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OT-DH Dropped a bomb!!

rennea

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Jul 23, 2005
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OMG, my husband decided this weekend to tell me he wants to have a baby:eek: WHAT?? He said he has been thinking about it for a while.
I asked him if he had thought about a 10lb turkey coming out of my
wa-wa:eek: Oh goodness I think I'm going to have a break down.
Sorry just had to get it out!!!! Freakin' big time!!!!:eek: :eek:
 

Jennie4PC

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May 24, 2005
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Rennea,
I have had 3 kids and I have to say its not bad being preggo and delivering (although I did the epidural) Its actually fun feeling the baby move when in your tummy. Good Luck
 

rennea

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Jul 23, 2005
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Jennie4PC said:
Rennea,
I have had 3 kids and I have to say its not bad being preggo and delivering (although I did the epidural) Its actually fun feeling the baby move when in your tummy. Good Luck

Evil Evil Evil word "epidural" there is nobody on this earth that is more terrified of needles then me. I have teeth filled with no freezing cause I don't do needles. Nine months of NO coffee, nobody wants that trust me:eek:
 

Jennie4PC

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May 24, 2005
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I do know people that have done it without the epidural. With every labor I have had I was induced and my last one I was told I needed the epidural due to a heart problem that I have they didnt want any added stress on the heart
 

pamperedalf

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Nov 3, 2005
2,880
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I didn't do the epidural. I am deafly afraid of needles, I freaked when they were doing the IV and the nurse couldn't seem to hit the vein. I paced a lot, because that's how I deal w/ pain & stress. I was also told that I was an exception because I wasn't yelling and hitting. IMO I didn't need it, & the doc said it would slow down my labor 6 hours was long enough thank you!
 

britishchef

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Aug 6, 2006
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I had my babies naturally and it was really wonderful. I highly recommend a doula, and educating yourself (I am/was a doula and can give you some great book recommendations). But cross that bridge when you come to it! :)
 

pamperedgirl3

Senior Member
Jun 7, 2006
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I absolutely hate needles too, but decided I finally needed the epidural with my daughter. I remember telling my husband afterwards to hit me if I don't get it right away this time! You can't even see it, so it's not that bad. I thought the IV was worse. Not to mention that the doctor had to wait through 4 contractions to put it in, so I was ready for less pain!

But it is a choice you have to make as a couple--good luck on whatever you choose!
 

Kathytnt

Senior Member
Feb 27, 2006
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I guess my concern is that this is such a hige surprise - Seems ike you guys might have made a different decision in the past and he is changing the dynamics. BIG TIME

I got married at 44. My new hubby wasn't particularly interested in kids. Having been single for 44 years I had already emotionally accepted and decided to not have children (except our 3 lovely 4-legged ones)
I think the two of you need a serious heart 2 heart about this
 

rennea

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Jul 23, 2005
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How about you snapped your finger and whalla baby. No fat pants, no fat ankles, heartburn, peeing peeing and peeing through the night. Did I mention NO coffee.
Pain free baby!! It should be, cause the next 18 years after birth is PAINFUL. Terrible 2's, 3's etc. Oh yes the teenage years everyone's favorite.
This morning I got up drank a pot of coffee and ate a bag of Munchies snack mix and it just continued from there(I'm a stress eater). I think by 5:00 today the fridge and cupboards should be empty.:(
As DH left today his last words were " you would be the mother your mother never was" Duh like that would be hard!! But that's a whole nother thread and tens of thousands of $$ therapy.
 

TerraOB83

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Jan 24, 2007
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rennea said:
Evil Evil Evil word "epidural" there is nobody on this earth that is more terrified of needles then me. I have teeth filled with no freezing cause I don't do needles. Nine months of NO coffee, nobody wants that trust me:eek:


I am the same way but I got my epi anyway and im so glad i did lol
 

The_Kitchen_Guy

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Nov 4, 2005
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Usually, this is the kind of thing that is said the other way around, and usually after the point of no return.

I knew several guys (in my younger days) who's proposal question was, "You're WHAT?"
 

jenniferp417

Advanced Member
Aug 11, 2006
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Kathy is right. If you're not ready or willing... don't do it just because he wants to. You definitely need to talk!
 

apriljc

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Apr 3, 2006
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This is something that you and DH have to sit down and talk about. I had two boys and than my husband had a vasectomy. I am glad he had one but I also wish at times we could have just one more. Babies are a wonderful thing but you have to be the one who wants another one.
 

rennea

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Jul 23, 2005
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apriljc said:
This is something that you and DH have to sit down and talk about. I had two boys and than my husband had a vasectomy. I am glad he had one but I also wish at times we could have just one more. Babies are a wonderful thing but you have to be the one who wants another one.


It's truly the whole "giving birth". Yes I know women do it everyday but I don't really do the whole pain thing. I truely can't see myself doing it and everyone coming out unharmed. I get mad watching it on TV, just breath and push push just one more time. From hospital to Divorce Court!!
 

rennea

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Jul 23, 2005
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Oh yes and I forgot to mention the "we are not getting any younger". LIKE I DON"T OWN A MIRROR THANKS.
 

Kathytnt

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Feb 27, 2006
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Has a co-worker or close friend recently announced a pregnancy or birth or some other significant event??? Maybe something like this is bringing this on
 

rennea

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Jul 23, 2005
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No, he thinks that we are getting old (32/33) and has been thinking about it for awhile. He thinks that it would be something we would reget if we didn't. We are stable money wise, and he thinks that we would have enough time now that our business is good and stable. He believe that I would make the perfect mom:rolleyes: It might sound silly but people in my family don't have kids. My mom had 8 siblings and they all had at least 2 kids each and now non of those "kids" are having any. Of course DH family are like bunnies but he isn't close to them. My girlfriends kids are all at least school age now so I don't know why. I feel bad that he finally got the nerve up to say something and I just sat there and cried:(
 

jdavis

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May 20, 2005
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Is this the first time you have even talked about having or not having kids? It really is something you need to have a VERY big in depth convo about. I know a guy I used to work with that said his wife of the time wanted to have a baby but he didn't and they had supposedly agreed on it and she went ahead and quit taking the pill unbeknownst to him and he never sees the kid, he doesn't really make much sense to me though because he was in the SRS field for a while and working with troubled kids and runaways and such.
 

rennea

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Jul 23, 2005
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jdavis said:
Is this the first time you have even talked about having or not having kids? It really is something you need to have a VERY big in depth convo about. I know a guy I used to work with that said his wife of the time wanted to have a baby but he didn't and they had supposedly agreed on it and she went ahead and quit taking the pill unbeknownst to him and he never sees the kid, he doesn't really make much sense to me though because he was in the SRS field for a while and working with troubled kids and runaways and such.

We I thought decided before we were married not to have any runny nose's and poopy diapers. I guess he has changed his mind. Maybe he's going through a mid-life crisis early?
 

chefjeanine

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Jan 19, 2006
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rennea said:
How about you snapped your finger and whalla baby. No fat pants, no fat ankles, heartburn, peeing peeing and peeing through the night. Did I mention NO coffee.
Pain free baby!! It should be, cause the next 18 years after birth is PAINFUL. Terrible 2's, 3's etc. Oh yes the teenage years everyone's favorite.
This morning I got up drank a pot of coffee and ate a bag of Munchies snack mix and it just continued from there(I'm a stress eater). I think by 5:00 today the fridge and cupboards should be empty.:(
As DH left today his last words were " you would be the mother your mother never was" Duh like that would be hard!! But that's a whole nother thread and tens of thousands of $$ therapy.

Okay Rennea, put down the cookies. Step away from the fridge and take a deep breath. Sounds to me like your husband really shocked you. You know what? You don't have to decide today or tomorrow.

My worry was never the birth (actually, I'm sorry I'm going to miss the pregnancy stuff) but about what to do with the child when you got him/her home.

My personal theory on having children "better to be sorry you didn't than to be sorry you did".
 

nikkijo

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Mar 22, 2006
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chefjeanine said:
My personal theory on having children "better to be sorry you didn't than to be sorry you did".

Ditto....You need to talk to DH and see what has changed his mind. If you are not ready for children don't have one just for him.
 

KellyTheChef

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Jan 30, 2006
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rennea said:
OMG, my husband decided this weekend to tell me he wants to have a baby:eek: WHAT?? He said he has been thinking about it for a while.
I asked him if he had thought about a 10lb turkey coming out of my
wa-wa:eek: Oh goodness I think I'm going to have a break down.
Sorry just had to get it out!!!! Freakin' big time!!!!:eek: :eek:
Are you afraid of the pain of labor and the epidural, or do you think you don't want a baby (right now...or ever...)

If it's that you DON'T want one- you both need to discuss this MUCH further. (Well, even if you DO want one you still have a lot to discuss!! LOL;) )

If it's that you are afraid of needles- I am deathly afraid of needles, too! I think I was more afraid of all of the poking and prodding that goes along with being pregnant and delivering. I have to admit: I was more afraid of the epidural than ANYTHING else related to my pregnancy. I had myself totally psyched out about that! Then....






it was the easiest thing about my labor and delivery!!!!! It did not hurt much (WAY less than the pain of my contractions that it helped with!) and I wish I would have done it "sooner" in my labor.

Good luck! Keep us posted on how you are dealing with his announcement. Plus, remember, if he's been thinking about this for a while it's not a new thing to him. It is, however, something new for you to process. Take your time and really pray about this. If now is the time, God will give you a peace about it in your heart.

;)
 

KellyTheChef

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Jan 30, 2006
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Sorry~ you pretty much answered the whole "what part of preg. are you afraid of question" but I must have been typing as you were answering that!
 

janetupnorth

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Jan 26, 2007
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rennea said:
No, he thinks that we are getting old (32/33) and has been thinking about it for awhile. He thinks that it would be something we would reget if we didn't. We are stable money wise, and he thinks that we would have enough time now that our business is good and stable. He believe that I would make the perfect mom:rolleyes: It might sound silly but people in my family don't have kids. My mom had 8 siblings and they all had at least 2 kids each and now non of those "kids" are having any. Of course DH family are like bunnies but he isn't close to them. My girlfriends kids are all at least school age now so I don't know why. I feel bad that he finally got the nerve up to say something and I just sat there and cried:(

Funny trying to catch up with this thread - you got a lot of advice fast!

Our story: 26/30 when we got married. 27/31 first kid - 30/34 second kid. We're done.

Parent's story: 30/33 got married. 34/37 first kid - 37/40 second kid.

Summary: Don't be in a rush due to age!

Talk to your hubby and when you are BOTH ready, it is time. Maybe he just needed to tell you he's ready so you know when you're ready you can say something???? TALK ABOUT IT. :)

I felt "pressured" at one point to get married and have kids when I was younger and all my friends were married with kids. I'm SO glad I: 1. waited for hubby to grow up to marry him 2. Finished college and waited to have kids. 3. Had only 2.

I love kids to death and bow to those who have a house full, but we have a 2 bedroom house, are a very busy family and 2 kids works perfect for us. For some families it is none, some 1, some 2, some 10...each situation is different. Do what is best for your relationship and family.
 

janetupnorth

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Jan 26, 2007
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rennea said:
We I thought decided before we were married not to have any runny nose's and poopy diapers. I guess he has changed his mind. Maybe he's going through a mid-life crisis early?

Maybe, but sometimes as guys get older they have a new sense of purpose (not a mid-life crisis)...see qualities they admire in their wife and want to start a family. Ask him what changed his mind...you might get some compliments out of it. :)
 

jdavis

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May 20, 2005
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HMMM, thinkin' more about this one, do you have any little nieces or nephews, or even friends children you could maybe babysit for the weekend? Or do you do this already? I don't think it is a decision to step into lightlly. If you're not ready, don't do it, don't let anyone pressure you. It's not something to take lightly, like say going out to buy some fancy sports car on a whim, you can always take it back, lol.

I would really suggest 'hijacking' someone's kids for even a long weekend, maybe even a week, try on the parenting shoes. Maybe they will grow on you, or maybe he will decide they really don't fit like they thought they would.
 

mbh06

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Jul 31, 2006
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Bright side- you don't have to completly give up coffee. You just don't want to overdo the caffine. I developed migranies w/ DS1 and the OB told me that caffinee would help me out some. Now I know some people completly give up everything including meds, but my sons are both very healthy and I drank som caffine, took Zantac, and Tylenol :)
 

Jennie4PC

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May 24, 2005
3,360
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jdavis said:
HMMM, thinkin' more about this one, do you have any little nieces or nephews, or even friends children you could maybe babysit for the weekend? Or do you do this already? I don't think it is a decision to step into lightlly. If you're not ready, don't do it, don't let anyone pressure you. It's not something to take lightly, like say going out to buy some fancy sports car on a whim, you can always take it back, lol.

I would really suggest 'hijacking' someone's kids for even a long weekend, maybe even a week, try on the parenting shoes. Maybe they will grow on you, or maybe he will decide they really don't fit like they thought they would.

You can borrow my kids for the weekend:D
 

jdavis

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May 20, 2005
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Hey, I have all 4 of my boys this weekend too, I could ship them to you, lol. They're Angels, well I know somebody has said it at least once, LMAO!!!
 

Jules711

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Jan 21, 2007
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If it's the whether to have kids or not, remember that your kids you love (even when they drive you crazy). So if you aren't sure you'd want kids based on reactions/interactions with other peoples kids, it's really different. I love my daughter even in her stubborn stages. That's when grandmas are helpful.

Pregnancy is great and unbelievable. Labor...well it's short lived. I have to admit mine was very easy. Advice from my mom, keep very loose without clenching anything including fingers. I was done until 4 hours. The truly scary part was our first night at home. One of the main things keeping us from having another is the bringing them home part. Not sure we could have 2 kids. I'd love to be pregnant again though (but then I haven't done that with a toddler).

Good luck and definitely don't feel pressured. You have to agree before you decide either way.
 

PamperChefCarol

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Oct 2, 2006
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rennea said:
OMG, my husband decided this weekend to tell me he wants to have a baby:eek: WHAT?? He said he has been thinking about it for a while.
I asked him if he had thought about a 10lb turkey coming out of my
wa-wa:eek: Oh goodness I think I'm going to have a break down.
Sorry just had to get it out!!!! Freakin' big time!!!!:eek: :eek:

Tell him you will be more than happy to help him out, but he carries and delivers!
 
Sep 4, 2006
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If it's something you don't want because of the pregnancy and birth part....what about adoption? There are lots of children who really need homes...even older children who aren't snotty nosed...
Just a thought.
 

Paige Dixon

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Aug 11, 2004
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The_Kitchen_Guy said:
Usually, this is the kind of thing that is said the other way around, and usually after the point of no return.

I knew several guys (in my younger days) who's proposal question was, "You're WHAT?"


It's only the subsequent babies that take 40 weeks. The first one can come anytime.
 

Paige Dixon

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Aug 11, 2004
1,017
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jdavis said:
HMMM, thinkin' more about this one, do you have any little nieces or nephews, or even friends children you could maybe babysit for the weekend? Or do you do this already? I don't think it is a decision to step into lightlly. If you're not ready, don't do it, don't let anyone pressure you. It's not something to take lightly, like say going out to buy some fancy sports car on a whim, you can always take it back, lol.

I would really suggest 'hijacking' someone's kids for even a long weekend, maybe even a week, try on the parenting shoes. Maybe they will grow on you, or maybe he will decide they really don't fit like they thought they would.


Unfortunately, every couple tells each other the falacy that enables procreation, "Ours will be different".
 

Paige Dixon

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Aug 11, 2004
1,017
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mbh06 said:
Bright side- you don't have to completly give up coffee. You just don't want to overdo the caffine. I developed migranies w/ DS1 and the OB told me that caffinee would help me out some. Now I know some people completly give up everything including meds, but my sons are both very healthy and I drank som caffine, took Zantac, and Tylenol :)


I weaned from coffee very easily when it made me want to barf.
 

Paige Dixon

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Aug 11, 2004
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Making it through a birth without anethesia makes you feel like you can accomplish ANYTHING! I can't think of any act more empowering to a woman.

On second thought, I think it would be more empowering to raise happy, healthy members of society.
 

mommyhugz1978

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Jul 20, 2006
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I had an epidural with my daughter.. thank goodness... I also had an epesoitmoy(sp) to the third degree ( I ripped three layers) on that of that...... I couldn't walk for TWO WEEKS!!!! I am afraid of needles... but it is well worth it!!!!
 

chefann

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Nov 4, 2005
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There's a far bigger issue here than just the actual pregnancy, labor and delivery. Once that's done, you're stuck with that kid for 18 (or more!) years. It's not a decision to be made lightly.

Make some time to discuss it thoroughly - not just why he thinks it's a good idea, but what your fears and concerns are, too.
 
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