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Lovely...ranting Vent

In summary, my AD demotes me back to Director, and my sister consultant tells me that my AD is feeling hurt and angry because I broke off the meetings. The sister consultant also says that my AD is telling people that I kicked ___(AD) out of the meetings. I think my response is great!
dannyzmom
Gold Member
9,321
I signed a new gal down in Miami yesterday. She lives about 1 hour and 15 mins away from me.

My AD (the one I just broke off from doing meetings with) holds meetings down in Miami as well as up in our county. When I told her my new gal might be attending her cook & book in Miami...she basically said "only if you will let my girls come to your meetings"

I am FUMING

I wrote her back pointing out that my girls are part of HER downline!!!
Well...here is what I wrote:

ME: But isn't my team part of YOUR downline??

HER: sure, but you don't want to reciprocate? Are you suggesting that I train your cluster and you won't train mine? Carolyn, YOU said you wanted to work with your team.

ME: It's not a matter of reciprocating - it's a matter of me wanting to work with MY team to help us bond as a cluster. We have been unable to do that holding meetings with your cluster. We've had personality clashes between the two teams where my girls are not comfortable with the negativity that was coming from several of your girls (Jane, Sally, Doris...yes, Doris is a very sweet person but as far as her attitude about her business that she shows at meetings, it was very discouraging to my team).

I don't make a dime in overrides from your team and if their attendance is damaging the moral of my team, I can't afford that. You, on the other hand, DO make overrides on my team so I would think you would WANT to help train them. My newest gal in Miami, Lorraine, is a single mom working full time. My meetings are held an hour away from where she lives. She would never be able to get all the way up here after work on a Monday night.

If you would rather not have her at the Miami meetings, I can put in a request for hospitality for her. I just thought, being that you get paid on her sales, that you would want to be the one offering her that hospitality.


(names have been changed to protect the innocent)
I have not yet sent the reply...shoudl I?
Am I wrong??
Oh, and PS...yesterday I rec'd my monthly newsletter from AD and enclosed was an invitation to the Cook & Book...why enclose an invitation when you're not really inviting??
 
I thought your response was good. I don't think you were out of line at all pointing those things out.

Wow, is she being petty!!! I just can't believe someone in a leadership role would act like that. Geez.
 
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  • #3
pamperedbecky said:
I thought your response was good. I don't think you were out of line at all pointing those things out.

Wow, is she being petty!!! I just can't believe someone in a leadership role would act like that. Geez.

THANK YOU!!!!!!
I sit here and second guess myself. Am I being selfish/stingy? She has always been a petty person. It's just who she is...always has been, as long as I have known her. She is really wounded by my breaking off the meetings. I spoke with a sister consultant of mine (a FD under my AD) and she said "So, I hear you kicked ___(AD) out of your meetings?"
So...that is how AD is feeling and telling people she feels. ARGH.
 
whatever you do I wd copy you NED-from this point on---
I would look for hospitality and totally take care of my own kin----Honestly she doesn't deserve to have your amazing energy nor your teams in her presence PERIOD----keep them SAFE--
 
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  • #5
Hmm...hadn't thought about copying NED. I'll gather all the emails right now and put tthem together to forward.

I know our NED knows how my AD is and knows all abotu her emotional instability. We have talked about it many times.

My AD demotes TODAY back down to Director...so I am sure she's in a tizzy about that which is probably feeding into her nastiness.
 
morfia said:
whatever you do I wd copy you NED-from this point on---
I would look for hospitality and totally take care of my own kin----

Honestly she doesn't deserve to have your amazing energy nor your teams in her presence PERIOD----

keep them SAFE--

I was just going to say this. Copy your NED or at least your Exec.

Even though she is paid for your team I don't think I'd want your team there. Do you really think she would treat them well?

BTW: I think your response is great! Send it.
 
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  • #7
Can I just stop for a second and say: I am SO thankful to have our Chef Success Director Team. I have come to truly admire and respect every one of you and I so appreciate having you all here to bounce things off of.

I was REALLY uncertain about this situation - questioning my own generosity and ability to be a team player. I knew from you all I would get honest and reasonable responses. I must say, I was SO unsure of my footing in this situation that I was sure someone would say "You're being selfish Carolyn" - so it's really great to hear I am on the right track and to hear it from a bunch of people I hold in such high esteem!
 
I completely agree with Morfia on all counts.

At this point, it sounds as if she'd be petty enough to make your recruit feel very unwelcome even if she did take her in. (A little passive aggressive transference.)

I wouldn't engage her in discussing why she should have said yes right away. I'd send a gracious email (where's Beth when we need her!), saying okay, I understand it's your call whether to support your downline, CC your NED, and make a hospitality request to HO (and let them know your AD is not available.)
 
Oh...Beth is here! (That's what I get for typing slow!)
 
  • #10
I agree Kris--Don't give her what she wants which is negative attention---
thank her for her HONESTY (BLEEP) and move on
 
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  • #11
legacypc46 said:
I completely agree with Morfia on all counts.

At this point, it sounds as if she'd be petty enough to make your recruit feel very unwelcome even if she did take her in. (A little passive aggressive transference.)

I wouldn't engage her in discussing why she should have said yes right away. I'd send a gracious email (where's Beth when we need her!), saying okay, I understand it's your call whether to support your downline, CC your NED, and make a hospitality request to HO (and let them know your AD is not available.)

Does my email above qualify as "gracious?" (remember, I am a Jersey girl at heart so when things like this happen, I have the sudden urge to tease my hair up really big and get nasty. So, I can sometimes lose sight of what would be considered a "gracious" response - LOL)
 
  • #12
watch it Jersey girl's got your back!!
 
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  • #13
PS - I don't klnow if I was clear in the first posts...but I have NOT sent that last blue portion. It's sitting on my screen waiting to be sent. I opted to come here for advice first. So, should I send it? or re-work it?
 
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  • #14
morfia said:
watch it Jersey girl's got your back!!

Yo! You tawkin' tuh me???
 
  • #15
NO-WAY!! that is what she wants--Send her the thanks for being honest I still get confused on who supports who sometimes thanks for MAKING IT CLEAR--
 
  • #16
badabinggggg
 
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  • #17
morfia said:
NO-WAY!! that is what she wants--

Send her the thanks for being honest I still get confused on who supports who sometimes thanks for MAKING IT CLEAR--

Really??? That's all???
(I have such a hard time being a woman of few words - LOL)
I am still thinking I should send it...to make my point. kwim?
 
  • #18
ok--side not yesterday I had a pretty tough day---I called a girlfriend and saw sex in the city last night---It was gr8--go see it---WITH THE GIRLS
 
  • #19
morfia said:
ok--side not yesterday I had a pretty tough day---I called a girlfriend and saw sex in the city last night---It was gr8--go see it---WITH THE GIRLS

Wouldn't it be great to get a group together while we're in Chicago to go see it together?!

Back to the subject: Carolyn, after thinking about this I would NOT send it to your AD. I agree that you should just reply that you understand her position - or just don't reply.

Send the response to your Exec or NED though. She needs to know how your AD is acting. Of course, change it to be addressed to the person you're sending it to and reword it so it reflects what you've been going through with her.

They need to know. I might also copy your sales manager. She is not fulfilling her agreement as a director.
 
  • #20
Carolyn, I tend to agree with not sending the "blue" portion as it will just feed this "miss negativity pants" (although I would have to say I would send it just to make myself feel better!)and I think getting Hospitality is best for your new recruit. Your AD sounds very selfish and would probably take out her frustrations on this poor newbie. Don't give her the satisfaction! Copying your ED is a great idea!
It amazes me how some people can be so petty:yuck:
 
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  • #21
ok ok ok - majority wins. I won't send the blue portion...but MAN I want to!!!!

Can ya'll help me word something polite (but that GETS THE POINT ACROSS to her that it is her JOB to feed the consultants under her while it is NOT my job to feed HER people...it is MY job to look out for MY people.
 
  • #22
I don't think I would go there with her~she is now demoted back to D and she obviously doesn't get what her obligations are and you pointing them out will only add fuel to her fire. Ignore her email and find hospitality for your new girl and let it go! Easier said than done, I know!

OR

tell her "I will find D that won't mind helping my new person since it seems to be a problem for you".....not exactly polite, but I bet it gets the point across!
 
  • #23
dannyzmom said:
ok ok ok - majority wins. I won't send the blue portion...but MAN I want to!!!!

Can ya'll help me word something polite (but that GETS THE POINT ACROSS to her that it is her JOB to feed the consultants under her while it is NOT my job to feed HER people...it is MY job to look out for MY people.

That might be something to ask your ED or NED when you email her about the situation. Forward your AD's response to the ED/NED and ask that question of her. It would be better if the upper level director said that to her than if you said it.
 
  • #24
TADAAAA!!! now why didn't I think of that????Can take the girl out of Jersey but not the jersey out of the girl...
 
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  • #25
morfia said:
TADAAAA!!! now why didn't I think of that????

Can take the girl out of Jersey but not the jersey out of the girl...

Gimme back my Aqua Net and me Teasing Comb.:devil:
 
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  • #26
bethcooks4u said:
That might be something to ask your ED or NED when you email her about the situation. Forward your AD's response to the ED/NED and ask that question of her. It would be better if the upper level director said that to her than if you said it.

Okay...so I copied all the emails in order and pasted them into an email to our NED. I also added the email I had "wanted" to send but didn't - and specified that in the email to NED.

Our Sales Manager was recently changed (AD told me this last week), and I can't remember the name of our new one. If I heard it I'd recognize it. We HAD Karin Logston...but not anymore. I knwo it's not Jan Gilbert or Susie Lite...but can't think of the name of who it is. Toss some name out at me if you know of any...
 
  • #27
dannyzmom said:
Okay...so I copied all the emails in order and pasted them into an email to our NED. I also added the email I had "wanted" to send but didn't - and specified that in the email to NED.

Our Sales Manager was recently changed (AD told me this last week), and I can't remember the name of our new one. If I heard it I'd recognize it. We HAD Karin Logston...but not anymore. I knwo it's not Jan Gilbert or Susie Lite...but can't think of the name of who it is. Toss some name out at me if you know of any...

Good girl! Let us know what she says. AND be strong! Don't reply to your director until you hear back from your NED!
 
  • #28
Tracy Williams---off the get some Jersey bagels with a smeer
 
  • #29
Wow, she really is PO'd at you! So, are looking for a polite way to tell her to "f*** off"? Cause, there really isn't one ya know.

Seriously, she is still stinging from you seperating your monthly meetings from her and she wants to hurt you. She can't see past her own selfishness and that what she is really doing is cutting off her nose to spite her face. Request hospitality and be done with her.

And I agree with the others who have said that you should let your NED know what is going on. Do not let her have the upper hand. Hold your ground and take the high road.
 
  • #30
Our HO Sales Manager is Angela Arico - not sure of the spelling though.
 
  • #31
She's clearly bent over the "break up" and now the demotion. I'd e-mail her and tell her that you see where she is coming from and that you'll find hospitality for her. And leave it at that.
 
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  • #32
pamperedlinda said:
Our HO Sales Manager is Angela Arico - not sure of the spelling though.

That name sounds familar...maybe it's her.
I just emailed HO to find out who my SM is and to get her contact info.
 
  • #33
Obviously she's pi**ed off that you decided to hold your own. It sounds like she had self esteem issues and she's taken them out on you. I wouldn't even let me new girl attend b/c she'll be such a b**ch to her and we would all hate that!

Is the SM Linda Bowles?
 
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  • #34
pamperedlinda said:
Wow, she really is PO'd at you!

yeah, ya think???

pamperedlinda said:
So, are looking for a polite way to tell her to "f*** off"? Cause, there really isn't one ya know.
Honestly, as much as that is my style (to tell someone to f*** off)...I really just feel for her. She is so broken and damaged.

pamperedlinda said:
Seriously, she is still stinging from you seperating your monthly meetings from her and she wants to hurt you. She can't see past her own selfishness and that what she is really doing is cutting off her nose to spite her face. Request hospitality and be done with her.

And I agree with the others who have said that you should let your NED know what is going on. Do not let her have the upper hand. Hold your ground and take the high road.
 
  • #35
One last thing...and I may be posting too late...when you send any emails to anyone about this gal, always be prepared for her to end up seeing them.

(There's no such thing as a private email.)
 
  • #36
Carolyn and Morfia, I went to college for a year on Lon-Gisland...does that give me a temporary Jersey pass? (Yeah, I know it's in New York...but most of the students were from New Jersey.) ;)
 
  • #37
I think you are going about it the right way by cc'ing your NED, and I would also work on finding hospitality for your new girl, don't want your director "poisoning" her
 
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  • #38
legacypc46 said:
Carolyn and Morfia, I went to college for a year on Lon-Gisland...does that give me a temporary Jersey pass? (Yeah, I know it's in New York...but most of the students were from New Jersey.) ;)

Yeah - i think that qualifies ya.
:::: passing the hair spray:::::
 
  • #39
my Mom is from Jersey....can I have the teasing comb please?
 
  • #40
Carolyn, like I said in our call this morning - I have no Jersey connections (well.. my BIL lives in New York and DH has other family in CT but that's the closest) but I have some of those same inclinations (wanting to get my feelings stated...). And as you said, you're rubbing off on me too so I want in the club!
 
  • #41
i used laquer--not hairspray--and boy did i have BIG hair
 
  • #42
I'm not from Jersey and heve never been to Jersey - but I bet this southern gal could have given your big hair some competition! I was so much taller in the 80's ;)
 
  • #43
I drove through Jersey once when I was going to or from NY. So I HAVE been there! It counts.:cool: :rolleyes:
 
  • #44
EEEK! It kills me how many questionable people have become upper level directors in PC> I can't even imagine how! That being said it seems like you have gotten some sound advice. CC your upline let them deal with her and treat her like a pit bull...never leave her alone around your kids!

My team is like that also, they will not be around my AD. I love her and forgive her the flaws, but truly she is not healthy around new consultants. From your posts I think your new girl would happily drive the hour to you to escape her meetings.
No biggie in NEPA, I drive an hour to grocery shop!

Please keep us posted and know that it will be ok :)
 
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  • #45
Heard back from NED today - a brief email saying I should either go do all my own meetings or suck it up and go bak to AD. She says she (NED) understands my points perfectly but that obviously AD does not.
So, it's basically a bless and release...pretty much what ya'll concluded this morning.

My fingers are SO itching to email SOMETHING to AD like what Meg and Morfia said earlier today...

Meg said "tell her "I will find D that won't mind helping my new person since it seems to be a problem for you".....not exactly polite, but I bet it gets the point across!"

...Morfia said "thanks for being honest I still get confused on who supports who sometimes thanks for MAKING IT CLEAR--"

Tips? Suggestions?
 
  • #46
I think it would tick her off more if you just ignored her. She wants you to be mad and she wants you to respond to her - I don't think she'd even care if you were groveling or telling her off - she wants you to do one of those. If you ignore her then you have won. kwim ;)
 
  • #47
pamperedlinda said:
I think it would tick her off more if you just ignored her. She wants you to be mad and she wants you to respond to her - I don't think she'd even care if you were groveling or telling her off - she wants you to do one of those. If you ignore her then you have won. kwim ;)
I totally agree. Ignore her completely.


I would WANT to tell her those things but you be the adult here.
 
  • #48
dannyzmom said:
...Morfia said "thanks for being honest I still get confused on who supports who sometimes thanks for MAKING IT CLEAR--"

Tips? Suggestions?

I personally like Morfia's! :devil:

But honestly Linda & Beth are right, she needs attention and she thinks she can get it from you.
Bless and tell her to &*%$#! Off (oops, I meant release!)
 
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  • #49
Yeah - you're all right, I know. I always tell my sons "just ignore him and then you win" but they always give in and start fighting back.
I am feelingn like them right now.
But Mommmmmm!! I cannnnn't ignorrrrre herrrrrrr!!!!
 
  • #50
Does she have monthly director meetings that you attend? Or do you both attend the same meetings with another upper level director? Is there any upcoming situation that will require the two of you to be in the same room? If you won't be able to ignore her then, you need a good comeback when she asks how your recruit is or if she asks what you arranged for your recruit. Be sure you have a good one that will let her know you don't NEED her. Hopefully one that will leave her with nothing to say.
 

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