put them on, and he NEVER ONCE had an accident of wetting himself. NEVER! (the little stinker!) But, we found his motivator! The stupid backpack! After a week of not wetting, we enrolled him in preschool, and he got to pick out his own backpack.

Pooping took a few more months. But, we found that motivator too. He wanted nothing for Christmas (Oh - it seems so long ago, but it was only last year!) except the Lionel Polar Express Train Set. He had a catalog page with the picture of it, and he slept with it, and talked about it all the time. Up until this time, he was like your little guy - he would hide (We called it his "pooping corner") to poop, and then not tell us - like we wouldn't smell the stink!
So, we let him know that Daddy had talked to Santa, and Santa said that Polor Express Trains were big boy toys, and that only big boys who were completely potty trained - no pooping in the pants allowed! - were going to get them for Christmas. Daddy called Santa quite often during the Christmas Season to check in with him about how Micah was doing, and Micah would hang on every word (he could here Daddy's side of the conversation) - Well, we've never had another accident since Christmas of last year. He was 3 1/2 at the time.

For us, it was all about finding a big enough motivator. Once we found it - he pretty much just trained himself.

Becky, that just cracked me up!

My DD was pretty easy, I guess. She totally decided when she was ready. She was starting to get there right around 2, but I was pregnant and due to have the my DS when she would be 2.5. So, I didn't push it. I could just see it in my mind that she would be all set, baby would come along, and we'd have a regression. To avoid that, I just completely let her go at her own pace. She pretty much had it down by the time she was 3. School was definitely the motivator for her. That and the Eagle's Nest (that's a place at our grocery store that they will watch your kids for you while you shop -- lots of cool toys and movies we don't have at home. The catch is you have to be at least 3 and potty trained.) When she got it, she just GOT IT. She would occasionally have accidents during the day, but never at night -- not once! She was a particular PITA when we would travel though! If we would see an exit coming up, we would start drilling her asking if she had to go, over and over. It was always "no", and it was ALWAYS immediately after we passed the exit that she started screaming that she had to go! We pulled more than one illegal u-turns to get back to the exit with the bathroom. Then, I discovered the travel potty (I think I ordered it from OneStepAhead.com). We knew we had it for just that reason, and, honestly we've never had to use it! I think she either really didn't like that idea or figured it out all at once and started telling us ahead of the exits when she had to go. I really don't care either way. It was worth the $25 for the peace of mind that we weren't going to go crazy if she missed an exit.

We also invested in piddle pads (also from one step ahead). They are these little pads that go in the car seat that are amazingly absorbant should an accident occur. They won't completely stop the mess, but it is GREATLY reduced!

Now, my DS is a completely separate story! He is now 2.5 and has no interest whatsoever in the potty. His idea of "going potty" is sitting on it and wiping. It's all about the toilet paper! We thought we were going to have it easy with him because he actually sat on the potty and peed AND pooped one night when he was 15 months old (before he could walk!). We got all excited about it and made it a big deal. Well, he hasn't done ANYTHING since! It's like he went "Ok, so that's going potty. Done it! Now I'm done with it!"

Wow! That was a much longer post than I meant it to be!

Just wanted to share this funny story too...
My best friend called me today to tell me her DS had peed all by himself (he's also 2.5). I could sense a "but" in the story though. Turns out, she was on the phone and he ran past her with no diaper saying "potty! Potty!" She sent her older son in to watch him, which is apparently all he did. Her husband also came home in that moment, so, she sent him into the bathroom. I guess dh started screaming b/c when he went into the bathroom, he found their little boy had climbed onto and straddled the SINK and was peeing into it! Nice!

My BF was a single dad when it came time to potty train, he was running out of diapers, and did not want to buy anymore. His son LOVED quarters (thats changed to dollar bills now). He got out a stack of quarters, everytime he used the potty he got a quarter, but every time he had an accident he had to give 2 quarters back to dad. That kid did not want to give up the quarters, he was totally trained within 2 days, and was just over 2 years old at the time.

We are having problems with his 3 yo though, she has been trained for a year or so now, and she's starting to have accidents again. Not sure why, but last weekend when I had her she pooed her pants, then this past week he had her and she wet herself. We normally only have that problem if we forget to make her use the potty before she goes to bed.

janezapchef said:

Wow! That was a much longer post than I meant it to be!

Just wanted to share this funny story too...
My best friend called me today to tell me her DS had peed all by himself (he's also 2.5). I could sense a "but" in the story though. Turns out, she was on the phone and he ran past her with no diaper saying "potty! Potty!" She sent her older son in to watch him, which is apparently all he did. Her husband also came home in that moment, so, she sent him into the bathroom. I guess dh started screaming b/c when he went into the bathroom, he found their little boy had climbed onto and straddled the SINK and was peeing into it! Nice!

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ROTFWL!!! OH MY GOODNESS!!! i love it!!! yeah, glad it wasn't me...

We are starting potty training w/ my daughter. Someone told me to take them to a store & let them pick out their own underwear (spiderman or whatever) & then they won't want to get their new 'big boy' underwear dirty..

So, my DS is 2-1/2 years old. We potty trained him, in about a week. Seriuosly. There is a book that my cousin (mom to 3 boys) gave me and it worked wonderfully. It teaches you to train them in 3 days. It did take a little longer than that obviously, but we are pee pee free during the day and only 1 accident a week or so in the middle of the night. It's awesome! It basically teaches you to take them evey 15 mintues for 3 days, throw out the diapers completely and really put lots and lots of emphasis on the big boy underwear. My DS got to where he asked everyone if they had their big boy underwear on. It was hilarious. Anyways, I was resistant at first to take the diapers/pull ups off at night, but the book says it confusses them to leave them in diapers and pullups at night and underware during the day. So, we got rid of the diapers. The books says to let them help change their wet underwear the first time they pee in them over night and they will be trained in 3 days. That seemed a little harsh to me since he's only 2 and crying because he's cold, so we aren't 100 percent at night yet, but the rest is working. If you want to know the name of the book and author, let me know and i'll check on it for you. It's an older book, but boy did it work. Good luck to you!

ChefBeckyD said:

For us, it was all about finding a big enough motivator. Once we found it - he pretty much just trained himself.

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LOL. Well I can't find it, and the only thing he does talk about ALL the time is that he wants a space station... HA HA HA. And we sure as heck can't get him one of those! ( but he just told me yesterday that santa can

ChefBeckyD said:

Elizabeth - that sounds exactly like it was with my little guy. We tried EVERYTHING! Charts, toys, candy, a puppy, and we were so frustrated.

He was a very early talker, and is extremely verbal. at 3 yrs, He really wanted to go to school, as in "Look, Mom, there's a school, just pull over and drop me off!"
So, I was sure that letting him know that he couldn't go to school unless he was wearing big boy underwear and going on the potty would be what did it. His response was "Oh, well, I guess I don't want to go to school, then."....I was so frustrated! But, then he thought about it for a while, and asked me if he could still have a backpack, even if he didn't go to school. AH HA! It was the backpack that did it! I told him that only big boys who went to school got to have backpacks. His response was "Okay then, lets put those big boy underpants on me.". We put them on, and he NEVER ONCE had an accident of wetting himself. NEVER! (the little stinker!) But, we found his motivator! The stupid backpack! After a week of not wetting, we enrolled him in preschool, and he got to pick out his own backpack.

Pooping took a few more months. But, we found that motivator too. He wanted nothing for Christmas (Oh - it seems so long ago, but it was only last year!) except the Lionel Polar Express Train Set. He had a catalog page with the picture of it, and he slept with it, and talked about it all the time. Up until this time, he was like your little guy - he would hide (We called it his "pooping corner") to poop, and then not tell us - like we wouldn't smell the stink!
So, we let him know that Daddy had talked to Santa, and Santa said that Polor Express Trains were big boy toys, and that only big boys who were completely potty trained - no pooping in the pants allowed! - were going to get them for Christmas. Daddy called Santa quite often during the Christmas Season to check in with him about how Micah was doing, and Micah would hang on every word (he could here Daddy's side of the conversation) - Well, we've never had another accident since Christmas of last year. He was 3 1/2 at the time.

For us, it was all about finding a big enough motivator. Once we found it - he pretty much just trained himself.

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WOW, a puppy.... you are a brave mom

WLMcCoy said:

We are starting potty training w/ my daughter. Someone told me to take them to a store & let them pick out their own underwear (spiderman or whatever) & then they won't want to get their new 'big boy' underwear dirty..

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umm yea, didn't work...

DD picked out Dora panties, princess panties, snow white panties etc.. What to know how much I have spent on panties??? anyhoo.... I know she will pee when she is ready. Kids know when they are ready, I offer it, I don't push and now I just sit and wait

elizabethfox said:

LOL Rae...

I feel your pain. We have been trying to potty train my son since he was two...he is three now and will be four in june and he STILL doesn't have it! He was doing really well when we first started training him, and then he had to have surgery because he had hypospadias (sp?) Ever since then it is like he lost any of the progress we had made.

We have tried everything.... stickers, candy, toys, sitting him on the potty every hour on the hour, making him sit every 30 min, sitting him on a little potty, getting a seat for the big potty and sitting him there, trying to get him to hit cheerios, trying to let him potty train his favorite bear, no pants at all, regular underwear, training pants, etc NOTHING is working. He won't tell you when he has to go...hides to poop, and then sits in it because he doesn't want to tell us.

He is very smart in so many other ways...is quite ready for preschool from what we have learned when talking with teachers, but he isn't able to be in preschool until he is potty trained. He gets embarassed when he poops in his pants, but not enough to make him want to go in the potty. I am so lost as for what to do next..LOL

So if anyone has had the same problem and figured it out let me know! HA HA

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This reminds me of my niece. She started potty training almost 2 years ago and then her baby sister was born and she STOPPED!! So now the baby is 1 1/2 - will be 2 in April and Ella will be 4 in June and she's got the peeing in the potty down but she still asks for a diaper, then hides in the corner to poop. Now Malena, the almost-2-year-old is starting to potty train because she sees her sister use the potty and she wants to do it as well. At the rate they're going my sister might luck out with both training at once! Here's hoping.

All I will say Is I feel yout pain and frustration... Search back a few months and you will see simmilar posts from me!

From mommy of a little guy to another... Hang in there!