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Need opinion this wording


Advanced Member
Gold Member
Feb 24, 2008
Hello fellow cheffers I need some opinions and feedback on an email I'm going to send out to attempt to generate some April sales and or bookings. I've posted it in here and some of it is abbreviated and I do intend to fix that before I send it. I just want to check that the wording makes sense and if any of you think I should tweak it all. Also what would you think of me sending a snail mail version to those whose email I don't have? TIA

Subject Line: I NEED YOUR HELP!!!:)

To My past hosts, dear friends and family I'm in need of your assistance.

To be completely honest, I'm working towards very specific goals with my PC business. In April, I'm trying to earn up to $200 off my National Conference registration fee. So I need sales and show bookings for April to achieve this goal. If you have been considering hosting April is a great month with 60% off fabulous bamboo.

I'm also working towards a trip to Disney in 2010. If you've considered joining my team April is a great month for that as well. You could earn the DCB free in your very first month! That's a $69 value, and you can join for as little as a $65 investment. And if you join in April I'll get double recruiting points towards my Disney trip. In this economy, being your own boss and setting your own hours and income is a great idea!

As a reward for helping me reach my goals this is what I have to offer you:

• 100% off the April host special of your choice for the 1st 3 people to book an April cooking or catalog show.
• Free Shipping for the 1st 5 people to place an order of $40 or more and have it delivered to you by me. Or $4.25 off direct shipping to you.
• $10-$50 in free product for referring a show to me to use at that show.
• Free gift for referring a Bridal Registry or Fundraiser to me.


Veteran Member
Oct 15, 2008
How about:

As a reward for helping me reach my goals here is my gift to you:

• I will purchase your choice of the April Host Special if you show closes by April 30th.
• Free Shipping on individual orders of $50 or more.
• Referral bonus! $10 in free product, if your referral books & closes their show in April.

Know of someone getting married, or an organization that needs to raise money? Refer them to me and I will give you a gift.


Veteran Member
Oct 15, 2008
My thoughts are why limit yourself to just 3 shows, how are you going to tell the 4th person they don't qualify?

Just a thought.


Legend Member
Staff member
Dec 6, 2005
I'd guess that this is a way to encourage quick response. If you know that you need to be one of the first to respond, you're more likely to do it now. That also means that you're more likely to actually do it.


Veteran Member
Gold Member
Jun 2, 2008
I have sent an email similar to this in the past. If you want honest feedback, that is what I will give you.

Delete the "To be completely honest" beginning of your email. Just start with the point of "I have set some goals with my Pampered Chef business and I hope you can assist me. In April..."

In your bulleted section, 100% off is really "FREE" so say "FREE". I wouldn't do any kind of shipping discount for the host as the host's doesn't pay shipping or are YOU the host? The "$10 to $50 in free product for referring a show to me to use at that show" should be re-worded and more clarified. How about "Refer a friend who hosts their own show and you will receive $10 to $50 in free product depending on show sales."

I hope this helps but don't worry if this doesn't work for you. I won't be offended.