Do You Have Kids? Balancing Work and Entrepreneurship

[PamperedK]

I get this question a lot when I tell people that I have a successful PC business while working full-time at another job. I always get, "Yeah, but do you have kids?" or "Yeah but you don't have a family." Excuse me? My life and time are just as valuable as yours. Yes, I am single, but I am still busy! There are people on my team with full-time jobs, children AND a successful business.

I just feel so...insulted when people do this. I don't think they're meaning to be rude, but it really gets to me.

What would you say to this?

 

[wadesgirl]

"No, but I know alot of successful consultants who have children and do very well at this business."

 

[cmdtrgd]

No, but I have 2 cats, a husband, a brother in law, a house to take care of and a teen drama group that I teach. And, that is just off the top of my head.

 

[PamperedK]

"No, but I know alot of successful consultants who have children and do very well at this business."

You'd think that would work...I think I just run into negative people! I'm trying to be very positive and not worry about what other people say to me...but I'm finding that people are so self-centred that they think they're the busiest people in the whole world! They always have something else that makes them MORE busy than everyone else.

 

[PamperedK]

No, but I have 2 cats, a husband, a brother in law, a house to take care of and a teen drama group that I teach. And, that is just off the top of my head.

Can I just use yours and pass it off as my own?

I'm NOT that busy outside of my job and PC...except that I do 10 shows / month and have a quickly growing team to take care of...I have 2 of my own girls and then I help my Director a lot so I am busy...

 

[wadesgirl]

You could always says "That's the best part about this business, you fit PC around your life not your life around PC. Which includes your kids"

 

[GeorgiaPeach]

"No, but I know alot of successful consultants who have children and do very well at this business."

That's a great quote I'd also add something to the effect that that is what makes PC so great....no matter what your life or schedule look like, PC is flexible enough to fit it!

 

[climbercanoe3]

With people like that it honestly doesn't matter how busy you are they will always be busier. My sister-in-law is the same way. She is always straight out and I must always be on vacation or something.
I think just stating it like Wadesgirl said is best and then let it go. You will not be able to convince them of anything other than their view point. It certainly isn't worth your time! (Because you have so much of it. )

 

[wadesgirl]

When I took Step Up yesterday, they talked about the "normal" excuses people have for not wanting to do this. She shared how you really have to try to get down to the core problem. If they say they don't have time, ask them how much time they think it takes. Alot of people think we have to do 4-6 shows a WEEK! They don't realize they can do as little as 1 show a month or 1 show every other month. Once you get the current problem out of the way, tackle the next one. The director said one recruit lead gave her 8 excuses before they finally got to the real one, she was scared to stand up in front of people. But by helping them get past the off the top of the head excuses, you can find the real.

 

[janetupnorth]

I get this question a lot when I tell people that I have a successful PC business while working full-time at another job. I always get, "Yeah, but do you have kids?" or "Yeah but you don't have a family." Excuse me? My life and time are just as valuable as yours. Yes, I am single, but I am still busy! There are people on my team with full-time jobs, children AND a successful business.

I just feel so...insulted when people do this. I don't think they're meaning to be rude, but it really gets to me.

What would you say to this?

I don't think they intend to be mean but after having kids I understand their point. As a mother, it sucks up more of your life than you ever imagined. You can't do a single thing without accounting for the kids and/or who will watch them.

I bug DH a lot about the fact that someone calls and he can schedule something, but I have to "check first" to see if he is free to watch the kids or get a sitter or whatever. I would LOVE to be able to schedule stuff and assume he is watching the kids and make him check before scheduling, but such is a life of motherhood.

I also encounter many singles who truly don't get what it is like to have kids. Not that your time is less valuable, just that they don't get the above...kind of like guys don't. For those who have dealt with those types of people no matter what you say, they will always look at you as "having no kids", so you will have to use examples of your friends and others that do work FT and PC and have kids to fill in the gaps and relate to them.

If I remember right, 2/3 of my cluster has jobs ON TOP of PC, mostly FT. The number might even be higher. Many do both, in fact A LOT do both!

 

[sarahlegare]

I agree with everyone else! People will blurt out excuses just to try & shut you up! There are a ton of PC consultants that have children, me included, that LOVE doing this because we get to get out, when we want, cause we schedule shows around activities we don't want to miss! DS has basketball Tuesdays, so no shows on Tuesdays....

Answer their question with another question, like a PP said. You're busy? Me too! How much time do you think it takes?? Don't like standing in front of people? What makes you nervous?? I can help you with that!! Keep asking until you get to the real reason, then ask "When would you like your first paycheck?" or "So, are you ready to give this a try?"

Good luck!! I'm right there with ya! Having a rough time recruiting!!

 

[ChefClairissa]

I get this question a lot when I tell people that I have a successful PC business while working full-time at another job. I always get, "Yeah, but do you have kids?" or "Yeah but you don't have a family." Excuse me? My life and time are just as valuable as yours. Yes, I am single, but I am still busy! There are people on my team with full-time jobs, children AND a successful business.

I just feel so...insulted when people do this. I don't think they're meaning to be rude, but it really gets to me.

What would you say to this?

I totally understand where you are coming from. I always felt insulted when people would assume that I had a ton of time just because I didnt have kids. I started a family about 2 years ago and I find that I have more time at home now than I ever did when I was singe and working full time. Thats the whole reason I started PC. I dont know what people are thinking when they say things like this, but when they do I always remind them that they probably dont have less time, its just prioritized differently. And shouldn't it be prioritized around their family? And PC is all about that, so it must be a good match! Good luck and hang in there. I bet that as much as they love their kids and family, they are a little envious of your freedom

 

[Brandi2007]

Don't be too quick to judge... most people that I talk to are extremely judgemental at first about the business. They can't see how it can fit into their lives because they haven't tried it. These ones who see you succeeding may be interested BUT think that they can't have that success with children. Listen to them, if they express interest and the "children" are their only reason then show them how it can work for their lifestyle.

My daughter (age 7) has recently helped me to incorporate my family into my shows. She gave me a valentine last week. It is written in pink on a full size sheet of paper, it says:

"Mom, I know why you love Pampered Chef because I do to. It is so much fun for me and you to do. Love, Cassidy, your Pampered Chef Helper"

I have this letter in my 3 ring flip binder, I showed it at my show this weekend... I have a Mom of 3 that is now planning to sign.

 

[sfdavis918]

I bug DH a lot about the fact that someone calls and he can schedule something, but I have to "check first" to see if he is free to watch the kids or get a sitter or whatever. I would LOVE to be able to schedule stuff and assume he is watching the kids and make him check before scheduling, but such is a life of motherhood.

I hear you on this!! This is probably my biggest pet peeve. But you are right, it's all a part of motherhood. I am just looking forward to when the boys are older and all three of them go off for a "boys day" and mom gets to stay home and pamper herself!!

 

[sfdavis918]

Don't be too quick to judge... most people that I talk to are extremely judgemental at first about the business. They can't see how it can fit into their lives because they haven't tried it. These ones who see you succeeding may be interested BUT think that they can't have that success with children. Listen to them, if they express interest and the "children" are their only reason then show them how it can work for their lifestyle.

My daughter (age 7) has recently helped me to incorporate my family into my shows. She gave me a valentine last week. It is written in pink on a full size sheet of paper, it says:

"Mom, I know why you love Pampered Chef because I do to. It is so much fun for me and you to do. Love, Cassidy, your Pampered Chef Helper"

I have this letter in my 3 ring flip binder, I showed it at my show this weekend... I have a Mom of 3 that is now planning to sign.

This is so adorable!! It must have made you feel so good!

 

[cmdtrgd]

Use the CARE methodConfirm the problem "It sounds like you are interested but don't know how this would fit into your life, right?Acknowledge their feelings "That is a common question that sometimes I even deal with. I have a full schedule of other things that need to get done as well as things I want to get done.R (can't remember what it stands for...I'll see if I can find it) "If I were to sit down with you and work with you to find ways to fit this in, would that make you feel better?"Extend the invitation "Is this something you would like to try?"

 

[janetupnorth]

Use the CARE method

Confirm the problem "It sounds like you are interested but don't know how this would fit into your life, right?

Acknowledge their feelings "That is a common question that sometimes I even deal with. I have a full schedule of other things that need to get done as well as things I want to get done.

R (can't remember what it stands for...I'll see if I can find it) "If I were to sit down with you and work with you to find ways to fit this in, would that make you feel better?"

Extend the invitation "Is this something you would like to try?"

Kate - I have an outline from Maureen Kimmel teaching this at conference - I will get it and post it...

 

[vtodd71]

...but I'm finding that people are so self-centred that they think they're the busiest people in the whole world! They always have something else that makes them MORE busy than everyone else.

Hmmmmm... you talk to those people too? I get those people at my full time job and with PC. I call them the "people who think the world revolves around them."

 

[ChefBeckyD]

I don't think they intend to be mean but after having kids I understand their point. As a mother, it sucks up more of your life than you ever imagined. You can't do a single thing without accounting for the kids and/or who will watch them.

I bug DH a lot about the fact that someone calls and he can schedule something, but I have to "check first" to see if he is free to watch the kids or get a sitter or whatever. I would LOVE to be able to schedule stuff and assume he is watching the kids and make him check before scheduling, but such is a life of motherhood.

I also encounter many singles who truly don't get what it is like to have kids. Not that your time is less valuable, just that they don't get the above...kind of like guys don't.

This is so true.....and I have the experience of both sides of the argument. For the first 1.5 years as a consultant, I was married, but childless, and also had a fulfilling full-time job. I had no problem managing my PC business on the side, and even had 5 recruits signed and active.......then came baby!

It is a whole different ball-game when kids enter the picture - they turn your life upside down, and I discovered, for the first time in my life, what it was to be completely responsible for the health and well-being of another human. There are no more plans made with just yourself to consider - everything has to be seen through a totally different filter.

I honestly don't think that when people ask you that question, they are trying to offend or make light of your own busy schedule - but there is a HUGE difference, and they may just be needing some confirmation or acknowledgement that it can be done in their situation too.

 

[cmdtrgd]

What people don't take into consideration is that other family members can take just as much time as a baby/kids. My BIL has lived with us for over 5 years. We are responsible for MIL, too. Just cause we don't have kids does NOT mean that we don't have others to think about.

 

[vtodd71]

What people don't take into consideration is that other family members can take just as much time as a baby/kids. My BIL has lived with us for over 5 years. We are responsible for MIL, too. Just cause we don't have kids does NOT mean that we don't have others to think about.

Exactly! My mother has lived with us for the past 1 1/2 years and she acts like a 3 year old sometimes. Seriously though, everyone thinks they are the only ones who are busy yada yada yada....

 

[janetupnorth]

Recruiting from Yes to Maybe class outline...

 

[amy07]

I find that everyone has a different idea as to what "busy" is. I hear that I have a successful PC biz because I don't work outside the home. But when it comes down to it, we only allow what we want to do into our schedule. Granted it may be more than we can handle at times,but we are the managers of our time.

 

[sklay723]

You've got enough Moms on here already saying that it IS possible, so you can definitely use the line about knowing lots of PC consultants who do it all. I don't work full-time "outside" the home, but I do freelance writing for the local newspaper, graphic design for a local kids' web site and a couple of other odd jobs from home. I also work as a volunteer at our local hospital. And my DH is a cop, so his schedule is SO wacky. Life is crazy, but I wouldn't have it any other way...PC works around my schedule, and I love that because it seems like nothing else in my life these days does!!!

 

[PamperedK]

Thanks for the responses guys.

Here's another one I can't seem to "CARE" out of excuses!

She pulled the 'busy' line and I helped her with that. She said she's not a sales person, I helped her with that. She said she couldnt' get up infront of people, I helped her with that. Then the last time I talked to her it was just "no, I really don't see myself doing it." I do'nt know why and she won't give me more information. I know she's interested. she's asking all the right questions and she's starting to sound like she's more and more interested but when I extend the invitation again, it's "no, I really don't think I'll do it". What do you suggest?

Do I just keep inviting her to things and keep asking her periodically? I'd love to have this girl on my team - I think she'd be great and I really think she'd love it but I can't get there. I can't even get her to sit down with me and talk about it.

 

[cmdtrgd]

Tell her that you "know she's interested. she's asking all the right questions and she's starting to sound like she's more and more interested" and you want to know what scares her about starting her business.

 

[vtodd71]

Do I just keep inviting her to things and keep asking her periodically? I'd love to have this girl on my team - I think she'd be great and I really think she'd love it but I can't get there. I can't even get her to sit down with me and talk about it.

There may be another reason she doesn't want to discuss. Maybe her husband won't let her do it. Maybe she doesn't think she can afford the $155 to get started. Sometimes people may be embarassed to tell you the REAL reason about why they won't join.

Personally, I dont feel comfortable (yet) telling people about the business opportunity because people I talk to just don't seem interested. My director keeps pushing me to get people to join but I feel like one of those Jehovah Witnesses beating down someone's door.

 

[janetupnorth]

Thanks for the responses guys. Here's another one I can't seem to "CARE" out of excuses!She pulled the 'busy' line and I helped her with that. She said she's not a sales person, I helped her with that. She said she couldnt' get up infront of people, I helped her with that. Then the last time I talked to her it was just "no, I really don't see myself doing it." I do'nt know why and she won't give me more information. I know she's interested. she's asking all the right questions and she's starting to sound like she's more and more interested but when I extend the invitation again, it's "no, I really don't think I'll do it". What do you suggest?Do I just keep inviting her to things and keep asking her periodically? I'd love to have this girl on my team - I think she'd be great and I really think she'd love it but I can't get there. I can't even get her to sit down with me and talk about it.

Oh, that was so me!!!! For almost 15 years.....!!!!Just keep inviting her, don't PUSH her or she'll say no again and push back (if she's like me), and keep gradually showing her all the benefits and great things about the business. Casually remind her that you won't know what you are missing until you give it a try and you ONLY have to do 4 shows to meet your agreement. She may fall in love with it...ETA: It's that first step that is a doosey...like the first time you trust your full weight on a rope repelling and step over that edge...once you try it, it is a piece of cake!

 

[PamperedK]

Tell her that you "know she's interested. she's asking all the right questions and she's starting to sound like she's more and more interested" and you want to know what scares her about starting her business.

Why is it that I always know what I should say but I need someone else to tell me?

I'll try this when I talk to her next?

 

[cmdtrgd]

I'm totally the same way. What I have done to get better at it is 1. help here with words - the more I help, the better I get, 2. ask friends if I can practice on them - not other consultants and 3. just get out there and do it!

 

[AnthemChef]

Recruiting from Yes to Maybe class outline...

Thanks! Awesome notes I hope to be able to put them to good use soon. I have two more shows this week, so I am aiming for at least one more recruit!!!

 

[PartiesbyJamie]

Don't be too quick to judge... most people that I talk to are extremely judgemental at first about the business. They can't see how it can fit into their lives because they haven't tried it. These ones who see you succeeding may be interested BUT think that they can't have that success with children. Listen to them, if they express interest and the "children" are their only reason then show them how it can work for their lifestyle.

My daughter (age 7) has recently helped me to incorporate my family into my shows. She gave me a valentine last week. It is written in pink on a full size sheet of paper, it says:

"Mom, I know why you love Pampered Chef because I do to. It is so much fun for me and you to do. Love, Cassidy, your Pampered Chef Helper"

I have this letter in my 3 ring flip binder, I showed it at my show this weekend... I have a Mom of 3 that is now planning to sign.

Isn't it great when your kids love your business too! Recently I was trying out a new recipe & taste testing with my family. My daughter (10) said "I love that you sell PC - why didn't you start sooner?" - my reply "because no one asked me!!"
I use that line in my shows & tell everyone that I will be asking them all to consider the business for themselves.

 

[katie0128]

Oh, that was so me!!!! For almost 15 years.....!!!!

I was a fence-sitter for about 10 years. I really wanted to do PC, but anytime my recruiter would remember to contact me (about once a year), it was never a good time. Then I found out that she had a monthly newsletter, but I wasn't on the list. Honestly, I probably would have started a few years sooner, but I would always forget about it and she had a knack of calling exactly when my life was getting too crazy... but inevitably, if she had called a month or two before I probably would have jumped at it!

I would ask your potential recruit if you can contact her monthly or quarterly or on whatever schedule YOU feel comfortable with. Then make sure you follow-up when you say you will. You never know how quickly things change in a person's life and they might change their mind about PC.

 

[pampered.chris]

I am a single mom and I work full time. Alot of time, I bring my daughter with me to shows b/c that is the only way I can see her between her schedule and mine (she is 11). I still have people tell me they are way to busy to do this business and just can't find the time for it.

I feel your pain...it is tough to tell people, this can work for you, you need to work it into your life, not your life around PC.

As for encourage words or cute phrases, I have none...I am liking some of what I am seeing though!! Good luck!!

 

[JAE]

I don't want to offend anyone (so please don't be offended), but if you don't have children of your own you just can't possibly know what it's like to have those wonderful blessings suck the life out of you at times. Parents of at home children have the same jobs, the same kinds of in laws, the same kinds of other family members, the same types of volunteering just like the single people or married with no children. Seriously, I didn't know how selfish I was until I got married, and then after I had kids I realized how egotistical and selfish we still had been until they forced us to focus on them.
I don't think the person who said "yeah, but do you have kids?" was saying that your life isn't as important as someone who has kids. She wasn't saying that you aren't busy, either.
My single sister gets offended too, when people say things like this, but I think she is oversensitive and I know she is selfish. I'm not... I repeat...I am not saying you are oversensitive or selfish. I just know that my sister is soooo clueless to what it's like to have children. I know she is busy and that she has important things going on in her life. But I also know what it's like to be single and busy. It just isn't the same.
Try not to be offended, and use the line by wadesgirl in the second post in this thread.

 

[cmdtrgd]

JAE - I know you mean well, but I do take a teeny tiny bit of offense to that. Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I don't have them around. I work with them. I have a group of 18 13-15 year olds that I teach drama to. Imagine 18 middle schooler drama queens and kings in one small area. I also teach teens cooking classes. I do Spring Break and Summer drama and cooking camps. I volunteer with at risk kids. And, before I came to my senses (loooooooooooooong story) I subbed about 2-3 days a week mostly at the middle school level. I understand that when I get home I don't have to make dinner for kids, clean up after them, help them with homework, etc on a *regular* basis, but I do have to do quite a bit of that for my husband and brother-in-law on a regular basis. We also are financially responsible for my mother-in-law. We own the house she lives in so we have to deal with those responsibilities and taxes, too. Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean that something doesn't require my attention on a daily basis as well as sometimes sucking the life out of me. We all make choices. I have been married for almost 10 years and we are finally in a place where we can start trying to have kids. When that happens, some things (I know one will be my brother-in-law because we'll need his room) will have to go. We all have to make choices! It may not be the same, but I don't think it negates the things that I do in my life right now. When the kid(s) come, I will probably have to give up the drama and cooking classes with the teens. So, I will choose my kids over someone else's. It will be heart breaking because I love to do it, but it will be what is best for my life at that time. One thing I think we may have lost sight on with this thread is what to say when someone asks if we have kids. They are wondering how WE fit things like PC into our lives. My response is usually something like, "No, but I do have a husband, 2 cats, a brother-in-law and mother-in-law as well as working with teens. It sounds like you don't know how PC could fit into your life. If I sat down with you to see if it could fit, would that make you feel better?"Please realize I am at the end of an emotional rollercoaster and the beginning of another, so I hope I don't read like a bi*ch.

 

[finley1991]

I agree with Kate.... Jae, even though you started your post with "I don't mean to offend..." doesn't give you permission to do so...

What about people who can't have kids of their own? I guess then they "just can't possibly ever know..."

 

[ChefBeckyD]

No, JAE was not trying to offend. And, I have to agree with her. Before my son, I was an extremely busy person. I had a husband, 2 jobs, very involved with my church and other volunteer work, had family who needed me (including a grandma with Alzheimers who I helped with), 2 cats and a dog, a house and yard to take care of, etc.....Then, at the age of 39, I was blessed with my son. This little 6 lb bundle turned my world upside down, completely and radically changed every priority and schedule that I had, and nothing has been the same since.
Before I became a mom, I often had people throw out the "but do you have kids" line. I never was offended - I just knew it was something I had no experience with, so I always used my director's experience as a mom (she has 5 kids) running a successful PC business.

Now that I am a mom - I understand where they were coming from with that line. I didn't get it before, but I totally get it now.....it does change your life and your way of thinking like nothing else can, and after being childless for the greater part of my adult life, maybe the change is even more magnified for me. Don't be offended when someone questions whether you understand where they are coming from. There are lots of life situations that I haven't been in, and I will just be honest and say that I can't relate to that particular situation. Focus instead on the great benefits of PC, and use other peoples stories - not just your own.

 

[etteluap70PC]

I agree with Kate.... Jae, even though you started your post with "I don't mean to offend..." doesn't give you permission to do so...


What about people who can't have kids of their own? I guess then they "just can't possibly ever know..."

I find this much more offensive than what JAE said.


I believe and correct me if I am wrong... that many times when someone says "please do not be offended" that it can mean "I truly do not mean to offend anyone, I am just speaking my opinion on this subject as I see it. I kow others see it differently and that is OK."

People that can not have children can and do adopt and I'm sure they then know what those of us who are moms 24/7 are talking about.

I personally wish someone had offered me the PC opportunity when I was hosting shows before I became a wife and mom. Maybee then I would not have the guilt I have now of the time I do put into my business.

Again for those who are not moms to their own children I hope someday you are belssed to know all the joys it can bring into your life.

If children are not in your future then make your life as full as possible with all the things you are passionate about.

 

[janetupnorth]

On the line about "they just can't possibly ever know". Yes, that can be very true! You can have empathy toward the situation but you truly cannot grasp it 100% because you are not or never will walk in their shoes. You can relate to it with other things, but it isn't the same.We just had a friend die in a Blackhawk crash in November and his wife is a widow at 30. My heart aches for her and I can sympathize with her, but no, I will just never know what it is like to have my life come crashing down like that. Even if I lost DH today, I will never fully relate to her situation. Her only having 1 1/2 years with him, her never having kids with her soulmate, her whole situation. I just will never get it. I think I can relate to the pain, I KNOW it is horrible and hard, but I just won't get it because I am not her experiencing it.That is what I think these people mean. But don't take offense to not relating, find a story or situation that can relate. Emphasize that although your situation IS NOT the same...here is the things you can relate with and here is an example of a friend who does relate that is doing it.

 

[cmdtrgd]

If I can't possibly ever know, how can you possibly ever know if I can? Everyone has a different lot in life. I have a friend who is a single mom with a kid with disabilities. I don't know what she goes through, and I understand that. However, I do work with kids. I help to raise my niece and am next in line as her guardian if something were to happen to my parents. I CAN possibly know because I DO have kids around. I DO have other family members who rely on us. I guess I am so upset about this because it hit a chord. I was adopted and so was my brother because my mom couldn't carry babies to term. MANY people told her she couldn't possibly understand the "miracle" of birth and the feeling you get when you have "your own" child. WTF? Just because I am not from her loins does not mean I am not her child!!! Just because I don't always have kids in my home does not mean I don't "understand" what you go through. Why do we give digital dolls (crying, keeps info on feeding, changing, etc) to middle school kids for a week so they can understand what it means to be a parent and hopefully choose not to have sex or to use protection? Do you know that I have lived with a family of 6 kids and watched them for a week while their parents were out of town? That gives me a glimpse into what life is like. I UNDERSTAND! Geez...sorry for ranting, but I really want those of you who HAVE kids to get it! I chose not to have kids until now so I could be at a place where I could help them as much as possible. That was MY choice based on many factors, one of which was how I felt when I was working with kids. Okay, rant over.

 

[janetupnorth]

If I can't possibly ever know, how can you possibly ever know if I can? Everyone has a different lot in life. I have a friend who is a single mom with a kid with disabilities. I don't know what she goes through, and I understand that. However, I do work with kids. I help to raise my niece and am next in line as her guardian if something were to happen to my parents. I CAN possibly know because I DO have kids around. I DO have other family members who rely on us. I guess I am so upset about this because it hit a chord. I was adopted and so was my brother because my mom couldn't carry babies to term. MANY people told her she couldn't possibly understand the "miracle" of birth and the feeling you get when you have "your own" child. WTF? Just because I am not from her loins does not mean I am not her child!!! Just because I don't always have kids in my home does not mean I don't "understand" what you go through. Why do we give digital dolls (crying, keeps info on feeding, changing, etc) to middle school kids for a week so they can understand what it means to be a parent and hopefully choose not to have sex or to use protection? Do you know that I have lived with a family of 6 kids and watched them for a week while their parents were out of town? That gives me a glimpse into what life is like. I UNDERSTAND! Geez...sorry for ranting, but I really want those of you who HAVE kids to get it! I chose not to have kids until now so I could be at a place where I could help them as much as possible. That was MY choice based on many factors, one of which was how I felt when I was working with kids. Okay, rant over.

Rant away, I don't take it personally. Especially because I do agree with some of the points. Each person is capable of different levels of understanding and sympathy.I agree that adoptive parents have no less of a love of those kids, in fact, I'd argue more because they CHOOSE to raise a life that is not their own. ...and I don't argue that you specifically do not get it...if you have a child with you for a long amount of time you do get it - meaning in your home day in and out for a long time.The point many were making is that a lot of people who claim to get it are the ones who aren't in those situations and think they get it but don't. ...and for those that have objections to the business, they are going to pick up on that and ride that more than most. It isn't any of us...it is that person...no matter how much you tell that mother of 4 that you get her world, she is still going to say "but she doesn't have kids" and choose in her mind to believe you don't get it and object to the fact that you "claim" to sympathize with her. The fact of the matter is you may, but you won't change her mind. You need to reach her with a situation that does match or find a way to overcome that objection or fear.Personally, after watching many people with or without kids...I do see a distinct difference. Most without kids truly don't get it at all. Others have varying levels of understanding. Kate...you probably rank at the top of those without kids...I'm sure Colleen is up there too...that is your personality and your understanding of others I would attribute that to...some people can get it and some are just well, clueless...I'd say usually the single guys...they don't have those "motherly" instincts and aren't natural "caregivers".I hope that makes some sense......and I do put adoption and disabilities in different categories...God has created special people for each of those circumstances. I personally love kids but two is enough for me...Diane has 7 and a grandbaby...I wouldn't have enough patience! I could for a time but would be burned out.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

If I can't possibly ever know, how can you possibly ever know if I can? Everyone has a different lot in life. I have a friend who is a single mom with a kid with disabilities. I don't know what she goes through, and I understand that. However, I do work with kids. I help to raise my niece and am next in line as her guardian if something were to happen to my parents. I CAN possibly know because I DO have kids around. I DO have other family members who rely on us. I guess I am so upset about this because it hit a chord. I was adopted and so was my brother because my mom couldn't carry babies to term. MANY people told her she couldn't possibly understand the "miracle" of birth and the feeling you get when you have "your own" child. WTF? Just because I am not from her loins does not mean I am not her child!!! Just because I don't always have kids in my home does not mean I don't "understand" what you go through. Why do we give digital dolls (crying, keeps info on feeding, changing, etc) to middle school kids for a week so they can understand what it means to be a parent and hopefully choose not to have sex or to use protection? Do you know that I have lived with a family of 6 kids and watched them for a week while their parents were out of town? That gives me a glimpse into what life is like. I UNDERSTAND! Geez...sorry for ranting, but I really want those of you who HAVE kids to get it! I chose not to have kids until now so I could be at a place where I could help them as much as possible. That was MY choice based on many factors, one of which was how I felt when I was working with kids. Okay, rant over.

Those are glimpses, experiences, and ideas.....but I don't understand why you can't agree that you haven't experienced motherhood (and I'm not talking childbirth). It CHANGES you as a person, so although you may empathize, you haven't walked in these shoes. I think we want you to "Just get it" too.

As much as you take care of other children, and spend time with them, and help them, etc - all good things - .....it's JUST NOT THE SAME as your own. (whether by birth or adoption - I do consider that the same) As many responsibilities as you have, having your own children to care for is a totally different and more all encompassing responsibility. When someone says "Yes but do you have children?" It is a valid question, and deserves the respect of a decent answer, not being blown off by a "No, but I have........." If someone did that to me, when I asked that question, I would just probably inwardly roll my eyes, and think "Okay, she just doesn't get it."

 

[etteluap70PC]

very well put Janet and Becky..

Kate I do have to say that I think if anyone without children to care for 24/7 would get it it would be someone like you who obviously has a gift for helping others. It sounds to me like you have taken on alot of responsibility in your life and I commend you for it. I personally do not think I would choose to deal with some of the things you have chosen because it is not my personality and thats OK because it takes all kinds of people in this world. Even though I am a mom I hve chosen to have 2 children (that's it I am done), I have no idea what it is like and do not choose to know what it is like in a house of 5 or 6 kids. It just is not for me and in the past I have been mildly flogged for this stance. We all have choices in our lives and we just need to make the best ones we can with the info we have at the time.

Now back to the recruiting question.... I agree try not to make it about you but about them and what they would want from the buis. Then give them ideas as to how PC can work into their busy lives.

 

[paigetucker]

I am glad to have stumbled upon this post! I am just starting w/ pc and am worried about the time, glad you guys can put it into perspective!

 

[pamperedtara]

Let's focus on how PC fits into many different lifestyles. If someone asks that question, give them an honest answer such as:

No, I don't have children, but I know several PC consultants who do and are thrilled with how the business fits into their life. I have many other responsibilities, including caregiver to my in-laws, and the great thing about this business is that people from all walks of life have been very successful by working it around varying obligations and what is most important in their lives at different times.

I appreciate how other people's children can "suck the life out of you" as I was a teacher for many years. PC has allowed me to focus on my children instead of allowing everyone else's to drain me! Rather than debate points that only hurt other people, let's all try to remember how we got to this site - we are part of an amazing company that has blessed many people's lives and we want to share that blessing.

 

[cmdtrgd]

Janet and Paulette - thanks for acknowledging my feelings. You both put it better because I don't do well with words. I really dislike sweeping generalizations and I seem to fall into a lot of "categories", so it is a pet peeve of mine for someone to tell me who I am, what I understand, etc. I think everyone is different! And, everyone makes choices based on who they are and where they are in their life. I REALLY wish people would make more choices! For example, there is a gal I am trying to recruit. She works full-time, has a 3 year old and her husband recently was put on paid leave for not doing his job well (long story - he was working at a prision). Anyhoo, in one week they "decided" to move to two states and even to Canada (that was because of Obama...another long story). He finally decided to go back into the military which means he will move to another state for 2 months before his family can move with him. When she and her son move to be with him, they are going to try to get stationed back here within a year. She wants to do PC so she can stay at home with her kid, but she is not willing to put the work or money into it. AND, with all this going on (and bills out the wazoo) they are actively trying to get pregnant again...she is even going to the doctor to get on pills. Now, I know I am judging them because I cannot fathom bringing another child into such an unstable situation. That is not what *I* would do. However, I am here to help her and guide her with PC if that is what she wants. I do choose to distance myself from her a bit so I don't get swept up in the current and go on a rollercoaster ride from hell...anyhoo, like I said, I wish some people would make rational, not emotional choices. I have no idea how this pertains to this thread. Sorry, but thanks for letting me vent.

 

[JAE]

I agree with Kate.... Jae, even though you started your post with "I don't mean to offend..." doesn't give you permission to do so...

What about people who can't have kids of their own? I guess then they "just can't possibly ever know..."

I'm sorry if you took offense to what I said. I don't believe I said anything that was against anyone who can't have children. I didn't really say anything against those who don't have children. Nothing on this thread was even talking about not being able to have children. I'm sorry I offended you or anyone else. No need to respond to me here because I think the point of the thread has been addressed, and I don't need to come back. If you really want to talk to me about this feel free to PM me.

 

[janetupnorth]

I understood what you meant JAE...we all aren't always clear with words, and even when we are the recipients still have to interpret and may not get intentions.It's about relating to the life situations. Some can more than others and many will not even realize what they cannot relate to until they get to encounter the situation and realize they didn't really get it. We just have to try the best we can or choose not to address the topic with the person and offend them. I'd hate to say to a mother of a child with disabilities that "I get what you are going through" because I've taught them. I don't deal with them daily though...stuff like that... Or like I said, saying to Liz that I "understand your loss". I understand loss, but not your particular loss. I think I can relate to MOST of the hurt but I can't relate to all of it.We need to be aware that we don't say that we understand it and offend people wanting to try PC.

 

[MissChef]

Rant away, I don't take it personally. Especially because I do agree with some of the points.

Each person is capable of different levels of understanding and sympathy.

I agree that adoptive parents have no less of a love of those kids, in fact, I'd argue more because they CHOOSE to raise a life that is not their own.

...and I don't argue that you specifically do not get it...if you have a child with you for a long amount of time you do get it - meaning in your home day in and out for a long time.

The point many were making is that a lot of people who claim to get it are the ones who aren't in those situations and think they get it but don't. ...and for those that have objections to the business, they are going to pick up on that and ride that more than most. It isn't any of us...it is that person...no matter how much you tell that mother of 4 that you get her world, she is still going to say "but she doesn't have kids" and choose in her mind to believe you don't get it and object to the fact that you "claim" to sympathize with her. The fact of the matter is you may, but you won't change her mind. You need to reach her with a situation that does match or find a way to overcome that objection or fear.

Personally, after watching many people with or without kids...I do see a distinct difference. Most without kids truly don't get it at all. Others have varying levels of understanding. Kate...you probably rank at the top of those without kids...I'm sure Colleen is up there too...that is your personality and your understanding of others I would attribute that to...some people can get it and some are just well, clueless...I'd say usually the single guys...they don't have those "motherly" instincts and aren't natural "caregivers".

I hope that makes some sense...

...and I do put adoption and disabilities in different categories...God has created special people for each of those circumstances. I personally love kids but two is enough for me...Diane has 7 and a grandbaby...I wouldn't have enough patience! I could for a time but would be burned out.

This post is exactly what I feel and you voiced it perfectly Janet! :sing:
I didn't have kids until my late 20's so I do understand both sides of the coin! I can see both sides here and I understand, to the best of my ability, the way both sides feel. I do lean towards the Mom's side only because of how drastically my life has changed since I had kids and how I just didn't even comprehend motherhood, when I thought I did before. But again, Kate, your situation sounds different. And caring for the elderly is like having kids! My husbands side of the family, almost all of them do adult home care.... and sometimes adults (elderly or disabled both menatally and/or physically) are more work than kids!
That said.... it seems that there are people starting to get their feathers ruffled and I hope this doesn't turn into one of those threads. Again, this is a thread asking for advice, but instead it become personal and people are begininng to take offense and are starting to lash out and that makes this place a negative place to be and that's not what it's suppose to be about.... why don't we all just agree to not alway agree but to respect each other.:thumbup:

 

[janetupnorth]

Other than one brief blip, I thought it was a pretty good, thought-provoking discussion...