Overwhelmed and Overstressed (Long)

[cwinter474]

Morning to all.

I'm having a melt down today, just needed to vent and whine some then you all can tell me to put on my big girl panties and get over it.

You all don't know much about me, but I will give you the highlights.
Married for almost 19yrs, wonderful man... never complains and for the most part we never fight. Over the past 8 to 5 years he has become disabled and is finally after a 37month fight with social security has his disablity income. He has the worst medical luck with doctors as far as misdiagnoses 3 times,

We have a married son, who has givin us nightmares but seems to be headed down the right road now. He has given us a wonderful grandson who is 5.

We have a developmently delayed daughter with mental retardation. She just turned 18 but is more like 14 mental age. I took on homeschooling her 6yrs ago. Because all the school system here wanted to do was keep her dooped up on ADHD meds. Which really do help her, 1 a day.... not 6 in 6 hours like they wanted.

I had a horriable pregnacy with our daughter. Lost 18pound my first trimester, I was so sick and my doctor just kept ignoring me, was working with our state's zoo trying to get our apes pregnate. Once during the first trimester when I was so sick, my husband told me that if anything was wrong with the baby, it would be my fault for being so sick. OK, now he so regrets that he ever said that, and I know that he didn't mean it. But still it stabs at my heart everytime she misses a milestone, or can't add or subtract simple math. She struggles so much. I worry so much about her, how will she ever find her place in this world????? What is going to happen to her??? I have failed her as a parent and as a teacher. She is so angry at me, I wonder if she doesn't blame me on some level?

I have a wonderful mother-n-law who has helped us out so much in the past 6yrs it isn't even funny. The family joke is... Betty (mother-n-law) would give us the shirt off her back, my mom would charge us for it. My mother is Scrooge... won't help, and keeps tabs on every cent you owe her. Example we went to a funeral out of town, asked mom and dad to keep an eye on out house and cats and to please mail the bills on the counter, I had run out of stamps and didn't have time to get some. When we got home, there was a bill on the counter for the stamps and gas that she used to drive and check on our house/pets. She live 7miles away. And was gone for 18months when dad got transferred and I checked on their house twice a week forwarding their mail. I never got paid for any of my time/gas.

I've also started having some sort of problem with calicum depletion, they tell me my bones are weaking. And my teeth are bracking, So now I need dentures. $3500.... remember no insurance. So my smile is UGLY... I am NOT kidding, out of my 10 top front teeth, 5 are broke. I look like some butt ugly hillbilly that crawled out from under a rock.

Then with all the bills we have had over the past 10yrs with NO insurance for my husband or myself, we have racked up alot, ALOT of credit cards bills, robbing Peter to pay Paul... and Peter is really starting to get pissed off. We don't quailify for a refiance or a consuladation loan and my husband is to proud to even concider bankruptcy. I have tryed. We don't have enough income. So I turned to PC which has helped... but I am looking at a empty calendar till mid September. And with my lovely smile I know that is going to get better..... NOT. How am I ever going to get my family out of this hell hole we are in?????

I know, if God won't bring you thru it, he won't bring you to it. My husband and I both pray for some sort of guidance and help. I know that our prayers are not falling onto deaf ears and I have to have faith. But today my faith is wobbling, the collectors are calling and the tears are flowing:cry:.
I am tired. I need help.

 

[legacypc46]

prayers heading your way

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Cindy, please check out this website, Kenneth Copeland Ministries | www.kcm.org call the prayer line and ask for prayer. I believe they are open on weekends... There are also Christian Debt consolidators that you could look into- try a search on the web for your local area.

Also, check out this website Joyce Meyer Ministries — Home and call her prayer line too- this website also has video casts of her daily TV shows... I used to watch her every day when I wasn't working... give these two things a try and we'll go from there...

In the meantime- I'll be lifting your family up in prayer.

 

[pamperedbecky]

Oh man do you have a ton going on! You have a right to vent and get it out. I'll pray that things get better for you. Hang in there.

 

[cwinter474]

Thanks Kacey, knew I could count on you Great links

 

[cwinter474]

prayers heading your way

Thanks, for your time

 

[cwinter474]

Oh man do you have a ton going on! You have a right to vent and get it out. I'll pray that things get better for you. Hang in there.

Thanks Becky, I'm tring

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Thanks Kacey, knew I could count on you Great links

Carol, DIG into both of those websites! Grab a notebook and pen, and a box of Kleenex and just DIVE in!!! Within those websites and their prayer lines you will find the wisdom, encouragement and answers you need for these situations. I also believe you'll find grace and peace!

Hugs and prayers!

 

[pampchefrhondab]

Well I'm so glad Kacey helped you out with the links. You are right, God has brought you to it, but he will get you through it. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

You must remember that you are not the reason your daughter has problems. My sister was very sick during two of her pregnancies and her children are okay. It probably had nothing to do with your daughter being delayed. Just remember she too is a child of God and he knows his plans for her.

I know your Mother is not good with you, but praise the Lord you have a MIL who is so wonderful. Many people don't have even that in their lives! My MIL and your Mother must have grown up in the same family because I can totally relate to your story. I say I should write a book about her so I can make her mad and make some money from the situation! The worst thing is she is this way w/me and my husband but not two of the other 4 children. It's really sad.

Try to find out if there is a program in your area for people who need dental care. There are many doctors and dentist who donate their time to people who need help.

I would totally consider bankruptcy in your situation. Health issues for your husband are not in your control and that's why the law is in place. The only time I don't like bankruptcy is when people don't even try to find a way out of it. My sister was one of them. She didn't even try to find a job after getting let go from her job 7 years ago. Pray on it and just get some information about it. You don't have to make the decision today. Maybe your husband will change his mind. Explain to him what the stress is doing to you. He may come around.

I pray God will give you peace as He is there to guide you through this time of stress. Remember he is giving you just enough light for the step you are on. He wants you to depend on him.

 

[BethCooks4U]

My prayers are with you too. {{{{{hugs}}}}}



...and my mother was exactly the same as yours so I can totally relate with that! That's why God has sent you (us) such a great MIL!

 

[crystalscookingnow]

Hi Carol- hugs and prayers are on the way to you. I can hear the hurt & pain in what you type. I'm sorry that you're having a tough time right now. Keep your eyes on God & listen for what he wants to do for you.

I know your DH doesn't want bankruptcy, but sometimes it's the only option. I'm slowly making my way to the 7 year mark from when the black mark was put on my credit by my ex. As tough as it is, it didn't hurt me too terribly badly. Find someone to answer your questions for you.

Hugs & prayers again, sweetie!

 

[PamperChefCarol]

I totally understand not wanting to file bankruptcy, but sometimes it is the only option. My husband filed a year ago and I am struggling to keep my head about water. We choose to only have him file, but you may need to both file. It's not the end of the world. It would take some of the pressure off.

Regarding your smile, is there a school available that teaches dentistry? Sometimes they do work for a small charge and you might be able to take advantage of that.

We are all sending good thoughts your way.

 

[vwpamperedchef]

Hang in there, I'll be praying!

 

[Teresa Lynn]

Sending hugs and prayers

 

[raebates]

You are in my prayers.

 

[rennea]

Sending lots and lots of prayers for you and your family.

 

[byrd1956]

Cindy, Sending prayers for you. I agree w/Carol; check on dental schools in your area. Also check with local food pantries, clothing centers, churches and community action agencies. Often they can put you in touch with people that can help.

 

[pampered.chris]

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I agree that while God brought you to this, He will bring you through this.
I also agree that you need to talk to your hubby about your feelings and what this is doing to you. If he doesn't know how you really feel, he won't understand how to help you. Make sure you are both calm and that you use "I" statements and not "you" statements when discussing the bankruptcy. Let him know where your thoughts are and ask him to explain his. Maybe a better understanding of each other is what you need to get to the bankruptcy filing. You said he is too proud...I get that guys feel that way...but he probably feels like you do about this situation and maybe it is more that he is embarrassed that he can't work to help with the situation and needs to know that you aren't mad at HIM, but are frustrated with the situation that you BOTH are in. Is it possible he blames himself and that is why he is too proud.
Sorry, I am rambling...but I hope that at least something I said helps you.

 

[pamperedpals]

Oh Cindy my dear, I will be praying for you.

You definately did the right thing by coming here and venting. This is a great group of people who seem love and support us no matter what.

I to had to file bankruptcy about 6-7 yrs ago beause of my ex-DH and it wasn't really that bad.

Hang in there my dear, it will get better.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Carol, are you guys old enough for a reverse mortgage? And, before you look any further into bankruptcy- please dig into those websites I gave you links to, AND look into Christian Debt recovery... it won't hurt to look.

Love you much!!!

 

[Kitchen2u]

{{{{HUGS}}}}, KISSES, and PRAYERS coming your way. You've got every right to be overwhelmed with all that's on your plate ~ Hope you get to see some light...SOON!

 

[cwinter474]

Thanks guys for all the support. I knew you all would be able to give me some ideas.

I have talked to my hubby, it is really hard for him because he feels like a faliure as a husband and a family supporter. He never thought he would be disabled and unable to support his family. Makes him even more depressed than I.

I spoke with a couple from my chruch he is an attorney. I told him about our $ issues and he sees one problem. We have been taking some cash draws from credit cards to pay doctors that did not take credit cards. So he felt that that may be an issue with us quailifing under the new laws to even be able to file bankruptcy.

Reverse mortage.... well 19yrs ago my hubby bought me our home for a wedding present. He paid CASH.... yes for all of the house. Then our daughter was born with medical issues, whole in her heart, brain cyst and severe gastric reflux medicial issues are nothing new to our family. Then we decided to open our own video rental store and mortaged our home. That was only about 15yrs ago. Would we be able to do a reverse mortage?????? GREAT idea, I will check on that!!! light at end of tunnel??? maybe???

I spent most of today on the couch watching TV, didn't want to do anything else, don't even really remember watching anything, didn't even get dressed today. I even turned off the phones for the day. I did spend ALOT of time on the website you suggested Kacey. And will be on again daily for awhile. Thanks, they really did help me to reflect and regroup some.

We have two cats. One would not leave my side today, following me everywhere from room to room as I put laundry away. Guess maybe she sensed that I was down. They say it lowers your stress and blood pressure to pet and care for animals. Tiger really got alot of attention today.

So I survived today. Tomorrow is another day and it will be better. Right?

Oh, I did look and find a few dental schools. I will be calling Monday, what a great idea. Never would have thought about that.