Protect Your Child: How to Obtain a Restraining Order for School Stalking

[chef_kimmo]

My next thought though is as someone else wisely suggested is the self defense classes. Get them and get them quick.

You, your husband, your family, the school officials will only be able to watch her every move for so long. It has be very hard on her to know that she is being watched at every moment and I can only imagine that if she does ever go somewhere where she knows she is along, is that going to scare her. That is no quality of life.

Don't make her so reliant on being protected and watched by others that she is afraid to live AND when you think it is over that she lets her guard down and then she may not be prepared for a surprise.

Self Defense Classes can do nothing but help her and the sooner the better.

 

[kspry]

I think Wow if my son ever offends some girl and the school only deals with it and I never know. I would be very upset. It is becoming common that some parents have no idea what their kids do at school and take their children's word for it when something negative is said.

Surely the school has contacted the boys family but then again, if I were to assume that (what does assume get you) then I may be wrong.

I believe there was a day when the first step was to talk parent to parent but that has ended due to some parents becoming violent.

Thanks, I was having trouble explaining this.

Some parents are afraid of OTHER parents becoming violent. So we teach our children to call some phone 911 number, rather than driving over to the other family's house, and having a damned awkward, awful, productive time.

Face-to-face. What a horrible idea.

 

[cmdtrgd]

First off, the school MUST bring parents/guardians in on something like this - at least, in most states.

Second, I watched my mother be on the receiving end of 12 superfluous lawsuits in less than one year by "Crazy Mom". My mom was a teacher and had to retire early due to this lady. There was even a criminal lawsuit filed against her. My mom won ALL the cases against her - most of them were thrown out. All my mom did was to put her hand on the child's shoulder and it was turned into a "choke hold". Oh, and "Crazy Mom" started this after my mom wouldn't accept homework in the mother's handwriting - this was a 5th grade student who had no problems with completing his homework. Anyhoo, my motto is CYA - cover your arse and your family's areses....then think of others.

 

[kaceyleigh2]

I agree on the self-defense classes b/c ppl walk through restraining orders ALL the time. All it is is a piece of paper, it's not a shield. And it may just piss him off more!
I also, don't think you personally should deal with the parents, rather allow the authorities to do their job. I truly hope that they are dealing with the "real issue" and not just telling every girl he comes in contact with to get a restraining order. But dealing with his parents may not do anything. They may not be awate of his mental health issues or may be in denial.. They also could get defensive which will make matters worse!
But please, please do not rely on just the restraining order for security.

 

[kspry]

cmdtrgd, you've obviously got something to say, but I think you should start a new discussion. Just my take on it.

 

[chef_kimmo]

Just want to say "What comes around goes around"

And "Treat others as you expect to be treated."

 

[cmdtrgd]

kspry - I do have something to say - I have seen what can happen when you don't CYA. I just felt that since some people were saying one thing, and I had some experience with superfluous legal action, I would say something. What I didn't want to happen is the "I should-a, would-a, could-a" etc. Maybe I'm reading a tone into your posts towards me, but I don't think I should be dismissed.And I have seen slander lawsuits with tons of documentation to the opposite opinion.

 

[cmdtrgd]

I agree, treat others as you would want to be treated, but don't not take care of yourself or your family, too.

 

[kspry]

I agree, treat others as you would want to be treated, but don't not take care of yourself or your family, too.

We are in agreement.

The 'but' clause gives me concern, however, as does the double negative.

 

[cmdtrgd]

Whatever...

 

[erinyourpclady]

Now, now.....we are entitled to our opinions and sharing of our experiences as Kate has done. There is no reason to attack one another. That kind of behavior is uncalled for.

 

[mistym]

There is a good book I read called "I know you really love me". It is a memoir of Dr Orions own stalking case with a former patient. It focuses a lot on "Erotomania" (where an individual is convinved another loves them hence they stalk them so they can be together) as well as stalking cases throughout the years. There is a lot of information on stalking, erotomania and the psychology behind it. There are also alot of resources listed as well as her own advice.

Its got great reviews, here is the link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/044022599X/?tag=pfamazon01-20

Take measures against this - do not be the victim be the agressor and do what you can to stay alert and on top of it.

I am so sorry you have to go through this.

Misty

 

[cathyskitchen]

Off topic, but related to this thread - I suggest everyone put "kspry" on your ignore list. I did a few days ago, and I am enjoying Chef Success much more again because of it. I don't like her tone, and he/she/it seems to like to cause trouble on threads, and I don't have time for that nonsense. Just thought I'd suggest that to others out there who have been affected by this person. (((HUGS)))!

 

[lizcooks4u]

Sad This is a sad/unfortunate happening and then to have other's decide what to tell other's or gang up/bully them.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I agree not to attack or look for trouble, but we're adults aren't we??

All people should be able to make up their own minds, whether or not to ignore/add to buddy lists etc.

I used to come to the boards for all the GREAT advice, but things such as this really turn me off.

Liz

 

[legacypc46]

please, let's all play nice....I think it's fair to assume that everyone's advice on these frightening circustances comes from the heart...

 

[cathyskitchen]

It was just a suggestion. This person has been rubbing people wrong on this board for weeks, and instead of getting all riled up about what she says, I just suggested those that are upset by her comments put her on ignore. It has certainly helped my blood pressure recently!!

Just a note - some people come to boards like these to instigate this type of stuff - must have too much time on their hands or something. I was a community leader on another message board forum for 4 years and saw a lot of this, and putting that person on "ignore" is always the best option, instead of just adding fuel to the fire. I will not be posting about this again - it's not worth the effort to type.

 

[kspry]

Now, now.....we are entitled to our opinions and sharing of our experiences as Kate has done. There is no reason to attack one another. That kind of behavior is uncalled for.

Thank you, Erin. We are in agreement.
I did not attack Kate (cmdtrgd); I debated the ideas she presented.

I did not call Kate a he/she/it and suggest she be put on an ignore list, as cathyskitchen did with me.
I am not fond of ad hominem attacks.

Anyway, enough of this threadjack.

GeorgiaPeach, I hope things are going well with you and yours.

 

[chefheidi2003]

GeorgiaPeach, I just wanted to say that I know that today is the day that the school discusses this. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

 

[pamperedlinda]

GeorgiaPeach, I just wanted to say that I know that today is the day that the school discusses this. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Definately thinking of youtoday too! Please tell us how everything turns out. I'm only 45 mins from Macon - do I need to get down there and take notes and kick booty for ya?! Or are you home now?

 

[GeorgiaPeach]

Definately thinking of youtoday too! Please tell us how everything turns out. I'm only 45 mins from Macon - do I need to get down there and take notes and kick booty for ya?! Or are you home now?

Linda...thanks for the offer

The hearing was at 12:30 today. They took Kyla down the hall to wait so she didn't have to sit in the waiting room with the boy. We arrived before they did. They told us that he would go in the room first and the school would present their evidence then Kyla would testify. After about 30 minutes the campus police officer came out and said Kyla was free to go home. He pled guilty and she wouldn't have to testify! What an answer to prayers!!

The hearing actually raised more questions for us than it answered. The boy has some special needs. They have put him in in-school suspension until they can do a mental evaluation to see if this behavior is part of his mental handicap or if it's completely separate. (ISS has a special room next to an outside door. Students enter the school through that door, lunch is brought to them, and they exit through that door. They are not allowed to move about the building.) While having a mental defect can explain some of the behavior, the students still need to be protected from him if he is unable to control himself.

His parents both attended the hearing today. We were not able to see them but I was glad to see them both attend. It told me they were taking this seriously. They are trying to get approval for home schooling him so he can be taken out of the school.

Our victim's advocate met us at the hearing today and we went to her office to file for the protective order. We have an appt with a Superior Court judge on Wed. to get a temporary restraining order and then once he is served with the papers, we will have another hearing at the courthouse on the 28th to get a 12 month restraining order.

Thank you all for the kind words and PM's. Kyla is completely overwhelmed by this entire situation. One minute she is her happy, normal self then she becomes real quiet. She said last night that she is afraid she will become depressed. We have a family friend that is a family counselor and she will begin meeting with her this week.

 

[crystalscookingnow]

I'm glad to hear that things are being handled & what a relief that the boy's parents are involved. You & Kyla will continue to be in our prayers.

 

[pamperedlinda]

So glad to hear that progress is being made. My concern now is that even though he is in ISS, what about before and after school? Would he have the opportunity to harras her at those times? What responsibility is the school taking to ensure Kyla's security?

Your family is in my prayers.

 

[GeorgiaPeach]

So glad to hear that progress is being made. My concern now is that even though he is in ISS, what about before and after school? Would he have the opportunity to harras her at those times? What responsibility is the school taking to ensure Kyla's security?
Your family is in my prayers.

My questions exactly...along with a few more. I never thought keeping him at the school was even an option! I doubt they will keep him in ISS for the entire school year. Also...if we have a restraining order against him and he must stay 150 yards away and they both attend the same school...what then? I can't see how they can continue to allow him to be there.

I'm making a list of questions and will request a conference in the morning with the assistant principal.

As far as before and after school...we drive her to school (always have) and she goes straight to her first class and studies until class starts. The teacher is in that room at that time. After school, we pick her up (always have) and since we have to immediately go to the middle school to get her brother, she comes right to the car as soon as the bell rings.

Before this she led a sheltered life (not in a bad way )so I'm fairly confident that she will continue to be surrounded by lots of adult supervision. My husband and I take both kids to school together every day. It's our family time in the car to listen to Mike and Mike in the Morning ,talk about the day, etc. She doesn't have a job and doesn't have a car. All of her activities outside of school have adults around that she trusts.

 

[pamperedlinda]

Lisa, Did they even talk about removing or expelling this kid from school? I was trying to find some school info (which I'm sure you have already done) and I came across this: For the most serious infractions (Level III & IV in the Code of Conduct), students in grades 6-12 may be recommended for assignment to the Joseph Neel Academy (formerly the Alternative School) or for expulsion. from here: Bibb County Public Schools

From what you have described, it sounds to me like he would fit in this category (I can't find the Student Code of Conduct online, but I would hope that this infraction would fit in that category). I don't think it is all that comforting to know that there is just a door and a teacher seperating this kid from your daughter.

 

[GeorgiaPeach]

Lisa, Did they even talk about removing or expelling this kid from school? I was trying to find some school info (which I'm sure you have already done) and I came across this: For the most serious infractions (Level III & IV in the Code of Conduct), students in grades 6-12 may be recommended for assignment to the Joseph Neel Academy (formerly the Alternative School) or for expulsion. from here: Bibb County Public Schools

From what you have described, it sounds to me like he would fit in this category (I can't find the Student Code of Conduct online, but I would hope that this infraction would fit in that category). I don't think it is all that comforting to know that there is just a door and a teacher seperating this kid from your daughter.

Linda, How sweet of you to look that up online :angel: I had a PTO meeting tonight and I was thinking on the way home that I needed to pull out the handbook to see what it says. I think the problem we are encountering is that he has special needs so they have to give him some special considerations. Of course, I think that it's fine to take that into consideration but that doesn't change the facts....his actions have made another fear for their safety. He can still receive an education...just not at that school. He gave up that right when he ignored the directions of the school officials.

 

[pamperedlinda]

.......He can still receive an education...just not at that school. He gave up that right when he ignored the directions of the school officials.

I completely agree. It shouldn't matter what the extenuating circumstances are. Were his 'special needs' just now made public knowledge or did the school know of his issues already? I would think that if he has been attending a regular school and he has been treated all along the same as everyone else, then why bring his special needs into the mix now,it is not an excuse. He should be treated as anyone else. I would not bend an inch on this.

 

[Shawnna]

I hope everything goes better for you now. I worked with a special needs child, so I know it is tough on the schools because they are required to do so much more for them to make sure that they are receiving the same opportunities as the other children. However, knowing that wouldn't make it any easier if it were my daughter. I probably would have gotten ahold of him myself and then I would be the one in trouble. But, we have to take care of our children...no matter what. You are all in my prayers.

My questions are why do they need permission to home school...and who do they get permission from? Are the rules different in each state? It is my understanding that you can home school your child any time you want. You have to teach him/her and they do homework and tests that go to the homeschool group...not sure what they are called. If you put them back into public school they will be tested to see what grade to place them in. My SIL home schools through some kind of church group and they all use the same curriculum. Her children are all a grade level ahead in their "paces". However, home schools are not certified by the state, so the ACT or SAT scores are very important for college entrance and scholarships.

 

[erinyourpclady]

While the situations are NOWHERE near the same.....my son was bullied last year in 5th grade. I went to the administration since the school has a no bullying policy....zero tolerance. However, the student who was bullying my son and his friend has an IEP(individualized education plan) and COULD not be expelled from school. I was dismayed to learn that this child because of his IEP was exempt from the usual punishment.
While I did not want the child expelled, I was very ticked off that had it been my child bullying...we would have been finding a new school.

I say all this because if this young man has something along the same lines of an IEP, the school could be stuck in their response.

 

[pamperedlinda]

While the situations are NOWHERE near the same.....my son was bullied last year in 5th grade. I went to the administration since the school has a no bullying policy....zero tolerance. However, the student who was bullying my son and his friend has an IEP(individualized education plan) and COULD not be expelled from school. I was dismayed to learn that this child because of his IEP was exempt from the usual punishment.
While I did not want the child expelled, I was very ticked off that had it been my child bullying...we would have been finding a new school.

I say all this because if this young man has something along the same lines of an IEP, the school could be stuck in their response.

Very interesting. I would have been furious!

Thanks for the info. I'm a first time school mom (DS is in Kindergarten this year) and I'm learning so much about the Public School system - it has changed SO MUCH since I was in school many many years ago!. My son is in a brand new Public School and so far so good. This thread has educated me a bit and I know some questions that I will be asking the school system in the near future. Hopefully I don't have to worry about these isues at his young age.

 

[ChefLisa]

I hope everything goes better for you now. I worked with a special needs child, so I know it is tough on the schools because they are required to do so much more for them to make sure that they are receiving the same opportunities as the other children. However, knowing that wouldn't make it any easier if it were my daughter. I probably would have gotten ahold of him myself and then I would be the one in trouble. But, we have to take care of our children...no matter what. You are all in my prayers.

My questions are why do they need permission to home school...and who do they get permission from? Are the rules different in each state? It is my understanding that you can home school your child any time you want. You have to teach him/her and they do homework and tests that go to the homeschool group...not sure what they are called. If you put them back into public school they will be tested to see what grade to place them in. My SIL home schools through some kind of church group and they all use the same curriculum. Her children are all a grade level ahead in their "paces". However, home schools are not certified by the state, so the ACT or SAT scores are very important for college entrance and scholarships.

Lisa, I am so sorry your daughter is going through such a scary situation.

Addressing the question about home schooling:
Last year the State of Georgia approved a special Home Schooling Program. From my understanding, anyone can apply for it. When it is approved, a parent receives the curriculum for free. I think the family may even qualify for a free computer, but I am not 100% sure about that. Regardless of whether or not that boy is special needs, that sounds like a good option for him. Sounds to me he needs help that the schools just cannot provide and until he receives it, he should not be around the public.

 

[pcchris]

Well, now that I've read through the thoughtfulness and the nastiness, I would like to join in the conversation (sorry I'm late!) I do not condone this boy's actions, and I don't blame you or your daughter for feeling insecure. I would too, if it were my daughter. However, as the parent of a "special needs" child (btw - I really hate that terminology), you need to know that these kids do not have normal thought processes. My son has never harassed or threatened anyone, such as this boy did. But, he gives people the creeps because he "hovers" around and says inappropriate things. (Nothing sexual, just weird). He graduated high school 2 years ago, but he doesn't have the social skills needed to make friends...so he just kind of hangs around and latches on to anyone who will talk to him. He's not dangerous, just different. There are varying levels of "special needs", depending onthe severity of whatever medical issue the person has. I totally understand your fear...I would be there too. At least the boy knows what he did is wrong. And if the school warrants, and the parents are open to home schooling, that's great. The only problem with that is that it;s not going to help this boy in the long run...it'll only get worse. I mean, think about it...if you were that boy, would you be happy that you were kicked out of school because you're not normal like the rest of the kids? My son didn't ask for Asperger's, nor did I. Fortunately for all of us, we were able to get him through school with very few incidents...none was dangerous. I'm not trying to open up a can of worms here, or piss anyone off. I'm just letting you know that there are a lot of kids out there with issues...special needs or not. IMHO, there are just too many parents whoare dumping their kids into the school systems and expecting miracles from the schools. Parents need to be parents.........and be vigilant.

Now, y'all can put my on your ignore lists if you want to, I really don't care. I'm just trying to point out that there are 2 sides to every story. Home schooling would not have helped my son...parents involved with the teachers/principals at school, and being involved in their children's lives is what these kids need.
Sorry to whomever I offended. What would YOU do if the boy was your son?

Off my soapbox now...

p.s...personal attacks not required. thank you.

 

[heather9892]

lisa
sorry your girl and your family have to deal with this situation and i do hope that everything will settle soon

before anyone reads any further please understand this is my opinion, some of you will agree and some of you won't. none of it is meant to offend anyone!


i also do not agree with what this boy has done and agree that home schooling him will only make things worse for him. his "special needs", a term i also hate, does not excuse his behaviour.

the whole concept of intergrading individuals with developmental/physical challenges was to also educate us so called "normal" people as well.

individuals who for some reason can not/do not act according to "socially acceptable" behaviours are not always aware they are doing something wrong, and need the approriate education to act "normal" which btw is another term i hate.

everyone makes mistakes no matter what our mental issues are, and deserves the right to be taught acceptable behavior. and by this boy pleading guilty he knows he has done something wrong or at least it has been brought to his attention and hopefully his parents will ensure he gets the help he needs.

now don't anyone get your panties in a knot because i am NOT defending his actions, he may just not have known they were inappropriate or had a moment of misjudgement. i know i had many as a teenager. and lets not even throw in all the hormoral havic that we go through at that age

i really hope that both of the kids involved get all the help they need to resolve any issues that have come from this.

lisa keep your girl as safe as you can

and i'm sorry but i just have to put my 2cents in on the parent to parent comment
it would be nice if life were still that simple but its not and if you dont watch out for yourself and your children no one else will. IMO alot of parents today do not take the responsiblity they need to for their childrens behaviors. i am not perfect, although i wish i was , but i do believe and have faith that i am raising my son to know right from wrong, respect his elders, and use his manners. and yes i know there are always exceptions out there and no matter how hard the parents try they just cant do anything and that is when the resources available are hopefully put in place

 

[GeorgiaPeach]

Instead of responding to various quotes I will just try to address them generally....hope that will save space

I apologize if using the term "special needs" is offensive. Honestly, is there any word that can be used without causing offense? I doubt it...so many emotional triggers are pulled when something like this hits so close to home. I have three nephews with autism. All fall on various parts of the spectrum....ages 4, 6, 22. I've cried MANY times with my sister (mommy to the 4 & 6 yr olds) as she has faced insensitive people in stores, fought for the boys within the school system, etc. I agree...nobody living with these challenges have asked for it.

I disagree that home schooling will only make things worse. I believe that it completely depends on the child...whether they have challenges or not. My nephews are both in the public school system. The 6 yr old is mainstreamed into a classroom with the assistance of an aide. He also receives private, in home instruction. Both have benefited him.

I am all for integrating children of all levels in order to allow them to learn from each other....both educationally (is that a word ) and socially. My children are more sensitive to others that face challenges as they have listened to my sister's stories of "well meaning" people in stores, etc.

I hold no anger or animosity towards this boy. I feel sadness....for my daughter, for the boy, and for his family. All have been in my prayers. What I want for him is to continue his education...at a different school and to receive counseling. No matter what the extent of his mental challenges he is high enough functioning that he is aware that what he has done is wrong (as he has acknowledged in his letters).

According to the principal the boy's parents have already started counseling and are actively involved with getting him help and this entire process.

 

[chefheidi2003]

Lisa, I will continue to keep you and your family and this boy and his family in my prayers.

 

[heather9892]

Instead of responding to various quotes I will just try to address them generally....hope that will save space

I apologize if using the term "special needs" is offensive. Honestly, is there any word that can be used without causing offense? I doubt it...so many emotional triggers are pulled when something like this hits so close to home. I have three nephews with autism. All fall on various parts of the spectrum....ages 4, 6, 22. I've cried MANY times with my sister (mommy to the 4 & 6 yr olds) as she has faced insensitive people in stores, fought for the boys within the school system, etc. I agree...nobody living with these challenges have asked for it.

I disagree that home schooling will only make things worse. I believe that it completely depends on the child...whether they have challenges or not. My nephews are both in the public school system. The 6 yr old is mainstreamed into a classroom with the assistance of an aide. He also receives private, in home instruction. Both have benefited him.

I am all for integrating children of all levels in order to allow them to learn from each other....both educationally (is that a word ) and socially. My children are more sensitive to others that face challenges as they have listened to my sister's stories of "well meaning" people in stores, etc.

I hold no anger or animosity towards this boy. I feel sadness....for my daughter, for the boy, and for his family. All have been in my prayers. What I want for him is to continue his education...at a different school and to receive counseling. No matter what the extent of his mental challenges he is high enough functioning that he is aware that what he has done is wrong (as he has acknowledged in his letters).

According to the principal the boy's parents have already started counseling and are actively involved with getting him help and this entire process.

lisa
i took no offence at all to you using any terms it is just one i don't personally like using and having been working in this feild for a very long time i have seen and used many terms which are now considered unacceptable.
i am glad to hear that he is getting the counselling he needs and you are right being at a different school than your daughter would be best for both of them

as i said in my post it was strictly my opinion
here in canada where i live there is alot of children who do not respect their elders , use manners etc everything i was brought up to believe. i hope things are differnt in the US
but i did not intend to offend/upset anyone
i come to this site to get all the wonderful resources available for my business, and advice when i need be. i usually try to stay out of the emotionally heated threads and for some reason, maybe the late night i was having. all i can say is that i am sorry i now posted and upset/offended anyone and in the future will once again try to refrain from commenting in any heated threads

 

[GeorgiaPeach]

but i did not intend to offend/upset anyone
i come to this site to get all the wonderful resources available for my business, and advice when i need be. i usually try to stay out of the emotionally heated threads and for some reason, maybe the late night i was having. all i can say is that i am sorry i now posted and upset/offended anyone and in the future will once again try to refrain from commenting in any heated threads

Heather...I was not upset or offended by your thoughts or opinions. I agree that many times it's just easier to stay away from heated threads. Unfortunately...many threads that begin simple and mild :angel: , take off in different directions! :yuck:

 

[chefmeg]

just remember, too, that when we talk about our kids, out radar goes up a notch or twelve! I know my sensitivity level shoots sky high when folks bring my children into a situation-for example: my son has very recently has an issue with another boy in his class. this boy told my DS that he "hates" him and that he is "stupid". these are not words I allow my kids to use as they are hurtful and are often not easy to take back or apologize for. when this happened and my son would tell me, it made my blood boil and made me want to go and pummel that other child for hurting mine! I have discovered that these are normal feelings of a parent wanting to protect their child, what isn't nor,al is if I acted on the feelings. The situation is resolving itself because I demanded the teacher talk to this child even to the point of telling her we would have to get the principal and counseler and the other parents involved. IMHO, you can never be too safe when it comes to your kids. I think that is one thing we can all agree on!