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Personal When Do You (As a Parent) 'Stop' Celebrating Your Kid's Birthday?

In summary, parents typically stop inviting guests over around the age their children become adults. They may give a gift or money to the adult child rather than have a big party. For those without children, parents may celebrate the birthday with family or friends.
akrebecca
Silver Member
225
Several questions regarding birthdays:

For those of you with older kids, what age did you stop inviting guests over, having a huge cake & making a big deal (I mean really BIG) out of a birthday?

For those of you without kids (or if you would like to answer the question), what did your parents do for your 19th birthday & beyond?

When married, how do your parents celebrate your birthday? Do they let the spouse celebrate the birthday?
 
My birthday parties gradually shifted from my parents planning them, to me planning them (which, technically is a faux pas). I would gradually become more involved in what I wanted to do, then it shifted to me planning the whole thing and them helping to make the arrangements. By my teen years, my parents didn't too much.

Now, we live so far away from my parents and my in-laws, that they're not really involved in the celebrating beyond phone calls and sending something in the mail. Between my DH and I, we kind of leave the planning to each other. I plan his parties, he plans mine.
 
My Sweet 16 was the last big party my parents threw me when I was younger. After that, they gave me money or something I'd been needing for my birthday gifts. Now as I'm married, they usually give me money towards something I'm wanting to get, or a gift card to a restaurant, or cash (usually about $25 if it's cash or a GC, more if it's a specific item sometimes...but then it's like a combo Christmas/B-day/Anniversary gift...like the time my mom bought me my Kitchen Aid mixer or my sewing machine.) ;) As adults now, and we live close to each other, we do try to get together at some point over the weekend to celebrate a birthday. Usually it's just dinner & cake together as a family, everyone invited.
 
The last teen party I planned was a surprise party for my oldest when he turned 16. That said, he has spent the last 9 years (he's now 20, almost 21) dealing with Christmas hockey tournaments EVERY year during his birthday so for us to BE HOME and to plan a party was a BIG deal. Since then we simply take him out to dinner at a time around his birthday that fits his schedule and ours.

My middle son (now 19) has had the same 5 boys/guys/now men over for pizza, cake, and all night gaming sessions since he was about 11. He plans it, we provide the food.

My youngest, now 14, does not like birthday parties so we have always simply taken him out to eat or to a Caps game (with a friend or two in tow) on or around his birthday.

Cake is the key in our house. As long as there is cake, I'm covered. Of course, yesterday was my m-i-l's 83rd birthday. We surprised her by taking her out for her birthday and telling her it was her birthday! She didn't know so it was a great surprise. Of course she couldn't understand why we would let her pay for dinner then got REALLY mad and tried to leave :mad: Always a good time.
 
Most states consider 17 as being a "legal adult" (18 for some states). I think by then they are adult enough that they want to spend the day with their friends & not their parents. A card & a gift (even cash or gift card) are appropriate for 17+ in my opinion. Hey, even a gift card to go see their first R rated movie WITHOUT a parent! LOLMy sister has a 23 year old & a 25 year old. She still likes to bake a cake/cupcakes for them. Her oldest is in the military & has moved away now, so she'll send him a little care package. He's celebrated 2 birthdays on deployment, so those 2 years she sent a bigger package with extras for him to share with his friends.
 
We only do a PARTY for the big milestones- like 1, 5, 10...so far (that's as far as we've gotten). We'll probably let them do something at 16 or so. As a family, we do things that are fun. Like my youngest knows we'll go to the State Fair- because it's held the same week as his birthday. He looks forward to it each year. We try to do something equally big/interesting for my oldest who is in the Spring (like an NHL (hockey) game or something. So typically, we do things just as a family. BUT, we don't have immediate family close by, and they only have a handful of friends that are spread out across the county. A friend of mine used to do them EVERY YEAR for both of her kids....she didn't this year because she was just too busy. But it seems like they are always going to birthday parties for school friends....like they are stuck in a rut! (I told her it was OK to say 'no', and to just send a card with a $5 gift card in it for the friends. They'll eventually stop inviting...HAHA. I'm terrible, I know...but literally, she was going EVERY WEEKEND...no life!)
 
My family is different... we have to have different gatherings because my inlaws can't be around each other. So our kids have 2 parties. My daughter has three... one with her father (my ex-husband).

As for our birthdays... this year is a big year for me and my husband because we both turned and are turning 30. I threw my husband a huge suprise party... my birthday is in September and I had hoped that my friends would have planned something, but I'm the planner so they came to me to plan my birthday... so I did. LOL.

As for gifts, we always go overboard.... and I haven't had an actual cake since I was 12.I get a cheesecake. Yum!
 
I can't say we ever made a big deal about birthday parties. Once our son was in school, birthday parties consisted of inviting some friends (more as he got older) over for pizza and cake. Once he was in his teens the boys he invited were welcome to spend the night. Girls left whenever their parents deemed appropriate, generally about 10 p.m.Starting on his 16th birthday we gave him cash and took him and a friend to the mall, letting them roam for a couple of hours on their own.
 
For those of you with little ones, save the extra plates/napkins/cups!My sister pulled out all the leftovers for the 16th birthday party of each son & let the friends have fun fighting over who got the various plates, etc. Although they all seemed to want the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle stuff still! LOL The girls were happy to take the Sesame Street themed stuff from their earlier parties. ;)
 
  • #10
Birthdays can be a handful, espcially with 4 kiddos. So this is what we do and has worked for us so far. We have/had birthday parties for every year til about age 7 then every other year after that. Just because it's every other year doesn't mean it's a huge deal (one of my friends rented a hotel room for her daughter's 11th birthday to have a slumber party then the next year she had a mall shopping party giving her daughter a $500 gift card to spend...CRAZY!! and they have 3 kids-each one gets some crazy crap like that). For the "off" years we do a famiy thing. Dinner out, their choice or I'll make the meal they want and a cake and a movie. Simple.

If they have a BIG birthday on an off year then we may re-evaluate, but so far it's working for us.
 
  • #11
For my nephews we made a big deal out of b-days until they turned 16. Now they get a call from Aunt Barb. My parents still recognize our b-days with $. We usually get $40-$50.
My Mom made us homemade cakes until I moved out on my own. Mine is a wk prior to Christmas and sometimes she still makes me something special when we get together - like my favorite dessert.

My kids are still little 6 & 9. We've done a few parties, but as you know they can be very expensive. Our rule is you can have a party or we can spend what we would have spent on a party on a nicer gift. For example, my son wanted a DSI xl = no party. We leave the party option up to discussion and the kids help decide what they want to do. As a tradition (while they are sleeping the night before) we always hang streamers from their door entrance like a curtain and I fill their bedroom floor with various styles/shapes of balloons. We also hang a b-day sign in the kitchen and drape their table chair with a sign/streamers. My kids love it. My husband asked for the 9th b-day if it was necessary but I felt it was. I skipped it one year and my kids were disappointed. I'll prob. make them a cake each year until they move out, just as my Mom did.
 

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  • #12
To add: We have a huge barbecue every year for Memorial Day, and my older DS's birthday falls around that time, so for the past three years we've combined the celebration. The last two years we've had a bounce house. DS2 just turned one and we invited a few friends and neighbors over for a barbecue. We'll probably have to re-evaluate how we're doing the parties going foward as DS2 gets to be old enough to ask why his birthday isn't as big of a to-do as his brother's. (Not that the party is specifically for his birthday, but it's the perception).
 
  • #13
Never. I will always celebrate their birthdays. I let them have time with their friends but my kids, at ages 25 (almost 26) and 23 KNOW that ON their actual birthday the family does dinner. Period. For all of us, myself and hubby too.
 
  • #14
My first birthday party was when I turned 18. My mother had given me permission to have and plan it and then she held it a week early to surprise me. As far as celebrations we got to choose what she would make for dinner on our birthday. There was a cake (I think) and we got either a set amount of cash or a gift with that same value. As adults we got cash. No cards.

For my kids, I gave them the choice of eating out where ever they chose or I would cook whatever they wanted on their actual birthday. They usually had me cook. :D We did have parties with their friends many of the years but not every year. If they had a party before the actual date we often finished the cake on their day, otherwise I either did another cake (always a theme decorated home made) or as they got older, cupcakes with a candle in theirs. They always got something they'd been wanting. When we lived near family we also did a party with extended family - two when my older kids were small because my parents wouldn't associate with in-laws but after my sister had kids and didn't separate the party and our parents lived through it I did the same.

Now my kids do parties for their kids. One family does a friends party every year for each of their 4 girls (oldest turns 18 next week) and an extended family party. The other (kids are now 4 & 6) invites family and friends (so far the kids friends that are invited are the kids of my son & his wife's friends) to one party. They don't spend much on gifts as the kids already get so much from everyone else. Lately they have been doing combined parties. For instance in July 4 people in the extended family had birthdays so they did one party for all of them. (extended family is: the brothers and their families (I have 5 sons and 4 of them live near each other), my sisters and their families, grandparents and whatever other family is local so it's a huge crowd). We rarely make these parties but always send gifts and cards and call them.

We live 1000 miles away so for our birthdays we get phone calls from each of our sons and whatever grandkids happen to be near the phone when they call.


Funny how we all do things differently depending on our circumstances and traditions.
 
  • #15
My son will always get a birthday cake from me! (assuming he lives close enough to collect it).

We went nuts on his parties when he was younger - expensive deals at arcades, indoor swimming parties, go-karts, and he could have them sleep over later. So count me as one of the CRAZY ones who liked spoiling my kid! Especially with a February birthday, the weather is not good for anything outdoors.

Then I lost my good-paying job, so not as much disposable income. We scaled back to cake & dinner out. He picked Red Lobster last year. He's a good kid, knows that money is tight now and the racetrack and paint ball games can't happen. But wow, were they fun while it lasted!

When he grows up and moves out (college is just 2 short years away) I will send him some sort of care package. He'll always be my baby boy.
 
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  • #16
BethCooks4U-It is interesting that we all do things differently depending on our circumstances & traditions.My dad was in the military & we had six kids in our family. 90% of our birthdays were cake after dinner. The other 10% of the time we were visiting relatives so we would celebrate with extended family. I don't remember having friends at parties until my 16th, when I had a slumber party. My 18th was the last one hosted by my parents-cake, ice cream & slumber party. After that, I went out with friends. My parents gave cards & the occasional gift. Now, as a married adult, I like to spend the day with my DH & kids. My mom, brothers, sister & friends do call or FB birthday wishes. Sometimes I have cake, most of the time I don't.For our kids, they get to choose dinner. Most of the time we have a party with friends & family over (with lots of kids who are all friends), with homemade cake (love decorating) & ice cream. Last year DD19 had her 18th at a mini-golf place. Lots of people, most $$$ I had spent on a party-$200.Here's the reasoning behind my questions. My oldest turned 19 yesterday. I had told her a month ago that we would not be having a party for her since she is an adult. I know, sounds a little hard, BUT, she was happy. She went bowling on Friday, Hung out with friends on Saturday (after work) and yesterday (after work) went to the State Fair yesterday with her boyfriend. We did get her a card and a very small gift ($ is a little tight). My MIL said I was being a cold-hearted **** by not having a party for her. I replied that she is an adult, she can celebrate however she wants. As an adult, she is capable of going out with her friends enjoying her birthdays as she sees fit (within reason of course).So yesterday, after I had told MIL & FIL twice each that DD19 would not be home, they stopped by with a cake to celebrate her birthday & were very surprised that she was not home. Reminded them, again, she was not here and won't be till late.This brought up another thought. DH turned 40 two months ago. I asked, and he told me he did not want a party or anything special for his birthday. MIL also asked if we were planning anything & was disappointed that he did not want anything. I did send his favorite cupcakes to his First Friday get together he does with his friends. We did make his favorite breakfast and went to the park as a family. MIL, FIL, BIL x 2 showed up around 7 with a huge cake. We had all changed into PJs, were getting ready to watch a movie (of DHs choosing) & have popcorn. Not ready for company at all. Needless to say, I was not pleased. Bit my tongue, cause I knew that as a mom, she should be able to pop in to wish her son a happy birthday. Torked (sp?) because they should have called.I think I am looking for reassurance that our (DH was in on this too) decision to not have a party is ok. I am 99% comfortable that it is fine. DD19 will not be traumatically affected for the rest of her life.
 
  • #17
akrebecca said:
...DD19 will not be traumatically affected for the rest of her life.
Exactly! Don't worry about it! Erm - why didn't MIL throw her a big bash if she was all concerned about it? Oh, is money tight at her house, too?
Pffffft, some people.
 
  • #18
Of course your decision was fine. It's YOUR family. MIL will just have to get over it. You decided this as a family, DD19 is happy, DH was happy. Don't worry. I understand her feelings though - she probably hurts not being included in the big day and doesn't get why there isn't a celebration she can come to. Maybe next time you can ask her if they want to be part of whatever you decide. If you're going out for dinner sometime near the birthday, invite them to join them or have them over for dinner one night at your house but if your daughter wants to be with friend's on the big day she should be able to.I'd make it very clear to her what you are doing in the future. "We're putting our pj's on at 7 and watching a movie, just.the.two.(or however many you are that night).of.us." if you want to stop by to wish him a happy birthday you're welcome to come tomorrow (or whatever YOU decide.
 
  • #19
akrebecca, you honestly don't need reassurance from us but if you do, okay-you got it!
You honestly did the right thing and your daughter and husband had wonderful birthdays of their choosing that made them happy, which in my opinion is the point isn't it?
We are all different people from different places not just geographically, financially but also how we were raised.
My b-days were similar to BethCooks4U growing up so I wanted to make everyone feel like their day was extra special by me when I could and how I could. If I can bake their favorite meal and cake and it's just our family-that's fantastic! If I could afford more and they received a McDonald's party with friends they loved it. But something happened to make me change everything.....when our 23 yr olds were in the 3rd grade and no one showed up to our daughters party! Prejudice ran deep where we lived and so I immediately changed things up-our daughter already had a cake of her choosing so she was allowed to pick where she would like to have dinner and a movie of choice. Each one of us, husband included-have celebrated the same exact way every year and no one knows any different. We are a family and that is what is important, celebrating together with one another.
As people age, ie your MIL-they grew up in times that they probably didn't get big celebrations either-so celebrating them is a BIG deal with dinner and cake!!!!
 
  • #20
And Beth is right too.
 
  • #21
smart2cook said:
when our 23 yr olds were in the 3rd grade and no one showed up to our daughters party!
Wow, that's harsh. I've had a birthday party where no one showed up, but I was older. That's a really crummy age for something like that.
 
  • #22
growing up, money was tight, I am the 6th of nine kids (no halves or steps in there, full siblings). We would get a small gift, cake on our birthday, and dinner out with Mom & Dad at the restaurant of our choosing. If two of us with birthdays fairly close together (Mine is in February, but there are two late January and three early March birthdays) chose the same resaurant, we would all go at once.

I am taking the same approach with my son. I try to have a cake and take pictures every year but I don't make a huge deal out of it. My siblings all live out of state as does my father (Mom is dead). My husband's parents live about an hour away and his sister about an hour and a half. Large family parties aren't going to happen. He had a small "party" for his third birthday. We had a backyard barbecue with Grandma & Grandpa and his godfather and a few gifts. Nothing huge and nothing fancy, mostly because he's been too young to remember them so why have a huge production? This year, we were camping last weekend with my husband's aunts, uncles, and cousins. His 5th birthday was Monday. We had cake and ice cream (everyone raved over the lava cake in the fluted stoneware pan) and sang "Happy Birthday" with no gifts from the extended family. On Monday, we spent the day with Grandma & Grandpa and he got a second round of birthday cupcakes and I remembered to take pictures this time. I celebrate his birthday and he knows it's a special day, but I don't want to give him delusions that the world will stop for him on his birthday. Next year, we may invite the neighbor kids and their parents over for cake and ice cream. I like to celebrate and acknowledge, but I won't go overboard. He will eventually have two or three bigger parties when he gets older, but it will not be an every year thing.

I deal with that at work. I have a co-worker who absolutely refuses to work on her birthday and must take almost an entire week off for each of her kids birthdays to prepare for their birthday parties every year. She claims it's a small party with just family, but our definitions definitely differ. To me, that would mean, siblings of the birthday person, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and first cousins. In this family, that would include about 10 adults and the birthday girl's sister, no cousins yet. Her definition includes all of her (Mom's) aunts, uncles, and cousins making every birthday a huge production with at least 30-50 people. These kids are currently 2 & 3. What a lot of work for days they won't even remember yet.
 
  • #23
We really didn't have parties growing up. I remember one time as a kid having a party but other than that the first time I really remember celebrating my bday was my 12th. I wanted a couple close friends to spend the night and then go to the state fair the next day. I did this for next couple years. After that the next big bday was my 21st and all we did was go to the bars. Since I was turning 30 this year I had wanted to throw a BIG party for myself so I could have a big party. Well with everything happening (my getting sick and passing away, niece's bridal shower and sister's wedding) I let it slip. I was actually surprised with a birthday party from my husband and sister last weekend which was about the biggest (and best) party I've ever had.Now I will say growing up we didn't have much money and my family life wasn't normal or stable so that may have been a big factor.My in-laws on the other hand like to have parties. I've been to 4 surprise parties in the 8 years I've been with my husband for various members of his immediate family. Other than that we don't have big parties but my MIL will let you pick the menu for the Sunday of your bday (we get together every Sunday) and they do get gifts for us). Much more than what my family has ever done.My BIL and SIL do throw a BIG party for their two kids every year. Too much in my opinion. They were born on the same day two years apart and in the beginning SIL said she would do one party every other year for the kids (son one year, daughter the next, etc) but so far we've had two parties every year. Which generally means either one day of two parties or both days of the weekend with parties with the kids and their friends PLUS a family party. Too much!!
 
  • #24
Noora, yes it was harsh but we didn't want our children to be dependant on others to celebrate their special day that "we" as the parents wanted to help make so special.
Funny how I think all of us try to do what we didn't get when we were growing up right?!
I have been to B-day parties for 2 yr olds that had over 70 people there and the gifts were unbelievable (registered at Toys R Us even) and these parents had 3 children so these parties were unbelievable! Now in my humble opinion, how much do you really think these type of parties mean to these children at this age! Do they know all the adults at these type of parties and do they appreciate the gifts that they are receiving?
I was the oldest of 6 kids. When we all turned 18 it was a card period and that includes Christmas-I never had expectations but dreams of what it would be like to have a nice party.
There are milestones ie 16 that traditionally I think people celebrate but generally speaking I think that everyone should do what makes you and your children and husband happy. In the end, that is what really matters, your immediate families happiness.
 
  • #25
Because my immediate supervisor is a geriatrician, I may have a whole different outlook on birthdays. No birthday ever goes uncelebrated - we acknowledge all family birthdays as well as those of friends and neighbors.
When birthdays are no longer celebrated - life no longer exists.:D
 
  • #26
smart2cook said:
Noora, yes it was harsh but we didn't want our children to be dependant on others to celebrate their special day that "we" as the parents wanted to help make so special.
Funny how I think all of us try to do what we didn't get when we were growing up right?!
I have been to B-day parties for 2 yr olds that had over 70 people there and the gifts were unbelievable (registered at Toys R Us even) and these parents had 3 children so these parties were unbelievable! Now in my humble opinion, how much do you really think these type of parties mean to these children at this age! Do they know all the adults at these type of parties and do they appreciate the gifts that they are receiving?
I was the oldest of 6 kids. When we all turned 18 it was a card period and that includes Christmas-I never had expectations but dreams of what it would be like to have a nice party.
There are milestones ie 16 that traditionally I think people celebrate but generally speaking I think that everyone should do what makes you and your children and husband happy. In the end, that is what really matters, your immediate families happiness.
For my husband's nephew's last birthday, he invited 18 kids to do the "game truck". When it was all over he had over $350 in gift cards and cash from his friends!! Way too much for a 9 year old!
 
  • #27
We still celebrate my parent's birthday (they are in their 70s) as they still celebrate mine. We live an hour away and we pick a date close to the birthday and DH and I go to dinner with them. It gives us a reason to get together as it is easy to let time pass and not visit as much as we'd like. My b-day is close to Father's Day so now we celebrate those together.Oh, and no matter how old, b-day person always picks the restaurant.(DH and I actually have "birthday weeks". It is very useful for anything you don't want to do that week! Haha)
 
  • #28
I am 50. Since I was about 17 they took me and my siblings out for a lunch or dinner on or near our birthdays and we get a card. That's all. If you are celebrating with a huge party for a 19 year old, sister you have problems! If your kid wants that party at 19, sister, you REALLY have problems! You mark only the biggies after 20. I mean skip everything from 20 and go to 50!
 
  • #29
I had my last "party" when I turned 18. It was a suprise from my parents and a few friends. What we do now is invite family (extended) and a few friends to go out to eat. My bday and my fiancee's are a day apart, so the dinner is for both of us. They usually let me know so we can let the place know how many are coming. Everyone pays for themselves. It works for me because I love getting together with family and friends.
 
  • #30
I"m one of the "crazy" ones too! My daughter is going to be 8 in Jan and I have had "most" of her parties at our home, but we have done Chuck E Cheese and this past year we did a roller skating party. It's really a crapshoot for me, I'd like to enjoy the day, and most times I'm so wrapped up in making the food, cleaning the house, etc, that I am too busy to take in the festivities. I end up spending just as much in food, decorations, cakes, etc than if I just paid someone to do it all for 2 hrs so that's why I did the skating party last year. My daughter asked me why she never gets a "gift" and I told her that her party is her gift. If she wants something to open, we will do a dinner and a present. She chooses the parties.

I plan to do a party for her until her 10th b-day. Then she can ask one or two friends over for pizza and a sleepover or something. Her next big shindig after her 10th will be her 16th. Then she'll be on her own for parties! But, I will NEVER stop making a big deal about it---at least dinner out, cake, etc.
 
  • #31
chefsteph07 said:
I"m one of the "crazy" ones too! My daughter is going to be 8 in Jan and I have had "most" of her parties at our home, but we have done Chuck E Cheese and this past year we did a roller skating party. It's really a crapshoot for me, I'd like to enjoy the day, and most times I'm so wrapped up in making the food, cleaning the house, etc, that I am too busy to take in the festivities. I end up spending just as much in food, decorations, cakes, etc than if I just paid someone to do it all for 2 hrs so that's why I did the skating party last year. My daughter asked me why she never gets a "gift" and I told her that her party is her gift. If she wants something to open, we will do a dinner and a present. She chooses the parties.

I plan to do a party for her until her 10th b-day. Then she can ask one or two friends over for pizza and a sleepover or something. Her next big shindig after her 10th will be her 16th. Then she'll be on her own for parties! But, I will NEVER stop making a big deal about it---at least dinner out, cake, etc.

See I don't think that's crazy! You gave her a choice and that's what she wants. It would be crazy if you did the big party and $$ on gifts!
 
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  • #32
wadesgirl said:
See I don't think that's crazy! You gave her a choice and that's what she wants. It would be crazy if you did the big party and $$ on gifts!

I agree with wadesgirl, doing both is a bit crazy. I have pretty much done the same for our youngest the last couple years-choose between a dinner with the family (immediate only-no extended!) & a present or a party with no present from the parents. Most of the time both (DD9 & DS7) choose the party. With DD19 (after the age of 12) she choose slumber parties w/her friends. For her 16th & 18th we did do bigger bashes, but I always tried to cut $. For all the kids (except this year for DS7) I have baked & decorated all the cakes. Generic white plates, shopped clearance sales for party bag items, just cake, ice cream & juice, and when kids would spend the night, we would pick up Papa Murpheys pizza.

I think what disturbed me the most was my MIL calling me a 'cold-hearted b****' for not hosting a party for DD19. I had to remind myself that she is a self-centered person (http://www.chefsuccess.com/f18/what-would-you-do-56459/ ) & only wants to participate on her schedule.

Out of curiousity, I sat down & wrote how I had celebrated my bdays since my 18th. My 19th was a small cake after dinner with my family (which I had made two days before to use up cake supplies as we were moving). My 20th was dinner in Anchorage with friends. 21st was movie night at my house with root beer floats. 22nd -25th was with friends. 26th-to present (38th) was with my DH. My parents always gave a card & occasionally a gift. They have done that with all six kids. (Technically, in the last eight years it has been my mom, my dad passed away in 2003). I have always viewed my birthday as mine, & I will celebrate it with who I want, how I want & doing what I want. I know, sounds a bit selfish BUT, I always choose to spend the day with my DH & three awesomely wonderful kids. The kids have made me breakfast in bed for the last six years. We usually celebrate my birthday on the same weekend as the Eagle River Highland Games. This is the one thing I insist on-we all attend. Although, year before last, just me and the two girls went in the evening and had a blast at the concert.

In the last four years my MIL has insisted on bringing cake (store-bought, never tastes good) and spending a couple hours with all her group at our house. Last year, she even went so far as 'surprising' me with a cake TWO WEEKS after my b-day. Her reason? "You are always sooo busy on your b-day, I thought we could celebrate it now." I just looked at her & said "we should also celebrate Becky's birthday too" (My SIL (Yes, my SIL is a Rebecca also) & her boys were up from AZ visiting & her b-day is just before mine). Using the gel icing I added Becky's name & we sang to each other. My SIL & I did have a chat before hand regarding this & she had explained that she tried talking her Mom out of the cake but she was persistent in buying it. SIL understood where I was coming from.

Thanks so much all you all for understanding, giving advice & listening (reading!) while I vent.
 
  • #33
You are so welcome but now that you have written it all out and added a bit more I would like to offer you something that I realize you might not want to entertain. Your MIL obviously makes plans on her terms for these events so now that you are armed with this knowledge, I say head her off at the pass. Have a celebration that can include her (separate from the intimate one you want to really have) to satisfy her need to be included and your desire to still have your celebrations on your terms without surprises. No more store bought cake etc...even if it's a week apart but (do plan that she will want to bring something) so prepare for that-ice cream is always good perhaps the birthday persons favorite flavor will satisfy her need for control. Just my two cents.
 
  • #34
akrebecca said:
Out of curiousity, I sat down & wrote how I had celebrated my bdays since my 18th. .

HOLY CRAP!!! You can actually REMEMBER what you did on every birthday since you were 18??? I don't remember what I did THIS year, let alone what I did for the past 28 years!!! I'm not sure if I'm impressed or depressed.:(
 
  • #35
pchockeymom said:
HOLY CRAP!!! You can actually REMEMBER what you did on every birthday since you were 18??? I don't remember what I did THIS year, let alone what I did for the past 28 years!!! I'm not sure if I'm impressed or depressed.:(

I was going to say the same!:eek:
 
  • #36
Me too LOL! There is no way I could do that!
 
  • #37
LOL, wow. What a memory on you, girl! My mom always baked whatever flavor cake we wanted, and that's about all I remember. Except one stand-out year, I got to have a slumber party, but I can't remember what birthday it was for - probably 11,12,or 13 but that's as good as it gets!
 

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