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I Feel Like a Failure as a Mommy...

In summary, the pediatrician is concerned that the lack of weight gain may be due to the fact that the child does not eat enough and recommends increasing the water intake and offering more fatty foods.
tabnat80
Gold Member
840
:cry: :cry: I took my 2 year old to the pediatrician today for his well visit and basically was chewed out that my son only weighs 21 lbs. He's always been in the 10th percentile since birth. I'm very petite, my mother is petite and his granddaddy (from my husband's side) only weighed 125 lbs when he graduated boot camp. I don't know what else to do. I feed my child. I can't force him to eat. Like today, you would think he would be hungry after getting home from the dr. I stopped by Zaxby's and got him fingers and fries. He ate 3 fries, the whole container of ranch dressing and maybe 1/4th of a cupcake. I am so sad. He's always been a big fruit lover. But, fruit isn't going to pack on the lbs like meat and other stuff. Dr. suggested that i make him fruity milk shakes daily to help fatten him up. He wants to see us back in 3 months. If he hasn't started gaining, dr. wants to put him on medication to make him gain weight! I am not comfortable with this at all. Jacob had acid reflux really bad when he was first born and didn't come off of the acid medicine until he was 18 months old. We saw a specialist for this. He was never a good nurser and never really cared for baby food. I am just worried sick. He's only gained 11 ounces since his 18 month visit. I don't know what to do, but in the meantime, i feel like a failure as a mommy. Please pray for him to gain weight. I don't know what else to do. :cry:
 
Honey, you are not a failure! Look at his genetics! It's no wonder he is small!My son was also small. Now at 4 yo he's maybe 33 lbs??? Always 10th %ile. Just make sure to give him foods with lots of fat, but watch out for the sugar. A milkshake is not a good idea, but a smoothie with full fat yogurt would work. Even throw some protein powder in there. Cheese is great, too. Grilled cheese sandwiches, cheese cubes, etc. Will he eat avocado? Some good fat there. You are doing the right thing by not forcing your little one to eat. You are NOT a failure.
 
Tabitha - how does he do with dairy? My DS (now 4) hit a stage around the same time where he refused to eat. He also weighed about the same. Basically his tummy hurt because he wasn't digesting milk/dairy well and he couldn't verbalize that well. I switched him to soy milk for 1 year and he did great. I gradually weaned him back to regular milk as he got older and his body got better digestively.Luckily my doctor wasn't that extreme and willing to work with me on the foods...I KNEW it wasn't anything else.Besides, all kids grow at different rates...I'll have to see what DS weighed then, but he was fine. He is now 4 1/2 and weighs 39 lbs. which is just fine!
 
I would keep a food log for him right down what you offer him and how much of that he eats. That way when you go back to the doctors you will have proof of what you are giving him. That might help the doctor see you are doing right by your son. I would try and give him foods that will help him gain weight like the doctor says. Don't feel like you are a failure as long as you know you are doing the right things. GOod Luck, Michelle
 
Put butter on EVERYTHING, lol! My friend would do this with her kids, cause they were always super tiny too... and those kids ate!! everyone is so different. Don't beat yourself up! Have you thought about looking into a different pediatrician? It really bugs me the way some act. I think he could have handled this more tactfully than pretty much chewing you out!

BIG HUGS to you...
 
  • Thread starter
  • #6
Well, he loves his milk. Dr. said to cut back on the milk and juice and offer more water so that he won't get full off of drinks. I constantly give him something to drink. He love drinking. Dr said this may be why he doesn't eat much but I don't know because he never really drank a full 8 ounces when he took the bottle.
 
Second opinionThe beauty of insurance in America is that you have the option to get a second opinion. GET ONE QUICK!!

I would never let a doctor threaten to put my child on medication for not being a certain weight at 2 years old. For heaven's sake what kind of a doctor is this? I mean if the child is not weak, lethargic, sickly or neglected, why would they even have a problem with this.

Two year olds are the pickiest eaters. My two year old who weighs 27 pounds is one of the most adventurous, most hyper monkey boy on this planet!! He eats cereal everyday!!! He loves it, and not much else. He does like to eat bread, tortillas, fruit, cheese, milk, animal crackers, nuggets, and fries but when he feels like it. Some days it's just cereal, milk and a cheese stick. Other days he eats more but that's only if he feels like it. I won't ever force him. Well that's my two cents!! :p

Debbie :chef:

Doctors don't know everything and I have a suspicion that alot of times most of the diagnosis we get are just their own personal opinions.
 
My almost 4 year old only weighs 34 lbs. And is 41 inches tall. He has always been in the 90-95% for height and about 20% for weight. His dr has never said anything to us about his weight. He always asks if he eats good, eats vegetables, fruit, etc. He eats only when he wants too. Sometimes i don't think he eats hardly anything for 2 or 3 days but boy when he does watch out cause he could eat the house!!! Are you worried about his weight? Does he look weak and puney? Go with your feelings and if you think he is fine then go with that. Most moms can sense when things are not all okay.
 
Is he happy? Healthy? If the answer is yes then I would get a new doctor. I would only be concerned with his weight if he is always sick. I have a friend whose DD was 18 lbs at 1 year and only 19 lbs at 2 years. Her doctor never batted an eyelash since my friend is petite. I have another friend whose DS is 4 and 26 lbs. Again, petite parents. On a personal level my DD wasn't gaining as quickly as she should have been early on, so we checked her weight monthly to make sure there was an increase. Her birth weight was 7.10 lbs and at 6 months she weighed 12.6. Around 3 months we got an echo of her heart (I had open heart surgery as a baby) just to rule that out and she was fine. At about 6 months I started taking her to a chiropractor and by 9 months she was 18.6 lbs. I know I'm always preaching about the chiropractor on here, but you may want to give that a try. Also, get him checked for allergies. Like Janet said, if dairy is an issue he may have trouble absorbing nutrients. Sorry this was so long, but I get so irritated with doctors. They love to be fear mongers sometimes!!
 
  • #10
My nephew was born 6 weeks premature. His face no bigger than an orange. He just turned 20 and he is now on the other end of the scale...having to watch his weight.

My grandfather always worried about my son. Just so little (his father and I are pleasantly plump!) He just turned 18 and has had to lose some weight and work out so he feels good.

My oldest nephew was named "The Michelan Man" he had more rolls than a bakery!!! He is going to turn 22 and his weight is fine.

You are NOT a failure as a mother. Try the fruit milkshakes made with frozen yogurt. Or try a little canned fruit packed in light syrup. Try six small meals a day. As long as he is taking a multivitamin he will be ok. Meat will not pack on pounds alone. He is only 2 and has a metabolism we all envy!! Let him have the snacks that may be a little higher in calories too.

Also, if ask the doctor if you can be refered to a dietician to help you out. He/she can suggest healthy but more caloric dense foods and be able to work with you. I have a 2 year degree in Food Service Administration, health related. (or as I say, just enough knowledge to be dangerous!!) A dietician has a 4 year degree, has completed and internship, has to pass a test to be approved by the American Dietetics Association and has to keep up to date on all aspects the profession. Doctors have so much other areas they have to learn, that they knowledge of nutrition is limited.

Next time you go to the doctor, let him stand in a wading pool with a diaper on and the doctor will be impressed with the weight gain!!

If it will make you feel better, have a good cry, and then realize, you ARE a good Mom. We all wish they came with an owner's manual and sometimes doctors can make Moms feel totally inadequate. Give that baby a kiss for us!:)
 
  • #11
That doctor's attitude is exactly why this nation is overweight.

I have 2 sons and a grandson who were "underweight" according to the charts. They were all fed a healthy diet and are healthy now. Some people are small and lean.

Your son GAINED 11 ounces. If he was LOSING weight I would worry. Offer him healthy choices. Help him learn healthy eating. What if you just got the chicken and didn't get the fries? Would he eat some of the meat then?

Get a second opinion.

Also, where do these guys get the idea that it's okay to chew us out? I just had that happen at the doctor's office too. I am looking for someone new. There was no reason for his attitude. I know I'm not perfect but this was a non issue that he latched onto.
 
  • #12
Along with the food log, take pictures of yourself and family members as children--if you can---2nd opinions are good, too.
And I also would encourage following your Mommy heart--you know your child the best.
 
  • #13
tabnat80 said:
Well, he loves his milk. Dr. said to cut back on the milk and juice and offer more water so that he won't get full off of drinks. I constantly give him something to drink. He love drinking. Dr said this may be why he doesn't eat much but I don't know because he never really drank a full 8 ounces when he took the bottle.

Have you ever heard of milk anemia? Too much calcium can prevent the absorption of iron, causing the children to have iron levels similar to actual anemics. Milk is full of fat, so that could be what is filling him up. I would definitely cut his milk intake to either a cup/bottle at night or in the morning and see if there are any improvements.
 
  • #14
I honestly dont think I would go back to that dr. You said he was 10% on weight where is he on ht? Right now my DD is not even on the charts for weight she is so tiny and my dr. says it doesnt matter as long as she is not in the 90% for ht and - on wt. I had another ped tell me also no to worry about the charts cause they are made for those kids who are heavier. My sisters dr though had her give her DS 1 TBS of peanut butter everyday at age 1 and he weighed over 20lbs. So I guess every dr is different.
Go with what your gut is telling you. Good Luck.
 
  • #15
tabnat80 said:
Well, he loves his milk. Dr. said to cut back on the milk and juice and offer more water so that he won't get full off of drinks. I constantly give him something to drink. He love drinking. Dr said this may be why he doesn't eat much but I don't know because he never really drank a full 8 ounces when he took the bottle.

I give my son water in his bottle because his cousins always had juice. They never could drink anything that didn't have a "flavor" to it. My son loves water and milk. The milk is good for him and is helping him (for one thing) form strong bones. I think the milkshake thing will work good.

The doctor could have a point in the fluids making him full enough that he is just not as hungry. I like the suggestions made by others here too.

Just don't beat yourself up. :balloon:
 
  • #16
BethCooks4U said:
That doctor's attitude is exactly why this nation is overweight.

Could not agree with you more!!!
 
  • #17
daniellemorgan said:
Have you ever heard of milk anemia? Too much calcium can prevent the absorption of iron, causing the children to have iron levels similar to actual anemics. Milk is full of fat, so that could be what is filling him up. I would definitely cut his milk intake to either a cup/bottle at night or in the morning and see if there are any improvements.

It depends on the fat content of the milk. Skim and 1% fat milk are obviously not full of fat.

You point about milk anemia is a good one.
 
  • #18
Jennie4PC said:
My sisters dr though had her give her DS 1 TBS of peanut butter everyday at age 1...

Peanut butter at 1!!!!! :eek: :eek:

Children aren't supposed to have peanut butter until after 2, some reports say 3 because of the severity of peanut allergies. Again idiot doctors!!!
 
  • #19
The dr should also remember after they turn 1 they may only gain 1 lb a yr since they are so active.
 
  • #20
baychef said:
It depends on the fat content of the milk. Skim and 1% fat milk are obviously not full of fat.

You point about milk anemia is a good one.

Good point! I should've specified. Most kids are getting full fat at that age, so I didn't think of it. :)
 
  • #21
My sister did give it to him which shocked me since she refused to give it to her oldest before she was 2. She said his weight was more important then an allergy. Although I have given my kids peanut butter at 1 also.
 
  • #22
I had gotten my son a play pen (ok...it was for me when I had to get some things done without his "help") I was picking him up more by the tops of his arms and I am sure, in a hurry, he developed a little light bruising.

When he went in for a dr. visit, a ped. dr. that should have retired, questioned me 9 ways to Sunday and all but accused me of child abuse. Luckily, I got mad first and then cried on the way home. I politely gave him a piece of my mind and requested that we never see him again. Another ped. dr was a mean b*stard and the one I insisted on was a wonderful dr. Laid back but on top of something if it did develop.

There are some simply wonderful dr.'s out there, but it just takes one to make you wonder if these guys got their license at a Blue light Special a K-Mart (no insult to K-Mart!)
 
  • #23
daniellemorgan said:
Peanut butter at 1!!!!! :eek: :eek:

Children aren't supposed to have peanut butter until after 2, some reports say 3 because of the severity of peanut allergies. Again idiot doctors!!!

Choking would be my first concern. My son had peanut butter before he was 2 and he is fine. It depends on the child. Also, as we age, we can either develop or lose allergies to many things. Allergies are not only mysterious, but they make you miserable!:cry:
 
  • #24
I just took my son to his WIC appt. today and he weighs 32 lbs..... he will be three on 9/15....................

I give him rice and beans, he loves it....................pork chops, chicken, fruits like grapes, mandarin oranges, apples........ cheerios, mini pancakes for breakfast.................try ensure (i can't remember the name for kids brand)

Do not let your doctor put him on medication.........are his bones showing???????:mad:

Honey, DO NOT feel like a failure, NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everybody is different and so are there eating habits and metabolisms....................right now all my 3 kids (ages-9, 5 on 06/06, and my two yr old) are always raiding the fridge, i feel like i have to do grocery shooping every week...........and a couple of months ago, they were hardly eating........................baby carrots for snacks, my kids love this

one other thing......... change doctors
 
  • #25
You are not a failure. I went through this with my DD for 2 years. She has always been in the negative 10th percentile, and the Dr. always told me she was too little. I would shrug it off because I am tiny. I am 5'2 102 lbs. They would tell me to put butter on all her food, give her lots of meat etc.. and I refused. I let her eat when she was hungry, but couldn't stand someone telling me how to raise my child. I was not going to force her and give her butter of all things to fatten her up. At her 2 year, the Dr was angry. DD weighed 19 lbs. He told me She needed to go for blood tests and all to check why her weight was off. he had me so worried. I refused. At her 3 year the Dr. said "she must be little like her mommy" DUH I have been saying that all along. Now DD is 3 1/2 and weighs 25 lbs. She is still neg 10 for weight, but 75th for height. Tall girl. I know she is healthy.

Just wanted you to see others have been through this. I know it is frustrating, but as long as you feel your child is healthy, thats what matters.
 
  • #26
Such great feed back, Becky. Whether it is children or adults...with food intake, one size does not fit all.

In a semi-related story, my girlfriend has a son in the 7th grade. (Her second of 5 children) The teachers and counselors keep telling her that he needs to be tested for ADD. She has had him tested about 4 times. He does not have it, yet they insist that he needs to be on medication.

Recently, she had had enough. She gives him a multivitamin everyday and tells him to take his medicine (he does not realize it is a multivitamin). When she was asked by the school if he was on medicine, she simply said, "yes".

Remarkably, his behavior at home has not changed (he is an intelligent young man, he just is getting less interested in school...sometime a very typical "boy trait"). The teachers are now saying to her...see what a little medicine can do? His grades have gone up also.

She is a wonderful mother and all of her children have a balanced diet. She was just sick of them being on her back. She would not hesitate if he truely needed medicine, but he does not.

Trust your gut and he will be fine.
 
  • #27
Dumb Doctors...
Good Mommy!!!!
My older son is in the 3rd %tile for height and weight. I am only 100-105lbs depending on the day - his Daddy is only 5'7" and 150-160lbs and small boned. Our younger son takes after Daddy's dad who is 6'2".
My brother has 3 little girls - all on the 3-8%tiles.
Small people make small babies (except my younger son who is taking after his Grandpa - LOL)
My brother and I were both 5%tile or lower - my brother even fell off the chart at one point. We are all well fed (I can eat like a truck-driver) but have fast metabolism.
Don't let the doctors make you feel bad about having a petite kid.
In the meantime, give him Pediasure shakes and stuff like that to put a few pounds on him. I am sure he's fine.
Heck, ya'll are probably related to us!! LOL
 
  • #28
Big hugs, you're not a failure! You're a loving, concerned Mommy!FWIW, my family and husband's family are all short. Tallest one in the family was a 'giant' at 5'8". Forcing kids to eat opens up the door to more problems.
I know, lived through it! Promised not to raise my short son that way, either. May I suggest: Don't bring in junk food to the house. Or the car :) .Offer less juice, sub whole fruits. Raw veggie sticks always available in the fridge. Try cutting out on snacks (now that's a concept!) and let him wait a bit for a meal, on schedule. Let him develop a healthy appetite.Check how much milk a child his age should have, you may be surprized.Do you give a children's vitamin?Had a Ped. ask us detailed questions about our family history too. But he was good about it, just wanted to make sure all was well. Brought in wedding photos, showing me at 5'2', husb 1" taller, his parents come to my chin...my mom and I are the same height, my dad was about 5'7'. My mother's mother was 4'10', etc etc.Lastly, don't make a big deal about his food, the quantity consumed, or the height 'issue'. It's a non-issue imo based on your size!
 
  • #29
BethCooks4U said:
That doctor's attitude is exactly why this nation is overweight.

EXACTLY!!!
My ex-BIL used to pick on ex-DH and I saying "You have skinny kids" because our kids are lean & athletic. Meanwhile, his chunkette daughters drank pepsi for breakfast every morning -- gee, wonder why they're little Muffin-tops??
<ack, it's that PMS thing again...sorry...>
 
  • #30
I agree with the fact that you might want to either get a second opinion, or tell your doctor to politely stuff it. This is still America, and until the government runs our health care, you don't have to go back in three months! I do like the idea of putting a little water in his diaper to make him seem heavier! :) LOL although that is deceitful.

Don't press yourself or him, too hard. My niece is 4 years old and weighs 31 pounds- she is such a tiny little thing- she was born 6 weeks premature. You know your child much better than any doctor does. If he knows you have quite a few very small framed, petite people in your family and still pushes you to force feed your child to gain weight, I'd look for another pediatrician.

If he isn't sick, lethargic, ill, cranky, doesn't have sleep or behavior problems, keep doing what you are doing, and maybe try some yogurt smoothies to help with the weight gain. I think Chefann suggested that.

hang in there, you are not a bad mom because your little munchkin is skinny!
 
  • #31
I wouldn't worry too much about it, my DD is 2 and weighs 24 lbs and my DS is 1 and weighs 33 lbs. Our pediatrician says they are both healthy ( not underweight or overweight) DD is built petite like me nad DS is built like a linebacker like DH. Our pediatricain said as long as there is food in the house a child will never starve and will eat when he/she wants too. DD does drink alot of juice and milk also ( which is not helping pottytraining) but while she is petite, she tells me when he is hungry and she nibbles and that is it. DS could eat 3 sides of beef in one sitting. I would get another opionion and you kow your child best and I would never let anyone make you feel like a bad mommy, because you are certainly not!!!
 
  • #32
I am not a mom, so I cannot offer advice. But I can offer some prayers!
 
  • #33
My nephews are two years apart and have a difference of 5lbs between them. My almost 3 month old nephew weighs 27 pounds and my 9mth old nephew weighs 22lbs. Both are healthy.
I agree that you should get a second opinion and a new doctor. Obviously he isn't very observative if he didn't notice how small you are and take that into consideration. And the bedside manner. You could complain to the hospital board about him. That is just so rude.
I wish you the BEST of luck!!
Oh and my daughter has always been "too short" and "too skinny", but she is healthy and fine. She has a wonderful doctor.
I really hope everything works out for you!!!
 
  • #34
I've heard this song and dance before my DS was nursed until 18 months plus baby food. When we changed doctors they wanted me to see a dietcian because he was tall but not chubby. He would eat everything except meat. So I would supplement with pediasure. His dr actually wanted me to give him ice cream daily. So instead of a skinny kid he wanted me to have a diabetic kid. That same week I talked to another mom whose dr said to go and get the child some donuts or cupcakes. No joke. The next dr said he wasn't even going to waste his time on why that was so stupid. For DS I just try and make sure he isn't grazing and that I give him a plate with a little variety. Go with you gut. Drs know a lot but you know your child.
 
  • #35
...a little long, but hope it helps...I had the same problem. i got chewed out by my DD's pediatrician bc she was only 19 pounds at 3 yrs old. She's very tall (44 inches) and only 31 pounds right now and she JUST turned 4 last week. My hubby is 6'7" and skinny. When I met him (12 yrs ago) he only weighed 165. He looked sick. It wasn't until after we were married that he started gaining his good weight. He eats like a pig too, and did then. I have always been petite until I had Madelyn and never broke the 100 lb. mark until pregnancy. At 19, I weighed 89 pounds. I ate like a pig too. Madelyn eats very well for a child of her age. She always has, except when she was 2 and just wanted mac & cheez every meal all day long. The ped nurse told me that they noodles were whole grains and actually good for her so give them to her and give her 4 oz juice per day and 18 oz milk (whole) everyday and water if she wanted anything else to do.

To make your child gain weight, here are my proven tips:
*BANANAS!! Plenty of potassium and fiber and will keep the good calories. Put them on everything. I got the 100 calorie packs of the oreo crisps and sandwiched a banana slice in them and Madelyn LOVES those! Make banana smoothies (1 WHOLE banana, 1/2 cup milk and 6 oz vanilla (or strawberry) yogurt and mix together in blender.) I used to drink these with Madelyn. Very yummy...
* I know this sounds contradictory, but make sure he gets plenty of fiber, even if it means giving him Benefiber everyday. (Madelyn has been on miralax and it WORKS!!!) When his bowels are moving on a regular basis and his tummy is emptying regularly, he'll get hungry more often, and will want to eat more while absorbing good calories.
*Be sure that you aren't giving a lot of sweets. These are not good calories and will only make him crave more, the more he eats them. These will not help in gaining because it will make him empty his bowels too much and too fast to absorb the good calories. Only the bad ones will stick and then you have an even bigger problem.
* Lots of bread and pasta and cheeses. I use the creative cutters and cut a piece of wheat bread up into shapes for my daughter and she'll eat 2 pcs for a snack with some cheese cubes. Any kind of cooked pasta is really good since they're made from whole grain. Also popcorn is whole grains and the no butter popcorn is actually very good for you. (just make sure he is fully supervised while eating popcorn. It does carry choking hazards.)
* Make him exercise. I know that sounds wierd, bc they're so active at that age anyways, but if you can get him on a regimen of exercise, his metabolism will increase and will in turn, make him hungry more often.
* Pediasures are great sources for vitamins and calories. Just make sure that you talk these over with your ped before you use them daily. They're great to be given once in a while jsut for the vitamins. These are NOT meal substitutes like a slimfast, but are best drank after a meal. Madelyn drinks the vanilla with fiber and I get the walmart (parent's choice) brand since its almost $3 cheaper. Again the fiber is very good for him.
* Make sure he gets a chewy vitamin every night before bedtime. (Double the chewy vitamins at age 4 to 2 per day.) Give them to him after supper so that when he's in bed, his blood flow slows down at bedtime and the vitamins have a longer length of time to absorb into that slower bloodstream and give him more energy and a good apetite as well as boosting immunity.
* Be a good example of eating yourself. If he sees you eating cupcakes and oreos all day (not saying you are, but...) then that's what he's going to want. He wants to be like you and that includes your apetite and your attitude towards your cravings. In other words, don't go to the cabinet in front of him with the munchies and say " ugh nothing sounds good enough to eat". It gives him a negative attitude towards eating bc he sees that you have a negative attitude. Make sense?
* Make sure he gets plenty of rest. Not enough rest will ruin anything you're trying to do with him, including potty training, adjusting to new rules and/or schedules, and his health. Without enough rest his immune system decreases and isnt as strong as it needs to be. And if her gets sick, her certainly isnt going to want to eat...
* Avocados are very good sources for fat and good calories. Make a salsa and your own tortilla chips. Let him help you cook/make it so he's more interested in trying it. This was the kicker for Madelyn. Cooking or making something was a guarantee that she was going to try it even if all she did was pour in the milk or stir the noodles or something very simple.
*Veggies. Any and all veggies are great sources for fiber and necessary vitamins. Put raw spinach in your brownies and bake them. You'll never taste it. puree the leaves in the blender and mix it right into your batter.
* Try to stear clear of partially hydrogenated oils. Its almost impossible when using processed foods, but the more you can stear clear of them, the better. They slow down the metabolism and thicken the blood, which in turn, causes him to gain too much weight and causes even bigger problems.
*Animal protein is great too. That means eggs, red meat and butter/milk. Animal protein versus vegetated protein (peanuts) have horomones in them that help in the absorbtion of calcium. (It even can cause kidney stones when eaten too frequently.) Calcium helps obviously build the bones, but also to increase your iron which keeps your blood levels normal.
*Plan your meals and don't be a short order cook. What I mean by that is MAKE him try one bite of whatever you made for supper (as long as he isnt allergic, obviously) and if he's not gagging on it, make him take two more bites. After the third bite, if he doesn't like it, make him a PB&J and he's getting several neccessities from that. I know this sounds mean, but it will sink in after about 2 weeks that if he doesn't eat it, he gets a PB&J. and no snacks. He's eventually going to get hungry and will eat almost anything you put in front of him.
* Have healthy foods sitting out during the day. Have a bowl of grapes or whole grain crackers out on the table. When he wants something, he'll get it. Cheerios are also a great little snack,a nd they're really good with cheese... Dont' set out food though, until you get hom on an eating schedule. Make him the 3 main meals of the day at the same time everyday and 2 snacks in between through out the day. Once the 3 meals are established and you know he's getting hungry at the same times everyday, then you can bring out the snacks. Limit juices since they tend to be more sugary. The goldfish now have a whole grain fish. If he likes these, give them to him. ALso stay away from salty foods. They tend to make him absorb more water than essentials.

If I can think of anything else or if my BIL suggests anything else, I'll post it too.

You are not a failure as a mommy. You love your child and he loves you. That's all that matters. It may bother your conscience, and his doctor, but you know your kid's needs best and the biggest thing he needs from you is love. Give him plenty of love and you both will be fine. Bottom line: Love him and follow your Mommy Instincts.

BTW, I would certainly get a second opinion from another ped before I gave him any meds. All that will do is stimulate him for a little while. Not a long term fix. IF it came down to it, switch doctors. Get recommendations from your OB/Gyn if he/she has any children. they can normally suggest a good one.

My sister's hubby is a ped and Madelyn goes to his office all the time. I get a lot of good "inside information" on pediatric care since I am a hyperchondriac for my daughter. The funny thing is that you have to literally shoot me to get me in a doc's office. I have to be on my death bed to go! But if she sneezes the wrong way, she's there...

Best of luck and my prayers go out to you. I hope this helps. My experiences with these tips worked out well. She gaines about 12 pounds in one year. She looks good too. She's just so tall. But my hubby is 6'7" like I said and now is about 230 and looks good. I'm 5'1" and I'm not telling how much I weigh, but much more than the 100 pounds I weighed when I got pregnant... Like I said, these can work out well, but you have to stick to your guns and he'll catch on. It just takes time. Be patient and I'll be praying for you.


--okay, so this was A LOT long, but still hopes it helps you some.--
 
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  • #36
I had one pediatrician put it this way...

"There is a normal range, not just a normal point. As long as your child falls within the normal range, I'm not going to worry. We'll look a bit closer as they get close to one end or the other, but anywhere within the range is good for me."

I would talk with other mommies that you know and see if anyone near you has had a similar experience with their child. Then find out how that pediatrician handled the situation. Even though it is a pain, it sounds like an MD switch (possibly to another MD in the practice?) might be worth thinking about. If you stay with this MD, I would make an appointment to see just him without your DS there and find out exactly what he wants you to do to help DS gain weight and why he is so concerned about where DS is right now. If you have liked the MD up to this point, I would at least give him the chance to explain his thought process.
 
  • #37
You're doing just fine...as long as your child is happy, functioning normally for his age and stage, the only thing you have to do is find another doctor.

I have read that when children are toddlers and can express food preferences, they eat what they need, averaged over a week. I wish I still did!

As Moms, we're made to feel guilty about pretty much everything (ever been in a working mom versus SAHM debate? oy!) In the end, most Moms really do know whats best for their own kids. YOU DO TOO
 
  • #38
I pulled my kids weights:DS
2 years - 27 lbs. 4 oz.
2 years 3 months - 28 lbs.
3 years - 33 lbs. 8 oz.
3 years 4 months - 32 lbs.DD
2 years - 26 lbs.
3 years - 29 lbs.
4 years - 33.75 lbs.
5 years - 40 lb.s
6 1/2 years - 46 lbs.
7 years - 45 lbs.A little over your son, but not much and very similar stories to others...As long as they are eating SOMETHING and sleeping normal and energy level is normal, they are NORMAL...DS went through a short time between 2 and 3 where he lost weight but then gained it and moved on...Like others, I wasn't that big...I was 4'6" and 80 lbs. at age 14...4'8 and 90 lbs. and 16 and 5'2" and just hit 100 lbs. the last month of my senior year. I now am 5'4" and 120 lbs. after 2 kids.I grew height and weight-wise in college...so did my brother, so did my dad! My dad was 5'6" when he graduated high school and 5'11 1/2" when he left the Army...not to mention about 20-30 lbs. heavier.In summary, EVERYONE is different and everyone grows differently. If you are feeding your kids regularly you are doing nothing wrong...keep being mom and if your doctor doesn't see that, then change doctors - remember YOU are paying your doctor!
 
  • #39
I for one can not believe a doctor in 2008 would tell you to 'fatten up' your child. It does seen chubby babies and toddlers seem to be thin adults and vice-versa. Always offer healthy food. sooner or later the child will eat. You stressing over it does not help you or the child!!! Life has so much stress as it is!!! my children are now 19 (twins) and 15. you really need to follow your motherly gut. Change doctors if the one you have stresses you out.
ps.. I found this out the hard why and wish I followed my gut when they were much younger.
 
  • #40
dannyzmom said:
Dumb Doctors...
Good Mommy!!!!
My older son is in the 3rd %tile for height and weight. I am only 100-105lbs depending on the day - his Daddy is only 5'7" and 150-160lbs and small boned. Our younger son takes after Daddy's dad who is 6'2".
My brother has 3 little girls - all on the 3-8%tiles.
Small people make small babies (except my younger son who is taking after his Grandpa - LOL)
My brother and I were both 5%tile or lower - my brother even fell off the chart at one point. We are all well fed (I can eat like a truck-driver) but have fast metabolism.Don't let the doctors make you feel bad about having a petite kid.
In the meantime, give him Pediasure shakes and stuff like that to put a few pounds on him. I am sure he's fine.
Heck, ya'll are probably related to us!! LOL

:eek: :eek: Holy crap!!!! LOL! I wish I had your problem, I have the opposite problem.... I can eat like a bird and look like a fat truck-driver!!!! :cry: :grumpy: LOL!
Dang! I'd love to eat and eat and not gain, I love food and it loves me right back, right back to my arse, hips, and thighs!!! :grumpy: :rolleyes:

As for the original poster, I agree with everyone else! You are a great mother, and the simple fact that you feel so sad and are so emotional about it, proves it!! I agree with what a lot of people have advised. Give your son some healthy fats, avoid the saturated, and transfats and avoid the hydrogenated oils, they are so not good for you, and you want to build muscle, not fat!
Lean proteins are the way to go, give fruits like bananas and the such. I agree with the Ensure for kids idea, and powdered protein... go to a health store, like GNC and see what they'd reccommend (sp?).
My kids were polar opposites of each other! My son was born small and never again was (he gained 2.2 pounds in his first 2 weeks!!) By the time he was 6 months he weighed 25 pounds (4X his birthweight!) and his length was growing just as fast! Has always been in the 90 - 100%tiles He is now 12 and is still a big kid 5'4" and 140-150 pounds! Size 10 man's shoe and is just flipping huge!!! He holds on to weight easier and I have to keep a close eye on him, or he'll eat everything, but I'm strict and I don't allow that and he eats healthy, he actually loves good for you food! That is what keeps him in good shape, he's a little thick in the his tummy but he's solid muscle in his legs! And his arms are pumping up too and he loves to work out!!
My daughter was always in the 25-50%tiles! She is still small, her height is good but she's still thin and has her Dad's metabolism! She can eat anything and barely gain weight! She has trouble with allergies and eczema and I struggle trying to keep her fed enough, there are times she can eat a lot but most of the time, she eats just enough!
Hang in there, hun! And I agree with Debbie, GO GET A SECOND OPINION! And don't let any doctor bully you! You are the Mom, and you know what's best!;)
 
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  • #41
LOL, Chunkette.... hahahah. Thanks for a laugh. I've never heard that word before. I am feeling better. I had a better evening. DH got home and cleaned the dinner dishes and ds while I took a long hot bath. I fed him everytime he turned around today. He got a cupcake, zaxby's chicken and fries, cheese, chips, buttery biscuit, carrots, mac n cheese, mashed potatoes, corn on the cop, salsbury steak and chocolate carnation instant breakfast milk. Oh, and a straweberry freckled popcicle before bed. (this is all since lunch). I am determined to show that dr. I know he probably didn't get much more down than usually, but I gave him more fatty foods. I honestly followed him around with food all day today. My laundry is behind, but I think maybe he got a little bit more down him. Anyways, I am going to try to stick to giving him the fruits with breakfast as opposed to all day long. (he can eat grapes, oranges and bananas all day long). Oh well, anyways, thanks ladies for all your encouragement.



dannyzmom said:
EXACTLY!!!
My ex-BIL used to pick on ex-DH and I saying "You have skinny kids" because our kids are lean & athletic. Meanwhile, his chunkette daughters drank pepsi for breakfast every morning -- gee, wonder why they're little Muffin-tops??
<ack, it's that PMS thing again...sorry...>
 
  • #42
My daughter didn't weigh 30 pounds until she was 4yrs old. And my husband and I are both plus size people. She is now 17 and starting to stuggle with keeping the weight off.

Every child has their own growth curve. As long as the stay in their curve and are developing within their own curve. DONT WORRY
 
  • #43
You're not a bad mommy...he's a BAD doctor!!:grumpy: We have the same problem with our youngest son...he's 5 now & weighs all of 37lbs BUT he's 43 inches tall...little string bean is what he is.:) He's never been a heavy child & this year I asked his ped. about his weight...it does concern me a little...he went over DS diet with me & said he is eating all the right things (the child will probably eat us out of house & home by puberty), he just has a high metabolism. And it's not the quantity of food he eats but the quality. I give him peanut butter & Pedisure to help along with his regular diet. My other DS was (is) the opposite...short & chumby... but at 9, he's starting to balance out as well. Children grow at different rates & different times...they aren't cookie cut from the some mold after all.

The most important thing is...go with your instincts, only you know what your child needs...don't let the dr bully you:mad: , get a second opinion. We mothers are hard-wired (most of us anyway) with the instincts we need to raise our children to be happy & HEALTHY...don't ignore your "little mom voice" when it tells you that your child is fine...you'll know when something isn't.;)

BIG hugs to you...we've all been there.:)
 
  • #44
I agree with KathiJenkins - you aren't a bad mom, he's a bad Dr.!

My son was premature, and had weight issues from the beginning. I remember being so THRILLED when, at 8 weeks he finally went over 8 lbs! I obsessively measured everything he ate for the longest time. His Dr. never put any pressure on me though. When we would discuss his weight, he would just tell me that was how he was made - some kids are just long and thin. He said that as long as he continued to track the same way, it was normal for him, and he was fine. He would ask me what kinds of foods he was eating (once he started eating foods) and give me tips. At one point I told him that DS's favorite breakfast was a PB&J sandwich, and grapes. The Dr. said that was a great breakfast!

DS will be 4 in June, and he is 42" tall, and weighs 32 lbs. He is a tall and skinny kid. I was a tall skinny kid, and DH was always skinny (still is) along with the fact that both of my brothers are 6'3" and thin. It's just his genetics.
He is a great eater, in that he loves so many healthy foods. But he isn't a big eater, never has been. The one thing that I do control is what he eats. I figure if he isn't going to eat a whole lot, I need to make sure that what he does eat is the best nutrition for him. He likes little snacks - so for snacks he gets fruits (last night before bed, he had grapes and a mini banana) , veggies and dips, cheese sticks, whole grain crackers, nuts....that sort of thing. Because he'd never had them until recently, he doesn't like french fries - whenever we go out to eat, we have to substitute something else for fries for him.
He still won't eat meat, but he loves fish and is beginning to eat a little chicken. He LOVES chicken tacos! I make sure he gets other protein from nuts, nut butters, beans (he loves baked beans and refried beans), cheese & yogurt. And other than that, I just make sure he is getting fruits and veggies every day. The other carbs I don't worry about, because he loves breads, crackers, and cereals, so I know he'll get those without me monitoring him. This year (like last year) we let him help choose what we are going to plant in the garden. He chose tomatoes, peppers, green beans, butternut squash, carrots, and sugar snap peas. That is a great way to teach kids to eat veggies - have them help grow them!
So, that is how I have taken my obsessive measuring and monitoring my son's food intake, and turned it into something constructive!

Don't worry about being a bad mom - With very few exceptions, Mom's are the ones who know their kids the best - and you know your son! I am confident that you aren't going to let him starve ~ you are doing fine.....but I'm not so sure about your Dr.!
 
  • #45
I can't really add anything to what has already been said; just keep your head up cause you're not a bad mommy! Geez, you're in the south; aren't the men there supposed to be gentlemen? This doc sounds like a jerk & I would probably go elsewhere too.
My dd is one of the smallest in her class & she's 8. No medical reasons for her to be small, dh & I aren't real big people. She eats fine; just must have fast metabolism. (only problem is getting pants to fit at the waist, lol)
 
  • #46
I would still watch what you feed him, you don't want to fatten him up, just help him put on more weight. There are healthy ways to do that! I agree to keep a food log and finding a new doctor. I was a very petite child. Always on the low end of weight and height.
 
  • #47
I agree with all the other advice which has been offered. I just wanted to add another comment that you are not a bad Mommy at all! My kids are small, too - they are both around 25 lbs. and they will be 3 in July, but the docs never bug me. It's funny, too, it seems like my DS eats nothing, but DD is a good eater. And yet, they are both the same weight. All kids are different, and will grow at their own rate. And if that doctor is going to make you feel bad about it, I agree with the others that you should find a new one!
 
  • #48
As long as your child is happy and healthy size should just be watched and kept in mind. Make wise food choices so when he does eat he is getting the nutrients he needs. My girls are pretty close in size but the are two years apart! Payton will be 5 on Monday and she only weighs 36lbs! Haley will be 3 tomarrow and she is 32lbs! THey are healthy, happy children that is what makes you a good mommy!
My son is 8weeks and he is about 13 lbs! Every child grows at their own pace!
 
  • #49
tabnat80 said:
:cry: :cry: I took my 2 year old to the pediatrician today for his well visit and basically was chewed out that my son only weighs 21 lbs. He's always been in the 10th percentile since birth. I'm very petite, my mother is petite and his granddaddy (from my husband's side) only weighed 125 lbs when he graduated boot camp. I don't know what else to do. I feed my child. I can't force him to eat. Like today, you would think he would be hungry after getting home from the dr. I stopped by Zaxby's and got him fingers and fries. He ate 3 fries, the whole container of ranch dressing and maybe 1/4th of a cupcake. I am so sad. He's always been a big fruit lover. But, fruit isn't going to pack on the lbs like meat and other stuff. Dr. suggested that i make him fruity milk shakes daily to help fatten him up. He wants to see us back in 3 months. If he hasn't started gaining, dr. wants to put him on medication to make him gain weight! I am not comfortable with this at all. Jacob had acid reflux really bad when he was first born and didn't come off of the acid medicine until he was 18 months old. We saw a specialist for this. He was never a good nurser and never really cared for baby food. I am just worried sick. He's only gained 11 ounces since his 18 month visit. I don't know what to do, but in the meantime, i feel like a failure as a mommy. Please pray for him to gain weight. I don't know what else to do. :cry:


My son is 3 and weighs 25 lbs - theres nothing wrong with you as a mother, or him as a child. if hes healthy whats there to worry about? you can try Pediasure, they have store brands too for it. My 1 year old is 16lbs (but really long) and hasnt gained but an ounce in 3 months. he drinks 2 pediasures a day. they contain like 220 calories or something like that.
 
  • #50
I was going to ask earlier if your son was born prematurely. That can sometimes be the cause of a child being below the "standards".
 

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