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Director Confidential: Seeking Support for Severe Depression

In summary, this board member is very sensitive to their depression and their business is taking a toll because of it. They are working with a psychiatrist and psychologist to try and get better. They are still open and honest with their team, but feel that this is a different situation for them and it is harder for them to see the other side. They are frustrated with not being able to see the other side and are looking for suggestions on how to handle it.
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This is very sensitive to me so I'd like to start off with asking for confidentiality among our board members. Also, this is my personal experience, so I hope I don't offend anyone...I just need help.

I am dealing with pretty severe depression. For those of you who know my smart ass attitude online, and those of you who have met me in person, this might be a bit of a shock. I can still play those roles, but it has become exhausting. Much has been going into "wearing me down" the past 4 years and it is now affecting my business.

Side note - I am not suicidal and never have been. I am getting help via a psychiatrist and a psychologist.

I didn't mind so much when it just affected my personal business - ie, not following up as I usually do, getting behind on host coaching, etc. Now it is really affecting my team. I find that when I FINALLY have 5 people on my team going to Spring Launch (I have only had one person go with me to NC when I promoted in the 5 years I have done this) and they are calling me and attending meetings and helping each other, this is when I fall apart. I don't know if it is that I feel they have each other to lean on (I do want to support this, but not because I'm not there) or if it is just timing, but I'm not returning phone calls, emails, texts aren't too bad. Heck, I was supposed to reserve the two rooms for SL by Jan 11 and I got it done Feb 3. Luckily they still had rooms and still honored the discounted rate!

I have been open with most of them regarding past issues (let me count the ways - Mom's breast cancer, Husband having a plan for suicide and putting him in the hospital, my diagnosis with diabetes that is pretty far gone - 4 shots of insulin a day, wahoo....grr), but I feel that this is different for me. It is harder to know that things will/can/are getting better. It is difficult for me to know that I can be there for them and still get up in the morning and take a shower.

Part of me feels like it is another excuse, but I know that is what I call a "broken thought". For those of you who know psychology, I'm working with Cognitive Behavior Therapy, CBT. Anyway, the feelings suck and I don't know how to deal with this on a business and team level. I do have therapy tomorrow and we will be discussing this at length.

I don't think I'm looking for suggestions or ideas, unless you have a way for me to let my team know I'm hurting without getting into the details since the details change every day...every moment sometimes. I think I just need to write this out. Get it out there and have it be real. Maybe I'll be able to cry for the first time in a few months...side effect of CBT and drugs. Anyway, it is a huge change for me. I'm finally growing up, but that means I need to face my demons and kick them in the ass. I just can't seem to find the energy to do that, support Husband (he's got a lot going on and we do support each other emotionally...that's another novel!), do my business, support my team, wash the clothes so we can have stuff to wear (crap, forgot about that until just now...at least one good thing is coming from this post...sigh...I miss being a smart ass most of the time), sleep if I can or even wake up when I can't stop sleeping.

I see things as very extreme one way or the other. I'm either happy or sad. It is either wrong or right. It is done right or not at all. I am working on these in therapy, but it can be very frustrating when I can't see the other side anymore, or even care if it is there. I don't know if this is making sense, but I need to get it out.

I have always thought of myself as a strong and smart person. I so don't feel that way right now. I'm just so tired but can't get to sleep at night and then can't get up in the morning so I'm usually asleep by 3 or 4am and up for breakfast at 1pm. I can't break that no matter what I do - I've tried! I think the only good thing that has come out of the late nights is what I have coined "emotional scrapbooking". I have about 5 inches of scrapbook pages I have created (sans pictures right now...getting them printed) since November.

There are so many things I WANT to do, not just things I need to get done. I hate feeling this helpless yet I have no problem asking for help. I ask, I get it, and it doesn't seem to help, so there must be something wrong with me, right? But, that is another broken thought. I know it, I just don't feel it.

Geez, I think that is enough rambling for now. I might come back and post more on this manifesto. FYI, I might never look at this thread again....depends on what I feel I need to do or not do. So, if I don't respond on this thread, please don't feel bad. I may just need to throw this away...

If you're still here, you really must be bored! (Smart ass alert...still trying to be funnyish!) Thanks for listening/reading and I know you all love and support each other, including me. Know that means a lot and that even though I haven't been posting much, I do need you guys. I know you are there. And that gives me comfort.

No tears yet, but I did get a load of laundry in :D

Thanks
K
 
(((hugs))) It's good that you are taking steps to try and move past this. We all have challenges and horrible experiences in our lives. I spent 5.5 years in a verbally abusive marriage, divorced and moved 3 hours away to be a live-in care giver for my Grandmother who had Alzheimers and Grandfather who was a heart patient. While working nights & lots if overtime. Then my dad was assaulted during what was assumed to be a robbery attempt gone bad in a parking lot. He was shot in the neck and became paralyzed from the neck down. I had to give him baths and do his catheters and bowel programs. Then some drunk moron mistook me for his ex and beat the crap out of me during an attempted sexual assault. He dislocated my spine in 3 places, broke teeth, permanently messed up my jaw, caused nerve damage to a nipple when he bit it which prevented me from being able to breastfeed when I later became a mother and gave me a concussion which still effects me through loss of short term and long term memory loss. Oh, and since I was knocked unconscious during the attack and couldn't prove that a sexual assault didn't occur, I had to go through 6 months of STD testing. Lost both grandparents, uncle & then Dad in less than 5 years, that whole side of the family just gone. Fell over a waterfall (loooong story) and broke my back. Had to cut both ex-step sisters completely out of my life for stealing, lying and being deceptive to me. And the kicker ... I had a drugged up homeless guy who wanted to commit suicide decide that the front of my vehicle was the best way to go. He jumped out in front of me while I was driving down the highway and was successful with his plan. So I've had the unfortunate experience of being forced to take the life of another person. Now, the point of going through all that is to say that there comes a time in our lives when we have to make a decision. Are we going to be the victim, or the survivor? I can promise you that being the survivor makes life more fun. ;)If I could go back and do it all over again, I'd love to have less challenges, but I also acknowledge that our past experiences make us who we are today. I'm happy with the person I have become and know that I wouldn't be who I am today without ALL of my past in place. ;)Man, that was a lot on the iPhone! Hopefully there are not too many typos. ;)
 
Hugs Kate!

I feel your pain but I also hear that you are taking steps to get out of it. Having been where you are I can tell you that there is a sun on the other side of where you are.

My best advice is take one day at a time.

Write everything down that you need to do and prioritize. Pick one thing from each area of your life: husband, kids, mom, business, household chores...

Then cross things off as you get them done. Don't worry about the things you didn't get to today. The world didn't end with those things not being done. Then each week, look back at those things you accomplished and be proud of yourself. After a while you'll be able to get further down the list.

Most important, take care of YOU.
 
Having had a person in my life who has these problems, I know it seems easy for other people to say, just do it. Because it all seems so completely overwhelming. Perhaps leave the management of your team to your upline. Have you had the honest conversation with her? Take some things off of your plate so you can focus on feeling better. I am sorry for your pain.
 
(((HUGS)))Hang in there, Kate.
 
Sheila said:
(((hugs))) It's good that you are taking steps to try and move past this. We all have challenges and horrible experiences in our lives. I spent 5.5 years in a verbally abusive marriage, divorced and moved 3 hours away to be a live-in care giver for my Grandmother who had Alzheimers and Grandfather who was a heart patient. While working nights & lots if overtime. Then my dad was assaulted during what was assumed to be a robbery attempt gone bad in a parking lot. He was shot in the neck and became paralyzed from the neck down. I had to give him baths and do his catheters and bowel programs. Then some drunk moron mistook me for his ex and beat the crap out of me during an attempted sexual assault. He dislocated my spine in 3 places, broke teeth, permanently messed up my jaw, caused nerve damage to a nipple when he bit it which prevented me from being able to breastfeed when I later became a mother and gave me a concussion which still effects me through loss of short term and long term memory loss. Oh, and since I was knocked unconscious during the attack and couldn't prove that a sexual assault didn't occur, I had to go through 6 months of STD testing. Lost both grandparents, uncle & then Dad in less than 5 years, that whole side of the family just gone. Fell over a waterfall (loooong story) and broke my back. Had to cut both ex-step sisters completely out of my life for stealing, lying and being deceptive to me. And the kicker ... I had a drugged up homeless guy who wanted to commit suicide decide that the front of my vehicle was the best way to go. He jumped out in front of me while I was driving down the highway and was successful with his plan. So I've had the unfortunate experience of being forced to take the life of another person.

Now, the point of going through all that is to say that there comes a time in our lives when we have to make a decision. Are we going to be the victim, or the survivor? I can promise you that being the survivor makes life more fun. ;)

If I could go back and do it all over again, I'd love to have less challenges, but I also acknowledge that our past experiences make us who we are today. I'm happy with the person I have become and know that I wouldn't be who I am today without ALL of my past in place. ;)

Man, that was a lot on the iPhone! Hopefully there are not too many typos. ;)

Wow, Sheila. That's a lot for one person to go through. What an inspiration for others who are going through tough times.
 
pcjenni said:
Having had a person in my life who has these problems, I know it seems easy for other people to say, just do it. Because it all seems so completely overwhelming. Perhaps leave the management of your team to your upline. Have you had the honest conversation with her? Take some things off of your plate so you can focus on feeling better. I am sorry for your pain.

I think this is great advice. I hope you have a great support system at home/church. Sounds like you are on the right path, it just takes time (which I know sucks in the moment). Will keep you in my prayers. Hugs-
 
flemings99 said:
Wow, Sheila. That's a lot for one person to go through. What an inspiration for others who are going through tough times.

Thanks. My team members who are on here will be shocked. I don't normally talk about all of that because it's not something that just comes up in normal conversations. It will be a lot of new information for them to absorb!

I felt compelled to lay it all out to show that I do understand stress and hardship and that making the decision to become the survivor is definitely a choice. Each individual person has to make the decision to overcome adversity in their life and take the necessary steps to prevail. For some, that includes counseling and medication. Unfortunately, the "moving on" part is not handed to us on a silver platter. It does take work and effort on our part ... and sometimes a little medical assistance. ;)
 
pcjenni said:
Having had a person in my life who has these problems, I know it seems easy for other people to say, just do it. Because it all seems so completely overwhelming. Perhaps leave the management of your team to your upline. Have you had the honest conversation with her? Take some things off of your plate so you can focus on feeling better. I am sorry for your pain.

flemings99 said:
I think this is great advice. I hope you have a great support system at home/church. Sounds like you are on the right path, it just takes time (which I know sucks in the moment). Will keep you in my prayers. Hugs-

Kate's upline is an NED, so that's not as easy as it sounds. BTDT.
 
  • #10
Wow, Kate, I'm so sorry to hear you've been struggling. :( You have the weight of SO many things on your shoulders and I'm glad you're getting professional help with it. Hopefully that person can help you prioritize and come up with a manageable plan that will make you feel like you're a little more in control than you've probably been feeling lately. I hope things get better for you soon!!
 
  • #11
Sheila said:
Thanks. My team members who are on here will be shocked. I don't normally talk about all of that because it's not something that just comes up in normal conversations. It will be a lot of new information for them to absorb!

I felt compelled to lay it all out to show that I do understand stress and hardship and that making the decision to become the survivor is definitely a choice. Each individual person has to make the decision to overcome adversity in their life and take the necessary steps to prevail. For some, that includes counseling and medication. Unfortunately, the "moving on" part is not handed to us on a silver platter. It does take work and effort on our part ... and sometimes a little medical assistance. ;)

Holy cow, Sheila!! That is amazing what you've been through and NO person should have to endure all of that. It sure seems like you've done a ton of work to turn things around for yourself and get in control of what you CAN control. Good for you!!!! You're quite an inspiration!
 
  • #12
Wow hugs hugs and more hugs.
You have received some great advice. I think the main thing is that you are receiving professional help. Depression is, as you know, an illness and sometimes simply choosing to beat it is not the only course of action needed.
Sheila- wow! Bless your heart! I am glad you have cleared the other side of that abyss. What a terrible time you went through. Hugs to you too girl!
 
  • #13
I felt like I was reading about myself when I read you post. I commend you for seeking therapy, I havent brought myself to that yet. My mother and my grandmother are both manic and have begged me for years to get medicated which I just did recently. Medication does help some but not completely. I have pulled myself out of abusive relationships and away from abusive family members, but cant seem to pull myself out of bed.The one thing I try to do, and I dont know if you have tried this yet, but when I are my husband start to moan about my sleeping habits I try my best to look at something positive about it. Being a natural pessimist it was hard to do this. When I am up until 3, 4, or sometimes 7am I make sure I am doing something productive with my business. Ive had team members ask me if I ever sleep bc of the times of my posts on the team group I created on Facebook.I guess I pull my therapy from my team, when they are happy and doing well it really makes me feel better. I almost didnt go to Spring Launch bc of depression but didnt want to waste the money or disappoint my team or my AD. Im glad I went, but then I came home and slept for 16 hours. Its a back and forth situation so i understand where you are coming from.All I can say is do your best. Maybe try to pull your happiness from your team. Happiness is contagious and just may kick in some seratonin (sp) that will help you. When we have a reason for survival is when we are at our strongest.I wish you all the strength and luck in your business!!!!
 

What is "Confidential: Seeking Support for Severe Depression"?

"Confidential: Seeking Support for Severe Depression" is a program offered by Pampered Chef to provide support and resources for individuals struggling with severe depression. It is a confidential and safe space for individuals to share their experiences and receive support from others who understand and empathize.

Who is eligible for this program?

This program is open to all Pampered Chef consultants and employees who are experiencing severe depression and seeking support. It is also available to immediate family members of consultants and employees who are struggling with depression.

What kind of support does this program offer?

This program offers a variety of support, including confidential peer support groups, access to mental health resources and referrals, and guidance from trained mental health professionals. It also provides education and tools for coping with depression and managing its impact on daily life.

Is there a cost to participate in this program?

No, this program is completely free for Pampered Chef consultants and employees, as well as their immediate family members.

How can I join this program or refer someone to it?

If you are interested in joining this program, you can reach out to your Pampered Chef supervisor or HR representative for more information and guidance on how to sign up. If you know someone who could benefit from this program, you can also refer them to your supervisor or HR representative for assistance.

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