What Went Wrong at My First Bridal Shower?

I almost can't believe this! Those who have read my previous threads know that I was "given" a bridal shower to do...and it was yesterday. Boy, I was pumped, ready and really looking forward to doing this shower! The host and I had several conversations (i.e. host coaching). Well, when I got there, I was informed that we were doing this in the garage. (Good thing I wasn't "cooking" anything). It was cold and windy, but I got through that. Then, as all the guests are arriving, they are bringing gifts... I asked the host if she sent out PC bridal shower invites, and she said yes...and she told people that I would be there selling PC (What the bride wanted!). Did my demo, bride helped, and it went great!
Well, to make a looooooooong story short, the bride only received 4 things from her wish list, only had 3 people out of 16 order. (luckily the host had gotten outside orders from her friends...not for the bride). So, sales were only $206. I know it's better than nothing, but I just about fell over when she was opening her gifts and all the people bought her kitchen items. The host apologized to me over and over after everyone left. Yes, I was gracious and kind, but inside I wanted to scream! Thanks for letting me vent..sorry for the long rant. The next one will be better (I won't do another show that's set up by someone else.)

Oh my! I hate this happened to you. Do people NOT read the invitations!! I have one in the next few weeks that I am worried about b/c so far there are only 6 people invited. I am prodding the Bride to give the host more names.

I know some people say that some sales are better than no sales and agree if you get bookings from it but when a show is not productive for my business or pocket book I would rather not waste the time I could have spent with my family on it.

That's kind of how I felt...I was gone for 5 hours (on a Sunday), got no bookings, and I feel it was a waste of my time. Oh well, at least now I can say I did a bridal shower!
LOL!!! Jennifer, I hope yours is better than mine!!!

pcchris said:

LOL!!! Jennifer, I hope yours is better than mine!!!

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Thanks, Me too!!

I'm so sorry. Some people are just clueless. Sounds like you happened onto a whole gaggle of them. I can almost guarantee that your future showers will be better.

So sorry to hear this. I feel for ya!
Schel

I have a problem with the bridal show as a rule and don't push them. I'd do one if specifically requested, but as a someone who does wedding work (I'm also a Birchcraft wedding invitation representative, I create DVD slideshows for receptions, do wedding coordination (as a hobby only) and have been an active participant on wedding planning boards), it's extremely poor etiquette to try and tell someone WHAT they are supposed to buy the bride, so throwing a shower where you take orders is horrible social etiquette. Even registries are only supposed to by a guide to guests and no one is obligated to buy from them.

I have no problem with setting up a PC registry, but doing a show specifically to get the guests to buy for the bride just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It's really the only part of the PC show types that I disagree with.

And yes, I do realize that the guests still have a choice of what to buy the bride out of our catalog, but it strikes me as really holding out a hand for a gift and etiquette dictacts it be a little more discrete than that. One of my typical wedding shower gifts is a handquilled framed copy of their wedding invitation. It's never on a registry but has ALWAYS been very much appreciated.

Bridal shows work great if they will follow your lead and keep it PC related. If they want a PC slant on something THEY have in mind, it usually crashes and burns. I had a gal call me to do a bridal show on January 5, and I was so excited with a first show of the year, I said yes - it was $186, and was just bad. Neither the bride nor the grooms mother came. just ucky. The host got a stoneware pan rather than give it to the bride & groom (can you imagine?) and I was just glad to be done with it.

Oh for crying out loud! That stinks!!! This sort of thing happened to me not too long ago for a housewarming party, except the hostess purposely didn't tell her guests that they were coming to a PC party all so she could have more attendees. And she didn't tell me they didn't know! It was awkward. They all brought gifts for her and the show sales were kind of stinky!! I'm so sorry. I know how you feel!

Wow - I'm so glad to hear that I am not the only one who's bridal shower bombed. I thought it was just me! I know for a fact that the bride-2-b had a great time. She did thank me for showing her how to make a yummy dessert! She said her kids would love that taffy apple pizza...so something good did come from it, I guess.

MeesMom3 said:

Oh for crying out loud! That stinks!!! This sort of thing happened to me not too long ago for a housewarming party, except the hostess purposely didn't tell her guests that they were coming to a PC party all so she could have more attendees. And she didn't tell me they didn't know! It was awkward. They all brought gifts for her and the show sales were kind of stinky!! I'm so sorry. I know how you feel!

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Oh, now that sucks! That was a lousy thing to do to people! wow. I would have been po'd if I was going to a housewaming party and wasn't told it was a pc party!!! Thanks for sharing!!

I had a bridal shower myself yesterday and it didn't go any better. I've had 5 so far and only 1 of them has been really good. I was told by so many people that bridal showers are great - I must be doing something wrong. I'm not going to push for them any more! I gave up my entire Sunday, and half of Saturday trying to get ready for it!

I am learning from them though. From now on I will be emphasizing to the host that the guests are not to bring gifts and they need to explain this when they R.S.V.P. I've explained it, but I'm going to say it MANY times. I'm going to explain that if guests arrive with gifts they may feel awkward and they don't want the guests to feel that way. I'm also going to think of a nice way to explain this is a business for me, and I don't give up my Sunday's with my family lightly (haven't decided for sure how to fit that in yet) and if they aren't commited to this being a PC shower only I don't want to do it. I'm also going to start meeting with the bride for her to make up her wish list. I want them to come to my house for a meeting so they can see all of the products in person. I want the bride to be excited about the products. I've found that many of the brides aren't really that excited - the person doing the shower is! Many of the brides just say okay to the shower becuase they don't want to be rude to ther person offering to give them a shower. The bride yesterday didn't even send the invitations to her friends, she called them!! So they didn't have a clue what was going on. Only one person brought her a recipe!!

The show ended up closing at only $230! I was so bummed. I was actually so upset I felt like quiting the business!

I just have to learn from experience and not let this happen again - if at all possible.

Rhonda, when you get the correct verbage you'll use for that, will you please let us know? Maybe you could say it just as you typed it, but in a nice kind of way...but I know what you mean. I guess the part of the one I did that ticked me off the most is that everyone that brought presents, brought her stuff for her kitchen.....uh, HELLO?!?!?!?!?!? whatever. no point in dwelling on other's density...LOL!!!!!!!!!!

Are your hosts using the PC shower invitations? I think they spell things out pretty well. I suspect that some hosts either just call to invite or use their own "cuter" invitations. The PC invitations even have a recipe card for people to fill out and bring to the shower. I did have one guest bring a beautiful handmade quilt to a shower. In my opinion, that was the most impressive gift the bride received.Laura, I understand your issue with PC showers. Honestly, I struggled a bit with this at first. What I finally decided was that (1) if you're invited to a shower, you know you're expected to bring a gift; (2) many of us struggle with what to give, so having some really direct input from the bride herself is helpful; and (3) if an invited guest feels this type of shower is inappropriate, she can politely decline the invitation. To me, these are not all that different from a "kitchen shower" or "naughty shower." Finally, the guest doesn't have to buy anything for the bride at all. She can purchase something for herself. The bride gets the host benefits.

Chris,

I've been thinking of this some more, and I've decided I'm going to discuss it w/the host. I'm going to explain I've done quite a few bridal showers and I find the most successful showers are when the "bride" really WANTS PC products. I'm going to explain how it's very important guests know NOT to bring a gift and how this is very new to many people. I will talk about this each time I have a conversation with them. Again, I'm going to suggest the bride meet with me to create her wish list. We sell this stuff. I think we can get them more excited if they see the products in person. If this isn't possible, I'm going to try to get better at doing it over the phone. I received this bride's wish list and she picked some great things, but I didn't really discuss it w/her. If I feel these steps aren't going well, I think I'll say in a nice way to the host I don't feel they or the bride seem committed to a PC only shower. I'll try to explain I'm giving up a day with my family because this is a business for me. I'll explain I enjoy doing bridal showers, but I would appreciate their committment to it - something like that.

Rae,

Yes, I always use the PC invitations. I know some of the guests received them and understood the concept; however, I do think the bride was told to mail some of them and chose to just call her friends. I had no way of knowing this until I arrived. You know the invitations don't say NOT to bring a gift, just they don't need to bring a gift. Some people may think it's an open option. That's why the host needs to explain to them when they R.S.V.P. Part of the problem is a lot of them don't R.S.V.P. I'm also going to have the host tell them, "(Bride's Name) really wants PC products, so please don't bring a gift. You will be able to purchase one for her at the shower." "You will be able to use cash, check or credit card."

I mentioned credit card because I do think the problem may be a money issue for some people. I've been on a tight budget most of my married life, unfortunately (sometimes much tighter then others (like only $2 left in the checkbook for a week). Some people may think they can only use cash. I'm going to explain this to the host as well. To let people know they will be able to use cash or credit cards (I put this in my ltr. to the host, but you know how they read everything!) This may also be a problem for some though. Guests may not have a credit card (or credit available on it), but may have a credit card from a local store (Target, Macy's, etc.) they would prefer to use. I guess if I were in that situation I would bring a gift and act like I didn't understand the way it worked.

These are just my thoughts. You learn as you go in this business.

O.....M.....G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The host of my bridal shower just showed up at my door...asked for all of the money back and she wants to cancel the show. (I was holding it open to see if she could get more orders) I almost fell over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
So, now I froze my butt off, was insluted and on top of all that, I have no show to submit! Oh, am i PISSED!
Sorry - had to vent. I'm logging off for the night. I'm going to go have a nice stiff drink and cry. Talk to you all tomorrow.

*snugs chris I'm sorry that happened.

WHAT??? WHAT???? WHAT???? OMG - I'm in shock!!!!

WOW - I don't know what I would say to that! I think I would have told her it is too late, she will have to return the items to PC to get her money back just like she would have to a store if the people bought for her!!

Did she say why??

WOW!!!! That is nervy...is that what the host wanted or is that what the bride wanted.

I'd be so tempted to honestly say that you sell PC and don't provide a catering service. You would appreciate in this case the courtesy of being compensated for your time at least. (Can we do this?????) Ask first on that one, but you gave up a ton of time and effort for this... I don't remember the history on this, sorry, but I'd also have a "chat" with whoever set this up originally about what you went through! JMHO....

Ok, I'm back. (I can't stay away from this place...LOL!)
She wanted to cancel it becaus they didn't get $300 in sales, and they decided to go a different route. (whatever THAT means!!)

Thanks everyone for your replies...I do believe that this chick is blessed and RELEASED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(she did say that maybe ina few months she would like to do a catty show...good! Call someone else! That's juvenilistic, I know, but I think it's the least I can do!) I might be in a better frame of mind IF she calls me in a few months! I'm not holding my breath!

And...I don't think I'll do any more bridal showers. Registries? Sure! Just no showers.

Im still in shock. Unreal.

OMG! I feel so bad for you! (I've been waiting to hear how you shower went, I was gone from here for a few days, and just about gagged as I read your tale!)
Here's a hug!

pcchris said:

Ok, I'm back. (I can't stay away from this place...LOL!)
She wanted to cancel it becaus they didn't get $300 in sales, and they decided to go a different route. (whatever THAT means!!)

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So is she going to tell the people that purchased items for the bride that the order is cancelled? I would be so mad if I was a guest and actually purchased something and then was told the bride cancelled my order!

Some people just make your head hurt!

That's just bizarre!

One more comment on Bridal Show and etiquette...I have found that most brides now days EXPECT people to buy from their registries. When talk about or I do a bridal show I stress that this is much easier for the guest, no fighting busy traffic, no confussing registry machines, and best of all you don't have to add $5 (+) for gift wrap and a card. You know the bride will love what you buy and you know you are giving a quality gift. Are all my bridal shows a huge success - NO - but neither are all my cooking shows. It all depends on the host and the guests, just do your best and forget the rest, your next bridal show could be terrific.

Well said, Melissa.

Chris, I'm in shock. Don't feel like the only one, though. Someone once told me they did a shower where all of the guests simply gave the bride cash to purchase stuff with. She decided to take the cash and use it for something else. All I can say is that some people don't have the brains or class that God gave a turnip. Sounds like you found a prime example.

I haven't seen the invites, so I'm guessing it is worded appropriately, but maybe since it is standard boilerplate type,people dont' read it? What about adding a hand written bit at the bottom--"no need to bring a gift, come and shop for Susie off of her registry and for yourself, and she'll reap additional rewards" then maybe run a highlighter over it or something?

Chris,

I cannot believe the nerve! I agree bless and release! And I would pray she went somewhere else for the catty show? Unless she feels so bad that she wants to have an AWESOME show for you.

And I agree, if I was a guest and bought from her registry and found out the bride agreed to cancel the show I would be so mad! It is different than a bride returning something generally bought from a store in my opinion. This is something she registered for and agreed to do.

People these days no longer surprise me no matter what they do. People these days............