Personal I Swear My Mil Is Trying to Kill My Husband!

[chefcharity]

We just found out a week or so ago that my husbands cholesterol is OUTRAGEOUS! And I don't mean just a little high, I mean Try. in the 500's! Bad Chol doesn't register it is so high and good chol is a 24. Now, if you don't know what that means, it means, pretty much that he a walking heart attack waiting to happen!

We don't eat that bad. Everything we eat is wheat, hardly any red meat in house (all chk, deer, turkey), no snack cakes and on and on. Now, what he does when not at home, I cannot control.

Ok, so his mother - who had a heart attack at 35, has a pace maker and has been in the hospital numerous times over her heart - still smokes a pack a day and cooks like she always has. Even though she knows how upset we are over this, she doesn't try. We went over there for dinner tonight - they were fixing steaks. DH told her we'd bring chk. So, we cooked chk and steaks on grill.. DH was PERFECTLY happy w/ chk! It wasn't even my decision, he made the call. Anyhow, MIL kept going on about how good the steak was and offering him more and offering him a taste. You know, really, come on.. shouldn't you be just a little concerned about his health? She feels she had all those problems and a little (a lot!) of medicine has helped her. Well, forgive me for not thinking a man of 38yrs old should live the rest of his life on medication when he can make better choices.

She told a SIL that I needed to 'lighten up" with him over this. call me crazy, but I'd really like the father of my children to grow old with me. I can't help but blame her just a little for his condition. Although it is hereditary feeding him steak, potatoes, biscuits, gravy, snack cakes and every other unhealthy thing under the sun for 30 yrs before I found him didn't help! I would never come out and say that to her because it IS irrational and I know that. I'm just very irritated.

So, hopefully my DH can withstand the peer pressure from his FAMILY and live to see 40. Now I get to worry about teaching my kids the good food from the bad so they don't end up like this in 30yrs. Yes, they can still have SOME fries.. just not daily! I'm not a crazy mom! ... well, a little, but I try not to be.

Thank you for letting me vent. So over a grown woman thinking there are no consiquences for treating your body like crap. God did not give up bodies to abuse! Granted, we all have at one time or another. BUT we should learn and move on....

ok.. really, i'm done now. UGH! In-laws!!!

 

[ChefBeckyD]

I understand a little of how you feel. But my issues are with my son, who has a gluten/corn intolerance. It's so irritating that Grandma, and others in the family feel the need to "spoil" him when he's with them.


Um, yeah, you spoil him, and then I get to deal with the excruciating stomach cramps, and the temper outbursts, and the defiance, and crankiness until we can get the junk out of his system.

You think you're giving him a treat, but to his little system what you are giving him is poison!:grumpy::grumpy::grumpy:


It's almost to the point where I don't like for him to go to certain people's homes if I'm not going to be there. He will actually say "no thank you" to things, and they keep saying "oh, come on, you can have just one..." How is a 6 yr. old supposed to deal with that from adults he's supposed to trust?

 

[akrebecca]

I understand a little of how you feel. But my issues are with my son, who has a gluten/corn intolerance. It's so irritating that Grandma, and others in the family feel the need to "spoil" him when he's with them.


Um, yeah, you spoil him, and then I get to deal with the excruciating stomach cramps, and the temper outbursts, and the defiance, and crankiness until we can get the junk out of his system.

You think you're giving him a treat, but to his little system what you are giving him is poison!:grumpy::grumpy::grumpy:


It's almost to the point where I don't like for him to go to certain people's homes if I'm not going to be there. He will actually say "no thank you" to things, and they keep saying "oh, come on, you can have just one..." How is a 6 yr. old supposed to deal with that from adults he's supposed to trust?

Something I don't understand is why loving relatives would push your son to eat something he knows & they know he can't have. To me that shows a lack of respect for you & they are undermining your authority as a parent. For me, if a child has a food allergy or intolerence, or some sort of other allergy, I make sure to accommodate that. It could be a life or death allergy. I would feel really bad if I 'pushed' a piece of candy on a kid-who has said "no, thank you"-and landed him in the hospital.

 

[lockhartkitchen]

My MIL does the same thing. She buys the kids junk food, tells my daughter it's for her only (not her two siblings) and that she needs to hide it. She doesn't have to deal with the arguing and crying when her siblings find it and get into it. My youngest can't have all these sugary things. She has had bad teeth since she was two and we have to have her brush often. My MIL disregards ANY "rules" we've been put in place.

 

[raebates]

People just don't get it. I can't tell you how many times I've had to explain that controlling my diabetes is about all of the food I eat--the timing, the amount, and the combination of foods themselves. People think that all I have to worry about is candy. Charity, I hope your husband is able to stand up to the pressure and provide a good example for your kids. This could turn out to be a very good thing for them as they see that going along with the crowd isn't necessary. Think of all of the things the crowd is going to try to talk them into.

 

[esavvymom]

Ultimately, it's your husband who will have to stand up to his mother- and maybe very strongly. It's his life and he has to make a choice. Just because the food is there, doesn't mean he has to take it.I know with my MIL, she has always had a tendency to push food. Not like your MIL story, but she knew that we were trying to lose weight or eat healthier portions,e tc. In fact, MOST of the family have struggled with weight (his sister had the stomach surgery several years ago). We'd have dinner with them- salads, bread/rolls/garlic bread (lots of butter), huge portions of meat, and usually potatoes of some sort. But a steak to her isn't a normal steak- she get's HUGE steaks- one per person! My DH and I would always split one and she'd get mad. If we took a whole one, we never ate it all. Yet SHE would only take a small piece. We finally said "Look, YOU won't even eat that much. We do not want that much- it's just not healthy."ANyway- your Husband will have to stand up to her. Hang in there!

 

[BlueMoon]

I remember when my partner and I were trying to go vegetarian, and my MIL would try to sneak meat into our food....what is wrong with people? is it denial?

 

[heather223]

I understand where you are coming from, my MIL is the same. She makes stupid comments when I am around. I have a 4 month old and she snottily asked me if I was going to feed him organic baby food. She also gave my 2 older children candy without even feeding them lunch. It is a constant battle of candy, cookies, brownies, pop, you get the point. I really try to not let my kids have these things except for a rare occassion. I dislike having to leave the kids with her when I know meals need to be served because she just doesn't get it!

 

[chefcharity]

thanks for not thinking I am totally crazy! My hubby did very well with her this weekend at the dinner and did hold his ground. He knows how worried I am and I think he is too... as he should be. Eventually, he is going to have to talk to her. I know he just hopes she'll 'get it' before he has to do that.

Good luck ladies with your MIL... it is definitely a battle. We just have to pick the right battle. I'm thinking the health of our familes is just that.

 

[esavvymom]

I think a lot of times - it is GUILT! When someone is doing the right thing- like trying to eat healthy, it makes them either feel guilty, or maybe feel like you are saying they did (are doing) things wrong. Rather than being supportive, they try to bring us down so they don't have to feel too bad if we succeed and they don't.

 

[Intrepid_Chef]

It sounds like a hereditary problem and that your MIL is throwing up her hands in frustration. Maybe she's tried the healthy route before and it didn't help.I agree, your husband needs to stand up to her.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

I remember when my partner and I were trying to go vegetarian, and my MIL would try to sneak meat into our food....what is wrong with people? is it denial?

Okay - I'm sorry...but that just made me laugh. It's so ridiculous! Did she think you wouldn't see/taste the meat?

I think some of it is denial. And some of it is ignorance. (I don't mean that in a derogatory way) When you know better, you do better. BUT my MIL & FIL both have health issues that could be dealt with by changing their diet - high blood pressure, high cholesterol, acid reflux, etc...and they both would rather eat at McDonalds for lunch, go to the Dunkin' Donuts for a snack, and go to Pizza Hut EVERY week and the gas station for a "cappucchino" (THAT stuff is not for real!) and then take several different expensive medications.

I KNOW that they think that my little guy's issues could all be taken care of if I just give him some kind of pill. That's their way of dealing with it.

 

[Intrepid_Chef]

Becky and all, ask them this, "If he were allergic to peanuts and tree nuts, would you give him peanut butter cookies, chocolate chip cookies with walnuts and fries cooked in peanut oil?"My nephew has a life-threatening allergy to peanuts and tree nuts, and my family has learned to adjust. I don't see any difference between that and a gluten allergy, etc.