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Personal Prayers for my heart

ShelbyMichalek

Veteran Member
Dec 20, 2009
1,373
4
This is something that's been simmering for awhile. So it's nothing new at all and one or two of you already know. I'm not going to go into major detail because I'm attempting to avoid crying again. I just need to share somewhere.

My husband and I are headed down Divorce Lane. He made it clear to me about a year ago that things weren't working out, although I knew even before that. And about 3 months ago he made it understood that he doesn't love me. I told him I didn't want him to lie to me and since then he hasn't. No "I love you too"s. So, I've been working on our marriage since before we were even married. It's been an incredibly rough road. I think we only got married because I was pregnant. And I sometimes wish we hadn't because now we have two small children. Abel is 2 1/2 and Scarlet will turn 1 in March.
Their father doesn't know how to love them. And I think that breaks my heart more than knowing that he doesn't love me.

I've had issues with depression before, I've owned them and dealt with them. When I approached Jon to say I think he may have a problem with it, he completely denied it. Said that I'm a headcase. I think he needs help, I mean, what kind of person doesn't know how to love his own kids?

Anyway, divorce is expensive and rather complicated, especially for the military. It's inevitable. But it's not something we can just DO. It's something that has to be planned more. I don't make enough to support the kids on my own, especially since the only job I have is The Pampered Chef. Also, we just moved into this new house. Like I said, complicated.

Anyway. Please pray for my strength. And that someday a man with enough heart can learn to love me as much for my weakness as my strengths. A man that will love and care for my children without reservation.
And pray that THAT man is my husband.
And that if he's not, I won't have to wait forever to find whoever he is.

Thank you.
 

esavvymom

Legend Member
Staff member
Sep 8, 2008
7,895
146
*Hugs* I'm sorry Shelby.
 
Feb 5, 2008
488
1
{{{hugs}}}...prayers and more {{{hugs}}}...you are not a headcase...you are a heartcase...your heart needs healing and I so pray for you and your babies to be healed by a loving,warm heart owned by a man that is kind,gentle and proud to call you his wife.
 

wadesgirl

Legend Member
Gold Member
Jul 25, 2007
11,412
31
If I get to meet you at SL I want to give you a BIG HUG!!!! Keep your head up, turn to friends when you need it and be there for your kids even though he can't. If it's not him, trust me there is a guy out there for you!
 

kcjodih

Legacy Member
Gold Member
Feb 20, 2005
3,408
2
Aww sweetie hugs for you and your precious babies! And a kick in the a$$ for him!! You ARE worth it, you DO matter, YOU ARE AWESOME! and you WILL survive and succeed!

Prayers hun
 

minirottie

Advanced Member
Sep 9, 2010
730
6
I'm really sorry to hear this Shelby. If I can help somehow, let me know. Divorce CAN be expensive, but if it's mediated and managed right, doesn't have to be. I've only been divorced in the civilian world and unsure what added burdens there are for military, but it's a civil matter in the end, decided by their courts. You can work with a mediator to minimize issues and if you can both agree on best terms for the kids, you're one step ahead.

Does he have no interest/love for the children at all? Does he interact with them, participate in care, etc?

I know it's not easy...
 

kristina16marie

Advanced Member
Gold Member
Apr 15, 2009
875
10
((praying)) for you & your family!!!

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3
 

Bren706

Senior Member
Gold Member
Mar 21, 2007
2,395
27
Praying for you and your family. I am sorry you and the children have to go through this. It can't be easy at all.
 

thehaleykitchen

Member
Gold Member
Jan 11, 2010
405
3
So sorry to hear all this! **HUGS** (big bear hugs at that!)

You are strong and you will get through this! Keep your chin up!

Karen
 

carlajanes

Member
Gold Member
Feb 11, 2011
424
6
  • #10
Prayers going up for you Shelby! and HUGS! I have been divorced and wondered how i was going to make it! You CAN do it!! Yes it is incredibly difficult and if you need another job besides PC then so be it. I know that right now you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel but believe me it IS there.
We are here for you!! So vent away anytime you need to! I am so very sorry you have to endure this time of heartache.
 

katem51

Member
Jan 13, 2011
109
1
  • #11
As someone else said, I've dealt with divorce in the civilian world. My ex and I were seperated for quite a while before we made it official and when we did it, we did a DIY style. Easy and not expensive. Our kids were much older though so I know your situation cannot be as easy when there are such young kids involved.

I'm sure that being in the military, there are going to be some resources for you to take advantage of.

If he would agree to go, and even if there is no chance of reconciliation, some counseling to help both of you deal with the situation would probably be a good idea.

You're probably right that he could have depression issues but he has to hear that from someone other than you.

Hang in there kiddo, cause it will get better and this could actually lead to a much better life for you and your children.
 

Brenda.the.chef

Advanced Member
Gold Member
Jan 11, 2011
899
15
  • #12
Shelby, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Pretty close to the same thing happened to me 11 years ago. It broke my heart to think that I had invested 9 1/2 years of my life only to discover that he had multiple affairs and never loved me or two of our three children. He only cared about the one he fathered. My children are now 24, 22 and 17 so they were relatively young.

I was divorced in civilian courts, so I have no clue what military divorces are like. I appreciate the nerve it took you to come to your CS family and share some really deep information.

Please know that there IS someone out there for you!! Like I said, I divorced in August 2000 and pretty much gave up on finding my soulmate. I gave it to God and told Him that I was ok with being alone because He apparently had other plans for me. I met the most amazing man in February 2011 while standing in line at a Subway. He interrupted my conversation and we've been together ever since.

I lift you and your children in prayer that you find peace and strength and knowledge through these times. May the Lord wrap His arms around you and take away your pain away.
 

ShelbyMichalek

Veteran Member
Dec 20, 2009
1,373
4
  • Thread starter
  • #13
Well. Since we first decided to get a divorce - I think I feel less heavy hearted. I think all of the knowing my husband didn't love me was really keeping me down and depressed and I didn't completely realize it. Now that I my head knows it's over the way my heart has known for a long time, I feel better honestly.

I'm realizing all of what I sacrificed to be with him, when he never sacrificed anything. He got all of what he wanted - and he's getting it again. But now, so am I. I have my babies. I have my life. I have a great career just starting. And I don't have to give up anything for him anymore.
 

chefa

Advanced Member
Jul 21, 2009
654
31
  • #14
Shelby,
You ARE strong! Just look at your calendar: 9 shows for January? I have a hubby & other job, no kids and I only have 2 shows on my calendar - both at the end of the month. So, girlfriend, you look yourself in the mirror and give that girl a thumbs-up! She is strong, successful, beautiful and is raising 2 special babies who love their Mama.
 

chefliz

Member
Gold Member
Dec 26, 2007
254
1
  • #15
Big hugs to you! You are very strong, keeping your business going at this difficult time and being there for your babies! Sending prayers your way.
 

Sheila

Legend Member
Gold Member
Mar 26, 2008
5,375
75
  • #16
Dang, just saw this. You know I'm always sending you hugs girl.

Yes, there is lots of support through the military. New Parent's Support, Family Readiness (for us in the Navy it's Fleet & Family Support), etc. They can guide you with where to start. As long as you & John are in agreement, the actual filing isn't that expensive. It's when you 2 people start fighting over property & custody that it gets expensive.

Check & see what the base offers as far as free/discounted representation. They might charge based off his rank. You can also check with local lawyers. I know when my step-sister was going through her divorce, there was an event here in Dallas that we attended where she could plead her case to a local lawyer. They do so many pro-Bono cases a year and this was an event that several lawyers organized to pick & choose the cases that they wanted. She had to fill out a bunch of paperwork with her income status. Then she waited for the next available lawyer. She only had one shot with whoever got her name to plead her case & that person could agree or disagree to accept her. She lucked out & got chosen.

My ex & I were very amicable. We agreed that we'd rather figure out the property and get out cheaper than fight & end up giving more to the lawyers ... but we didn't have children so we didn't have to worry about the custody issues. We used the same lawyer, did a private thing in the judge's chambers and then the ex took me to lunch afterward. VERY amicable! The only thing that we fought over was who was going to HAVE to take the cat. LOL She was a stray that wandered up on our country property. He wanted me to take her into the city to my apt, but she was NOT an indoor cat and I knew animal control would pick her up if I just let her hang out in the apartment complex. He was keeping the house in the country and I thought he should keep her. The lawyer was shocked that we were going back & forth on who was going to have to take her. He interjected with "Hey! If this is the ONLY thing that you guys have to fight about, I'LL TAKE THE CAT!" And he did! ;)

Promise me. Working it out and remaining friends beats fighting every time!!! You can't control how he feels, what he says or what he does ... but you can control how you respond to it. Stay calm, work on keeping the peace during all this and you'll really be making it easier on Abel. Scarlett's not really old enough to know yet ... but Abel will be paying attention and absorbing so much of this. Try to make it as pleasant for him as you possibly can. And, if you guys can work together & come up with a reasonable solution that works for you both ... you can finalize this without spending more than you absolutely have to! You'll have to do the court fees, but you shouldn't have to spend crazy amounts on lawyers if you two can cooperate long enough to get the job done. ;)

If he starts giving you a hard time, just keep calmly reiterating that you guys can work it out without fighting & have more money, or you can fight & pay crazy amounts to the lawyers. Cooperating is so much more beneficial to you both.
 

Sheila

Legend Member
Gold Member
Mar 26, 2008
5,375
75
  • #17
Just saw this on Facebook. VERY appropriate ...

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s720x720/380878_306280946076461_167821829922374_819350_362633782_n.jpg
 

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