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Bookings Funny stories to get a laugh at a show

Jan 31, 2006
233
0
I'm having a problem at my shows to get people to laugh and I want to somehow say something about a product to get people to crack up and to show them I love what I do. HELP!!
 
Mar 5, 2006
12
0
This gets a laugh or two

Hi there,
I have used these lines that I have borrowed from the last Seminar, my customers laughed.
When you are talking about a silicone item, scrapers etc. say "it is the ONLY safe silicone for women" and wave item across chest area
Also with the Executive Cookware, I have said that it has a lifetime warranty if used correctly and not put in dish washer, but we will not garantee it if they hit their husbands over the head with it !!
That seems to get a few laughs

Hope that helps.
Marilyn
 

kcjodih

Legacy Member
Gold Member
Feb 20, 2005
3,432
2
Here's a whole document I had given to me with one-liners and ice-breakers. I hope they help.
 

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pamperedbecky

Legacy Member
May 6, 2005
4,498
0
Another take on the scrapers.......I call my scrapers the Baywatch Babes. I hold all four up and see if the crowd can guess why I call them that. Some get it....because they're made out of silicone!!! That usually gets some laughs.

And, amazingly enough, I have gotten some HUGE laughs out of the Left/Right game because some people just aren't paying attention and it cracks everyone else up. I know that file is on here somewhere, so you'd have to do a search for the little poem to read, but I don't have it saved on my computer.

I agree, I think when people are laughing, they're having a great time and more likely to book their own shows!:)
 

bbauman07

Veteran Member
Gold Member
Apr 12, 2005
1,479
2
In the words of Don Funt Does anybody here have a bill they would like to eliminate? Not a husband named Bill but a debt?
 

Paige Dixon

Veteran Member
Aug 11, 2004
1,017
0
Knives:
We have the little paring knife, the medium utility knife, and (open up the chef's knife) the one I like to call "Lorena".
 

reesefamily5

Member
Mar 27, 2005
195
0
During my introduction when I'm explaining the Order Form I tell them I accept Cash, Check, and CC. OR you can use the hubby plan and pay with a little of each so your hubby doesn't know how much your spending today. People love this one and it's always garenteed a laugh or two.
 

Kelley Sells

Member
Feb 2, 2006
348
0
Food Chopper

I tell them that when I use it at home, the boys know what kind of a mood I'm in. If it is large pieces, they can talk to me, if it's small pieces, be cautious.....

The egg separator...this is where Madonna got her costume ideas (hold close to your chest.....)

Glass lids for cookware...."...you can see what your burning"....that is to see if they are listening.

I also tell them that by NO MEANS was I the greatest cook in the world, ask my boys, Chicken and Steak Fijatas only go so far....:O)...and the only magic now in my kitchen is the Pampered Chef products that help make it easier to make great varieties of meals for my family. And the Seasons Best and the cookbooks have been a blessing, I never read a recipe in my life because it was just too complicated 1/2 the time, but with these recipes, you don't need to be a rocket scientist.

When using the Garlic Press, i explain (as I lift up the WHOLE garlic head) that I thought THIS was a clove....I made lasagna and couldn't understand why the boys made such a face, well, it had a little TOO much garlic in it....LOL....then show them the tip on how to break the garlic apart by hitting it on the top while doing this on the cutting board.....then go into the pressing of it...and tossing of the skin.....
 
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Sooner PC

Member
Sep 30, 2005
247
0
I used to host exchange students and they would help me out in the kitchen. Most would "try" and load the dishwasher. I kept having incidents of my PC tools ended up on the heating element- melted and ruined. I lost a skinny scraper, a mini spatula, a pizza cutter and the handle to my cheese grater. I use those as jokes all the time. I simply state that (for example the skinny scrapper) "This is an excellent product. It won't stain or melt and is heat resistant up to 600 degrees- unless you let your exchange students from Equidor load the dishwasher and it ends up on the heating element." They all get a big laugh. They realize that it takes ALOT of direct heat to ruin them too.

My repeat customers who attend other shows now tell their friends about the exchange student incident.

P.S. I still have the spatual and the pizza cutter. The handles are a twisted mess - but they still work.
 

button92

Member
Dec 29, 2005
73
0
meat lifters or....husband jabbers

I have been working in a group that as soon as I pulled out the meat lifters,before I could say anything, someone yelled "husband jabbers". That seems to get a laugh every time.
 

GeorgiaPeach

Veteran Member
Silver Member
Jan 22, 2005
1,385
1
My favorite for the food chopper is calling it your "PMS meter". When your husband comes home from work and you've chopped everything in the kitchen into tiny pieces, he knows it's a good night to take you to dinner!

At my show tonight I am planning on sharing the joke I read on here about the prep bowls. "What happens when you leave the batter bowls in the cupboard too long? You get babies!"
 

afshea

Member
Jan 6, 2006
70
0
Depends on the crowd....

I generally share silly stories about my cooking...and there are plenty of them. The B.O. story is one of my favorites...and people are crying they are laughing so hard! Sometimes I do a pg-13 show...but if it's an R show..then I talk about the garlic press and that it's nice to soak it in warm water first....look at it ladies...does it look familiar?

If there is a pregnant woman in the room, I talk about the bakers roller as a tool for massage during labor, then I take out the piercing tool and show how you can poke your hubby with them. Twix-it clips...and nursing moms...they all look horrified...and I cover my chest and say NO..not for that!!! But you can use the small twix-its to close up bags of milk! Medela sells them for much more than we do and they aren't in such pretty colors!


The B.O. story...because I know someone will want to know:
I was doing a show one time, it was summer time. Midway through the show, I am suddenly aware that I smell! I'd taken a shower right before the show, I was wearing deoderant..I could NOT figure out why I smelled B.O. I finished the show, keeping my arms practically pressed to my side, so as not to release any of this mystery b.o. When I got to my car, and around the corner, I gave myself a sniff..but it really wasn't that bad right in my arm pit! But I smelled B.O.!!! I got home...took off the dress and put on a light little shift. I smelled the dress...nothing really..but I still smelled B.O.!! I treated the dress to put in the washing machine. Then I laid down on the couch. I could STILL smell B.O.!! Laying on the couch, things shift, you know what I mean? I reached down my shirt to give the girls a little shift....and found a chunk of onion in my bra!! Hence the stench! Apparently I got a little wild with the food chopper! That piece had been festering in there the whole time...eeeeewww. YOu are either horrified or laughing right now!
 

Chef Kearns

Legacy Member
Gold Member
Feb 8, 2005
3,345
6
afshea---That is hilarious!! An onion in the bra!! Hahahahahaha. I'm laughing so hard my 2 year is laughing too and she has no idea why I'm laughing!!
 

pamperedbecky

Legacy Member
May 6, 2005
4,498
0
I got sick of standard old introductions at the beginning of shows and thought of a way to lighten the mood and get people laughing....I have them introduce themselves, how they know the host and a story of a cooking/kitchen disaster that happened to them or someone they know. Some people can't think of any (I wish I was that kind of cook!), but I've gotten some great stories out of it. More than once I heard of someone thinking a clove of garlic was the whole head and putting it in the recipe. SEveral stories of not knowing to take the giblets and bag of "stuff" out of the inside of a turkey before cooking it. Dropping stuff on the floor. And one person's husband pretty much burned the kitchen down because of a malfunction in the oven in a BRAND NEW house! Oops. Those always get good laughs. Then I try to relate stories to how certain tools may help them. :D
 

monica_sweetconsultant

Advanced Member
Silver Member
Jul 23, 2005
557
0
my DH did that when he was in the marines. he was doing the cabbage soup diet and it called for a clove of garlic or something like that. anyways he dumped the whole thing in there and then couldnt eat it!! it was horrible.
 

cat

Veteran Member
Gold Member
Jan 1, 2006
1,105
0
kcjodih said:
Here's a whole document I had given to me with one-liners and ice-breakers. I hope they help.

Thanks Jodi! This is great!

I always get a laugh when I talk about becoming a consultant and I explain what a "Kitnapper" is...
 
Mar 30, 2006
1
0
I laughed so hard when I read this document, my husband was looking at me like I was crazy! I will definitely try to use some of these great one-liners
 

shano

Member
Jan 8, 2006
164
0
I like the one liner about " I know this isnt Sea World but the first few chairs are in my splash zonE!!!!
 

its_me_susan

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2005
2,053
10
reesefamily5 said:
During my introduction when I'm explaining the Order Form I tell them I accept Cash, Check, and CC. OR you can use the hubby plan and pay with a little of each so your hubby doesn't know how much your spending today. People love this one and it's always garenteed a laugh or two.

I got a good chuckle when I used that one.

When discussing how I got started... my only public speaking was yelling at my kids in the food store (to find people watching!)~ that gets the moms relating to me.
 

pcbrandy

Member
Mar 8, 2005
81
1
I heard this one a while back and started using it. I have gotten alot of laughs!
"Here is the stoneware Bar Pan. (Hold the stone up for all to see.) I call this my BLD pan. I can make breakfast, Lunch and dinner in it. It is made from the highest quality natural clay and is Lead free. Our stones evenly distributes heat and draws moisture away from the pan’s surface. These stones have pores; the pores open up and suck some of the fat away from your food. Of course when I found that out, I ran home and sat on it for an hour hoping it would suck some of the fat away from me. But as you can tell it doesn’t work on people."
 

krzymomof4

Veteran Member
Silver Member
Jun 27, 2005
1,683
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If you do get food everywhere, tell them "At least I'm not whipping out the sledgomatic" That usually gets a laugh too.
 

pamperedbecky

Legacy Member
May 6, 2005
4,498
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pcbrandy said:
These stones have pores; the pores open up and suck some of the fat away from your food. Of course when I found that out, I ran home and sat on it for an hour hoping it would suck some of the fat away from me. But as you can tell it doesn’t work on people."
That's hilarious! I'll have to use that one!:D
 

chef_leeanne

Member
Silver Member
Mar 17, 2005
439
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Once while making the Sweet N Sour Chicken Stir Fry, I was crushing up the noodles,still inside the bag, wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing, and hit an air pocket. Yes... noodles went everywhere!! :eek: The room was totally silent. I just looked up from my mess and said, with a shagrined look on my face, " Here kitty, kitty, kitty!" The guests burst out laughing.

Lee Anne :)
 

Kelley Sells

Member
Feb 2, 2006
348
0
Lmao....

I'm still on the onion in the bra thing.....:D I tried reading other posts but it was through teary eyes....I am sitting having my coffee in my pink and white gorgeous cup and I think I may lose 5 lbs from laughing so hard....

I LOVE the one too about the bar pan....LOL...

:D :D :D :D
 

soonerchef

Veteran Member
Feb 17, 2006
1,526
0
I had a rather racey crowd at one of my last shows and we were doing the trivia cards and someone had the "These come in 3,5 and 8 inches, what size do you prefer?" and the ladies started giving the knives names, the 8 in became a rather famous male porn star and the 3 in was PeeWee Herman! We were laughing for 15 minutes and now when ever I hold up a knife I think about that show and have to hold back laughter.
 

AJPratt

Legend Member
Silver Member
Oct 11, 2005
6,702
4
Love the bra story. For some reason, only at shows, my bra (front clasp)comes unhooked. People usually don't notice, except for once. The husband must've realized what had happened and he tilted his head like a dog would.
 

cmdtrgd

Legacy Member
Gold Member
Mar 12, 2006
4,971
0
A one liner I stole from another consultant is about the scrapers. I talk about how they are heat resistant and if your scrapers at home keep getting smaller, you are eating them. Then I say "Our scrapers are made out of silicone. If you've never seen silicone outside of the body, this is what it looks like." Usually it takes a few seconds to set in and then they are rolling! It is a really good way to start off the show so people know you can be fun and a bit racy. It is also a good way to find out HOW racy you can be!!!
 

its_me_susan

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2005
2,053
10
Paige Dixon said:
Knives:
We have the little paring knife, the medium utility knife, and (open up the chef's knife) the one I like to call "Lorena".

You can introduce the meat lifts & knives as belonging to our "violent weapon collection" and suggest they bring them along when they go for a walk. :)
 

pamperedbecky

Legacy Member
May 6, 2005
4,498
0
cmdtrgd said:
A one liner I stole from another consultant is about the scrapers. I talk about how they are heat resistant and if your scrapers at home keep getting smaller, you are eating them. Then I say "Our scrapers are made out of silicone. If you've never seen silicone outside of the body, this is what it looks like." Usually it takes a few seconds to set in and then they are rolling! It is a really good way to start off the show so people know you can be fun and a bit racy. It is also a good way to find out HOW racy you can be!!!
I may have said this before, but I call them the "Baywatch Babes."


its_me_susan said:
You can introduce the meat lifts & knives as belonging to our "violent weapon collection" and suggest they bring them along when they go for a walk. :)

You can also add the meat tenderizer to this. That thing is HEAVY DUTY and could easy show up on CSI as a murder weapon.:eek:
 

ihavethetools

Member
Jun 12, 2006
268
0
I was on the road with my hubby in April when this was first posted (so I'm just now reading it), but I wanted to bump it to the top because I love the one liners here!
Thanks for the ideas and the laughs!

Kris
 

gilliandanielle

Legend Member
Dec 1, 2005
6,119
2
My customers always call the meat tenderizer a husband beater. Also I said the knife joke about Lorena at a show and it BOMBED!! I thought it was the right crowd, but everyone just looked at me weird and I moved on! Slippery slope...
 

dannyzmom

Legend Member
Gold Member
Apr 11, 2005
9,373
17
I have yet to bring my meat lifters to a show (or out of the box for that matter) - what recipes do you use them with?
 

AJPratt

Legend Member
Silver Member
Oct 11, 2005
6,702
4
Glad this was bumped up! I have a couple of things to add:

I always have this as part of my open: Let's go around the room and introduce ourselve. Please tell us your name and favorite PC product, or if your new to PC, that's OK, this is a loving environment, tell us your style in the kitchen. And don't worry, I've already heard fast, cheap, and easy, so don't be shy!

The Happy Hubby Plan: I also offer the HHP. This is wehere you write a check for $20, put some on your credit card and then pay the balance with whatever money is in your purse. When you go home tonight you can tell your husband you wrote a check for only $20.

The Classic Batter Bowl: There are two different measurements. This is the side I use and the other is metric, for smart people and people from Canada. Always gets a laugh.

I tell this at certain shows, a lady called asked me if we had the "Meat Beater." Umm, the meat tenderizer? I sell the products, you do what you want with them.

I stole this from someone else, probably here!
 

TinasKitchen

Advanced Member
Feb 25, 2006
637
1
I have one that I havent used yet and of course, it has to be with the RIGHT crowd, maybe your friends lol

W/ the meat tenderizer you can say and this is for your husband to pound his meat.. (laugh) I mean when you pound his meat (laugh) .. I mean you know.. when you are making chicken cutlets lol

I have yet to use it but I tried it out w/ my friends and they laughed.
 
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