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Rant Is it okay for grandparents to tell kids the truth about Santa?

In summary, Becky's In-Laws took liberties with their 5 year old son by having a discussion about Santa not being real. Becky feels angry and betrayed by her MIL and would not be able to let it go. Her DH grew up without any traditions around Christmas and he wants to provide the same excitement and fun for their son that Becky and her parents provided for her. Becky's minister addressed the controversy around Santa being real and religious people should respect American traditions like Santa.
ChefBeckyD
Gold Member
20,376
I need to vent...and then maybe I'll feel better. I don't know.

I usually get along well with my In-Laws - but I feel like they've taken liberties that weren't theirs to take this past week.

My son came home from spending the weekend at their house last week, and said "Mom, Grandma told me that Santa isn't real"....

Now - regardless of your feelings about Santa (I really DO NOT want this to become a thread about believing in Santa vs. not believing - Santa at our house is a fun, imaginative part of Christmas, and I really don't want to get into that debate) I feel like my MIL had NO right to have that discussion with my 5 year old, and I really didn't appreciate that she took it into her own hands to do that.

We do a lot to make sure that DS knows the true meaning of Christmas, and he does know. But we also love the imagination and wonder of him being a child at Christmas, and do all that we can to make it a very special family time, full of traditions and fun. I feel like we do a great job of integrating all of the Spirituality of the season with some more secular traditions.

My DH grew up in a home where there weren't any fun traditions with Christmas. They didn't have stockings, they didn't decorate a tree, etc....and there definitely was no Santa! I've always felt bad for him to have missed out on all of the fun and excitement I remember as a child, and together we agreed that we wanted to provide that fun and excitement for our son.

Now, I feel like Grandma has taken a piece of our fun, and ruined it. It wasn't her place or her right to take that from us, and tonight, we were over there, and DS brought it up, and she reiterated that it wasn't real.

I have told him that Grandma is older, and doesn't have children at home, so she's forgotten about believing in Santa - but that in our house, we can still believe. I bit my tongue tonight, because I don't want to cause a scene with the In-Laws...but I'm a bit angry about it.


Okay - so now maybe I can let it go. Maybe....
 
Becky I would definitely address it with her. Because now it's Santa, but what will it be next time? What rug will she pull from beneath his feet that will crush him?I would be infuriated and would not be able to let that go until she understood that it was not her place to address that with my child and never again was she to take such liberties.I am so sorry, I can only imagine how you must feel... :(
 
I completely agree with you both! My DD believed in Santa until she was 10 and we never stopped (and still do) fill up stockings for the whole family! Course for us adults it is practical stuff (deodorant, pens, post-its, etc.) plus a cute animal for the top! My parents always filled stockings with us and my Mom's last Christmas before we lost her in April of the next year, she had a stocking even though she didn't get out of the hospital until the day after Christmas! Shame on your MIL! Let your DH address it with you to her. It is so wrong for her to ruin Christmas for your DS! Sorry but if she was never allowed Santa, that is no reason to ruin her grandson's Christmas!
 
WHAT?!? Santa isn't REAL?

Then, who's been putting that lump of coal in my stocking every year?




BTW, a lump of coal in a stocking for your MIL seems appropriate somehow.
 
Wow. I am speechless. (I know, take a picture!) I would be absolutely FUMING mad. I don't even know where to beging. What does DH say? I say, his family, he needs to address it.

FWIW, something about Santa Claus came up in my church a few years ago. Before it became a heated debate, my minister addressed it during his sermon. He said something like, "Of course Christmas is a religious holiday and we all celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ and as Christians we are proud to share Jesus's message. But, I also ask you, as Christians, to respect our American traditions like Santa Claus. "

And, its sad that you MIL doesn't know that the spirit of Santa Claus is very much alive and real. You should tell your kids that Grandmom is just mad at Santa because he left coal in her stocking last year. OMG. HOW do you get past this?
 
Oh my!!! I'd be P.O. big time.
 
Becky..I would be mad as well..I do not have any kids however..I am the youngest of 5 kids..and when we were little..I know that when one of my siblings would discover that Santa was not real..my parents made sure that they knew that they could not tell us younger kids..because they wanted us to believe as long as we wanted to.
 
Oh, I'd be pretty mad!!! It is NOT her place to ruin that fun. YOU are the parent. Only the people present for the conception get a vote in how to raise the child!
 
You have every right to be mad and even MORE of a right to FLIP OUT on your in-laws. They have ruined a "fun tradition" in your household. It is not their right to instill their beliefs on your family. They need to respect your beliefs and "traditions" despite what they feel about the situation. Total lack of respect for you and your family by doing what they did.

I personally would NOT let this go. It needs to be addressed or it will happen again and again and again.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this.
 
  • #10
That was completely uncalled for on the part of your MIL. Even if she doesn't believe in Santa, she should recognize that there are people who do, and even more people who have a middle-ground view that Santa is a way to celebrate generosity, selflessness and whimsy during the holiday season. She had no right to take that away from your family.I think you need to have a talk with your in-laws. And take DH - don't try to do it by yourself. He may be able to serve as a "translator" if his parents don't completely understand why you choose to indulge in such activities.
 
  • #11
Well I would be majorally PO'd and I would not allow my son to go to IL's if they don't respect what you and your husband have set as "traditions" in your home. YOU are the parents, sounds like she had her chance and screwed it up with Christmas at least. WOW, I can't imagine if my grandma would have told me that, would have blown me away, especially at 5!! My mom would have hit the roof and I would NOT have gone to grandma's without my parents for a LONG time!!

Do you have the Polar Express??? I LOVE that movie and how it shows that some adults can't hear the bell?? They've lost the ability to be a child and believe.......I'm paraphrasing of course, I just love that. I told my oldest dd who last year was on the fence, she had classmate telling her Santa was not real.....well after watching Polar Express, she said "How sad, that XX can't hear the bell" Maybe get some bells and hang them around the house, and when Grandma comes, kids can ring them, lol. You'll all know what it means and she'll have NO CLUE!!! I'm evil, can you tell??

Lisa
 
  • #12
Oh, Becky! I would also be very upset. I would sit down with her and my husband to talk about boundaries. It is completely inappropriate for her to disrespect your parenting choices this way. Except for cases of child endangerment, a parent's choices should always be supported. The talk probably needs to happen when you're not still upset, but it clearly needs to take place.How's Micah doing now?
 
  • #13
I agree that it was totally out of line. Shame on her.

For us the focus of Christmas is the birth story and church but we very much celebrate the fun of Santa too. I never stopped enjoying believing and my kids know that it is part of the season. DH is in on the fun and is as big a kid as anyone (he too had a much less fun interpretation as a kid) in fact when I tried to stop some things like St Nick stockings or Easter Bunny baskets HE was disappointed and said we still should do them even though now they are all over 20. lol

When my oldest was in first grade someone told him. My response was that it's sad for that person that they lost the magic. I reminded him how much fun it was and told him with a wink that I believe and that he could still believe. I told him that he now was in on a grown up secret and he could help us keep it fun for his younger brothers. He ate it up and enjoyed that Christmas even more. He wanted to see how the magic happened but we never let him and he was glad that we kept it iffy for him.

A couple years later Santa came to our house on Christmas Eve (they were getting Atari games at grandmas and needed to receive the system from Santa first). After he left that son said "I knew it!" He was sceptical but...

PS: We all still believe.
 
  • #14
I would be angry. VERY VERY angry.

The polar express comes to mind. :) Maybe you could watch that again with Micah to help restore some of the damage done?
 
  • #15
One of my favorite books is The Autobiography of Santa Claus by Jeff Guinn. It's an amazing book that starts with the life of Nicholas, Bishop of Myra. It's told in first-person. It explains why and how Nicholas began giving gifts, the magic that has helped him to live all this time, and a lot of other things. It includes a walk through the history of the celebration of Christ's birth from the fourth century to today. It answers a lot of common questions. It keeps the magic and spirit of Santa alive while never veering from the fact that the most important thing about Christmas is Jesus. At one point when our son was in Jr. High I read aloud a chapter a night during the Christmas season. For anyone who loves God and also loves the fun of Santa, I highly recommend this book. The book is part of a trilogy that includes How Mrs. Claus Saved Christmas (a story surrounding the outlawing and subsequent reclamation of Christmas in England in the 1600s) and The Great Santa Search (a fun tale about how Santa became an unwitting and unwilling shill for just about every product out there, wrapped around a reality show extravaganza).
 
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  • #16
Thanks Everyone.

Addressing it with my passive/aggressive MIL is another story. :rolleyes: Last night, when she said it again (In Front of ME!) I turned to Micah and said "well, Santa comes to our house, and we believe in Santa!"...and MIL quickly changed the subject.

Rae - Micah is doing okay. He mentioned it one more time last night, and seemed to be satisfied with my explanation.

Beth - My Mom did Stockings and Baskets for us until we were into our 30's. Gheesh, she did a stocking for me until after I got married...and the first couple of years, she did one - until she could teach DH how to do one for me. (since he'd never had one, or filled one before that). He now collabarates with Micah on one for me. :) Santa fills Micah's stocking, and we've told Micah we still do our own stockings, because we missed the ones from Santa! (because Santa only brings gifts for children).

We have the Polar Express DVD, and will be watching several times. We also have the Polar Express book (beautiful illustrations) and a book on the History and tradition of Santa. I will be immersing him in all of the fun and wonder of Christmas, so that Grandma's boring, joyless version of Christmas has no impact on him! :D:p
 
  • #17
I'm glad to hear Micah's doing OK. DH's ex did that to their son when he was about five or six. This from a woman who keeps insisting that we can't make huge changes in his routines and such because of his Asperger's. Right. Well, DH had a talk with him about how Santa lives in the spirit of Christmas, and it's ok to believe if he wants to.

I hope you are able to come to at least some kind of an understanding with your MIL so that this doesn't happen again with something else.
 
  • #18
Oh. My. God.
I would be SO pissed.
OMG OMG OMG
I am beyond words (at least words that are appropriate here)
 
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  • #19
raebates said:
One of my favorite books is The Autobiography of Santa Claus by Jeff Guinn. It's an amazing book that starts with the life of Nicholas, Bishop of Myra. It's told in first-person. It explains why and how Nicholas began giving gifts, the magic that has helped him to live all this time, and a lot of other things. It includes a walk through the history of the celebration of Christ's birth from the fourth century to today. It answers a lot of common questions. It keeps the magic and spirit of Santa alive while never veering from the fact that the most important thing about Christmas is Jesus. At one point when our son was in Jr. High I read aloud a chapter a night during the Christmas season. For anyone who loves God and also loves the fun of Santa, I highly recommend this book. The book is part of a trilogy that includes How Mrs. Claus Saved Christmas (a story surrounding the outlawing and subsequent reclamation of Christmas in England in the 1600s) and The Great Santa Search (a fun tale about how Santa became an unwitting and unwilling shill for just about every product out there, wrapped around a reality show extravaganza).
I'm going to get these, Rae - they sound wonderful! Micah is very bright and sometimes too logical, but he also loves imagination, and fun, and I think that just for balance in his life, we need to explore imagination and wonder and keep them in our lives, and these sound like a great way to help do that!Is the Autobiography of Santa the first in the series?
 
  • #20
ChefBeckyD said:
Thanks Everyone.



Beth - My Mom did Stockings and Baskets for us until we were into our 30's. Gheesh, she did a stocking for me until after I got married...and the first couple of years, she did one - until she could teach DH how to do one for me. (since he'd never had one, or filled one before that). He now collabarates with Micah on one for me. :) Santa fills Micah's stocking, and we've told Micah we still do our own stockings, because we missed the ones from Santa! (because Santa only brings gifts for children).

I love this! No one ever makes me a stocking or basket. I always made one for DH & me I guess so the kids didn't wonder why I didn't get one too. My mother stopped them when we became teens. It would have been nice if DH would have thought of that! ...but then he does randomly bring me flowers. :love:
 
  • #21
My DH makes a stocking for me each year. He takes the kids shopping (all 3!) and they pick out my gifts plus my stocking stuffers together.
 
  • #22
I don't have children, but if I did, I would be so rip-roaring upset. I spent a lot of Christmas Eve's determined to stay awake and see Santa...of course I always fell asleep. But it was so magical to wake up and discover the extra presents under the tree and the stockings full.

I think your MIL needs to understand in no uncertain terms that she crossed a line.
 
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  • #23
legacypc46 said:
I don't have children, but if I did, I would be so rip-roaring upset. I spent a lot of Christmas Eve's determined to stay awake and see Santa...of course I always fell asleep. But it was so magical to wake up and discover the extra presents under the tree and the stockings full.

I think your MIL needs to understand in no uncertain terms that she crossed a line.

You know...it's a family thing for them. Oh, where to begin! The whole family (other than my DH) is very religious. By that, I mean that they have a TON of rules to follow, but can't really explain to you why - or even where in the Bible it might address these rules.

For instance - you don't mow your lawn, go shopping, or out to eat on Sundays. That's against the rules. BUT you can get together for Sunday lunch, and rip everyone you saw in church to shreds. That's okay.

Drinking wine with dinner - that would be sin...but you can make derogatory remarks and ethnic slurs against anyone who isn't a WASP, and that is okay. (I've had to remove myself and my son from the room so that he isn't subject to it...and let him know that in our house, THAT is a sin!)

Seriously - I have asked my DH many times how his whole family can be like this, but he isn't? Because he's not. It baffles me! However, he is so used to it, that he doesn't even hear it anymore...or else he just lets it roll off his shoulders and ignores it.

I have already dealt with a nephew (who is 1 yr older than my son) trying to tell him that there isn't a Santa...as his mother sat next to him and just smiled. I intervened there before it got too far, but his mother was perfectly fine with that...because to the family, believing in Santa is a Sin!

So, telling them they've crossed the line? I'd have to get the entire family together to let them all know.
 
  • #24
For the record. There is a Santa. It doesn't matter how old you are. Think of how many kids and adults that are less fortunate to have Christmas presents or even a Christmas dinner. Is it not through other peoples love and kindness that help provide this for them.
Even though we may not dress in a red suit and come down the chimney, the magic of Santa is there. While it is a Christian holiday, I believe that is is also in the spirit of our love for the Lord, to be giving to those around us. I am not saying every kid should get everything they want. But to instill in our children the magic of Santa and to help others and be giving. At times I may only be able to do a little, but when we all come together to help make a Christmas special for a family. Santa is right there.
I know we all have different opinions.
I would first rant, rant, rant!
Talk to your husband. Decide who NEEDS to speak with your MIL. Sometimes when I have a lot to say and upset about something, I write it down first, so I know what to say and how to choose my words carefully. Then I would pick up the phone. Explain to her that while you respect the was she raised her children the way she thought was right, you need the same respect. She doesn't have to like it or agree with you.But with Santa, as well as other believes you as parents choose to instill in your son, you really need her support. While it may fall on deaf ears, you need to say it. Unfortunately, if she continues to override your believes and rules. I would lessen the time your son is allowed to spend time with them. Let us know how it goes.
 
  • #25
ChefBeckyD said:
I'm going to get these, Rae - they sound wonderful! Micah is very bright and sometimes too logical, but he also loves imagination, and fun, and I think that just for balance in his life, we need to explore imagination and wonder and keep them in our lives, and these sound like a great way to help do that!

Is the Autobiography of Santa the first in the series?

Yes, that's the first one. It was published in 1994, so I'm sure it's available out there on all those super-cheap sites. I think Micah would really enjoy it. He's a smart boy, and, as I said, the book really does keep the magic alive.
 
  • #26
WOW Becky! That stinks!!!

She had no right to discuss something like that. That is for parents to determine!
 
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  • #27
raebates said:
Yes, that's the first one. It was published in 1994, so I'm sure it's available out there on all those super-cheap sites. I think Micah would really enjoy it. He's a smart boy, and, as I said, the book really does keep the magic alive.
I found it on Amazon - and it even had the feature where I could go in and read a few pages of it! I loved just the few pages that I read...can't wait to get it! I was able to get the trilogy for $18!Oh - and he did a cookbook with recipes from Santa too...I'll have to wait on that one though. :)
 
  • #28
I'm so glad, Becky. I'm not at all surprised that you fell in love after just the first few pages. You won't be sorry. I just got done re-reading The Autobiography of Santa Claus last night. I started How Mrs. Claus Saved Christmas today.
 
  • #29
I didn't grow up "believing" in Santa, per se (we went and sat on the lap of a man in a Santa costume at the mall, but knew that our parents gave us our Christmas presents), but even as someone who never had the tragic "Santa isn't real?" moment, I have to say - your mother in law was TOTALLY out of line for messing with your family's Christmas traditions! I would be absolutely livid!

My one piece of advice (that I've learned the hard way) would be this - leave it to your husband to discuss it with his mom. Since he's known her since birth and was raised by her, he's got a better sense of the family dynamic with her and can address the problem without turning it into a gigantic feud. My mother-in-law and I don't get along at all, and she's done some pretty rotten things, but every time I've tried to be the one to address an issue with her (even though I was definitely right and she was definitely wrong), it's just made the situation even worse. Talk to your husband, decide together what should be done/said, and then make sure that he's the one to say it. If you tell her how you feel, she will most likely write you off or think you're being ridiculous. If her own flesh and blood tells her, she might be more inclined to listen. JMHO.
 
  • #30
I'm not sure I would've been able to bite my tongue! Congrats to you when your MIL said it again in front of you! We believe in Santa as well as celebrate the birth of Jesus at Christmastime. We still have stockings for everyone, including our dogs. If we weren't in Wichita, I'm sure my mom would have a stocking for each of us too; we don't always get a chance to go visit and everyone else in our family is in FL (their stockings will all be hanging--knowing her, she'll wrap an "empty box" and write TO: WICHITA, FROM: SANTA on it for her other grandkids to see). Before we moved from FL, she made a stocking for all of us, including husbands and children and everyone's pet!
My in-laws didn't celebrate much either, but my hubby is learning (STILL, after 8 years of marriage!) how to make/fill a stocking and I addressed "Santa" with my inlaws while I was still dating my now hubby. It came up our first Christmas with his nephews and my response surprised them when I told his nephews that I believed in Santa and the magic he brings. Santa fills the air with magic, Jesus fills the air with blessings, and during the holidays, we need both!
My baby sister married a man who was born and raised in Holland and they actually celebrate St. Nicholas Day with gifts and everything! Then, on December 24-25th, they celebrate Christmas.
I hope all smoothes over with your MIL understanding where you stand and maybe you talking to them with DH will let her know that she needs to respect how you raise Micah.
 
  • #31
Becky, I am so, so sorry you have to deal with that!!
I can totally sympathize with you. I don't really have any advice, but I know exactly what you're feeling and going through. My in-laws are similar, and it is so difficult to shield your children from family members.
I also understand the passive-agressiveness, and also not being able to address it with them. Sigh. My thoughts and prayers are with you!!!
 
  • #32
Becky, I was talking with The Furry Guy about this whole thing. It sounds like talking with your MIL isn't really an option. You might want to use the tactic we used with my mom. She was the one with all of the rules--rules that she saw as Christian but we just viewed as legalism. By the time Shawn was about Micah's age she started trying to instill these same rules in him. We simply told him that Grandma believed certain things, but that didn't mean we had to believe them, too. It was okay for Grandma, but he should talk to us about anything she told him so that we could talk about whether that was something we chose to do in our home. It worked well. It also helped our son to learn early on that different people believe different things, and each of us needs to decide for ourselves what is important.
 
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  • #33
raebates said:
Becky, I was talking with The Furry Guy about this whole thing. It sounds like talking with your MIL isn't really an option. You might want to use the tactic we used with my mom. She was the one with all of the rules--rules that she saw as Christian but we just viewed as legalism. By the time Shawn was about Micah's age she started trying to instill these same rules in him. We simply told him that Grandma believed certain things, but that didn't mean we had to believe them, too. It was okay for Grandma, but he should talk to us about anything she told him so that we could talk about whether that was something we chose to do in our home.

It worked well. It also helped our son to learn early on that different people believe different things, and each of us needs to decide for ourselves what is important.

Rae - that's it EXACTLY! We have a very different view of what Christianity means, and she (along with FIL) are trying to instill their values (rules) in Micah. They (along with the rest of DH's family) already are concerned about him because he wasn't baptized as an infant, so I think this is their way of doing what they can to ensure salvation as they know it.

Keeping him away from them wouldn't be right either. I've had enough family drama in my life, and I want Micah to have his grandparents for as long as he can. (he's young, they're older...) He sees my dad only sporadically, and my mom's Alzheimer's keeps her from being totally present in his life.

So, yes - I've told him that Grandma doesn't believe what we believe, and that we do things different in our family.

It burns me...but I will forgive, and move on, and my son will be raised in a home with fun, imagination, and wonder - where the Spirit of Christmas is honored fully! We give to others, and we live, love, laugh, and enjoy life, because of the Gift of Life that has been given to us!
 
  • #34
Wow. Just wow. I am almost 32 and have been married for over five years and my mom still gives me a stocking and signs some of the presents from Santa! I love that she still does that :-D I am also the oldest of seven in my family and as we figured out there was no Santa, we still played along for the younger ones.
Why is your MIL so miserable? Did you ask her why she felt the need to tell your DS that? What does your FIL say? I would tell her if she can't keep her opinions to herself on these matters, then that was the last time he was going to be alone with her ever again. Your DS does not need to be around a person like that.
 
  • #35
Becky, you are certainly a better person that I. I would have totally lost my cool on this. My MIL is the most religious person I know. She is full of grace and peace, can quote the Bible and really makes it her point to live according to God's word. And, they taught my DH about Santa growing up.
 
  • #36
Jinkies said:
Wow. Just wow. I am almost 32 and have been married for over five years and my mom still gives me a stocking and signs some of the presents from Santa! I love that she still does that :-D I am also the oldest of seven in my family and as we figured out there was no Santa, we still played along for the younger ones.
Why is your MIL so miserable? Did you ask her why she felt the need to tell your DS that? What does your FIL say? I would tell her if she can't keep her opinions to herself on these matters, then that was the last time he was going to be alone with her ever again. Your DS does not need to be around a person like that.

I completely understand where you are coming from! I am 33, and was raised in a family like yours, my mom still spoils my brother and me and we still get stockings, etc. But, the thing I've learned after 7 years of marriage, is that you cannot change your in laws!! As much as we'd like to, we can only change the way we ourselves handle it. I come from such a wonderfully, close family, that I've had a lot of trouble dealing with my in-laws and it only got worse once my children entered the picture. Her in-laws believe THEY are the ones in the right, so talking or arguing won't solve anything them. Add in the whole passive-aggressive to the scenario and it just adds extra drama. That's the reason for the need to vent to us!! On the subject of not letting your child be around their grandparents, you have to let them make their own opinions about them and learn to deal with all types of personalities in the world. If I never saw my in laws again, I'd probably be alright, but it's not fair to project my feelings about them on my kids. They must decide on their own how much they want to be around them, and it wouldn't be right to interfere with that relationship. That way, you aren't the one to blame. (I know this from my own personal experience with my grandparents!!)
 
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  • #37
AJPratt said:
Becky, you are certainly a better person that I. I would have totally lost my cool on this. My MIL is the most religious person I know. She is full of grace and peace, can quote the Bible and really makes it her point to live according to God's word. And, they taught my DH about Santa growing up.

Your MIL would be almost the exact opposite of mine. Mine is full of anxiety and fear, very self-conscious, always worried about what other people think of her, knows lots of rules of religion (can't really quote the Bible though) and makes it a point to live according to her religious upbringing. (which really has little to do with God's Word - instead it's a lot of man-made rules)

I consider MY MOM to be one of the Godliest women I've ever known. She has been a bastion of wisdom, kindness, and grace & peace for me throughout my life. Right now is one of those times when I really wish I could have my Mom back...she's here, but not...

I guess that's why I vent on here, because I can't vent to her....but in all of this, I know my Mom would choose kindness and forgiveness. She is also one of the most forgiving people I've ever known. People (even still today, in the nursing home!) have always been drawn to her because she makes them feel so loved.
 
  • #38
I just can't believe that she had the nerve to do that! I'm impressed that you have kept your cool. I don't know if I could've refrained from calling her up and giving her a tongue lashing! And then for her to do it again right in front of you--how crazy! She had no right to do that. I do love the Polar Express movie and definitely think you could use that movie to drive it home that some adults just don't get it. (Of course, sounds like she NEVER got it) How rotten to smash the dreams of a child.
 
  • #39
If you want, when I come over tonight to pick up the forms, I can tell him his grandma isn't real.

:D
 
  • #40
Becky - Let me just share my devotional today that I wrote for myself since I’m finding that today I am in danger of many people robbing my JOY for the week. There are so many things around illness, stress, life circumstances, things that seem to be bothering everyone today that I am finding I have to FIGHT for my joy and to be pleasant.Joy is often described as Jesus first, others second, yourself last. Isn’t it hard to put others second when they are the thieves of your joy? Don’t we often want to put the “me” ahead?We need to press on toward Christ and what HE has for us:philippians 3:12 -21
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
Join with others in following my example, brothers (in this case sisters), and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.”I'm sure you'll find a way to apply that and keep the joy in your family and with your celebrations. Don't let you MIL steal your joy or your JOY (being able to put Christ and others first).Love you!
 
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  • #41
Jean DeVries said:
If you want, when I come over tonight to pick up the forms, I can tell him his grandma isn't real.

:D

LOL Jean! you just made my day with one sentence! :D
 
  • #42
Jean REALLY should have been a stand-up comedian!
 
  • #43
Jean DeVries said:
If you want, when I come over tonight to pick up the forms, I can tell him his grandma isn't real.

:D

I died laughing when I read this! So much that I had to share it with my coworker.
 
  • Thread starter
  • #44
BethanyN said:
I didn't grow up "believing" in Santa, per se (we went and sat on the lap of a man in a Santa costume at the mall, but knew that our parents gave us our Christmas presents), but even as someone who never had the tragic "Santa isn't real?" moment, I have to say - your mother in law was TOTALLY out of line for messing with your family's Christmas traditions! I would be absolutely livid!

My one piece of advice (that I've learned the hard way) would be this - leave it to your husband to discuss it with his mom. Since he's known her since birth and was raised by her, he's got a better sense of the family dynamic with her and can address the problem without turning it into a gigantic feud. My mother-in-law and I don't get along at all, and she's done some pretty rotten things, but every time I've tried to be the one to address an issue with her (even though I was definitely right and she was definitely wrong), it's just made the situation even worse. Talk to your husband, decide together what should be done/said, and then make sure that he's the one to say it. If you tell her how you feel, she will most likely write you off or think you're being ridiculous. If her own flesh and blood tells her, she might be more inclined to listen. JMHO.

Bethany - I think you're right...it will be MUCH better coming from my DH, since he is their first-born, and still can do no wrong in their eyes. (and he does know how to handle them better! :))

TrishPCMommy said:
I'm not sure I would've been able to bite my tongue! Congrats to you when your MIL said it again in front of you! We believe in Santa as well as celebrate the birth of Jesus at Christmastime. We still have stockings for everyone, including our dogs. If we weren't in Wichita, I'm sure my mom would have a stocking for each of us too; we don't always get a chance to go visit and everyone else in our family is in FL (their stockings will all be hanging--knowing her, she'll wrap an "empty box" and write TO: WICHITA, FROM: SANTA on it for her other grandkids to see). Before we moved from FL, she made a stocking for all of us, including husbands and children and everyone's pet!
My in-laws didn't celebrate much either, but my hubby is learning (STILL, after 8 years of marriage!) how to make/fill a stocking and I addressed "Santa" with my inlaws while I was still dating my now hubby. It came up our first Christmas with his nephews and my response surprised them when I told his nephews that I believed in Santa and the magic he brings. Santa fills the air with magic, Jesus fills the air with blessings, and during the holidays, we need both!
My baby sister married a man who was born and raised in Holland and they actually celebrate St. Nicholas Day with gifts and everything! Then, on December 24-25th, they celebrate Christmas.
I hope all smoothes over with your MIL understanding where you stand and maybe you talking to them with DH will let her know that she needs to respect how you raise Micah.

I love that quote! I think I'll use it!
pampcheflisa said:
Becky, I am so, so sorry you have to deal with that!!
I can totally sympathize with you. I don't really have any advice, but I know exactly what you're feeling and going through. My in-laws are similar, and it is so difficult to shield your children from family members.
I also understand the passive-agressiveness, and also not being able to address it with them. Sigh. My thoughts and prayers are with you!!!

Thanks for knowing where I'm coming from, Lisa!;)
 
  • Thread starter
  • #45
janetupnorth said:
Becky -

Let me just share my devotional today that I wrote for myself since I’m finding that today I am in danger of many people robbing my JOY for the week. There are so many things around illness, stress, life circumstances, things that seem to be bothering everyone today that I am finding I have to FIGHT for my joy and to be pleasant.

Joy is often described as Jesus first, others second, yourself last. Isn’t it hard to put others second when they are the thieves of your joy? Don’t we often want to put the “me” ahead?

We need to press on toward Christ and what HE has for us:

Philippians 3:12 -21
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
Join with others in following my example, brothers (in this case sisters), and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.”

I'm sure you'll find a way to apply that and keep the joy in your family and with your celebrations. Don't let you MIL steal your joy or your JOY (being able to put Christ and others first).

Love you!


Exactly what I've been dealing with yesterday and today...and getting to the place of extending forgiveness and grace...

Thanks, Janet - love you too!:love:
 
  • #46
Jean's idea made me actually LOL. :)
 
  • #47
chefheidi2003 said:
Becky..I would be mad as well..I do not have any kids however..I am the youngest of 5 kids..and when we were little..I know that when one of my siblings would discover that Santa was not real..my parents made sure that they knew that they could not tell us younger kids..because they wanted us to believe as long as we wanted to.

I have a 9 and 11 year old, and I have always told them, as long as you believe, Santa will visit you. We have never discussed anything further. Although, we have discussed how every religious holiday that we celebrate seems to have customs and traditions along with it, and Santa falls into that category. Sorry, but I think there is something seriously wrong with an adult who tells a child something like that. I remember being asked by my nieces and nephews and my answer was always, "what do you think?" and skirted the issue. No way was I going to be the one to burst their bubble!!!!
 
  • #48
Becky,

In the past few hours, I have been hit with an overwhelming urge to "export documents", so I will not be venturing past my house tonight.

I'll PM you the order info, along with cc#'s etc. Provided I'm not passed out somewhere.

Jean
 
  • Thread starter
  • #49
Jean DeVries said:
Becky,

In the past few hours, I have been hit with an overwhelming urge to "export documents", so I will not be venturing past my house tonight.

I'll PM you the order info, along with cc#'s etc. Provided I'm not passed out somewhere.

Jean

Ugh, Jean! Hope there aren't too many documents to export, and that the hardware is able to handle the doc. size.:yuck:;)

Feel better soon!
 
  • #50
Hey Becky,

well it's late in the day, and it seems that both you and Micah are handling the situation well, and you've had tons of good advice, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're having to go through this. It stinks to have unecessary conflict and opinions spoiling your relationship with your in-laws, and potentially Micah's with them too (although I applaud you for protecting that relationship, and truly hope that future issues won't hurt it).

I don't have the same issues as you, but let's just say that my parents' opinions and interference have damaged their relationship with my sisters and BILs, and a little with me and Jon (although I think I've been able to let it roll off my back more than my sisters). But it hurts, and breaks my heart knowing that what they've done has caused such strain, and I don't think they really know it...

Anyway, I just wanted to say, hang in there, and here's a HUG from me. I do hope that your DH will be able to have a positive talk with them, and that somehow they will have insight into your perspective and POV, and respect that. It is so sad to be trapped in such a "religious" view of Christianity, that is so far from the truth, love, grace and joy that we are meant to experience as Christians.

Love ya,

Annabel
 

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