imported_iteachurkid
- 354
So it's been a REALLY long time since I've been on here. To kind of fill you in on the short version of the last 4 months of my life, we'll it's been anything but normal. I got back from conference super excited, had a beach trip planned for the next week, got back on Thursday and then the following Monday my dog (who had seemed very healthy) had a spell where she threw up and then her hind legs were shaking. I took her straight to the vet and over the period of a week, she was diagnosed with insulinoma a type of cancer of the pancreas. I'm single and my dogs are like my children, so I was devastated. We tried surgery, but it was too advanced once they got on for them to do anything but close her up and my vet told me I had 1-3 months max with my baby (he told me later he wasn't even sure she would make it through that night, so she's a miracle girl ).
The way to treat the kind of cancer she has is through around the clock feedings and prednisone. She has eaten every 4 hours around the clock since July 26th. There was no possible way for me to do this alone so I moved back in with my sister and parents. My Annie girl is actually doing very well and here we are almost 4 1/2 months later and she's still doing well. We definitely have our good days and bad days, but the good far outweigh the bad. I've been sleeping on a rather comfortable air matress for the last 4 months, but while my family has been AMAZING and SO helpful, I don't have space. When you go from living alone for 5 years to living with 4 other people (my grandmother has lived with my parents since I was 7), well me-time is kind of non-existant. Trying to run a homebase business when you are not in your home has not been easy either. I don't my office, my stuff. I go over to my house to get get catalogs (I keep a few here in a bag), but it's just been difficult. I've managed to submit at least $1000 every month (3 out of the 4 have been over $1250) which I feel like has been pretty good given the cirumstances.
Ok, so here is my dilema. I've always really liked my director and truly considered her a friend. She was great when all of this first happened with Annie, but I got an email from her in the beginning of October asking if I wanted to do coaching calls still, etc. I replied honestly and just told her my goal was to maintain right now. With everything I had going on I didn't see repromoting to director in my near future and I needed to focus on me...I never heard back. It hurt. I guess I just needed a "I completely understand, let me know if you need me" kind of response and when I didn't get it, well I was just hurt. I felt like she was someone who truly cared and when I didn't have the same goals for me that she wanted for me, I was kind of dismissed. I heard back from her for the first time on over 6 weeks on Friday. She wrote me to tell me she'd heard about the new changes for the career plan and didn't know if I'd be interested in hearing about them (which I already had from my DCS friends) and didn't know if I wanted to catch up. I haven't responded b/c I don't know how to. I want to tell her that she hurt me, but at the same time I'm not really sure what that is going to do for either of us. Part of me just wants to say I know about the changes and I don't think I need to set up coaching calls. I guess what is the hardest is I really thought she was my friend...oh well, I need to let that part go I guess. What would you guys do? How would you respond? I do think I want to step my business up as much as I can while dealing with all I'm dealing with, but I'm not really sure if her help is what I need right now. She's awesome and does amazing things with her business, but I'm not sure she completely gets where I am right now is my life. I'd love to say January was going to be the month I get things back going, but I also have this fear that I'm going to get things back going full swing and then something is going to happen to Annie (it's inevitable, it's going to happen) and then what do I do if I have three parties booked that week. I think that's the fear I've been living in for 4 months. I've never cancelled a party, but know when the time comes and I lose her that, well, I'm going to be in no shape to go party with people.
If you are still reading, thanks. I truly didn't plan for this to be this long. I've been so out of the loop and so non-existant on here that I almost didn't even post, but I just need some help on this one. I know if you don't have a pet, it's hard to understand how one can have you tied around their paw like they can, but my two dogs are my children. I've just got to find a balance and I'm not sure where that is...
The way to treat the kind of cancer she has is through around the clock feedings and prednisone. She has eaten every 4 hours around the clock since July 26th. There was no possible way for me to do this alone so I moved back in with my sister and parents. My Annie girl is actually doing very well and here we are almost 4 1/2 months later and she's still doing well. We definitely have our good days and bad days, but the good far outweigh the bad. I've been sleeping on a rather comfortable air matress for the last 4 months, but while my family has been AMAZING and SO helpful, I don't have space. When you go from living alone for 5 years to living with 4 other people (my grandmother has lived with my parents since I was 7), well me-time is kind of non-existant. Trying to run a homebase business when you are not in your home has not been easy either. I don't my office, my stuff. I go over to my house to get get catalogs (I keep a few here in a bag), but it's just been difficult. I've managed to submit at least $1000 every month (3 out of the 4 have been over $1250) which I feel like has been pretty good given the cirumstances.
Ok, so here is my dilema. I've always really liked my director and truly considered her a friend. She was great when all of this first happened with Annie, but I got an email from her in the beginning of October asking if I wanted to do coaching calls still, etc. I replied honestly and just told her my goal was to maintain right now. With everything I had going on I didn't see repromoting to director in my near future and I needed to focus on me...I never heard back. It hurt. I guess I just needed a "I completely understand, let me know if you need me" kind of response and when I didn't get it, well I was just hurt. I felt like she was someone who truly cared and when I didn't have the same goals for me that she wanted for me, I was kind of dismissed. I heard back from her for the first time on over 6 weeks on Friday. She wrote me to tell me she'd heard about the new changes for the career plan and didn't know if I'd be interested in hearing about them (which I already had from my DCS friends) and didn't know if I wanted to catch up. I haven't responded b/c I don't know how to. I want to tell her that she hurt me, but at the same time I'm not really sure what that is going to do for either of us. Part of me just wants to say I know about the changes and I don't think I need to set up coaching calls. I guess what is the hardest is I really thought she was my friend...oh well, I need to let that part go I guess. What would you guys do? How would you respond? I do think I want to step my business up as much as I can while dealing with all I'm dealing with, but I'm not really sure if her help is what I need right now. She's awesome and does amazing things with her business, but I'm not sure she completely gets where I am right now is my life. I'd love to say January was going to be the month I get things back going, but I also have this fear that I'm going to get things back going full swing and then something is going to happen to Annie (it's inevitable, it's going to happen) and then what do I do if I have three parties booked that week. I think that's the fear I've been living in for 4 months. I've never cancelled a party, but know when the time comes and I lose her that, well, I'm going to be in no shape to go party with people.
If you are still reading, thanks. I truly didn't plan for this to be this long. I've been so out of the loop and so non-existant on here that I almost didn't even post, but I just need some help on this one. I know if you don't have a pet, it's hard to understand how one can have you tied around their paw like they can, but my two dogs are my children. I've just got to find a balance and I'm not sure where that is...