Director Seriously? Warning: Whining Enclosed

[BethCooks4U]

Don't read any further if you don't want to read another whining post.


Yesterday was a very rollercoaster day.

First, a recruit lead called and said she was ready to sign so I called the host at the show I met her at because she too wanted to sign but later this month. I explained how it worked and said since I met Crystal at her show I wanted her to have the option to sign first if she wanted to. She asked her questions and had actually decided to sign sooner anyway. She signed at 2pm. Crystal told her that she signed too but she's not showing up so either she went to pc.com and into the lead system :cry: or didn't finish - I have a call into her and sent her an email with her options (sign with Dee... or me if she preferred, etc). WOO HOO another new recruit and maybe 2! arty:


Then, I am considering not doing meetings any more: My meeting was last night. Consultants called with "I'm in the middle of canning pears", "my husband will get home too late for me to come", "something came up"... 3 consultants came, others didn't even bother to RSVP at all - typical (normal attendance is 7-10). So the point here is it isn't that much of a priority to most of them anyway.

Now the part that really upset me: Then at my meeting I learned that a consultant (recruited by someone else) was so upset with me that she had called PC and asked to be under a different director. I am devastated that anyone would be that upset with me. Anyone who knows me knows that I bend over backwards to make everyone happy and to never hurt anyone. I go out of my way to explain myself it I even think someone misunderstood anything. [I realize that some of you may not see that part of me as I argue points on CS if I see someone bending the rules, etc. - especially if you are on the other side of the issue from me. This is different.]

What happened was: Her daughter (12) attends meetings (was not there last night) because she's the cook/the one with the passion. Her mom does PC for her. During a meeting a couple months ago I saw that the daughter wasn't using a coaster with her cup and said "Oh, please use a coaster or put it on the glass part of the table." She looked hurt so I realized I was being anal so I said I was sorry and that I just over-reacted. Everything seemed fine. Everything seemed fine since then too. They were happy go lucky at the meetings since then - I saw them at a store and they seemed happy to see me... Then last night I put a water bottle down on the glass part of my table. I winked at that consultant and said "need to use a coaster". That's when she said that she had gone so far as to contact PC about changing teams. She said once they said she couldn't without quitting she thought about it and realized she just didn't know me that well and I think she was saying she misread me that time. She didn't share any other issues with me.

I take things like this very much to heart and while part of me says she was being way over board, I am unbelievably hurt. The two other consultants who heard this stayed after the meeting and said that they thought it was a personality thing and felt the consultant has gotten past it. Maybe so but why bring it up then and how could it have been that big a deal as to cause her to want to change teams? Am I unreasonable to expect people to respect my home? I have tons of coasters sitting on the tables so it's not like it wasn't obvious that's what we do. The main thing is that it was such a little thing to make such a big deal about - am I not seeing her side?


...thanks for letting me vent.

 

[PCJenni]

One of the really difficult parts of this business is dealing with "personality". I am a very direct, straight forward, driven person. People are attracted to that and it is one reason I have grown my team so fast. The down side is that once people come in to the business, I expect them to live up to what they tell me they want and are going to do. Personality "issues" are just distracting to me and take time and energy away from why I am here, which is to make money to support my family. Now that said, others may be here for the "social" side of the business. But, I just do not cater to that. You are opening your home and are more than justified to ask people to respect it. She was probably embarassed that she did not correct her kid. And if she doesn't like the rules in your home, well, frankly she can choose to attend another meeting or no meeting. You are giving of yourself and your time basically for free (ok, yes we get overrides and bonuses but....). You are NEVER going to have everyone like you or make everyone happy. You need to run your business the way you know works for you!

WAHOOOOOOOOOOOO about the 2'fer recruiting!!!

 

[BethCooks4U]

Okay, I knew it was more than just a coaster. Here's an email conversation we had this morning (I couldn't have talked on the phone without crying - that's just one of my personality things). (Names omitted.)

me: Thank you for telling me how upset you were about my comment to your daughter about the coaster. I had no idea and I'm absolutely devastated that you were so upset that you wanted to leave the team. I would NEVER be hurtful on purpose, in fact if you knew me better you'd know that I go out of my way to be just the opposite. When I saw her expression that day I immediately apologized and told her that I over reacted. I thought we were good and had no idea it was still an issue. I wish you had yelled at me or at least told me about your feelings so we could have talked it through.

Please let me know if I ever do or say anything that doesn't sit right with you and PLEASE forgive me.

Beth

her:Beth,
I try to pick and choose my battles. I'm trying to sit an observe personalities. I feel like you have a wonderful team and did not want to ruffle any feathers. It just wasn't that one incident with my daughter, I've listened to other interactions/conversations and maybe it's your personality. I think you're a wonderful person and will do what it takes to make everyone feel wonderful; however, my opinion; at times it's how you come across being very pushy and demanding. And again, it's okay. Difference in Personalities. Also, I felt that the meeting in August should not have been cxl do to the storm especially when people showed up. If you took time to have us do the pink glove dance, information should have been given/shared. The next few months will give me time to reflect on staying connected with your team. I have a cousin who wanted to join under me, but I wanted her to be able to enjoy the team, stay motivated to work her business, and I felt that this would not be the team. I had other contacts with past consultants, and referred her to them. She is now a consultant and doing well in her first 60 days.
I will let you know what I decide by the end of the year. This will allow me to remain active for a year. Apology accepted, let's move forward. Have a fun and safe Labor Day weekend.

me: Thanks for responding. I'm surprised that I come across as being very pushy and demanding since that is exactly what I strive to NOT be. My goal is always to help my team get what they can from the business so I try to remind people what's out there that they can achieve. I had no idea I came across that way or that you had issues with me. I wish I had as I think once we talked we'd have been in a better place a long time ago. I am sorry that you didn't feel your cousin would enjoy our team and that you didn't get the benefit of her working with/under you but I am happy she is doing well in her business and I wish her the best.

Of course it's entirely your choice as to how you proceed and no matter what I wish you the best. If you choose to leave our team you and your daughter will be missed. You are both an asset to the team.

As you said, let's move on. Have a safe Labor Day and a fun fall with your daughter's sports and everything else you have on your plate. Feel free to call or email any time.

PS: I was upset with myself for canceling the meeting last month too. When the 4th person called to say the weather was so bad and expected to be worse I felt it would be the safest thing to cancel. When the 3 of you showed up I should have done the meeting anyway because you all made the effort. I even commented to my husband that night and to Beth and Monica last night that it was a mistake to have canceled it. I should have done that meeting. You can be assured that in the future if one person can be there we will do the meeting. This is a decision I reached even before you mentioned it in your email.

Take care!

So? Am I out of line or blind to my faults? I honestly do try and it cuts me to hear that I fail so miserably. I am really considering just cancelling all future meetings. I don't need this stress on top of the others I'm going through.

 

[chefkathy]

Beth, I'm so sorry this is happening. Dealing with personalities and women is so hard.One thing I heard/read recently helped me reframe my role as a leader--we are mentors and trainers, we are not the boss. Maybe if we share that with our team members they will have a better understanding of our relationship.

 

[PCJenni]

let me ask you this... what do you do when you have a team member who is rude, disruptive, late etc at meetings. Do you confront them in a nice way, as in I am bringing this to your attention to help you grow??? I have someone who talks to others during training, is late, overbearing, and rude.

 

[baychef]

{{{{HUGS}}}

Beth, I am so very sorry that this is going on with you. I have seen myself and my team at various times at every step of your posts. Deb and Jenni had great posts.

I can feel your heart is hurting and I know your pain. You have been very gracious with the mother and the 12 year old. The 12 year old, honestly, should not be involved. There is a reason consultants need to be 18 and over...and most 18 year olds would not get the entire scope of this business let alone have the ability to tell the difference between leadership and (their words...NOT mine) pushiness. IMO the Mother should use this as a teaching tool for the child not help her fill out a "hurt feelings report".

As much as I know this does effect our feelings PLEASE try to bless and release these two. Keep getting the other 2 on board and deal with a fresh start with them.

I too cancelled a meeting at the last minute and turned someone away at the door that had driven about 50 minutes...I think my leg is still recovering from kicking myself in the arse so many times!!

In time you will see this is just as Jenni says...personalities. And you heart will be filled with knowledge instead of the pain it is feeling right now.

With that said...have you suggested coasters to PC product development? A Dots glass round coaster that matches the glasses! Just a mischievous thought!!! If they do...I would send a set to this woman!!!:devil:

 

[pamperedbecky]

Oh, Beth, this just makes me hurt for you! I'm so sorry. I can see how much it's affecting you and how badly it made you feel. I think you had a good conversation with the consultant and hopefully she'll able to move past this and continue with your team. And hopefully you can bless and release and move forward too. But, I know how it puts this terrible feeling on your heart when you were called out about this. I had the same thing when a neighbor told me others thought I was pushing my business on people when that is the EXACT opposite of how I thought I was running my business in my neighborhood. I was very sensitive to this issue because I NEVER want to be seen as pushy, much like you were sensitive to this issue with your team.

Over time, I've gotten over my issue and still talk to this neighbor and she's nice and friendly toward me. But I do have to admit I think about this "history" every time I see her or talk to her. Ironically, she wants to have another show! But I've been dragging my feet in approching her about it because I don't want to be seen as pushy. (OK, enough of MY issue...I don't want to hijack).

I hope you're feeling better about this after the email exchange with her. Good luck with all of that. It's so crappy when others make us feel badly about something so unintentional.

 

[BethCooks4U]

let me ask you this... what do you do when you have a team member who is rude, disruptive, late etc at meetings. Do you confront them in a nice way, as in I am bringing this to your attention to help you grow??? I have someone who talks to others during training, is late, overbearing, and rude.

Actually, I don't say anything if they're late. I'm happy they're there. I don't have a large group so it's pretty laid back (I thought). As far as disruptive, I try to change the direction of the conversation away from whatever they were doing/saying.


Becky, actually the emails made me feel worse because the last thing I thought I was was pushy and demanding. I shared all this with my director and we talked through it all. She also said that the 12 year old does not belong at meetings and should not be doing shows. She felt the consultant was defending her cub and then that she is not doing that well so someone had to be to blame. I'm still upset but starting to feel anger too so I'm going through the process and will be fine.

Thanks for the support everyone. I appreciate that I have a place I can whine and you'll understand. Upline and DH will hear just so much and it's never good to go downline with this stuff.

 

[Nanisu]

Beth

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}. Anyone who knows you can attest to the fact that you are NOT like that at all.

 

[finley1991]

Beth, clearly this woman has other issues and for some reason is taking it out on you. It's uncalled for!It seems we all have had one of these over time... I had one a few years ago and while I admit wholeheartedly that I could have handled the situation better, she quit and blamed me for it. We had a snow storm the morning of our spring launch and when she arrived (on time), I wasn't ready. I had been to a party the night before and had overslept. She was mad that I wasn't ready. Everyone but her was at least 30 minutes late. She spent 3 of the 4 hour training complaining about EVERYTHING about the biz... she wanted to do PC but her job was SO important and SO demanding that she had no time. When I finally put my hand up and said, "Stop. Let's focus on what we can do to help you work around these things" (a technique my director taught us to use), she was LIVID!!!! She told me that she just couldn't do PC. I told her that I wasn't going to sit there and listen to her complain while we used up our training time and that I would never tell her that it's okay for her NOT to work her business. It didn't come out that bluntly or rudely as I put it here, but all she wanted was for everyone to feel sorry for her. For a few minutes, maybe... but not 3 hours. She quit and blamed me. And like I said, I know I could have handled it better. The reality was, she was looking to quit and used me as her reason. And I don't have any regrets... she was dead weight that only came to events to complain about her terrible life. I don't even think she qualified in the 7 months she was a consultant.As for the meeting thing... I have one that comes and spends the ENTIRE TIME texting or talking on her phone (not even leaving the room to talk on her phone). Ironically, when my director was in town last month, her phone was OFF! (I guess she has more respect for her than me but that's another story!!!) I've had so many complaints from the others about it because it's so disruptive. (She insists that all of it is work related... which is BS... but whatevs). I told the complaining consultants that it was her problem and we needed to ignore it. They didn't like my answer and they confronted her about it. She seems to have been better lately... I guess sometimes those things take care of themselves.Sorry to hijack... Enjoy your weekend Beth and just know that clearly this woman is a poopy-head and you're just her target at the moment. If her claims were true (which they aren't), you wouldn't have a team and being the leader you are. No one else on your team has the issue so clearly it's her. HUGS!!!PS: Don't stop having your meeting!!! I know it's frustrating to only have 2-3-4 there, but don't penalize them for the others not participating! I did my meetings when I only had 1 who would attend. Keep doing it. Have those that do come write a testimonial the next day about how great the meeting was and how much they learned. I had 2-3 coming in January and now I average over 10 each month. You can do it. They will come! Don't give up!!!!

 

[BethCooks4U]

Thanks Colleen! You gave me a much needed chuckle with that "poopy-head" comment. I will think of that when I think of her. I know it will help me get out of this funk she created!

Yeah, I won't stop the meetings. I know it's for those that come. My director said that if she's been so unhappy with me she would have stopped coming which was a good point.

 

[finley1991]

Glad I could help! PS: Your director is spot on with her comment!!!

 

[baychef]

Colleen and everyone...I love your posts because we have all been there in one shape or another. And Beth..I love that you are starting to get angry because that means you are starting to stop blaming yourself for the bad behavior of others. Love you much and that is from people who know your heart!!:chef:

 

[Sheila]

Sorry, I just have to roll my eyes at your whiny consultant.

I'm a retired Police Dispatcher and see what happens to the kids who are raised with a parent who has the "not MY kid" mentality. Those children believe that they can do no wrong and that they can always push the envelope and get away with things that they shouldn't because Mommy/Daddy will come to their defense. She's definitely not helping her 12 year old by getting mad at you for expecting your guests to treat your property with respect. Bottom line, she needs to suck it up and walk it off.

You can't please all the people all the time. If she's the only one complaining, I wouldn't worry about it. I've never met you in person so obviously I have no idea what you are like in person, but I've not seen you be pushy here on the boards. So I'd assume that it's just her personality to have issues with anyone who corrects her precious child who obviously can do no wrong (said with sarcasm of course). If you had 2-3 of your downline saying the same thing, then you might want to take a step back to see what measures you could take to come across in a better light but I don't think that's the issue here. I really do think it's just the one consultant. Try to bless & release sweetie! (((hugs)))