Grieving and Cooking for 14+: My Week Since My MIL's Passing

[Judybabe]

My MIL passed away Sunday night and I've dealt with it all week as far as having to clean the house (we just moved here and are still living amongst boxes), to cooking and baking to traveling 250 one way for the burial.

One lady brought over a bundt cake and some paper plates, and another brought over a pan of brownies and a 1/2 ham.

other than that, I've cooked for 14+ people 8 meals plus snacks. We had two meals at the church, one for the funeral and the other after the burial.

I made 12 loaves of zucchini bread and four of baked bean bread. four dozen lemon cupcakes and 4 doz. choc. cupcakes. That's all gone. We went thru 3 five gal. jugs of water, making tea, crystal light and coffee.

Where I come from people usually bring food to the house for the family. Yes I just moved here, but my husband and his mom and dad were from here. His niece and nephew live here and worked at the nursing home where she died.

There were 9 people outside of family at the funeral. The minister, the vocalist, the pianist, the pianist husband, one deputy my spouse works with, two school teachers and two from the nursing home.

I have hated moving to this town since I got here, I have not been able to diminish any of those feelings over the past week. I love pampered chef products, but feel I must quit since I don't want to offer PC to these wierdos.

I walked around town last week and hand delivered, introducing myself to women at businesses, catalogs. got two orders. many said they would order from their regular PC consultant, a lady here already.

I specifically asked before joining if there was a rep here already and was told no. Why would they say no if there was? Don't PC know where there reps are? Especially since I specifically asked and said that I would not commit if there was.

My spouse is the sheriff, he has a good job and we've only been married three months, but I just can't live here anymore. They recruited him to come back, he'd been gone three years, was here for 20 years before that.

I am ashamed to belong to this community, their rudeness, lack of hospitality and unwelcoming attitude has turned me into a bitter bitch. I'm crabby all the time with my 12 year old, my husband is worried I'm gonna leave him. and I cry all the time.

I'm gonna sell off all the consultant stuff I bought recently. Yes, on ebay, sorry but it's easier.

Jessica, I'll send the snowmen plates and platter back with my daughter to Columbus. You can pick them up from my mom.

I pray and I pray and I pray. God has left me all alone, right when I need him the most.

sorry to vent, I'm sobbing right now, I'm exhausted and very depressed.

 

[BlessedWifeMommy]

((((hugs)))) So sorry you are having all this to cope with. You have been through so much.

 

[wadesgirl]

I wouldn't give up on your business yet! These are very trying times and not the time to make this kind of decision. As consultants we do not have territories, there can be as many consultants in one area as anyone can sign up. Just because there is another consultant in town doesn't mean that you still won't have a business.

 

[pc_jessica]

oh Judy, I am so sorry for the tough times that you have had recently. I agree the town you are living in does not seem the least bit friendly or welcoming...where is their welcoming wagon?!
i am so sorry for the loss of your mother in law and then having to deal with all this crap of baking and such for all those extra people...again where are the nice neighbors that bring food to try to help out during this time of grieving.
i am sending lots of prayers up for you and for your family. don't let the town bring you to a bitter person, remember you have a daughter and a husband who love you and who need you to be the best you can for them! you have a husband who is grieving also and needs to have his wife be right there with him fully. i am praying that you can find some good in that town...or maybe you husband could see about getting transferred to somewhere else. have you told him how you felt about this town? how no one seems to care or welcome you into it? i am sure this town is not doing any good for your daughter, i can only imagine what the kids are like if their parents and the people they grew up around are unwelcoming to others. i pray for you all...hopefully you can find some peace, and remember God hasn't left you all alone he is with you, he carries you when you are down in the darkest places and will be with you through anything. i only wish you the best and hope that maybe you will consider sticking around PC for while, but only you know what's best for you.

 

[NooraK]

I know you've posted that the town you're in is very small. How far away are you from other towns? Would it be feasible for you to expand your business beyond your town? I wouldn't be opposed to driving a bit further if it meant I had the opportunity to expand my business.

As for the personal issues, have you considered seeking out someone to talk to? Sometimes speaking with a professional can help tremendously. They have a objective, outside point of view on things, and often just talking it out can help.

One should never make big decisions right after the loss of a loved one. Give yourself and your family time (and permission) to just grieve. Put things on hold. If you need to, put your PC items away for the time being, maybe you'll feel differently in a month or two.

 

[DebbieJ]

Judy, I'm so sorry for your loss and for the horrible treatment you have received from your community.That said, I don't think right now is the time to make a decision about your business! You are grieving and hurting. Give it some time!

 

[ShellBeach]

One lady brought over a bundt cake and some paper plates, and another brought over a pan of brownies and a 1/2 ham

Look on the bright side, if you possibly can. These two gals are the ones who will be your new friends in town!
If those other 14 people are still around, stop cooking for them....right now!

 

[scavallero]

I am so sorry for your loss and feeling like you are alone. I will pray for you to find a good friend to support you. It's a good start, then start getting to know the people before letting them know about your business. Sometimes a small town or neighborhood is a little leary of " newcomers just wanting to sell them something". Get involved in volunteering and helping and I'm sure the people will come to you in friendship and as customers.

 

[Grandmarita]

Judebabe, your avitar looks religious. I pray your faith will give you the strength you need in the days ahead. Thanks for sharing your tears with us. I have to say that your pain pierces my heart, and I am very concerned for you. I pray, that there will be someone nearby, or available by phone that you can share your burden with. It is pretty tough to be dealing with so much, all at once.

It sounds as though you were scripturally in Martha's shoes while the inlaws were playing Mary, and spending time with the family. My sense of what you had to do (perhaps all alone) is part of your being so overwhelmed. It will take some time for you to get over that feeling. I know you need sleep, and lots of it, to regain a balance in your life. Be good to yourself in a healthy way. Take a walk, maybe sit outside and read the Psalms, and do some journaling. Be sure the journal is tucked away in a safe place, where it is only for your eyes. It helps to write out your feelings and let the tears flow. If you and your DH, have time to talk, alone, away from the family, ask for his help in adjusting to so many changes in so short a time.

I will be praying for all of you. Don't quit PC, right away. Put it on the back burner, and you may be thankful for the extra spending money it brings you, and certainly the new friends.

If there is a Curves nearby, consider joining it as a place to meet new people, and have someplace to go where you will feel safe and welcomed. The exercise is gentle, and you will feel renewed by doing something for yourself.

 

[cheflorraine]

Praying for you Judy... you sound completely overwhelmed and exhausted, and it's not hard to see why. Anyone would be exhausted in your situation!
Also praying that God will send you a ray of hope somewhere, somehow.
I have found the Footprints poem to be very encouraging...
One night I dreamed a dream.
I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.

When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.

"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."

Psalm 23

 

[ChefGwendolyn]

Judy,
Lots of love and prayers for you and your family during this difficult time. I know that God loves you and so does your family. I know that things seem really bleak right now, but remember it is always darkest before the dawn! and that sometimes when we ask God for something the answer is NO!

God has not left you nor has your family. We are all here to support you during this difficult time. Don't give up, I know that you are a fighter!

I will continue to pray for you, your family and your community.

 

[Bluiydangl]

Hey Judy- where are you in Nebraska?

 

[pampchefsarah]

Judy, this might sound strange, but I think you should read Frank Peretti's "This Present Darkness." You'll immediately see the parallel between the fictional Ashton and the town in which you live - and, you might realize exactly why God has you there at just this time. KEEP PRAYING!

I'll be covering you in prayer, as well. Business or no, you're going through a tough time, and the enemy is taking great advantage of it to weaken your faith.