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Personal Really struggling...

chefcharity

Advanced Member
Oct 27, 2008
701
0
I know there are other people who have posted things like this, but I really just need to get this off my chest. My family is really struggling financially. I quit my full time job about 4 years ago to be a stay-at-home mom. I worked part time then started selling PC as my part-time job. I love it! I make good money. It just doesn't seem to be enough. We are always struggling. Always robbing Peter to pay Paul. PC would be great if it was the extra income on top of a steady clock in/clock out job. Problem is, I'm in food service. That is what my degree is in. Food service jobs are long hours, hard work and not much time with the kids. That is what is important. I have to find ways to cut back. Winter is coming and the electric bill is about to sky rocket. My husband is stressing out and I don't know what to do. Time with my kids comes first, but we have to make ends meet.

Please send prayers my way that I make the right decision. Thanks
 

doughmama

Advanced Member
Silver Member
Aug 10, 2008
865
5
sending you tons of prayers. hope things work out for you soon.
 

pampchefrhondab

Senior Member
Feb 18, 2005
2,766
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I'm praying for you. I can totally understand what you are going through and it breaks my heart.
 

susanr613

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Gold Member
Oct 18, 2007
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First and foremost, my heart and prayers go out to you. Second, I will offer what will probably be a minority opinion. It sounds like you are already thinking about quality of life. Here's another thought - "time with kids" is definitely important...what kind of time is it? Is it time where you and your husband can give all of your attention and focus to your kids and be joyful, fun, curious with them, or is it time that is mostly made up of worried faces, arguments about money (kids can hear through doors and in their sleep, excuses for not being able to buy milk/heat the house/afford school necessities?
If you and your husband can weather this storm without being angry, scared and anxious most of the time, and if you can afford the basics (roof, warmth, food), then stay the course and trust that your situation will improve. If keeping the status quo will result in a stressful, angry, anxious atmosphere for your kids, then consider going back to work outside the home.
Again, my prayers are with you -
 

ChefBeckyD

Legend Member
Gold Member
Sep 20, 2005
20,376
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First and foremost, my heart and prayers go out to you. Second, I will offer what will probably be a minority opinion. It sounds like you are already thinking about quality of life. Here's another thought - "time with kids" is definitely important...what kind of time is it? Is it time where you and your husband can give all of your attention and focus to your kids and be joyful, fun, curious with them, or is it time that is mostly made up of worried faces, arguments about money (kids can hear through doors and in their sleep, excuses for not being able to buy milk/heat the house/afford school necessities?
If you and your husband can weather this storm without being angry, scared and anxious most of the time, and if you can afford the basics (roof, warmth, food), then stay the course and trust that your situation will improve. If keeping the status quo will result in a stressful, angry, anxious atmosphere for your kids, then consider going back to work outside the home.
Again, my prayers are with you -

Very wise words, Susan.


And Charity, I understand. I left a job in food service also - what I considered to be my dream job as a Personal Chef - to be home with my little guy, and for the same reasons. The hours are long, and often grueling, and I KNOW how tired I was when I would come home. I was afraid that if I were to keep that kind of schedule, I would have nothing left to give my baby when I got home. We have made many sacrifices in the past 5 years, and many of the extras that we didn't think twice about when spending money, are now things that we can't afford. I do feel like God has blessed us, though. We are happy, healthy, and although there aren't extras, we are thankful to have a warm home, enough food, and clothes, and time to spend together. (I've also become a great bargain shopper! I know when the meat gets marked down at the grocery, and where the discontinued bins are located...:))

I don't know if you've looked into the Financial Peace info available from Dave Ramsey, but that is something that has really helped our family, and I know many others on this site.


(((HUGS))) and prayers to you.
 
Sep 28, 2009
14
0
Charity, this won't mean much to you now but I hope in 2 years you'll look back on it.....this hard time WILL pass, and you WILL make it, and your children WILL survive (and probably be stronger in some ways) if you have to go to work outside of the home for awhile. You do NOT need to bear these burdens alone though....if you have a church and a pastor GO THERE and seek some advice. Talk to the elderly in your local assisted living facility or nursing home and listen to what those folks have gone through and KNOW that what YOU are experiencing, although different in circumstance, is the SAME in importance and see that they survived and so will you. The key is that you and your husband must stick together and weather out the storm as a TEAM and never, ever lose sight of why you got married in the first place:love: I wish you the very, very best and will keep you and your family in my heart.....it's big so there's plenty of room for you:angel:
 

BadGirl

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Gold Member
Oct 21, 2008
175
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What is the point of "spending time with your kids", if that time is spent living in a cold house, with little food, no electricity, and no money for little treats along the way, and always stressing about making ends meet?

Millions of working women will argue the point of them spending good time with their children AND of working outside of the home, all with good results. Heck, I'm one of them; it is difficult to find a balance between work and homelife, but I'd much rather my son live in a nice warm home, with plenty of food on the table, and see both of his parents be able to splurge a little bit, and treat him to a home filled with love and laughter.

Go get a job. The stress level will be better for you AND the kids.





FWIW: I work 40-45 hours per week, do part-time catering on the side, do my Pampered Chef business, am actively involved in my son's daycare, support my husband who is VERY soon to get his PHd (Yahoooo!!!!), be a good step-mother to four other children, and be active and present in my extended family's activities. AND I'm packing up one house to sell, and will be moving in to our new home within the next month. My greatest joy is being with my son, and ensuring that he grows up to be a fine young man. It's a busy life, but I love it.
 

raebates

Legend Member
Staff member
Dec 6, 2005
18,357
437
I've prayed for clarity and direction for you.
 

chefcharity

Advanced Member
Oct 27, 2008
701
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  • #9
Thank you everyone... this all means alot. I will be clear on one thing, although my husband and I were having trouble communicating about this a few months ago, we have cleared that hurdle. Now it is conversations and how can we fix this, how can we make it better. We are very calm, level headed people who do not argue.

My children will never go hungry or cold. We will never let it get that far. I have a lead on a catering job. I have to talk to the owner, but it is 10-4 tues to friday (office work) and then weekend parties. And you know how food service is... very unpredictable. Not exactly what I want to go back to, but it is money. Then, hopefully, I can still do PC during the weeks. We'll see. Deep breath, one step at a time.

We'll get through this. I have enjoyed being a stay-at-home for 4 years now. As much as I hate going back to work full time before my youngest is in school, I'll do what I have to keep things good here. Plenty of people have children in day care and they grow up to be fine adults. right? right.

the subjects in question are now awake and I need to go be that mom I keep talking about. :)
Thanks for the prayers.
 

pcchefjane

Senior Member
Gold Member
Jul 23, 2008
2,715
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  • #10
It's not easy to work and raise kids. Do you have any support from relatives who live close by? I currently live with my DD & SIL and two grandkids. I am the SAHMamaw while they both work. I take care of the kids full-time and love it. I was never blessed to do that with my own daughter and went back to work when she was 7 weeks old. I second the Financial Peace University with Dave Ramsey. The 3 of us took it in the Spring and it really helped put a lot in perspective.

Also work your PC biz. Adding 2-4 shows to your calendar a month can help the income as well. Hang in there!
 

wadesgirl

Legend Member
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Jul 25, 2007
11,412
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  • #11
I third looking into Dave Ramsey. Even if you aren't in debt, he does have some great advice on how to handle your current finances.

One other thing to add, just because that's what your degree is in doesn't mean that's the job you need to get. Look into other things that provide better hours.
 

pampered1224

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Silver Member
Apr 13, 2004
3,784
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  • #12
Charity,

I know what you mean as I was one of those kids on the other end of the "working" mom and dad situation. I can tell you this, it hurt my mom more than it hurt us kids for her to be gone. I have to admit, I was a little older at 9 when she had to start working but I remember what a struggle they too had on their hands. I will say this too and it is not a good thing. NEVER ASSUME THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT HAVING WORDS ABOUT IT NOW AND THAT YOU THINK YOU ARE LEVEL HEADED PEOPLE THAT YOU WON'T START ARGUING! My folks were model parents. They never argued or fought about anything within ear shot of any of us kids. That changed as the economy changed in 70s. As the issues of spending and bills escalated, so did the tone of voice used by them. I used to disappear as often as possible so I would not hear them. They ended up filing bankruptcy and back then it meant loosing EVERYTHING! I will keep you in prayers to send you guidance. Please make sure you can see the signs before it does effect everyone in your home. I commend all SAHMs but there may come a point when you may need to rethink that. I know so many people who were products of working class families that are all OK that I can not argue as to whether it really makes a difference as to whether you stay home or not. I do know this. I truly believe that my work ethic came from having two working parents. SO... Here is my last thought. Sit in a quite place and put it out to there to the heavens. You will get an answer. What you do with it however, is up to you.
 

chefcharity

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Oct 27, 2008
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I've been trying to find something in another field...Since I'm 33 and have been doing this since I was 12...some folks don't see how it can work in a diff field. Thing is, food service is time management, cust service, inventory, employee management - it is all the same, no matter where you work. Just depends on if I have ketchup on my shirt when I go home or not! LOL!

As for family support, my DHs mom lives close. I am going to see if she would be up to watching them. 2 boys ages 3 and 5. She has had some health problems so I just don't know. AND not much of a disciplinarian, if you know what I mean. Always having to do some serious deprogramming when they come home. That could be different if they were there every day.

I've thought of dave ramsey, my director swears by him. And, of course, we are in debt. That is part of the problem. UGH!!!! I hate this!!
 

wadesgirl

Legend Member
Gold Member
Jul 25, 2007
11,412
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  • #14
Go to the library and check out his book today! Or go to the bookstore, it is a great investment!
 

NooraK

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Feb 6, 2008
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  • #15
Another vote for Dave Ramsey! If you can't get into an FPU class, get his book The Total Moneymakeover.

As for finding something job-wise: put it out there to everyone that you are looking. Have you checked into LinkedIn? If you haven't, it's a Facebook-like site, but it's for business contacts. You can put your resume on there, and make connections with people.

If you're determined, it will work out.
 

kcmckay

Advanced Member
Gold Member
Feb 24, 2008
703
4
  • #16
I've been trying to find something in another field...Since I'm 33 and have been doing this since I was 12...some folks don't see how it can work in a diff field. Thing is, food service is time management, cust service, inventory, employee management - it is all the same, no matter where you work. Just depends on if I have ketchup on my shirt when I go home or not! LOL!


Sorry this part of your post caught my eye. I too have extensive experience in food service though perhaps not as detailed as you. I have an Assoc. in Hotel/Restaurant Managment and since college, I've worked in both hotels and in fast food environments as well as a convenience/gas station place. I had enough of it at some point and was looking for a "real" job as I put it. I applied to several places went on interviews and tried as best I could to find one. Finally I did as a bank teller. I've worked in banking for about 5 years now and all you really usually need to qualify for a teller is customer service and cash handling experience. I've worked my way into higher positions and am quite happy in my current career. Banks however don't pay great but the hours can be pretty good. Even part time. Plus most bank holidays are also school holidays so you'd be off when your kids were most of the time. I just wanted to throw that out there as an option. I also wanted to add that a friend of mine who was a SAHM, but babysat at home, now works as a "lunch lady" at the high school where she resides. It's also something that works around kids with school. Her youngest is in 1st grade though and oldest is Junior in HS. Good luck and I hope you figure it all out.
 
Last edited:

chefcharity

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Oct 27, 2008
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Thanks Katie. I appreciate your post (all your posts, ladies!) FS is just so hard with a family. I had thought of banking. It all hinges on whether I can get MIL to watch kids or not. AND banking would allow me to still keep up with PC. Hmmm, might have to stop by some banks tomorrow. Good idea! thanks!
 

susanr613

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Oct 18, 2007
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  • #18
Best of luck Charity!
 

baychef

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Mar 27, 2005
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  • #19
Charity, I have a degree in Food Service Administration, Health related but it has led me to School Food Service management. The hours are the same as your children, no weekends or holidays! I will have Wed. through Sunday off! I try to do parties on Friday nights, Saturday and Sunday. This time of year it is hectic, but someone is bound to postpone at the last minute and I have some time off.

And I too recommend Dave Ramsey!
 

chefcharity

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Oct 27, 2008
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Well, ask and you shall receive... My mom has been the catering director at a local catering hall for about 8 years now (food is in our blood!). Catering is what I have mainly done also. My mom owns her own cake business on top of the catering and she had decided to leave the catering hall to focus mainly on cakes. That left a job open at her old place and I think I'll be getting that offer on Friday. The great thing is that it won't be the whole catering director job. It is going to be as office manager. So, I'll get to do the fun things. Write menus, talk to brides, plan events and make the room look beautiful for the events. I won't be 'in charge' of anyone, I won't have to do the grunt work at the parties and the owner will be flexible with my kids schedules. Now, let's hope he offers enough money to make it a really good deal! He hates loosing my mom and since she and I are pretty much the same person, it will be a good thing for him too!

Thank you for the advice, encouragement and prayers.
 

Tropicalburstqt2

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Dec 26, 2007
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  • #21
Woo Hoo!! Congrats Charity & best of luck!
 

pampered1224

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Apr 13, 2004
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  • #22
FANTASTIC CHARITY!!! See? There is always a response when it is put out there by enough people. There was a book that Oprah reviewed called "The Secret". It is about the power of putting feelings and wishes out to the universe where the mood attributes how they are spun around and are magnified. All powerfully pushed positives obviously will come back even more positive. As such, negative does that same. While I am going through this "change" in my life from employed to unemployed and trying to make PC my full time job, I am very careful about the way I feel when I make a wish. No matter how small the wish, the feelings behind it may actually matter. You used positive thoughts from yourself and all of us to make it happen. I noted that with all your posts, you were very focused and knew before hand what you were going to do, you just needed the reinforcement of others to let you know it was OK. and you were not in a really negative place when you did it. And you know what? You will make a great office manager. Heck, you do it every day with your home and family. The subject matter is just different. So... WAA HOO!!
 

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