Director What should I do when my support system falls short during a difficult time?

[imported_iteachurkid]

So it's been a REALLY long time since I've been on here. To kind of fill you in on the short version of the last 4 months of my life, we'll it's been anything but normal. I got back from conference super excited, had a beach trip planned for the next week, got back on Thursday and then the following Monday my dog (who had seemed very healthy) had a spell where she threw up and then her hind legs were shaking. I took her straight to the vet and over the period of a week, she was diagnosed with insulinoma a type of cancer of the pancreas. I'm single and my dogs are like my children, so I was devastated. We tried surgery, but it was too advanced once they got on for them to do anything but close her up and my vet told me I had 1-3 months max with my baby (he told me later he wasn't even sure she would make it through that night, so she's a miracle girl ).

The way to treat the kind of cancer she has is through around the clock feedings and prednisone. She has eaten every 4 hours around the clock since July 26th. There was no possible way for me to do this alone so I moved back in with my sister and parents. My Annie girl is actually doing very well and here we are almost 4 1/2 months later and she's still doing well. We definitely have our good days and bad days, but the good far outweigh the bad. I've been sleeping on a rather comfortable air matress for the last 4 months, but while my family has been AMAZING and SO helpful, I don't have space. When you go from living alone for 5 years to living with 4 other people (my grandmother has lived with my parents since I was 7), well me-time is kind of non-existant. Trying to run a homebase business when you are not in your home has not been easy either. I don't my office, my stuff. I go over to my house to get get catalogs (I keep a few here in a bag), but it's just been difficult. I've managed to submit at least $1000 every month (3 out of the 4 have been over $1250) which I feel like has been pretty good given the cirumstances.

Ok, so here is my dilema. I've always really liked my director and truly considered her a friend. She was great when all of this first happened with Annie, but I got an email from her in the beginning of October asking if I wanted to do coaching calls still, etc. I replied honestly and just told her my goal was to maintain right now. With everything I had going on I didn't see repromoting to director in my near future and I needed to focus on me...I never heard back. It hurt. I guess I just needed a "I completely understand, let me know if you need me" kind of response and when I didn't get it, well I was just hurt. I felt like she was someone who truly cared and when I didn't have the same goals for me that she wanted for me, I was kind of dismissed. I heard back from her for the first time on over 6 weeks on Friday. She wrote me to tell me she'd heard about the new changes for the career plan and didn't know if I'd be interested in hearing about them (which I already had from my DCS friends) and didn't know if I wanted to catch up. I haven't responded b/c I don't know how to. I want to tell her that she hurt me, but at the same time I'm not really sure what that is going to do for either of us. Part of me just wants to say I know about the changes and I don't think I need to set up coaching calls. I guess what is the hardest is I really thought she was my friend...oh well, I need to let that part go I guess. What would you guys do? How would you respond? I do think I want to step my business up as much as I can while dealing with all I'm dealing with, but I'm not really sure if her help is what I need right now. She's awesome and does amazing things with her business, but I'm not sure she completely gets where I am right now is my life. I'd love to say January was going to be the month I get things back going, but I also have this fear that I'm going to get things back going full swing and then something is going to happen to Annie (it's inevitable, it's going to happen) and then what do I do if I have three parties booked that week. I think that's the fear I've been living in for 4 months. I've never cancelled a party, but know when the time comes and I lose her that, well, I'm going to be in no shape to go party with people.

If you are still reading, thanks. I truly didn't plan for this to be this long. I've been so out of the loop and so non-existant on here that I almost didn't even post, but I just need some help on this one. I know if you don't have a pet, it's hard to understand how one can have you tied around their paw like they can, but my two dogs are my children. I've just got to find a balance and I'm not sure where that is...

 

[finley1991]

First and foremost, {{{HUGS}}} to you!!! (And we've missed you here!)It's hard when we feel like a friend has pooped out on us. Whether she did that intentionally is hard to tell. Sometimes people don't know how to deal with bad news. Others who aren't pet lovers don't get it. I am personally not a pet-lover, but understand the bond that people create with them. They are *people* and are your family. And they are even more loving than family sometimes (because they can't say what's on their minds like humans can!!!)You already know about the career change so you can tell her. I'd just respond with, "I've heard and it sounds exciting. For the time being, due to my personal things going on, my goal is still to maintain. When that changes, I'll let you know." and leave it at that.I'd go with your gut on whether or not to tell her that you're hurt she didn't say anything about your personal struggle... It might make the divide between the two of you even greater. But then again, maybe not. Do what you feel is right concerning that.You have your time now with your pup and that's what matters. You can always kick up PC when the time is right. PC isn't going anywhere.Hope this helps!PS: I COMPLETELY understand about not having time/privacy/room/etc to tend to your biz when living with your parents. I lived with mine and moved out a year ago. The difference? My biz has been awesome because I have the time and no distractions from them and I ended up having my best year ever in my career! And again, tend to what you need to NOW and deal with PC when the time is right.Thanks for sharing! That's what we're here for!!!! :candyheart:

 

[Sheila]

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry that you and your puppy are having such a rough time. And I say puppy, because even if they are 15 they are still our little babies. I didn't have my first child until 6 weeks before my 40th Birthday, so my puppies were my only babies for a very long time.

I found it much easier to keep in touch with my team when there were only 3 or 6 of them. Now that the military has moved me to a new city and I have 39 in my downline it is much harder to maintain that same connection. Not that I don't care, because I do! I just don't have the time to talk to them all on a daily or weekly basis. So try to realize that her lack of response might not have been intentional. If she has a lot of new members on the team she might have just been distracted. Or not have known what to say and was giving you space to deal with your sorrow and personal demands at home.

You could just respond, tell her it's nice to hear from her again ... that you were afraid that she was upset with you after that last communication 6 weeks ago. She may not realize how much time has passed! From Oct 25 - March 23, I feel like I'm constantly running Along with all the Holidays in there, we all 4 have birthdays and Hubby & I have our Anniversary! So including Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's & Valentines, that's 10 events that have to be planned and executed in 5 months. If she had a cluster of events like that over the last few weeks, it could account for her absence too.

Don't be too hard on her. It could be totallt innocent. What if her parent is ill or just passed away ... or what if she found a lump in her breast and has been doing a lot of medical appointments ... she may not have had the time, energy or desire to burden the team with her personal issues. The bottom line is We don't know, what we don't know. Her absence may have nothing to do with your hardship right now.

 

[BethCooks4U]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

I do understand. My dog died a couple years ago. She had a brain tumor and we didn't know until she had a seizure. She never came back from that and died the same day. It is so hard.

As far as shows are concerned, go ahead and book them. Maybe limit it to 2 a week like Tues and Fri. That way when it happens you'll only have one or two shows affected. Then call the host and tell her what happened and ask if she wants to reschedule or have someone else do it. If she wants to keep the date is there someone who you would want to pass it onto? I have found that most hosts want the consultant who scheduled but if it's very last minute they'll take someone else vs canceling on their friends. Another option would be to ask her to do it. Give her the recipe and tell her to have them help her. Have them fill out the DPDS and tell them that you'll draw a winner and follow up with everyone to see if they have questions, etc. That could work if you were able to take product to her but just didn't want to be in front of people. It stretches the demo thing but they ARE doing a recipe and follow-up.

As far as your director, I do get that too. My upline (both my no longer director and current director) do not take their time with people that aren't working toward growth. My SED (current director) is AWESOME but doesn't use her time for those who are maintaining for whatever reason (but she does show empathy when life is not smooth) - but then she does have a large team and there is only so much time in a month. I would suggest you try to let it go and go on from here. You need to reach back out to her and let her help you. I might tell her that you were disapointed that she didn't contact you since the last time and remind her that the dog is a very big part of your life but you know some people don't get that (kind of like you said here). See where that takes you.

I'll be praying for you and Annie (that was my dog's name too).

 

[baychef]

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}} for you and an Annie. She is so lucky to have a Mom like you and supportive Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles! Pets touch a part of our soul like no other. They bring such joy to our lives. I have a cat now, but growing up we usually had a dog. There was Skippy, Jake, Bobbi, Ralph and Shane!!! (I am in my 50's so I remember them well!!) My heart was crushed when ever we lost one. Dogs have such great understandings of their owner. And mainly all they demand is a pet, a treat and want to be loyal.

As far as your business, DS friends here have said everything so eloquently. My director tells me to work with the willing so your director may have been distracted by something. If she has reached out to help you understand the new career plan, then that shows she does care. Sometimes when I get busy with things, I may forget to respond to someone or even think I may have already spoken to them.

Hang in there with Annie and when the time is right, then PC will be a larger factor in your life.

 

[imported_iteachurkid]

Thanks so much to all of you. I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face. It's so nice to have people you've never met, care so much. You've all made me feel a lot better. Beth, it's such a good idea to just pick two days for shows vs my normal 4 possible days a week. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to email my director with just what you said Colleen...thanks for the great words that I just couldn't find. You all are the best. I'm planning to be around more often now...I've missed you guys!

 

[BethCooks4U]

We've missed you too! :love0010:

 

[finley1991]

I completely understand! When I am wrapped up in something, I just need someone to say the words so I can repeat them! I can't seem to think them up on my own when I need to!!! {{{HUGS}}}

 

[baychef]

I completely understand! When I am wrapped up in something, I just need someone to say the words so I can repeat them! I can't seem to think them up on my own when I need to!!! {{{HUGS}}}

Too much of what we really feel wants to come out and it is hard to get those feeling and words right.

This is an incredible bunch of ladies for support, idea sharing, a sounding board and a shoulder to cry on. I have also asked them to help me kick myself in the behind...they are ever so gentle when they help!!

 

[Jolie_Paradoxe]

I am new and just getting to know everyone. I love that everyone here is understanding and eloquent. It seems like the best advice has already been dispensed and I am glad you had somewhere to get the support and advice you need.

I just want to tell you that I am so sorry your life has been turned upside down and that you're going through this. I am glad that your baby has become a miracle and is still with you. All I can offer is my empathy...send you some virtual hugs and tell you that you and your family will be in my prayers. Wishing you strength and comfort during this stormy period.

 

[imported_iteachurkid]

And I'm once again sitting here crying (it's been quite an emotional day for no particular reason)...you all are so amazing and have no idea how much your kind words mean. :candyheart: you all

 

[quiverfull7]

AWWWW... I am SO sorry to read all this that you have been walking through. May God lift your spirits and help you sort this all out. Thanks so much for sharing all this with us! So good to see you here again!

 

[akaskydebil]

Jennifer I know how you feel to a T. My business is in the toilet (thats being nice) after being a shining star and I feel left out in the cold by my Director who also only gives her time to those working their business. Don't get me wrong, I understand that (and the whole RSVP stuff they feed us as leaders) so I don't ask for her time but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt especially when they are your friend first and foremost. She has offered to do coaching calls (do we have the same director? haha) after another cluster mate said something so it hurt more b/c I feel its only b/c something was said and not b/c the true desire is there. I declined. If I'm going to be the Phoenix and rise from the ashes and restore my business I'll do it on my own without her help (yes I'm stubborn) but ok to the point... I also now wonder how to fix my buisness when I rush home after work to my dog who has been on prednisone for severe allergies, and changed to eating an all organic diet and trying to re-house train him after brining him from my moms. So virtually I have a 4yr old puppy with medical issues. I've run out of bookings but should I figure out how to fix it, I did exactly what the ladies above mentioned...pick 2 days and then the hosts must pick those dates. I chose one day during the week and prefer Friday and then one day on the weekend b/c it only means a few hours of the dog being crated and I don't have to worry about him being crated from 7a-10p if I do a show after work (no worries, my mom will come let him out but i feel I inconvenience her). Whatever days work for you, pick those. Start small and when you book a show, be honest with your host and let them know of your situation in a professional way so that God forbid its 'the time', they know. Is there a nearby consultant or two that you could rely on to fill in for you? My girls would cover for me or even others in the cluster. Reach out to them and maybe then it can work out for everyone, even your host in that emergent situation.

You know how to find me if you'd like to talk. I'll share a seat next to you in the boat of life.

{{{HUGS}}}

 

[finley1991]

The best words I heard and I can't remember who said it were, "Sorry... I'm already booked that night." I had a lady call last night and wants a December show. I would really like the sales and she wants this Friday. I have plans with my family. Yes, I can change them, but then when I change plans to do a show, I sometimes feel like I'm prostituting myself out for my biz (sorry for the strong word!). When she said, "You really can't do Friday?" I responded with, "No... I'm already booked that night." Then she said she'd try for Thursday instead because I have that open. You don't have to tell them what you're *booked* with... just that you're *booked* and here are the days you have open. HTH!

 

[chefkathy]

Hey Jen,
Just wanted to chime in with some hugs. I couldn't respond last night because stupid Comcast was out all over the Midwest. (((HUGS)))I'm also maintaining for now so I kinda know how you feel. The other gals have given you great advice already. We're here for you no matter how often you post!

 

[cookingwithlove]

Hugs to you and Annie. My most favorite dog in the world had brain cancer and it was very hard on me. She was my best friend from before children and marriage. Hang in there and just keep doing what is best for Annie. You receive such great advice so far and isn't it great that we have this site to lean on! As a director it is sometimes hard to stay in touch with everyone on my team. I tend to work with those who are new and those who are trying to promote or increase their business. As you know as a director you get busy with your own schedule and family and life that sometimes your steady Eddies get ignored. She may not have been aware that she "dropped" you. She may have read into your email, thinking you wanted to be left alone to deal with Annie. She may have had another crisis of her own to deal with and forgot to check back in. I think a straight forward conversation with your director about your hurt feelings is the best.

Best to you and hang in there.